Here goes nothing…

Chin lifted high, I walked into Jimmy’s, but this time the bar was hopping, as it should be on a Sunday night. The regulars liked one last hurrah before the weekend ended, because starting the work week with a wicked hangover was fab.

Sasha saw me first and hustled over, puzzled when I wasn’t dressed for my shift. “Everything okay? What the hell happened last night? Manny called and said I had the night off ‘cuz the bar was closed? Oh God, please tell me we weren’t shut down again…”

I answered with a shake of my head, starting with, “You know that guy who wanted to buy me a drink?” Sasha nodded. “Well, he bought the bar for the night. Guess he was real serious about that drink.”

Sasha’s eyes widened with shocked delight. “That’s FREAKING awesome. Tell me all about it!”

But I didn’t want to tell anyone just yet. Maybe never, honestly. “He was nice,” I answered vaguely, casting a brief smile before heading for Manny’s office.

“Just nice? Oh, come on…I need more details than that. You’re holding out on me.”

I was holding out but how was I supposed to put into words how my night had transpired? Hell, I’d lived it and I didn’t quite believe it had happened.

“I gotta talk to Manny.”

Sasha gave me a thumbs up and went to start her shift. I paused to stare after her, pinched by something close to sadness when I realized, I would miss that goofy kid. She deserved better than this dump but she’d probably find some regular, fall in love, and scratch out some kind of life with a man who treated her like shit and left her with a few kids hanging off her hips.

Ugh. I’m such a damn pessimist.

I girded my loins for the inevitable awkwardness between me and Manny and walked into his office. I barked a sudden laugh when I saw he’d wasted no time in making some purchases with his sudden cash influx.

“You like it?” he asked, preening in his God-awful teal suit that probably cost a fortune because it was so damn ugly. “Pretty uptown, eh?”

“Very,” I said dryly. Manny, you dumb sonofabitch, you could’ve dropped some cash into your business instead of your threads but whatever. “I came to give you notice. I’m quitting.”

Manny chuckled as if he’d seen it coming, producing my check and sliding it over to me. “I figured. You’d be stupid to walk away from that cash cow, baby. A man like dat…he could make your life real comfortable. Besides, you gotta use what God gave ya, you know?”

My cheeks burned but I simply nodded. I wasn’t about to get into a debate about how inappropriate it was for him to give me advice about anything when he was dumber than a box of rocks.

I opened the envelope, more out of habit than need, and fought the laugh. Yeah, there’s no way I could’ve paid my rent with this check. Hell, this paltry check wouldn’t even cover my electric bill. “Thanks Manny,” I said, going to the door.

As I crossed the floor, I was seized with an irrational urge to drag Sasha out with me but it was hard as fuck to save someone from themselves. I should know. I’d resisted everyone’s good advice when I’d been determined to be an idiot.

Maybe, at some point, I could come back for her. Somehow, someway.

Or maybe I’d just walk away from everything and everyone associated with my failed New York gig.

But, I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

I pulled Sasha away from her table with a small smile. “I just wanted to say goodbye,” I said, fighting tears that came from nowhere. “I just quit.”

“You what?” Sasha stared, confused. “What do you mean? Did you get a better job somewhere else? And, OH MY GOD, I’m going to miss you so much!”

I wiped at my eyes, laughing. “I am going to miss you, too.” I gripped her shoulders to stare into her eyes, to make sure some part of her psyche was hearing me as I said, “Please don’t fall for some regular here. This is a dead end. Go back to school, get a degree, find out what makes Sasha special before you hook your wagon to some guy who looks good in ripped jeans, okay?”

Sasha giggled. “You’re always so serious.” Then she surprised me with a kiss on the cheek, saying, “I promise I won’t fall in love with some guy from a bar. But a chick with a fat ass and a sweet perky set of boobies, might totally turn my head.”

I gasped. “Sasha…you’re gay? How did I miss this?”

She laughed as if I were silly. “Well, I’d say definitely bi. I like a variety of flavors, you know? I don’t advertise it but if you were ever in the market…I’d cuddle up to you pretty quick. Why do you think I always made sure Manny scheduled us together?”

Sasha had a crush…on me!

“I am super flattered,” I admitted with an embarrassed laugh. Talk about being blind to the signals. So much for thinking my gay-dar was pretty sharp. I refocused, adding, “Well, same advice applies…no falling for idiots, whether they have a fat ass and great tits, okay?”

“Deal.” Sasha agreed, her eyes twinkling. “So…you’re really leaving?”

“Yeah. I’ve been stagnant here. Time to find a new way to pay the bills. Maybe one that doesn’t include dodging fat fingers trying to squeeze my ass.”

“What happened to you?” Sasha asked, seeing more than I realized. “You’re different.”

I tried to laugh off her assessment but it was true. I was different. And it was a positive thing.

I reached into my purse for my phone. “Give me your PayPal address,” I said.

Puzzled but curious, Sasha rattled off her address. I logged into my account and sent her a fat sum of cash. Sasha’s phone buzzed at her back pocket, signaling a notification. “What are you doing?” she asked, shaking her head, then her eyes bugged when she read the notification from PayPal. “What the fuck? Did you win the lottery or something?”

“Something like that,” I answered. “Look, I want you to really think about your future and what it means if you end up in this dump for longer than a year. Please tell me you’ll call me if you ever need me.”

Sasha nodded in awe. “Yeah, I will. Are you sure you can afford giving me that much money? Jesus, there’s a pair of Louboutins with my name on them!”

“Girl, don’t blow it on shoes,” I warned, shaking my head. “Do something that will benefit you in the long run, not the short term, okay?”

She nodded and I felt like some kind of advice guru.

Here I am, a total fuck-up, passing out life advice like pellets from a Pez dispenser. Go you.

I hugged Sasha one last time and when she held on a moment longer than necessary I just chuckled to myself how blind I’d been. Sasha was going to be fine. She was smarter than she let on and maybe that was her secret weapon.

Lord knows, we all need one to survive in this world.