Piper
Dani: Hey, girl! Is now a good time to chat?
Piper: Hey! It’s perfect, actually. I’m working from home.
Dani: Nice! Working hard? I haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s going on?
Piper: Why don’t we Skype instead?
Dani: Sounds good. Let me get my laptop.
A COUPLE MINUTES LATER, MY laptop chimes, letting me know Dani is ready to video chat. When I click to accept the call, I start singing.
“Oh, Dani, girl . . . the Skype, the Skype is call-ing . . .”
She immediately starts laughing, making me smile, which is something I haven’t been doing a lot of lately. It feels weird but good.
“Piper!” Dani gushes. “It’s so good to see you. I miss your face.”
“I miss you, too, girl. And, B. T. Dubs, you look amazing. Married life must be treating you well.”
My best friend blushes, making her beautiful green eyes light up. I love seeing her so happy. She deserves it, and even though I can only admit to myself, I’m a bit envious, but I’m thrilled Dani has found her happily ever after.
“Stop. I don’t look any different.”
“Whatever. If you were glowing anymore, I’d ask if you were knocked up.”
That comment earns me a middle finger salute, which is mostly why I said it. I love riling her up.
“So, what have you been up to, Piper? I haven’t seen you since the wedding. Catch me up on your wild and single life.”
I roll my eyes and snicker. If Dani only knew how wild I’ve been. There have been times over the past few months when I’ve wanted to tell her about Tucker. She used to know everything about me, and I know she wouldn’t judge my decisions, but if I’m being honest, I enjoyed the secrecy. I loved having something that was just between the two of us. It made our arrangement uncomplicated and convenient. But there’s really no need to mention that now; he dropped me like a bad habit. I can’t even get him to return my texts or calls. And I can’t believe I’ve chased after him for as long as I have. Usually, I’m the one who ends things. And I never chase. If a guy doesn’t want me, I don’t want to give him the time of day. The only good excuse for my recent behavior is that I’ve been in shock. I didn’t see the end coming and it’s rocked my world, throwing me off kilter.
“Earth to Piper. You okay over there?” Dani waves her hand in front of the screen and finally gets my attention.
“Sorry, I must’ve zoned out.”
“Have you been working more than usual? You seem stressed.”
“I’m always stressed, you know that. But, yes, my boss has been a major asshole lately and making ridiculous demands at work.”
That’s putting it mildly.
“Damn, girl, I’m sorry. Sounds like you could use some time off. Why don’t you come here for a few days?”
What I wouldn’t give for some time off, especially if I could spend it with Dani and the rest of the Landrys. However, that would also mean seeing Tucker, and I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know how to be around him anymore. We’ve played this game for so long, but now it’s changed and I don’t know the rules anymore. I don’t know if I can just be friends, and I’m tired of pushing myself on him and getting rejected. If I showed up in French Settlement and saw that he’s moved on with someone else, I don’t know what I’d do. In everyone else’s eyes, we hate each other, so they wouldn’t think any differently about the two of us, but I’d know.
It’d kill me.
I can admit that I miss him—his body, his mouth, the fucking—but even more than that, I miss talking to him. Sure, Dani’s my best friend, but there was something liberating about venting to Tucker that I still crave. He never judged. He didn’t throw it back in my face or try to pretend like he knew what was best for me. He just listened. I’ve never been so attracted to someone in my entire life. I think that’s what made me hate him so much in the beginning. I couldn’t stand that he made me feel the way he did—vulnerable, exposed.
“I don’t know, Dani. It sounds great, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know if I can spare a few days with all these projects I’ve got going.”
Dani sticks her bottom lip out, officially giving me her pouty face, and I laugh.
“Come on, Piper. Your boss can’t not give you time off; it’s illegal! Stay with me and Micah, even if it’s just for a weekend. It’ll be fun! I know Cami would love to see you, and Annie is always asking about you. Oh, and get this, Tucker has a daughter!”
I hear Dani’s words just as I’m taking a sip of my diet soda and, I swear, I nearly choke to death. The carbonation is powerful and painful as it burns its way up my throat and nose. Waving at Dani to signal I’m okay, I cough until I can catch my breath, tears streaming down my face.
Surely I heard her wrong. She didn’t really say that Tucker has a daughter, did she?
I clear my throat one last time and wipe my face before asking Dani for clarification. “Did you say Tucker has a daughter?”
“Yes, and she’s the cutest little girl you’ve ever seen—blonde curly hair like Tucker and Cami, with big blue eyes. We all got to meet her last week while she was visiting, and I swear she already has everyone wrapped around her little finger.”
Trying to play it off like this isn’t huge news to me is extremely difficult, but I must be doing okay because Dani hasn’t noticed.
“Wow. That’s, uh, very interesting. A secret kid, huh? I bet that has rocked Tucker’s world.”
Seriously, I should win an Oscar for this performance, because inside I’m freaking the fuck out.
“It has but, honestly, he’s doing great. He’s completely in love with Sammy. It’s pretty adorable.”
“Who’s Sammy? The mom?” I blurt out, feeling panic rise in my stomach.
“Sammy is his daughter. The mom’s not really in the picture.” Dani’s face is now somber, the complete opposite of what it was just a moment ago. There’s obviously a story there, but I don’t want to hear it from Dani. I want to hear it from Tucker, and I’m kind of pissed he hasn’t told me any of this. It’s irrational, I know, but I can’t help how I feel.
I have to see this with my own eyes, hear it from Tucker’s mouth. If this is the reason he’s gone radio silent on me, I have the right to know.
I guess that means I’m going to Louisiana.
“Maybe I can get away for a few days,” I say, like I’m reconsidering her offer, but there’s really no choice in the matter. I’m going to make Tucker talk to me. “I could really use the time off to clear my head.”
I watch as Dani’s expression lights up. “Awesome! Maybe we can stay at the cottage. It would do me some good to get out of the city for a few days. Besides, Cami and Deacon have been moving into their place. They finished the add-on and Cami’s trying to get the nursery set up. I’m sure she could use your help. You’re so good at that stuff.”
“Sounds great,” I tell her, trying to not think about all the news she’s dumped on me and the fact that I’ll be just down the road from Tucker. All of this is a bit too much. “I better go. There’s a deadline waiting for me and if I don’t meet it, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I’ll be able to get away.”
“Okay,” Dani says. “Go. Work. Call me when you know what days you’ll be down.”
Since I’m meeting Dani at the cottage, I decided to drive to Louisiana instead of fly.
The time in the car does me some good, giving me a chance to get my head on straight before I’m face-to-face with Tucker.
I’ve thought of several scenarios.
There’s the one where I ignore him, but I know that’s futile and not what I came here for.
Then, there’s the one where I sneak out of the cottage and go find him in the middle of the night, but that seems juvenile and I really don’t like the dark, especially out in the middle of nowhere Louisiana.
So, I’ve settled on the one where I suck it up and drive to his house like an adult and confront him. I realize this might mean outing our relationship, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
I think.
Pulling down the small lane that leads to Micah’s cottage, I can’t help but smile. This place is really something. It’s what dreams and fairytales are made of. Sprawling plantation, quaint cottages, tree-lined drives—all adding up to a Southern paradise. I’ve been enamored with it since we ran the article on the plantation in Southern Style. Man, that issue sold like hot cakes. I think it’s still the highest selling issue I’ve worked on to date.
Across the field and past the pond, is where Deacon and Cami are living. They’ve transformed their two-bedroom cottage into a family-style home, and it’s gorgeous. The wrap-around porch is a nod to the big house, keeping with the style and architecture of your typical plantation home.
Dani waves when she sees me and I quickly park my car and hop out. The Louisiana sun immediately starts warming my skin. Most places in the country are just now experiencing their first taste of spring, but not here.
It’s hot as hell today.
“I feel like it’s been forever,” Dani gushes, jogging over to me and wrapping me in a hug.
“Just since the wedding,” I laugh, squeezing her back.
“I guess it’s just that we haven’t talked much. I swear, I’m not going to be one of those girls.” She gives me a pointed stare and we both laugh. We know those girls. The ones who find a man and forget their friends. That’s not us.
“Hoes before bros,” I tell her, offering her a fist, which she bumps.
“Come inside, I’ve got a salad made and wine chilling. Micah’s gone until late tonight, so we’ve got the place to ourselves.”
I glance over my shoulder as we walk up onto the porch and catch a glimpse of blonde hair and broad shoulders walking from the barn toward Cami and Deacon’s cottage. My heart leaps in my chest and I clear my throat, trying to not react to him, but it’s been too long and I’ve missed him too much, a fact I’m only willing to admit to myself.
“How’re things over there? Do you think Cami needs our help?” I ask, trying to sound nonchalant, but wanting to run over there and . . . I don’t know . . . tackle Tucker, make him talk to me. Maybe piss him off so much he pulls me behind the house and fucks me.
That doesn’t sound too bad, actually.
“Oh, Cami’s in Baton Rouge today with Annie and Kay. They’re picking out bedding. I promised her our services tomorrow. Until then, we’re free for debauchery and gossip.”
I laugh, glancing one more time over my shoulder before following Dani into the house.
As much as I need to talk to Tucker, I also need this time with my best friend. So, I try to put him and the lingering questions in the back of my mind.
“Please tell me there’s been a man in your life and you’ve just been holding out on me,” Dani says with desperation. We’ve both claimed an over-sized chair and are curled up in our pajamas, sharing a bottle of wine. Our second bottle of wine.
I swallow the fruity, fermented goodness and try to school my features.
“Um, no,” I say, shaking my head.
“Come. On.” Dani slaps the arm of the chair, leaning closer to me. “No one? Not even a one-night-stand?”
The look she’s giving me is one I’m familiar with—raised chin, quirked eyebrow. She knows me better than anyone. There’s no way I’ll be able to lie my way through this one, and the wine makes me want to tell her. It’ll be one less thing weighing on my mind.
“Well,” I draw out, taking one last sip of truth serum.
Dani’s phone rings and she jumps up to grab it. “Hold that thought,” she calls out as she runs into the bedroom where she left it charging earlier.
Was I honestly getting ready to tell her about Tucker?
On the other hand, why shouldn’t I?
Besides, it’s over now, and Dani can keep a secret. She’s my best friend, for God’s sake. If I can’t trust her with my truths, who can I trust?
“Sorry,” she says, coming back and resuming her position in the chair beside mine. “Where were we? Oh, yes. You were telling me about your many conquests.”
“You need to lay off the wine, sister. There aren’t many conquests. My life is definitely not a harlequin romance.”
“Fine. Conquest. I know there’s at least been one! Tell me about him.”
“Well, I haven’t conquested him yet,” I laugh, hiding the truth and making a last-minute play call to keep my secret a little while longer. “But his name is Greg. I met him on my flight home after your wedding.”
Greg is safe. Originally, I thought he might be a good distraction to get Tucker off my mind, but I haven’t been able to follow through.
However, Greg is the perfect distraction for this conversation.
“Greg,” Dani sighs, taking his name for a spin. “I like it. He sounds nice.”
“How do you know? I haven’t even told you about him.” I can’t hold back the full-on laugh. Maybe it’s the wine. Maybe it’s hanging out in my pajamas with my best friend. Whatever it is, it feels good. I needed this.
We spend the rest of the night talking and drinking wine. I tell her about Greg, enough to suffice her curiosity. She talks about married life and how happy Micah makes her, which makes me happy.
The next morning, I’m up earlier than I want.
My phone rang at six this morning, waking me from the best sleep I’ve had in ages. It doesn’t help matters that it was my boss, the asshole from hell, needing me to do edits on a layout he gave approval for a week ago. Not to mention, they’re edits I’d suggested last week, but he said they weren’t necessary. So, of course, since I’m out of town for a few days, he’s decided they’re now necessary.
This has been my life the last month or so, ever since he discovered the drunken proposal video, he’s decided to make me jump through every damn hoop he can find.
Last week, I was given the unglamorous task of getting his coffee every morning. Not coffee from our well-equipped break room, I could live with that, but coffee from three blocks down the street at this hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that every hipster in Birmingham frequents.
Which just so happens to be the same place Greg gets his morning joe. Fitting.
Since then, he’s texted me every other day, asking if he can take me out. He’s always polite and sweet about it, but I’m not interested.
When I said I needed a break from my life, I meant it. However, I feel like everything would be manageable if Tucker would just talk to me. I hate myself for depending on him so much. I don’t even know when that happened. I don’t know when it went from a casual fuck to feelings.
But there are definitely feelings. If there weren’t, I wouldn’t be so hurt over the fact that he’s a dad and I had to find out that information from my best friend, instead of him.
“Hey,” Dani says, walking into the kitchen with her red locks in a messy bun on top of her head. “Sleep well?”
“Yeah, I slept great. Just didn’t last long enough.”
“Why are you up so early?” She pours herself a cup of coffee that I made earlier.
“The asshole called and woke me up.”
“Your boss?”
“That’s the asshole.” I sigh, closing my laptop down after I make sure the email and attachments are sent.
“God, does he ever stop?”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“Maybe it’s time to start looking for a new place of employment. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love you working for Southern Style, but nobody deserves to work for someone like him, especially my best friend. I don’t like it.”
“I’ve thought about it.” The thought has crossed my mind and if this wasn’t a position I felt could lead to bigger and better things, I might’ve already left. Then there’s also that part about Drake and the video. I’m not sure what he’d do with information like that if I left. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“But?” she prods, leaning up against the counter as she sips her coffee.
“But where would I go? I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am. If I leave, I’ll be starting over somewhere else. My parents already think I’m a failure. The fact that I’m this close to making editor-in-chief and taking Drake’s job is what keeps me hanging on. If I could do that,” I pause, letting out a sigh. “I don’t know, maybe they’d finally consider my career a success.”
“Your career is a success.” Dani sets down her mug and walks toward me, planting her palms on the table in front of me. “You’re working for one of the biggest publications in the industry, doing something you love. And you’re damn good at it. Don’t let their warped thinking get to you. You’re better than that.”
“I’m glad someone thinks so.”
“What is this?” Dani asks, her voice dropping as she squints her eyes at me like she’s trying to see beneath my skin. “This isn’t my confident, feisty best friend. What’s going on with you?”
“I don’t know,” I groan, cupping my head in my hands. “I just feel so out of whack lately. I can’t think straight. Everything is a foggy mess. I think it’s the stress. It’s getting to me.”
“Have you been laid recently?” Dani levels me with a stare and I roll my eyes at her. This is a question I would’ve asked her before Micah came along. Now, I’m on the receiving end.
Oh, how things change.
“What?” I ask with a laugh, deflecting her question.
“Laid. This is exactly how you act when you haven’t had sex.”
“Oh, God. I’m not that bad. And seriously, I can go without sex. I don’t need a man for a good release,” I scoff, trying to convince myself as much as I am her.
“Say what you want, but I’ve seen this before.” Dani’s tone is thoughtful as she paces the floor beside the table.
“Stop with the Dr. Phil shit!” I crumple up a piece of paper I’d written notes on earlier and throw it at her, because I’m done talking. If I say anymore, it’ll get messy and complicated and I don’t want to think anymore. I need a distraction. “Maybe I need some physical labor. Let’s get dressed and go decorate a nursery.”
Half an hour later, we’re up to our elbows in baby stuff—freshly washed baby clothes, courtesy of Annie and Kay . . . baby blankets, baby shoes, baby diapers. Everything is tiny and adorable.
“What’s his name?” I ask as I line up the framed pictures and paintings Cami picked out for the nursery. Earlier, I went around the house and collected a few odds and ends to make up a gallery wall, and it’s all coming together perfectly.
“It’s a secret.” Cami stuffs a stack of onesies into a wicker basket and puts them on a shelf in the closet.
“That’s translation for they haven’t settled on one yet,” Dani says, ironing out the wrinkles in the curtains we’re getting ready to hang. “Because if they had, Deacon would’ve already told the world.”
Cami laughs. “She’s right. I actually know what I want the name to be, but if I keep up the pretense that I haven’t decided yet, Deacon won’t say anything.”
“Come on, you can tell us! We’re great at keeping secrets. Right, Dani?” I ask, nudging her with my elbow as I step back to get a look at the wall.
“The best,” she agrees, shaking out a mint green piece of fabric, looking it over for lingering wrinkles.
“Deacon would be so pissed.” Cami snorts, but from her tone, I can tell she’s considering it, probably still wanting to get back at him for blurting out the sex at Micah and Dani’s wedding reception.
We’re all laughing when Annie and Kay come back in with the mobile they’ve been working on.
“Done,” they say in unison and with pride.
“That looks great,” Cami gushes, taking it from them and holding it in the air. “Now, all we need is the rocking chair that Deacon’s picking up this evening on his way home and the bassinet.”
“Where’s the bassinet?” I ask, standing back and making sure the picture I just hung is perfectly level.
“It’s in the barn,” Kay offers, sitting down in the floor to fold more baby clothes. “I can have your dad bring it over later.”
“I’ll go get it.” I volunteer before I even think about it, maybe a bit too quickly, but no one seems to notice. The barn means it’s at Kay and Clay’s, and that’s where Tucker probably is. If I’m going to get a chance to talk to him, this might be my best bet.
“You can take the truck,” Kay offers. “Keys are on the table.”
“You sure?” Cami asks. “My dad won’t mind bringing it over later. Besides, we’ve got a while before we’ll need it. I don’t think I’ve ever been this prepared.” She laughs, looking around the room that now resembles a nursery. This morning when we got here, it was just a room with boxes.
“It’s great that you’re getting everything ready. Besides, it’ll give you a chance to rest the next couple of months.” Annie pats Cami on the shoulder as she leaves the room.
“And you just never know if you’ll go into labor early,” Kay adds.
“All the more reason I should go get that bassinet,” I say as nonchalantly as possible.
“Don’t rush the baby,” Cami demands. “I’m not ready yet.”
While everyone goes about their tasks, I casually leave them and grab the keys on my way out.
It’s now or never.
Climbing in the cab of Kay’s truck, I start it up and tamp down the nerves building in my stomach, reaching deep down and finding my old self. The Piper who takes charge of situations. The Piper who gets what she wants and doesn’t take no for an answer.
I’ve been missing her lately and I need her desperately.
I’m tired of taking a backseat and feeling like my life is out of control. I’m taking it back, starting with Tucker.
Pulling out onto the road that leads to the Benoit’s, I take a deep breath.
What am I going to say?
Should I just play dumb?
That’s not really my style, but if it gets me what I want, I’m willing to give it a try.
When I get to the gravel drive, I turn the truck off and hop out. Walking past the house, I see that the large doors of the barn are wide open, but I don’t see anybody inside. There’s a faint noise coming from a tractor off in the distance. I hope Tucker’s not working the fields. He’s told me that’s what he does on most days. I’ve had daydreams about what he looks like all hot and sweaty after a hard day’s work. I wouldn’t mind seeing that in person.
“You trespassin’?” a deep, smooth voice asks from behind me, causing me to jump and spin around. “Looks like you stole Kay’s truck, too.”
I huff out a laugh. “I, uh, came to pick up the bassinet for the nursery. Cami sent me.”
“Thought I saw a strange car over at Micah’s cottage last night.”
“Yep.” I bite my lip because I didn’t expect this to feel so awkward. It’s never like this between us. “Dani invited me down for a few days.”
“That’s good.” He nods his head while his eyes give me the once over. That, I’m used to, and it feels nice. I like that he’s still interested enough to look at me like that. It gives me hope that maybe things aren’t completely over between us.
“So, the bassinet?” I ask, needing something to break the ice between us and give me a chance to work up my courage.
“It’s in here.” He nods his head toward the barn and begins walking that way.
I can’t help but return the favor of checking him out. His white t-shirt and dirty jeans are finished off with a pair of scuffed-up work boots. And his hair—it’s longer than the last time I saw him and pulled back in a ponytail. If I’m not mistaken, it’s with a pink ponytail holder. I almost laugh, but am caught off guard when I look around me.
The barn is filled with furniture—beautiful, handmade, wood furniture.
“Wow, who does all this belong to?” I ask, looking around at every wall. There are chairs and tables, interesting accent pieces. It’s stuff you’d see in a magazine. Even from a distance, I can tell the time and effort that went into each piece.
“Me.” Tucker walks over to the back corner and picks up a piece of furniture covered by a large piece of cloth.
“Why do you need all of this furniture?” I ask. “You don’t even have a house.”
“I made it.”
My eyes go wide at this piece of information. “All of it?”
“Yeah, all of it.” He gives me one of his crooked smiles, setting down what I’m guessing is the bassinet and smoothing back his hair. “I guess I got a little carried away. Making furniture is kind of my therapy . . . guess I needed a lot of therapy.” He laughs, but his words are vulnerable and I realize I never knew this about him. I had no idea.
“I didn’t realize you were so talented.” I’m in awe, really. Every piece is amazing and showcase-worthy. I just can’t believe he made it all.
“Gee, thanks, Piper,” he says with a quirk of his eyebrow and just like that, the familiar tug between us is back, and I feel myself relax a little.
“Well, you know what I mean . . . with your hands,” I tell him, getting just the reaction I was hoping for. I watch as he takes a step toward me, tilting his head.
“Oh, darlin’.” He drops his voice to a low whisper, giving me another smirk. “I think you and I both know how talented I am with my hands.”
“You always have to turn everything sexual,” I tease.
“And you don’t?” he counters.
We stand there in a stare off for what feels like forever. I want this. This is what I came for. I want the push and the pull. I want the back and forth. I want to be called on my bullshit. I want to be challenged.
I want Tucker.
“Why didn’t you tell me about your daughter?” The question tumbles out of my mouth before I can even think about what I’m saying, and I watch as Tucker’s walls go back up and he takes a step back. “Don’t do that. Don’t shut down on me now. I came all this way. I think I deserve an answer.”
“Oh, don’t think for one second I believe that shit.” He picks up the piece of furniture he carried over from the corner and starts walking toward the truck. There’s no way in hell I’m letting him dismiss me that quickly.
“Believe what shit?” I yell, wanting his attention.
He stops, setting the furniture back down and turning on me. “You didn’t come down here just to talk to me. I think we’ve already agreed that you don’t care about my personal life.”
“No, you want to believe I don’t care about your personal life, but I do. Okay? I care. I don’t know why or how that happened, but somewhere between all the fucking and fighting I started to care. Shoot me!” My heart is practically pounding out of my chest and my fists are clenched so tight my nails are digging into my palms. I welcome the sting of pain. It’s a release against the fury that’s building inside me.
Tucker laughs a sardonic laugh. “Oh, this is rich. The girl who didn’t want any complications or inconveniences is now the one who wants it all.”
My jaw tightens and I have to work hard to not reach up and slap his beautiful face. I want him to shut up before he says something he’ll regret—or something I’ll hate him for—something that will break my heart.
“Believe me, Piper.” His voice is softer when he says my name. “When I said I was saving you from complications, I meant it. My life is messy. It’s complicated. It’s more than you would ever want to handle.”
“So, that’s it? We’re just over?” I can’t help the pain laced through my words, because it hurts. “Things get real and you bail? Is that why you’ve never been in a serious relationship?”
“Don’t,” he warns.
“Don’t what? Call you on your bullshit?” I square my shoulders, ready to face off with him. “You sure don’t hesitate to call me on mine. Why shouldn’t I return the favor?”
He swallows and then lets out a frustrated growl.
“You think I don’t want this? That I don’t want you?” He huffs out in frustration, shaking his head. “I want you, Piper. You have no idea how hard it’s been for me to ignore your texts and phone calls, but I knew I couldn’t let myself give in, because if I got the smallest taste of you, I’d be on the next plane to Birmingham. And I don’t have that luxury anymore. I can’t run off and meet you at any given time or place. My life doesn’t work like that anymore!” He’s the one yelling now and I see the confliction on his face. There’s a struggle going on and it’s visible as he paces the yard between the barn and the house, like part of him wants to give into his instincts—back me up against the wall and show me how much he wants me—and the other part of him wants to run.
When he comes back to stand in front of me, his blue eyes lock with mine and I see him. For the first time in a long time, there’re no walls or pretenses. It’s just him and me.
“Tell me how your life works,” I plead. “Tell me what to do to make this work.”
His face falls as his eyes leave mine and go to the ground between us.
“It doesn’t.”
With those two words, my heart shatters. There was a time when I wondered if my heart even worked like other people’s. I wasn’t sure if I could fall in love or feel so strongly about someone that I’d want to be with them forever. At least now I know it’s possible.
“I’m barely hanging on by a thread,” he confesses, dropping any last bit of protective armor. “Most days, I’m playing it by ear, hoping I don’t drown. I don’t have the slightest clue what I’m doing or how I’m doing it. Sammy, my daughter, she’s four and she’s getting ready to lose her mother. I don’t know how to deal with that. I’m guessing when the time comes, I’ll figure it out, because I have to. She’s the most important thing in my life now. She needs me and I can’t let her down.”
“I’m so sorry,” I tell him, emotion thick in my voice, and I mean it, for everything.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he replies, reaching out and grabbing my hand. The contact surprises me, but I squeeze it so he won’t let go. “I wanted to. You’re the only person I wanted to talk to about it when I first found out, but I didn’t know if that was okay. Everything has been so confusing and complicated, and that’s just not us.”
“It wasn’t us, but things change,” I tell him, still holding onto a small thread of hope that maybe we can work this out.
“There’s no way I can be in a relationship right now. I’d be horrible at it. You’d hate me,” he says, giving me a small smile.
“I couldn’t hate you. I tried that. It didn’t work.”
He laughs, pulling me into his chest and it feels so good. Breathing him in, I relish in the way his arms feel around me, and I can’t help the tears that fill my eyes. I didn’t give them permission, but they came anyway and it’s all I can do to keep them from falling.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair.
“Me too,” I whisper back, letting one rogue tear slide down my cheek.
We stand there in silence for a few seconds, Tucker’s arms wrapped around me and me holding onto him. Finally, he says “If I was writing a song about us, this isn’t how I would end it.”
His confession brings a smile to my face, but it also crushes me.
Love.
Hate.
Place.
Time.
All things we have no control over, yet they have the power to change everything.