Chapter Thirty-four
Ashton
The driveway is a wet blanket of autumn leaves. I trample over them in my muddy boots, tired down to my marrow. The sun set hours ago, and the crew had to clear out of the conservation area by way of flashlights. It took over an hour just to drive home.
The last thing I want is to deal with Corinne. Finding her on my front stoop shouldn’t surprise me, and yet the sight of her manages to catch me off guard. Dread pools in the bottom of my gut. I’m in a shit mood, exhausted, and filthy from working in the stormy weather all day, and all I want is a hot shower and a good night’s sleep.
I’m not equipped to handle Corinne right now, but it looks like I don’t have a choice. If only I’d answered her damn texts, maybe she would have left me the fuck alone for a night.
“What’s up?” I ask, keeping my tone neutral as I climb the three steps to my front door.
Arms crossed over her chest, she greets me with a partial scowl. “Where were you?”
I lift a brow at her accusing tone. “Work. Is that allowed?” Now there’s no reining in my sarcasm. She’s been tapping on my last button since the night I left Sadie’s apartment with the hard-on from hell and sharp disappointment slicing my heart to shreds.
“Were you with her?”
She doesn’t know about Sadie yet—she only knows there’s someone. But until Sadie is secure enough in our relationship, I don’t want Corinne to know. She might take it upon herself to sabotage us.
“No, but even if I had been with someone, it’s none of your business.” I jab the key into the knob and turn. Corinne follows me inside, like I knew she would.
“It is my business. This girl, whoever she is, will be spending time around our child.”
“How about we wait until the baby is born before fighting over it?” I shrug out of my coat and head into the kitchen to look for something quick and easy to make for dinner. I’ve got my head in the fridge, taking inventory of eggs, cheese, and salsa with an omelet in mind, when her words stop me in my tracks.
“I don’t think I can keep the baby.”
Shooting her a look of disbelief, I slam the refrigerator door shut. “What?”
“I don’t want to do this alone. I told you that last week.”
“And I said you wouldn’t be alone. I’m fucking here, aren’t I? I’ll go to every doctor’s appointment with you, help with the bills, buy whatever the baby needs. But for fuck’s sake, you’ve gotta give me some breathing room.”
She blinks, and my stomach takes a dive once the tears start. I’m a sucker for a girl’s tears. “I need more than that. I want our child to have two parents—not visits on the weekends.”
“The baby will have two parents. They just won’t be together.”
“Then I can’t go through with the pregnancy.”
I drag a hand down my face. My head is spinning, and the sickness boiling in my gut obliterates my appetite for food. “Are you seriously trying to blackmail me into being with you?”
“I’m just being honest. I won’t go through this without a commitment from you.”
“This is insane. We had a fling, Corinne. Rational people don’t pull this shit.”
“I’m pregnant, not rational.”
“That’s probably the first logical thing you’ve said.” I close the distance between us and lift her chin. Her face is wet with her vulnerability. I know she’s scared, but this seems drastic, even for Corinne, who’s always been a bit of a drama queen.
“Why would you settle for something you know won’t work?”
“I might’ve only been a fun time to you, but for me it was different. You know how I feel about you, and I’ll fight for us. I’ll fight for what our baby deserves.”
She’s digging in her heels. No matter what I say, logic won’t get through to her. Frustration and helplessness grip me in their clutches, and I’m afraid I won’t break free from this.
But I sure as hell can’t give her what she wants either.
“You’re prepared to have an abortion?”
“Yes.” She averts her gaze when she says it.
“I don’t believe you.”
“It’s the truth. I won’t do this without you, so you’re either in all the way, or I’m out.”
“This is bullshit. I don’t want you to get rid of the baby.”
“I don’t want to be a single parent.”
“Do you really think holding our baby ransom is going to make me want you? It’ll only cause resentment.” Closing my eyes, I turn away and run a hand through my hair. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
She’s silent, and when I turn back to face her, I find her gnawing on her lip. Her hands are clasped in front of her, fingers twisting in nervousness, but I can’t read her. Maybe she is whacked enough in the head that she’d go through with it. And that’s the problem—I have no idea what she’s capable of.
If I give her what she wants—no, what she’s demanding—I’ll never win back Sadie’s trust. She doesn’t want complicated. She wants what I’ve always given her.
Security.
The assurance I’ll always be there.
Problem is, I need to give those things to my unborn child. There’s no question of that, and no alternative I can find in the interim.
Bend to Corinne’s demands, or risk her doing something rash.
“You’re not leaving me much choice here.”
Her face lights up with hope. “You’ll give us a chance?”
“What else am I supposed to do here, Corinne? I don’t want you to abort.”
Eyelashes fluttering, she settles her hand on my chest. Her fingers trail down my abdomen, aiming for the button of my jeans, and I grab her wrist before she reaches her destination.
“I said I’d give us a chance. I didn’t say I’d sleep with you.”
“Intimacy is part of giving us a real chance, Ashton.”
I shake my head. “We’re not anywhere close to having a physical relationship. You want a commitment? Fine. But the rest will have to wait until I know I can trust you.”
“You can trust me.”
“I don’t see how. It’s going to take some time.”
I let go of her wrist and put some distance between us. “Let’s just see where this goes.” All I need to do is make her believe the lie long enough for her to pass the point of no return in her pregnancy.
She looks away, her face the picture of disappointment. “I guess it’s probably a good idea to get to know the father of my child better. Maybe then you’ll realize we belong together.”
Fuck, I wonder if she hears herself and realizes how crazy she sounds. Or is she oblivious, too immersed in her fantasy world of love and babies and fucking white picket fences?
I’m not sure I want to know.
“Just promise you won’t do anything rash before talking to me, okay?”
“I’ll talk to you before making any decisions. We’re in this together, right?”
“Right.”
“And you’ll break things off with her?” Her demanding tone rubs me the wrong way, and I’m tempted to tell her where she can shove her ultimatum. Instead, I use my less-than-stellar past to convince her she has nothing to worry about.
“There’s nothing to break off. You were right. It wasn’t serious.”
She studies me too long as if searching for the answer she hopes to find. “For real?”
Not even close, but I’ll lie until my nose grows by a foot if I have to.
“Yes. Over before it started,” I say, trying to reel in my clipped tone. “There’s no one else.”
Corinne relaxes into the lie, the muscles in her body loosening as she exhales. “Okay.”
And just like that, she buys it.
For the next couple of months, I’ll have to sell it, and after this mess is resolved, I pray to God Sadie will forgive me.
Telling her is going to be hell.
It’s pouring again by the time I drop Corinne off at her apartment. She begs me to stay with her, but I use the excuse of being tired from a long day at work.
Even though I’m still caked in mud, exhausted, and it’s late, I detour to Sadie’s place on my way home. I’m far from ready for this conversation, but I have to be straight with her since keeping shit from her the first time didn’t work out so well, and that’s a mistake I won’t make again.
I rush through the parking lot of her apartment complex, rain drenching me along the way, and climb the stairs two at a time to escape the downpour. Walking in is second nature, but the door is locked, so I rap on the wood and wait. Footsteps sound, and when the door opens, my sister is standing on the other side.
“I need to talk to Sadie,” I say, wiping the rain from my face.
“I don’t think she wants to see you right now.”
“It’s important.”
She opens the door wider. “If you upset her, you’ll wish you were an only child.”
“You need to chill out. This is between her and me.”
“Yeah,” she scoffs. “You’re my brother, and she’s my best friend. Shit ain’t that simple, Ash.”
I gaze around the apartment and take in the empty couch, the dark kitchen, and the muted TV that’s showing some program about tattoo artists. “Where is she?”
Mandy points toward the hall. “In her bedroom. I doubt she’s asleep yet. I think she just got out of the shower.”
My breath hitches, and I imagine Sadie’s soft skin under my fingertips and the sweet scent of vanilla wafting to my nose. Her long hair wet and tangled and so fucking tempting that I can practically feel it held captive in my fist.
Focus, asshole.
Stalling in front of Sadie’s bedroom door, I close my eyes and inhale. Part of me is hoping I’ll catch her naked. The other part knows how foolish it is to wave a red flag of temptation in front of a bull.
Foolish it is.
I knock twice then enter before she can answer. She’s wearing a tank top and sleep shorts, and I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or relieved.
Sadie glances up from brushing her hair, fingers frozen around the handle of the wooden hairbrush. “What the hell, Ash?”
“I need to talk to you.”
She pulls the brush clear to the ends then sets it on a white desk scattered with beauty products. I find it ironic that she owns so much female junk since she doesn’t wear makeup often.
She doesn’t need to.
“The last time you said you needed to talk, I ended up cutting my father loose.” She takes a seat on the end of the bed, and I settle next to her.
“You finally stood up to him?”
“Yep.”
“How did it go?”
“About as well as expected.”
I want to touch her. Instead, I clench my hands. If I start touching her now, I won’t stop. Her bed is taunting me to strip her naked and spread her out before me, on top of me, underneath me. My willpower where Sadie’s concerned is almost non-existent, whittled away from the intense experiences we shared these past few weeks.
“What’s so important that you needed to crash my bedroom?”
The explanation lodges in my throat, and I swallow hard before speaking. “Corinne is threatening to have an abortion.”
“Threatening? Why would she do that?”
“She says she doesn’t want to be a single parent.”
“What are you trying to say, Ash?”
“I’m saying the situation has gotten more complicated. Corinne will keep the baby if I…”
Christ, I can’t say it.
She jumps to her feet, brows narrowing, spine stiffening, and I don’t miss the suspicion in her jade eyes. “If you what? Just spit it out.”
“She’ll keep the baby if I commit…to her.”
Silence is a weird thing—it can say more than words alone. The utter quiet between us settles over the room like an ominous cloud, thunderous in its roiling presence.
“You gave in to her.” There’s no question in her tone. Just heart-wrenching certainty because Sadie knows me well enough to know what I’d do if faced with such an ultimatum.
“She was threatening to kill my child. What else was I supposed to do?”
She walks to the door and opens it. “I think you should leave.”
“Don’t do this, Sawyer. It’s only temporary. I just need some time to figure out how to handle the situation.” My feet eat up the space between us, and I take her face between my hands. “My heart belongs to you.”
“But your obligation belongs to her.” She backs away until we’re an arm-length apart. “I won’t stand in the way of that.”
“You asked me for time. Now I’m asking for the same.”
“Are you going to fuck her?”
“No way in hell. Do you really think I’d do that to you?”
Lowering her gaze, she stares at my work boots. “Until you straighten this out, I think we should just be friends.” She pauses, and I realize I’m holding my breath. “Or maybe we shouldn’t see each other at all.”
“Not seeing you isn’t an option, and I sure as hell don’t want to be your goddamn friend.”
She lifts a shoulder as if this isn’t pulverizing her innards like it is mine. “That’s all I can give you right now.”
Fuck this shit. I grab her by the nape and claim her mouth, making it known with every frenzied dart of my tongue that she’s not getting away so easily.
She’s mine.
Driven by pure instinct, I deepen my possession of her mouth until she’s whimpering on my tongue. I’ll be damned if this is the last time I get drunk off the taste of her. She can fight me, guns blazing, but in the end, I’ll come out victorious.
Before the kiss turns into something neither of us can walk away from, I tear my lips from hers. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you give up on us.”
She parts her lips, probably to protest or reason or appeal to me with her annoyingly infallible logic, but I press a finger against her mouth. “Don’t bother arguing. You won’t win this one.”
One…two…three seconds pass before I drop my hand.
I need to leave before I can’t. Before her watery jade eyes and quivering lips make it impossible to walk out the front door. Weakness is the ruination of fools, and I’m its bitch because I brush my mouth across hers one last time in a kiss so brief it barely counts.
Because if I truly made it count, we’d end up in her bed, the door to her room shut, clothing a discarded path on the floor, and I’d show her exactly how serious I am about not giving up on us.
For both our sakes, I leave her breathless in the hall and bolt into the rain.