Reagan watched Suzie walk in the door and was blown away by her appearance. This was the first time she’d seen her since the cabin, and she didn’t like what she saw one bit. Suzie was one of those people who was always smiling and happy, bubbly even. But now she looked lost and depressed. Reagan didn’t like it. It was her fault; if she hadn’t roped Suzie into helping her, then she would’ve never been caught up in this mess. The thought made her cry.
“Hey,” Suzie said softly, sitting next to her on the couch, “are you okay? Do you need me to get you your medicine or something?” Reagan was in a full-on cry and couldn’t answer Suzie; she did manage to shake her head, but damn this was too much.
“Shit, Reagan, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry, Suzie, I never meant…”
“Enough of that, none of this is on you. Put the blame where it belongs, on your brother and those other assholes.”
“That’s just it,” Reagan said in a hiccupped cry, “if…”
“No, Bobby was his own person, and you know better than anyone how much of an ass he was. I knew what I was getting into, the problem was I didn’t take it seriously enough. I acted like it was a game and it wasn’t. Shit, Rea, I’m trained, I have taken all the self-defense classes, I have belts in two different forms of martial arts, and he came right up on me and had me before I could even do anything.”
“That’s not all is it,” Reagan said wiping her eyes. Suzie needed her right now, and she was going to be there for her friend. Later she would cry and deal with her own guilt.
“No,” Suzie said starting to cry herself, “shit, Rea, I watched two men get killed right in front of me. I keep on telling myself that they were bad people and they deserved what they got, but every time I close my eyes, I either see Potter falling to the ground, Bobby leaning over me, or you saying goodbye.”
“I’m so damn sorry, Suzie. I shouldn’t have ever asked you to go with me, I…”
“Stop it. I mean it. Last time I volunteered, and you know it. It’s just all too fresh right now, and there are other things. Things that I’m not ready to talk about yet, but damn my life is so messed up right now. I think it’s about time I hung up the keyboard and concentrated on something else for a while. Shit, I think I need a change.”
“What kind of change?”
“Hell, if I know. Right now, I’m just kind of numb, you know what I mean?”
Reagan totally knew what she meant because she was feeling a lot of that herself.
“I’ve been chasing stories and gossip for years, we both know I started to investigate shit in high school, but I was never really involved physically. Even after I got my license, I was still safe behind my computer screen. I guess I thought nothing could touch me, but I was wrong. It’s all just making me think about stuff.”
Reagan tried to hug Suzie, awkwardly because of the cast, and they both laughed. The laugh felt good.
“Whatever you decide, I will be right there with you, Suzie. I will be your first and last customer. But if you decide that you want to continue with your investigative work, you have my support there as well. We’ll just have to hire one of the Prospects from the RBMC to have your back,” Reagan laughed, but Suzie didn’t. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, it’s just if I’m trying to limit the danger in my life, wouldn’t staying away from the RBMC be part of that? I know you like them all, and to be honest I don’t have any problems with them but…”
“Oh, Suzie haven’t you been spending time with Brass? Tank told me that he was taking care of you. These guys might be a part of a motorcycle club, but they are good men, a little rough around the edges, but still good men. You just need to give them a chance.”
“Maybe, I don’t know. Hey, now that Bobby and your parents are out of the picture, what are you going to do about Lexie?”
“I don’t know, Suzie.” Just thinking about her, almost made Reagan cry all over again. “The people who are caring for her want to adopt her and they said that I could still be in her life. Tank set it up so I could talk to her a couple of days ago and she sounds so happy. She is in a dance class, can you believe it? I know that seems small and petty, but she was so excited. It’s what I always wanted to give her. I just don’t know what’s the right thing to do. I don’t have a job, I had to turn in my resignation when they couldn’t give me more time off, and things are still not safe here for her with Worthington and Taylor still out there, I just don’t know.”
“I don’t want you to leave, but you know you don’t have to stay in Defiance. You can go to her make a new life start over, just the two of you.”
“See that’s just it, it’s not just the two of us anymore. Tank is a part of my life now, he told me that he loves me and I love him so much.”
“Oh, Rea, if he loves you then he’ll do what’s best for you and not hold you back. But I am happy for you, he’s the man you have always wanted, the one you waited for.”
“Suzie, Tank isn’t holding me back at all, I am.” Reagan got kind of offended, Suzie really did have a bad opinion of these men. “He said he would help me in any way I needed, even offered to let me and Lexie stay here. Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to leave him, and what are you talking about, the one I waited for? Suzie, I have not been pining away for the last ten years not living my life. I’ve dated, shit, I’ve had relationships, and we both know I’m no virgin.”
“I didn’t mean it that way, I just, well hell, Rea, I’ve seen the way you always looked at him, and you can’t tell me that you haven’t compared every man you dated or been with to him. He was your ultimate. I’m happy for you. As for Lexie, I think you have some decisions to make, and only you can do that, hon. I wish I could be more help on that front.”
“Yeah, Tank said when I was a little more mobile, we could go and meet the people in person. I think I’m going to wait until then to make any decisions. I want Lexie to be happy, to have the life I always dreamed of her having, and I have to tell you, I think she has it now. She’s laughing all the time, excited about school and things they have planned with her, but I want to see them all together, maybe even have you work some of your magic when you’re feeling up to it. I just don’t want to rip her out of a place that could be good for her. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do, and if I decide to pick up the keyboard again, I will totally snoop for you and Lex. Okay, enough heavy stuff, tell me how staying with Tank has been going, does he walk around naked?”
Reagan laughed, this was a little bit closer to the friend she knew and loved. She still wasn’t there, but she was trying, so Reagan would give her just a bit.
“No, no naked walking, hell, no naked anything. He has been so sweet helping me all the time, but shit, this is going to make me sound horrible, but I’m kind of sick of it, I want my rough and gruff Tank back. I want the man who whispers dirty shit in my ear and makes my panties wet. I don’t want to be, I don’t know coddled, I guess.”
“Hon, have you looked in the mirror? You need to be coddled for a little while longer. Shit, I think if I looked close enough, I could find every color of the rainbow just on you face alone. Give it time, I’m pretty sure a man like Tank can only handle dishing out the soft and sweet for so long. The wild man will make an appearance sooner than you think,” Suzie said bobbing her eyebrows. “Seriously though, no naked walking? Such a shame.”
“Nope, not even a full moon.” Reagan threw the pillow on the couch at her. “I’ve started a new fetish though, have you ever heard of arm porn?”
“Ewww, what are you talking about,” Suzie said, throwing the pillow back; this was more like it.
“Well, I have this weird fascination with Tank’s arms, I mean they’re hot. The way his biceps bulge when he picks things up, and hell, you should see them when he’s working out. After he’s done, all the veins are sticking out, and I have to wipe the drool off my chin before he catches me. Then there’s the tat, I mean hell, that puppy just makes me want to take a little taste,” Reagan said, sticking her tongue out to demonstrate.
“Oh, my God, you have to stop,” Suzie said laughing, “you are such a weirdo. Dude, talk about his ass or something else, so I know you aren’t a freak.”
“Oh, you know you like some arm candy, Suz, I’ve seen you watching a particular biker at the diner, and if I’m not mistaken, you were watching his massive biceps. Didn’t he make his tat dance for you once, you know the mermaid he has on his upper arm?” Reagan started flapping her arm like some kind of weird chicken wing thing.
“Stop it,” Suzie said laughing, “it wasn’t it arms that I was looking at.”
“Hmm, this could be interesting. What exactly were you looking at, then?”
“I'm not telling you. You need to live in your freak world all by yourself.”
“Nope, best friends stick together, no matter what, freaky kinks and all. If you don’t tell me, I’m going to call Crash in here and make him do things until I figure it out for myself.”
“What? No way, you wouldn’t dare, you don’t even know him, so how could you make him do things.”
“Well, it’s easy, you gave me the clues. I would make him sit and then move his arms around. If that didn’t work, I would make him eat something, then drink something.” Reagan started pointing and laughing at Suzie. “Ohhh! That’s it you have a throat fetish, you freaky girl, do you swallow, Suzie?”
“Stop it, Reagan,” Suzie said trying not to laugh, but failing miserably.
“I like this, Suz,” Reagan laid her head on Suzie’s shoulder, “we need more of this, it’s been way too long.”
“Yeah, it has,” Suzie said, leaning her head against Reagan. “You know I came in here thinking I needed to change a bunch of shit in my life, but right now, I’m thinking I want to keep some of it the same. When you’re all healed up and all claimed and stuff, I want a girl’s night; you, me, Cinny, Addy, and Cathy, just like old times. Maybe we can even get Carri to come into town for the night or something. I think we could both use some normal, well semi-normal, fun. You’re still a weirdo.”
“Hey, watch who you’re calling a weirdo, freaky girl. But I agree, more of this, more of us, and less of crappy parts of life.”
“Here, here sister.”