Chapter Twenty-Two

Chris Placket wasn’t the best agent in the business. He was a former player, had been drummed out of the league and turned to sports agency to make a living. He wasn’t known for getting the big bucks, for taking the hard line, but his results spoke for themselves—often players Dan knew—and his client list spoke for itself.

Rafael had sent his number over the day after their game when Ian had blurted out too loudly near Dan’s stall that Dan was ballsy for finally ditching their mother. Some teammates had been curious, but Rafael had been in Calgary, knew that Bobby was a shadow hanging over Dan’s head, and had offered up Placket’s name without prompting.

Dan only had to say his name, and Placket was immediately interested in talking to him.

“I hadn’t realized you were thinking of leaving Matthews Agency.”

“We’re under communication differences,” Dan said diplomatically. Didn’t want to say she won’t accept my firing her though he didn’t owe her even that simple courtesy. He didn’t want Chris to think he would be petty with an agent. “I wanted to have a solid plan before we settled those differences.”

Chris was silent for a moment. “A sound strategy. What made you come to me?”

Dan rubbed at his eyes, sliding onto one of the stools in the kitchen. It seemed he spent a lot of time here, making decisions that would ultimately blow up in his face. When he rested his chin on his hand, staring down at Bear, he thought about why he was making this decision, ditching his mother and starting anew.

He wanted to say Bobby, wanted to use Bobby as the excuse, but that felt disingenuous. Bobby hadn’t been wrong about his decision to hold back on his skills, to force his hockey play back, aware that he would need to up his game someday. He’d had a reason for his “just in case they find out I’m gay” reasoning and maybe he hadn’t known that at the time , but it had taken Bobby to see it.

“Rafael recommended you. He has some,” Dan paused, “idea of why I need a new agent.”

“Ah,” Chris said, sounding amused. “I’m assuming you have something big coming out.”

“Yeah,” Dan laughed, trying to keep it level and not hysterical. “Apt choice of words, actually.”

It took Chris a moment. Dan hadn’t meant to make the joke, couldn’t resist the urge to make a joke of it, even if there was no joke to be made. He was deadly serious, and he clutched at his phone, hoping that Chris wouldn’t just hang up on him.

“Are you serious?”

Dan couldn’t read Chris’ tone. “I know I’m nobody, that it would be difficult to find a place for me if the Hunters want to kick my contract, but I need to do this.”

Chris muttered, “Christ,” but he wasn’t hanging up. Dan could hear him rustling something in the background and the sound of a door closing. “You realize what you’d be letting yourself in for?”

“I’m not,” Dan cut himself off before he could get angry. “This isn’t a decision I made yesterday,” Dan hoped he sounded sincere because his head was screaming liar, “I know it’s what I want.”

“Is there someone…?” Chris trailed off.

Be honest, he told himself and swallowed thickly. “I think so. He doesn’t… he doesn’t know I’m doing this. It’s not all for him either. It’s for me. Hopefully, it will… hopefully it will give the NHL what it needs.”

“A trophy gay player?” Chris said, and for a minute Dan thought he was being flippant, but it was a warning of sorts.

“The NHL organization will get their trophy gay player,” Dan said, squashing the rising panic before it could take a hold. “The NHL… the players… get someone who’s done it first, making it easier for them to do the same.”

They were words Dan didn’t believe, not really. He didn’t want to be any of that for the NHL, wouldn’t be it for himself if he didn’t have to, but he said it anyway, hoped that Chris would understand what he was trying to do, even if he didn’t believe him either.

Chris was silent again, and Dan knew it was a lot to ask. The guy wasn’t as well-known as some of the agents in the business, but he was good at his job and Dan needed that. “I appreciate you calling me,” and Dan’s heart sunk. “I need to make a few calls and then I’ll get back to you.”

Dan felt his eyes burn and refused to cry. Fuck.

“Dan? That wasn’t a no.”

“Thanks,” he said, thumbing the end call button.

There weren’t any other agents that Dan wanted. Ian’s agent was one of the best in the business—would have to be with Ian as a client—but Dan didn’t trust him to get the message right. He was the kind of guy who relished the glory and fame of his clients, liked the cash. Dan couldn’t deny that he liked the cash when it came with a contract, but there was something more important than money that he needed from an agent.

Trust. Integrity. The desire to handle a client who would be known as the first gay hockey player.

Might as well emphasize it; The First Gay Hockey Player.

That was what Dan was opening himself up for and all because he wanted to be with Bobby, honestly, openly. Wanted to call Bobby his own in the open.

Trying to put the call with Chris to the back of his mind, Dan busied himself with packing and sorting his stuff out for the road trip. He was going to be out of Manhattan again for a couple of games. Helena’s schedule was more forgiving than theirs, Ian had told him, and then offered her up as a replacement sitter. Dan didn’t want to forgo his usual sitter, but she seemed grateful for the reprieve when he offered her the break—not that she disliked Bear—but she had just had him for two weeks.

Helena came to collect him that afternoon, dancing around what she clearly wanted to say, hovering awkwardly in the kitchen.

“Just say it,” Dan said with a sigh, bending down to give Bear his goodbye rubs and kisses.

“I think you’re doing the right thing,” Helena said, words tumbling out in a rush. Her eyes were wide and sincere, so she probably did think that. “Leaving your mom, I mean.”

Dan shrugged anyway, pressing his face to Bear’s fur. “I have to find an agent willing to negotiate coming out for me first.”

When Dan risked a look, Helena looked more thoughtful than surprised. Dan wondered when he’d become so predictable to the people around him. Perhaps he always had been—most of them seemed to know he was gay without him having to say anything. “What, you knew?”

“I suspected you might,” Helena explained. “When Ian told me you were changing agents, I figured it was for something important.” After a hesitation, where he didn’t tell her to shut up, she clearly wanted to continue so he waved a hand at her. “You’ve asked someone?”

“Rafael’s agent,” Dan said before he could think better of it. Helena would run and tell Ian, which wouldn’t be the worst thing. It would save Dan having to do it. “He said he’d call me back.”

Helena gave him a bright smile. “It wasn’t a no!”

“You didn’t hear him. Kept asking if I was sure if I knew what I was letting myself in for.”

“It’s a big thing.” Helena stepped around the counter, leaned on the island, though Dan could only see her ridiculous high-heel shoes and the jeans that were starting to fade at the bottom. “It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want the job.”

Dan had spent the afternoon making the same arguments with himself. There was no point rehashing them again just because he had someone willing to talk in his kitchen. “Thanks for taking Bear.”

“I don’t mind,” Helena said. “I have home games for the next few days. I don’t leave until you and Ian get back.”

“Drop her off whenever you need to,” Dan said, thanking her with an awkward one-armed hug. “And thanks for, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Helena said with a grin. “It will be okay, Dan.”

She couldn’t possibly know that. Dan didn’t say as much, just wanted Helena out of the apartment. Taking a hold of Bear’s leash, she still didn’t move, and Dan raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“I know we’re not friends,” she said slowly, giving him a sheepish smile when he frowned. “Not really. But I hope you find an agent you trust. Whatever you need, I want to help.”

Dan felt uncomfortable; he didn’t disagree with Helena’s statement about their relationship. It had nothing to do with her personally, just that Ian could never decide on a girlfriend for very long and Dan had learned not to get attached. He also wasn’t used to receiving help from people who were his friends, let alone people he was trying to keep at arm’s length. “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Helena said, clearing her throat. “So. I’ll take Bear now.”

When they were at the door, Dan paused. Maybe it was time he stopped being a dick to people just because Ian couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be monogamous. Helena had given him Bobby after all, and for that alone she deserved so much more.

“If Chris doesn’t call,” Dan said, tugging open the door. “I might call you to cry about it.”

There was only a brief hesitation. Helena squeezed his shoulder, grinning. “Maybe we can watch tragic romances and eat ice cream.”

Dan couldn’t remember the last time he used ice cream to soothe a hurt—something Kayla swore by, but Dan had always scoffed at—but he nodded. “Maybe.”

Helena left it at that, letting Bear have one last lick of Dan’s hand before tugging him down the hall toward the elevator.