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“I can’t believe you leave tomorrow.” I’m snuggled in Hudson’s lap on the deck of our new home.

We spent all week moving in, but because Hudson bought the house furnished and I did the designing, it was a pretty easy transition. There was nothing we had to do but move our clothes and some odds and ends.

My mom and dad came by our first day here. My mom looked almost as shocked as I did when Hudson told me he bought this house for us. My dad seemed rather impressed. It’s clear he’s taken quite a liking to Hudson. I can’t say I’m surprised. He’s an amazing man.

Starr and Mark came by the next day. I swear my sister falls in love with Hudson a little more every time she’s around him. I guess that makes two of us.

Emma stopped by this afternoon, smiling like a lunatic because apparently she had known it was Hudson who purchased the house all along. Once upon a time I thought my best friend was shit at keeping secrets, but that has since changed. She was able to keep a very big secret from me for weeks and never once hinted at what Hudson was up to.

“Me either,” Hudson answers after a brief moment. “I’m excited but at the same time I don’t want to leave either.”

“I get that. You should be excited. It’s exciting. You’re going to have an amazing time.”

“It would be so much better if you’d come with me,” he says, hinting at a conversation we’ve had a few times over the last week.

“I know. Trust me, I want to. But we’ve talked about this. I can’t give up my life to follow you around the country. It’s important to me that I maintain a level of my own independence.”

“I know. And I love that about you. I’m just going to miss the hell out of you.” He snuggles his face into my neck, both our gazes locked on the amazing view from our deck.

Our deck. Our home. God, it doesn’t seem real.

“I’m going to miss you too,” I say, emotion clogging thick in my throat. “What time do you have to be at the airport again?”

“Seven in the morning,” he says, adjusting below me.

“So we need to leave here by six to give us time to get there,” I say more to myself than to him.

“We’ll take the Chevy.” He smiles at me, knowing how much I love driving his car.

Hudson brought the car back from Nashville when we were there a few weeks ago. He’d stored it in a friend’s garage while he was on tour with Travis. The day we drove it to Florida was one of the best days. The weather was beautiful. We had the windows down the whole time, singing at the top of our lungs nearly the entire drive. Me not very successfully but Hudson didn’t seem to mind.

He’s leaving the car here for me to drive. Not because I need it, but because I freaking love it and he knows it. It’s a 1970 Chevelle that Hudson rebuilt himself. I didn’t even know he knew anything about cars until he told me how he spent years tinkering with it to get it to where it is today. He showed me the before pictures and he wasn’t lying. It was yellow, rusted, and looked like it belonged in a junk yard. Now it’s bright candy apple red with black racing stripes. I swear it’s the sweetest car on the road anywhere we go.

I can’t believe he trusts me with something he worked so hard on. The likelihood is it will stay in the garage while he’s gone, but if I get a wild hair I might take it out for a spin.

“You’re just trying to butter me up so I don’t have a complete meltdown when I leave you at the airport.”

“You’re not going to have a meltdown.” He gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “You might have to force me onto that fucking plane, though. I still have no idea how I’m going to leave here without you.”

“God, don’t say that. Leave it up to me and you’ll never make it. I can’t be the one to blame for you tanking your career and costing your label millions of dollars in refunded concert tickets.”

“Promise you’ll come to a few shows.”

“I promise I’ll do everything I can to make the shows that are within driving distance. I can’t spend my life savings flying all over the country.”

“I can pay for you to.”

“Not happening, hot shot country star. You already bought us a house. I’m not letting you pay for anything else.”

“Why not? It’s not like I don’t have the ability to.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

“If I’m going to fly to every show I might as well go on tour with you.”

“Exactly.” He smiles like he just won the argument.

“Stop.” I swat at his leg, needing him to not make this any harder on me. “We’ve been over this.”

“I know. I know.”

“But I will make it to a few shows. I promise. I’ll look over your schedule tomorrow and see which ones I think I can make work and I’ll let you know.”

“I guess I’ll take what I can get. We do have a few breaks where I should be able to fly home for at least a day or two.”

“We’re going to be okay, right?” I ask, hating how weak I sound.

“Hell yes we are.” He locks his hands around the back of my neck to pull my face down to his. “There is no fucking way I’m letting you go, Lennon. The sooner you wrap your pretty little head around that, the better it’s going to be for both of us,” he says, turning his face inward to steal a soft kiss.

“I love you,” I say, pressing my forehead against his.

“I love you. Now why don’t we go to our bedroom so I can show you just how much.”

“That’s all you care about. Getting me naked,” I tease.

“Have you looked at yourself recently? Who could blame me?” He wraps his hand around my upper thigh and squeezes.

“You’re hilarious,” I say sarcastically.

“I’m gonna show you hilarious.” He shifts beneath me, pushing out of his chair with next to no effort, taking me right along with him.

“Hudson.” I laugh as he pushes his way inside and kicks the door closed with his foot. “What are you doing?”

“I thought that was pretty obvious. I’m taking my girl to bed so I can make damn sure every time she climbs under those covers all she can think about is my body moving above hers.”

“Pretty sure that’s already been accomplished. But by all means, I’m at your disposal,” I say, giggling when he drops me down on top of the bed.

“That’s what I like to hear,” he growls, covering my body like a blanket seconds later.

—-

“Promise you’ll text me the minute you land.” My arms cling so tightly to Hudson they ache.

“I promise.”

“And you’ll call every day?” I ask, fighting back the tears welling behind my eyes.

“Every single day.”

“I don’t want to let go,” I say, turning my face into his shirt.

“I don’t want you to let go.” He sweeps my hair to the side before kissing the top of my head.

“I wish this wasn’t so hard.”

“It’s not goodbye, Lennon. I’ll see you in a few weeks,” he soothes.

“I know.” I sigh, finally letting my hold on him drop as I step back.

“When you get home, check the top drawer of your nightstand.” He grins, leaning forward to press his lips to mine, but pulling back way too quickly.

“Why?” I question.

“Just do it.” He grins. “I gotta go.” He checks his watch, adjusting the duffel bag on his shoulder. “I love you.” He leans in, capturing my chin.

“I love you too.” His mouth presses to mine once more.

“I’ll call you later,” he murmurs against my lips before pulling away.

“Be safe.”

“Always.” He winks, then turns, leaving me standing in the middle of the airport forced to watch him walk away.

—-

My eyes are sore from crying by the time I make it back to the beach house. I know it sounds ridiculous. It’s not like I won’t see him again. But there’s something else there. Some underlying concern that seems to fuel the intensity of my emotions that I have yet to fully admit to myself.

Tossing the keys to the Chevy on the kitchen island, I take a long minute to look around my new house. I’ve spent weeks inside these walls. Hours designing and decorating, but not once did I ever actually believe  it would be mine.

Crossing into the living room, I grab Hudson’s shirt off the back of the chair from last night when I peeled it off of him while he was trying to make me pancakes well after midnight. Lifting the fabric to my nose, I inhale deeply, his scent so prominent I’d almost swear he was still here.

Tossing the shirt over my shoulder, I head toward the bedroom and deposit it onto the bed before peeling off my jeans and thin sweater. Digging out a pair of yoga pants from the dresser, I put them on before grabbing Hudson’s shirt and sliding the material over my head, his scent engulfing me the moment I do.

Pulling back the light gray comforter, I climb into bed, wishing he was here so I could wrap my arms around him.

The instant my head hits the pillow my eyelids grow heavy. Hudson and I were up most of the night, trying to make the most of the time we had together. Needless to say I’m exhausted. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, relaxing further into the mattress.

I’m on the cusp of sleep when I remember what Hudson said at the airport. Shooting upright, I twist, pulling open the top drawer of my night stand.

My heart beats erratically as I pull out the large brown envelope laying on top of the random junk I keep in my nightstand. My name scrawled across the front in Hudson’s handwriting.

Peeling open the clasps, I pull back the flap and peer inside. Flipping the envelope upside down, a folded piece of paper and flash drive tumble onto my lap. With shaky hands I quickly unfold the paper, reaching over to click on the bedside lamp so I can see a little better.

Lennon,

If you ever find yourself questioning whether or not we can do this, watch this and remember how much I love you.

Hudson

I’m out of the bed and padding through the house toward the office without a second thought. Sliding into the chair behind the large mahogany desk, I flip open my laptop and impatiently wait for it to load before sliding the flash drive into its port.

The moment the folder pops open, I double click on the only folder on the drive – labeled Lennon. Inside is a media file which I click on, my breath catching in my throat when I’m met with Hudson’s face on my computer screen.

It’s only been less than two hours since I left him at the airport and I already miss him so much it’s hard to breathe.

“Hey Lennon.” Hudson smiles and tears instantly form behind my eyes. “So, I’ve never made a video of myself before. Hopefully you can see my face right now and aren’t staring at my feet.” He laughs and the sound warms my chest. “I wanted there to be a way for you to see me whenever you wanted, so I decided to record this. Although now that I’m doing it, it feels a little silly.” He shakes his head and smiles. “Anyway, I wrote something for you. It happened in the strangest way. Normally it takes me days to write the lyrics for a song and even then only about half of the original song makes it to the final cut. But this song, it came out of nowhere and took me all of twenty minutes to put down on paper.” He holds up a crinkled sheet of paper with words scribbled all over it.

“It was the day after we moved in. I had run out to pick up a few things and when I got home you were nowhere to be found. I searched the entire house for you before deciding to check outside. Sure enough, there you were. Your butt in the sand, knees pulled up to your chest, gaze locked out on the water. You looked so beautiful. So peaceful. And that’s when the song hit me like a bolt of lightning. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the first piece of paper I could find. I had the entire song written before you even moved. I swear I could have watched you sit there for hours.” He pauses, his mind seeming to be elsewhere.

“So.” He clears his throat. “Here it is. It doesn’t have a title yet,” he says, snagging his guitar that’s next to him before dropping it into his lap. “But it’s probably the most real thing I’ve ever written. I hope you like it.” His fingers begin to move across the strings, playing a slow, painfully beautiful melody that has an instant wave of goose bumps peppering every inch of my skin.

When he opens his mouth and his incredible voice washes over me, there’s nothing I can do to stop the tears from pouring.

The song is more open to interpretation then some of his others, but I feel like I know exactly what he’s saying. Maybe because I feel it too – the charge, the unexplained pull between us. I feel it every single time he enters a room. This song confirms that Hudson does too.

By the end of the video my heart is so full I feel like it may burst. And while the tears are still flowing freely down my cheeks, they’re not the sad tears I was crying earlier. No, these are tears of pure and unimaginable joy.

Because at the end of the day I know this man loves me and god do I love him. I love him so much that some days I feel like I can’t breathe. I love him so much I can’t help but expect the worse at every turn; sometimes working myself up to the point of near hysteria. But then he’ll walk into a room and it’s like standing outside on a perfect day. The warm sun on my skin and the ocean breeze on my face. He makes everything feel right. Like nothing bad can ever happen as long as he’s by my side.

And that’s what I choose to cling to. Not the distance that separates us or the many hurtles I’m sure we’ll have to jump. Not the maybes or what ifs. Not any of the noise that clouds our world. But how he makes me feel. How much I know we love each other. And what I know we’re both willing to risk to see this through.

Hudson Demasi isn’t just the man I love anymore. He’s a part of my very core. Engraved so deeply into my heart that I couldn’t get rid of him even if I tried.

Life may be uncertain, but my love for this man isn’t.