Chapter Three
Kade
Falling asleep had never been an issue for me. The minute my head hit the pillow, I always went under, sleeping deep and soundly until my alarm went off. I worked hard, played harder and slept the sleep of the untroubled.
But after I left Leah by her car behind the mall and returned to the barracks, where my room was pitch back, of course, since the mule couldn’t be bothered to leave even one dim light burning for me, I found myself procrastinating, delaying bedtime like I hadn’t done since I was about ten years old and begging for more time on the beach. I lingered in the bathroom, setting up my shaving stuff and toothbrush, and then taking a quick shower.
Once I’d climbed into bed and pulled the thin sheets up over my shoulder, I still couldn’t get the images out of my mind. The focus of my thoughts jumped around: I flashed on Leah’s face above me on the kitchen counter when I’d used my lips and tongue on her sweet pussy that night. Her mouth on my cock, her eyes fastened on mine, my fingers buried in her hair as she’d slowly driven me out of my fucking head. And then . . . her face when she’d realized I was at the bookstore tonight. The swell of her belly under those full and luscious tits. How tight her stomach had felt when I’d touched her bump, and the un-fucking-believable sensation of my child—my daughter—nudging against my hand, through Leah’s skin.
I was going to be a father. No, scratch that: I was already a father. I’d met my daughter tonight, and nothing was ever going to be the same again. A million possibilities and questions swirled through my mind: should I ask Leah to marry me? Or was it too soon to jump into that kind of commitment? On the other hand, we were already connected for life, as far as I was concerned. I suspected that Leah would dig in her heels at the idea of instant marriage, but at the very least, I wanted her to move closer to me. No way was I going to be okay with my kid being born and growing up a couple of hours away from me. I didn’t have any choice about where I lived at this point in my life; the Army told me where I was going and how long I was going to be there. Otherwise, I’d move up here in a second to be near Leah.
There was a whole new world of decisions to be made. I needed to talk to someone, anyone . . . I considered Jake, my buddy who was here with me at Fort Davis for the course, but although I’d known him for a long time and we were definitely pals, I wasn’t sure we were the type of friends who shared stuff on a deeper level. My closest friends were Max Remington and Shaw Kincaid, both of whom were back at Fort Lee. I couldn’t wait six weeks to talk to them in person.
It was definitely too late to call tonight—and I had a feeling the mule would lose his shit if I got out of bed again at this point—but there was a long enough lunch break in our schedule tomorrow that I could probably manage to get in touch with one of them at least . . . which meant I just had to get through tonight. I had to get some sleep, or I’d be useless tomorrow.
I closed my eyes again and tried to ignore the visions still dancing through my buzzing brain.
* * *
“Braggs, are you skipping PT today?” Eric Muller’s tone, a mix of arrogance and amusement, cut through the layers of sleep and woke me. “I’m heading down.”
I blinked, trying to focus on the clock that hung on the wall. “Shit! Goddammit, Muller, why didn’t you wake me up before now?”
He lifted one shoulder. “Your alarm went off three times, and you kept hitting snooze. I didn’t want to interfere.”
I growled an answer that it was probably safer for him not to hear and jumped out of bed, grabbing my PT shorts and T-shirt from the drawer before I jogged down the hall to the bathroom. I was still bleary-eyed from sleep—or lack thereof, seeing as I hadn’t dropped off until close to three.
I made it down to physical training just in the nick of time, cruised through the workout and the run, and then returned to the barracks to shower for the day. Eric was his same old prim, precise self, making his bed until the blanket was so tight, I was sure the proverbial quarter would bounce from it and fussily tucking in his uniform tee into the pants of his BDU. I could almost feel him silently flipping out over how I got ready; I was fast and efficient, but I didn’t hesitate to cut a corner if it could be done.
The morning classes were fairly simple, introducing us to the concepts and strategies we’d be learning through the six-weeks. Max had been through this class before, and he had been the one to recommend it to me. I was usually quick to listen to him and to our friend Shaw, both fellow company commanders in the same battalion of the 94th Infantry Division. Max was from a family who had been serving Uncle Sam for so many generations, they’d lost count of the number of soldiers they’d produced. And Shaw, although the military wasn’t in his blood the way it was with Max, was one of the most gung-ho guys I’d ever met. He prided himself on maintaining top physical fitness, and he was always the first one to volunteer for any mission or deployment. We called him Danger Ranger sometimes, because he was so eager to jump into the breach.
I was the odd-man out in our small group of friends. I’d grown up on the beach in southern California, and I lived for surfing. All I’d ever wanted was to become a professional competitive surfer, traveling the world in search of bigger and better waves. The idea of joining the Army had never occurred to me until mid-way through college, when my dad had died suddenly, leaving my mom, my sister and me with a pile of bills and no apparent way to pay them.
I’d considered leaving school to work full-time, until the day when I got to talking to an acquaintance from my poli sci class. The dude was ROTC, and he’d been bragging about what great shape he was in. We’d gotten into a semi-serious pissing match that night about whether or not I could hack the military. He’d bet that the Army wouldn’t want me, and I’d sworn he was wrong. The next morning, thanks to my stubborn pride, I was standing outside the door to the ROTC office when it opened. What I’d planned as a joke—I wanted to prove I could get into the Army if I wanted to—turned serious when I saw how much sense it made for me, in my current situation. I could finish school without incurring more debt, and I could start making money right off the bat after graduation.
I’d learned two things pretty quickly: one was that I could do anything I put my mind to doing. Yeah, the Army was tough, but it made sense. There were rules, and as long as I followed them, I’d do okay. The second thing I’d learned was that I didn’t love the military. For me, it was a means to an end. I had every intention of staying in my full twenty and walking away with a pretty sweet pension and a lifetime of benefits, but I was already making plans for what would happen after those twenty years. I also was very deliberate about maintaining a life off post. I had my own house, and I did my damnedest to live at least part of each day away from the military.
Still, I knew how to play the game. These courses offered to us were often a great opportunity to add something attractive to my resume, and they helped when it came time for promotion. That was why I’d listened when Max had suggested taking this one.
When lunch break rolled around, I headed for my car and drove off post to a little hole in the wall pizza place I’d seen on my way in the day before. I ordered a slice and a bottle of water to go and then sat in my car eating as I punched in Max’s number on my cell.
“Yo, Braggs, what’s up? You making trouble up there at Davis?” I heard the humor in his tone, and it made me smile. Max had been a pretty serious guy for as long as I’d known him, but a few months back, he’d met a girl. Honestly, Samantha Crewe might have been the last chick I’d have matched with my buddy; she was a looker, for sure, with a sweet bod, but she was more like a modern-day hippie than she was a potential Army wife. Still, apparently, opposites did attract, because those two had been getting more serious every day. Just before I’d left for this TDY assignment, I’d helped move Samantha into Max’s house.
“You know it,” I answered him. “Actually, the trouble I made started a little while back, and it didn’t happen here. Do you have a minute to talk? I could use an ear.”
“Absolutely.” Max didn’t even hesitate. “I’m walking over to the Burger Hut, so you caught me at the perfect time.”
“Great.” I paused. “So . . . I’m going to be a father.”
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. “Start at the beginning, Kade. I think I’m going to need some context on this one.”
I did what he asked, sketching out what had happened back in Richmond, leaving out the more intimate details, of course. And then I fast-forwarded to last night, to running into Leah and finding out about my daughter.
When I stopped talking, I heard Max’s long whistle. “Dude. Wow. That’s . . .” His words trailed off. “Okay, now don’t get pissed at me, but I have to be the company commander and ask the hard questions. First off, you used protection with her, right?”
I swallowed hard. I’d thought of this last night, too, while I was tossing and turning. “Of course, we did. I had condoms with me, and those were what we used. They weren’t old, and to the best of my knowledge, they weren’t defective.”
“Okay. Had to ask, even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer. But this shit happens sometimes, even if you’re careful. Rubbers are only completely effective between eighty-five and ninety-eight percent of the time.”
“Thanks. That’s helpful.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
“Yeah, I know.” He sighed. “Second question. You’re sure the baby’s yours?”
I’d been waiting for this one, too. “I only found out last night, so I didn’t have time for a paternity test, but I can’t see why Leah would lie to me. It’s not like she hunted me down to let me know. She wasn’t exactly thrilled to see me at first, either. She’s not asking for anything, and I think I’m going to have to twist her arm to get her to let me help.”
“Huh.” Max was eating his burger as we spoke, and I could hear him chewing. “I guess the next question is, how do you feel about all this?”
“Honestly? Dude, I was floored when I saw her. It was like I knew the minute I saw her belly that the kid was mine . . . and then when I felt the baby kick?” I remembered the flood of emotion that had nearly knocked me over. “I have a daughter. She might not be born yet, and this might not be the situation I planned, but damn if I’m not going to give everything I have to make it work.”
Max laughed. “Then why are you calling me for advice? Sounds like you’re handling it, Kade.”
I blew out a long breath. “I guess I just needed to tell someone. I needed to let it out, or I was going to burst.”
“I get that.” There was a crumpling of paper on the other end of the line. “I’m assuming you’re going to suggest that Leah moves down here, at least until the baby comes?”
“That’s what I’m hoping happens. I don’t know for sure, though.” I could already hear her arguments.
“If it works out, you know Samantha and I will be glad to help anyway we can.” I really loved that my buddy was already talking about his girl and him like they were a unit. It struck me suddenly that I’d been wanting that exact feeling for a long time, only I hadn’t admitted it to myself.
“Thanks, Max. And you can tell Samantha about Leah and the baby if you want, but I’d appreciate it if you’d keep all of this on the down-low otherwise. At least until I know what’s going to happen.”
“You got it, bud.” He drew in a deep breath. “Kade, do you, uh . . . do you have feelings for Leah? Beyond being the mother of your child, I mean?”
I’d been struggling with this one, too. “I don’t know. I liked her as soon as we met back in Richmond. Before things got physical that night, we had a good time talking. And even last night, under some pretty trying circumstances, she was cool. It’s hard to say, given that we haven’t had more time than that together, but I think the potential is there.”
“Hey, that’s better than nothing.” Max was trying to be encouraging, and I appreciated it. “It’s a good place to start, anyway. Right?”
I leaned my head against the car seat, closing my eyes. “I hope so.”
* * *
Class ended early that afternoon, as it was the first day, and I didn’t waste time before changing into jeans and a T-shirt. I had my keys in hand and was jogging down the steps when I passed Eric on his way up. He frowned at me, but I didn’t give him the chance to say anything.
Leah’s house was only about fifteen minutes away, according to my GPS. I pulled up before the small white bungalow while the late afternoon sun was still bright. The front lawn was tiny, but neat, with a mowed lawn and several trimmed bushes. There was a minuscule front porch with a wicker rocking chair on it. I had a sudden mental image of Leah in it, rocking an infant—our infant—and that same unfamiliar warm feeling snuck up on me.
She answered my knock on the front door right away, gazing up at me through the screened storm door. Today she looked somehow softer; her silky blonde hair curled down around her shoulders, and she was wearing a loose and flowing dress that did nothing to disguise the sweet swell of her boobs or her bump.
“Hi.” Leah pushed open the screen door and stood aside for me to come inside. “So, you found me.”
I grinned. “Again.”
She laughed, and every part of my body thrilled to the sound of it. “Yeah, again. Third time’s the charm, maybe?”
I reached down to stroke my fingers over her firm belly. “I don’t know. I think the first time took pretty well, too.”
She blushed, the pink tinge spreading down her slender neck. “I guess you’re right. C’mon, sit down.” She led me into a pretty kitchen. The walls were painted a bright yellow, and the cabinets were shiny white. I dragged out a chair from under the round table with its flowered cloth.
“Would you like something to drink?” Leah opened the fridge and peered inside, as though she didn’t have a clue what might be in there. “I have sweet tea, water and beer.” When I arched my eyebrows at her, she rolled her eyes. “I bought a six-pack today on the way home, in case you might want one. Don’t worry, Kade. I’m not boozing it up with your baby on board.”
I chuckled. “I didn’t think you were. I was just messing with you. I was going to say tea, but since you went to the trouble, I’ll have a beer.”
She bent down to pull it off the shelf, and the material of her dress fell forward, draping her ass so perfectly that it left almost nothing to my imagination. I remembered kneading my hands into that sweet backside while she rode me, and just like that, I was hard as a rock.
“Even if I wanted to drink, I couldn’t.” Leah went on speaking as she approached me, popping the top off the bottle. I tried to ignore my lusting body and pay attention to what she was saying. “The smell of alcohol made me gag up until about two weeks ago, and I still don’t really like to be around it.”
“I’m sorry.” I took the cold bottle from her and set it down on the table. “I don’t have to drink this if it’ll make you feel sick.”
“Nope. I’m fine.” She sat down across from me and twisted the cap off a bottle of water. “But I won’t be asking for a sip, either.”
“Got it.” I took a long swig, appreciating the cool liquid. “So how was your day?”
Leah shrugged. “Same old, pretty much. I like what I’m doing at the law office. It’s small potatoes, compared to the work I was doing in Richmond, but I found out I really do enjoy it. We’re helping people, and that feels good.”
I remembered something else, then, and this time it had nothing to do with her body. “You were going to go into high-powered business law, right? Help companies take over other smaller businesses, right?”
“Yeah.” She wrinkled her nose. “I guess I lost my taste for that right around the same time I lost my taste for wine. It just didn’t feel right, you know? But what I’m doing now does.” She fiddled with the bottle of water in front of her. “How about you? You started that class today, right?”
“I did.” I turned my beer bottle in a small circle on the table. “It was fine. I chose this because it’s pretty straightforward. There’s going to be a lot of downtime over these next six weeks, which as it turns out, is probably a good thing.” I leaned forward a little. “Leah, I’ve been thinking since last night—”
“Me, too.” She sat up a little straighter. “I should have said this right away. Kade, if you don’t want to be involved in—in all this, please know that I’ll be fine. I can do it myself. I don’t want you to feel like you’re roped into a situation that you never planned on facing.”
“Hey.” I reached across and grabbed her hand, holding it tight in mine. “Leah, that was the exact opposite of what I was thinking. I want to be involved. Hell, I want more than that—I fully intend to be a father to my daughter.” I threaded my fingers through Leah’s smaller ones. “We can talk about what that’s going to look like. But I want to start here.”
In one fluid movement, I dropped to my knee on the linoleum floor, still clinging to her hand. “Leah, I know that neither of us planned on this, and the baby is a big surprise. But when we . . . when we made love six months ago, I realize now that I made a commitment, even if I didn’t know it at the time. And I honor my commitments. So, while I understand that this may not be the perfect time for either of us, I want you to know that I would be honored if you would be my wife.”
Leah’s eyes filled with tears, and to my mortification, so did mine. I didn’t think she noticed, though, as she dropped her forehead onto our linked hands.
“Kade . . . if you only knew. That’s the nicest, sweetest thing you could have done.” She wiped her face with her free hand and sniffled a little. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you making the offer. But the answer is no.”
I wasn’t surprised. Frankly, the only things that did shock me were that she didn’t yell at me for even asking and that I was so oddly and deeply disappointed at her refusal. I pushed up to sit back in my chair, smiling ruefully. “I didn’t think that you’d say yes, but I had to ask, and I meant every word.” I paused, wanting to choose my next words carefully. “I think I understand why you said no, Leah. We don’t know each other well yet, and you don’t know if we have much in common besides that little girl you’re growing. I want you to know that I plan to ask you again, and maybe by then, you’ll have more of a reason to change your answer.”
Her eyes widened, and her lips parted as though she meant to argue with me. But in the end, she only nodded. “Okay.”
“Here’s my second proposition.” I braced my hands on my knees. “I’m here at Fort Davis for six weeks. By the end of that time, I really would like you to be ready to move down to Fort Lee with me. Leah, if I could relocate up here to be closer to you and the baby, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I’m committed to the Army, and I can’t just up and move. I want to live close to you both, though. And if you move down there, you won’t be alone. We can . . . make it whatever you want it to be. You can move in with me—I’ve got a house with plenty of room—or you can get your own place.”
She opened her mouth to answer, but I held up one hand. “Don’t say anything now. Don’t tell me all the reasons you should say no or all the ways it won’t work. Just tell me you’ll keep an open mind and listen to me over the next month or so.” I flashed her my most appealing smile. “Okay?”
Leah held my gaze for a full, silent moment, regarding me with an inscrutable expression. Finally, she nodded.
“All right. I’ll agree to keep an open mind. I won’t rule out anything until the end of six weeks. That’s fair.”
“Brilliant.” I rose and stood next to her chair, framing her face with my hands. She felt so delicate and breakable within my gentle grasp. Before she could pull away, I leaned down to cover her lips with my own.
Just as it had six months before, on that fateful night that would link us forever, the spark between us spread a flame that engulfed both of us. Leah made a small noise deep in her throat, and she arched toward me and grabbed hold of my arms. I used my thumbs to press against her chin, urging her mouth open. When her lips parted, I swept my tongue into her mouth, stroking each sensitive spot. My cock, already stiff, went impossibly harder. All I could feel was the pulsing of my want . . . for only her.
Sliding my palms down her neck, to her shoulders, I paused. I wanted to scoop her out of the chair and find somewhere to lay us both down . . . a sofa? Or better yet, a bed? And at the same time, I was terrified that if I took her out of the moment to ask permission or direction, she’d come to her senses and push me away. And so, I contented myself with staying where we were, unbelievably happy that Leah was kissing me back.
With hands that shook more than a little, I ventured lower to cup her tits. Their weight surprised me; I’d realized that her boobs were bigger, but the shirt she’d worn last night and the dress today had disguised just how much they’d grown. I groaned into her mouth and used my thumb to circle her nipple through the barriers of her dress and bra.
“Oh, God, Kade.” She almost whimpered the words. “You have to stop. I can’t . . . you have no idea how much I want you to keep going, but—we can’t. Not now.”
Slowly, and with obvious regret, she pulled back, still holding onto my arms. Her chest moved up and down rapidly, in time with my thundering heart.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean—”
She lifted her eyes to mine, and hers were filled with confusion and something else—hurt? I backtracked quickly.
“I’m actually not sorry.” I brushed back her hair, away from her face. “Not one bit. I only meant that I was sorry if you felt like I was pushing you too far or too fast. I didn’t expect to get so carried away. I just wanted to kiss you and then . . .” I smiled, tracing her cheekbone with one finger. “Well, I got carried away. There’s something between us, Leah. We’re connected by more than just this life we’ve created.” I lowered myself to my knees again, this time spanning my hands over her bump. “Not that this beautiful life isn’t enough. But I want you to understand something. Yesterday, in the bookstore, even before I knew you were pregnant with my child, I wanted to see you again. I was glad when I realized who you were. So yeah, there’s more between us, beautiful.”
She dropped her gaze and sighed. “Those are pretty words, Kade, but you can’t tell me that you’ve spent the past six months pining away for me. We had a good time in Richmond, yes, but are you going to claim that you missed me since the morning you left my house?”
She had me there. “Leah, I’ll never lie to you. That I can promise. No, the truth is that I didn’t sit around wishing things had been different between us. But I did think of you, believe it or not. I wondered how you were. Not every day. Not even every week, I’ll admit. But I didn’t forget you. Not really.”
“You don’t have to justify anything to me, Kade. Let’s face it . . . if I hadn’t had a very present reminder of you with me every single day, I’d probably have felt the same way.” She patted her belly. “I appreciate your honesty, and I’ll give you the same promise in return. I want you to be part of our baby’s life, if that’s your choice. I’ll take everything you say and suggest under consideration.” She caught the corner of her lip between her teeth, worrying it there. “But Kade, please don’t feel like you have to . . . touch me, or kiss me, or anything else like that out of some misguided sense of obligation or pity. I wish I could say that I’m strong enough to turn you away, but I’m not.”
“Hey.” I touched her face. “I don’t feel sorry for you, Leah. If I touch you—when I touch you, it’s because I can’t keep my hands off you. Okay? Can you trust me about that?”
She studied me, frowning slightly, and then nodded. “I think so. Just remember, though, that pregnant ladies are like bombs with a very sensitive trigger when it comes to sex. I’m like a huge whirling mass of hormones, and every part of me is more sensitive than it was before.”
I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head. “Every part?”
Leah leveled a narrowed gaze at me. “Every part. Every. Single. Inch.” The side of her mouth quirked a little.
Reaching for her hands, I hauled her to her feet. “Okay. I was content to take things slow, but you just ruined that for me. Come on, woman. You, me and all your sensitive parts are going into your bedroom right now.”
She was laughing, and my heart swelled in gladness. Making this chick laugh was fast becoming one of my favorite things.
“Nice, Kade. You know how to romance a girl.” She shook her head. “How about I make us some dinner, and you can catch me up on what you’ve been doing over the last six months?”
I allowed myself a kiss on her cheek and a pat on her ass, making her squeal a little as she slid away from me. “Let me give you a hand with the cooking, and you’ve got yourself a deal.”