Chapter Eight

Keira

After cleaning up at my brother’s place, we stopped for burgers and fries and took them to an out-of-the-way roadside stop for weary travelers. It was a forested rest area with a little pond, picnic tables, and a small play area for kids. There were plenty of other places we could have gone, but Pierce would have been noticed and I didn’t feel like sharing him.

We sat next to each other on the picnic bench, and I rested my head on his shoulder while I nibbled my fries. “What did you and Carolyn talk about?” If I knew my best friend, she’d led the conversation with anger, followed by disappointment, and finally forgiveness. That’s the way she was. Like me, quick to anger, but just as quick to forgive.

“She told me I’d made a lot of assumptions,” he said, sighing. “That I thought I knew what was best for you, but I never bothered to ask you.” He kissed my forehead, the tender gesture making me smile. “I’m sorry about that. I was trying to protect you, and in the end, I hurt you more.”

“I forgive you.” I realized I had forgiven him. Now that I knew he hadn’t cheated on me, it was easier to forgive. Not forget. Because it still hurt that he let me leave without fighting for us.

“You do?” he asked, sounding surprised.

“The past is the past,” I said, sitting up and taking a bite of my burger. I wasn’t all that hungry, but Humber’s made the best burgers in town, so there was no sense letting it go to waste. “I don’t want to live in the past anymore.”

For the past year that’s all it felt like I’d been doing—living in the past and trying to get over the pain of his betrayal. Even when I told myself I was moving on and trying to date other guys, I wasn’t. I was just killing time, maybe hoping one day I’d have the opportunity to confront him so I could get the closure I needed. Now that I had learned the truth, it felt like the right time to let go and move forward.

“I don’t either.” He looked introspective, like he was wrestling with something he wasn’t sure he wanted to share.

“But can we move past it? I guess that’s the question, right?” There was no point skirting the issue. Just because we still loved each other and our chemistry was off the charts didn’t mean forever was in the cards for us.

“I guess.” He was staring straight ahead, barely blinking, as though he was waiting for me to answer my own question.

“What do you think?” I asked finally, needing to hear his thoughts before I could share my own.

“I know I want to.” He sighed, picking up a french fry before tossing it back down, like he’d lost his appetite. “But you’d be the one makin’ all the sacrifices, Keira. And I’m not okay with that either.”

I understood where he was coming from. I’d never seen him happier than when he was living in Nashville, but this was my happy place. The place where I’d love to get married and raise a family. But could I really see myself raising that family I’d always dreamed of without Pierce? That didn’t seem possible either.

“Can’t read your mind, sugar. You need to tell me what you’re thinkin’.”

“I’m small town,” I said, afraid to voice our differences. I knew once they were out there that there’d be no taking them back and maybe it would make them seem insurmountable. “I’ve always lived in this protected little bubble.” That’s what it was like growing up in a community like ours. You always felt safe, like you were never alone. Even when you wanted to be, which was the rub.

“I know.” He nodded. “And I love my life on the road.”

I cleared my throat. “Right.”

“I love all the people, different places, bright lights, big stages. I was born to live that life, babe.”

“I know.” I’d known that was his dream when I fell in love with him, so I couldn’t claim to be surprised or even feel resentful of it now. It was a part of him. Just like his love for his brother and mama. His huge heart. His beat-up guitar. Scuffed cowboy boots… and his drinking problem.

“But I love you too, Keira. So damn much.” He hung his head. “And I know it’s not fair, but I want it all. I want you and my music.”

Of course he wanted it all. Anyone would. “Can I think about it?” I asked, knowing I’d have to uproot my entire life if I wanted to be a part of his again. It made me uneasy before—spending time in his world—but this past year had changed me too. I’d grown up a lot, and maybe, just maybe I was ready for his life now.

“Of course you can.” He leaned in to kiss me. “I’d never want to pressure you. And you need to know I didn’t come here with any expectations. I just wanted you to know I hadn’t cheated on you, that I was sorry, and that I still loved you. I didn’t expect you to forgive me or take me back. And I sure as hell didn’t think you could still love me.”

Our food long forgotten, I linked my arm through his, resting my head on his shoulder. “How could I not love you? Like it or not, we’re a part of each other.” I’d grown up with this man by my side. First as a crush, then as a friend, then as my… everything.

“We are, aren’t we? I guess that’s why I couldn’t let go.” He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled something sparkly out.

Oh my God, it was my engagement ring. No! I wasn’t ready for that. I loved him, but I couldn’t promise him forever. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Pierce, you know I love you. But—”

“Don’t worry,” he said, chuckling. “I wasn’t going to ask you to marry me again.” He handed the ring to me. “But this is yours. I want you to have it. You don’t have to wear it… now. But maybe someday you’ll want to.” He shrugged. “Maybe not, I don’t know. But either way, it belongs to you.”

I hadn’t seen it in so long I almost forgot what it looked like. It was bigger than anything I’d ever seen, and when I first started wearing it, I felt like I was carrying a boulder around on my hand. But I knew he’d been proud to give it to me, and it was a symbol of how far he’d come to be able to afford something like that, so I wore it with pride, letting the world know with one glimpse that I was definitely taken. Which I was pretty sure had been his intent when he’d selected it.

He stared at the two-carat oval shaped solitaire. “You could, um, maybe wear it on your right hand. You know, if you don’t want to stick it in a drawer or something.”

It was too beautiful and too valuable to tuck away, out of sight, but I wasn’t sure I was comfortable wearing it on my right hand. He’d given it to me to symbolize a promise of marriage, and if I wasn’t wearing it to be reminded of that, it would probably hurt too much to look at it.

“I’m not sure,” I said, curling it into my hand.

His mouth tipped up, but he didn’t look amused. “You need time to think about it, huh?”

“I guess so.” It looked like I’d be doing a lot thinking in the coming weeks.

“I was thinkin’ about takin’ a room in town. I’d like for us to have some privacy while I’m here.”

“You don’t think your mama would mind?” I asked, tucking the ring into a zippered pocket inside my purse. “You did come here to visit her, after all.”

“I think she understands we have some things to work through. Besides, it’s not like I wouldn’t see her. I’ll have to go over there every day anyhow. We have a lot of work to do if we’re gonna pull this benefit concert off.”

“What benefit concert?”

“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that, didn’t I? We’re gettin’ Mama to put together a benefit concert for the military families around here. Trev and I’ll perform and we’ll call in a few friends from Nashville. Carolyn even said she’d sing a few songs.”

“Shut up!” I slapped his arm. “You asked her to sing? Oh my God! That’s amazing. She’ll be so excited!”

He laughed. “Yeah, she seemed pretty stoked when I asked.”

Singing on a big stage with Pierce had always been her dream, not that she’d ever told him.

“You may not realize this,” I said, kissing him gently. “But you just made her dream come true.”

He slid his index finger down my cheek as he looked into my eyes. “Good. Now if I can just make your dreams come true I’ll be a happy man.”

***

My mama was baking cinnamon rolls when I got home that afternoon and the scent assailed me as soon as I walked through the door. It smelled so damn good. Like home.

“Hey,” I said, smiling as I set my purse beside me on a breakfast stool at the counter. “You haven’t made those in a while. Special occasion?”

She looked up, her soft smile warming my heart. My mama was the kindest, gentlest person I’d ever known and her positive spirit was infectious. It was almost impossible to be near her and feel sad.

“I don’t have to have a reason to do something nice for my family, sugar. I know how much y’all like this, so I thought they’d be a nice treat for breakfast tomorrow.” She winked. “Assuming they last that long once your daddy sees them.”

“Where is Daddy?” I asked, looking out the window. He had a huge garden out back and he was often tending to it when he had free time

“He’s in town, had some church business. And your sister’s at a volleyball tournament with her team.” She rolled the dough out, sprinkling it with the cinnamon sugar concoction I used to sample on the end of my finger as a little girl. “So, it’s just you and me.” After a long pause, she asked, “Anything you’d like to talk about?”

Mama was a lot of things, but subtle wasn’t one of them. “I guess you heard Pierce is back in town?”

“His mama called me today,” she said, greasing her baking sheet. “She said he and Trevor are planning a benefit concert while they’re here—for our military families—and she’s plannin’ it. That’s a nice thing to do, don’t you think?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“His mama wanted to know if I’d like to help. She’s got some of the other ladies from the church lendin’ a hand.”

“Are you gonna help?”

While she never said a bad word about anyone, she’d always had her misgivings about Pierce. First, it was her memories of him as a rowdy teen, then his drinking problem that helped form her opinion of him. When I came home brokenhearted after we broke up, she hauled me into her arms with a heavy sigh and told me it might be for the best.

“Of course, I am.” She sliced and rolled the dough, laying the circles out on the sheet and shaping them until they were perfect little discs. She glanced at the oven, slapping her forehead. “Would you look at that? I forgot to preheat the oven! Would you mind, sugar?”

I’d made these with her enough to times to know the recipe by heart. She told me I’d be passing these family recipes down to my kids one day. I hoped she was right. After turning the oven on, I lingered, needing to say more, yet not sure what I wanted her to know.

Finally, I said, “I think he’s changed, Mama. For the better. His music’s still important to him, but I’m not sure it’s the most important thing anymore.”

She rinsed her hands in the sink and dried them on the hand embroidered dish towel my grandmother gave her. “Then you’ve been spendin’ time with him? I suspected as much.”

“He didn’t cheat, Mama.”

I wasn’t sure she would believe him as easily as I had. She didn’t know him as well as I did. She couldn’t look into his eyes and tell whether he was lying. I could. I should have been able to in the hotel room that night, but I was just so hurt and angry after hearing those four little words, “I cheated on you,” that I couldn’t think straight.

“He told me he cheated so that we could break up because he didn’t want me to go on being unhappy. Being a part of his world had made me unhappy at times, and he was afraid I would continue to be if we remained together.” I didn’t look her in the eyes as I traced circles on the granite countertop with my fingertip. “He did it for me.”

When the oven timer went off indicating the oven was hot enough, Mama slipped the pan inside and closed the door, setting the timer. “Seems to me he should have had a frank discussion with you about that instead of lyin’ and causin’ you all that pain.”

“You’re right,” I said, sighing. “He made a mistake. He knows that.” When she didn’t respond, I said, “He’s not perfect. Neither am I.”

“No one expects either one of you to be perfect.” She filled the sink with warm sudsy water. After a brief hesitation she asked, “You still love him?”

“Yes.”

She nodded as she stared out the window above the sink. “I figured as much.”

“You don’t approve?” I asked, stepping up beside her as I reached for the towel to dry.

She leaned in to kiss my cheek, her eyes lingering on mine. “I approve of anything or anyone who makes my baby girl happy. Just be careful, hon. You love hard, and that means you could be settin’ yourself up for a world of hurt. Again.”