Chapter Seventeen

Eliza

Talk about not wanting to face the music that I was back at work and it was Monday! I had such an amazing time in Maine, and I could barely get my mind off it. It was like leaving the city and going into a completely different life, where I had a hot-as-hell boyfriend, an amazing house, it was the perfect weather, and I got to cook all weekend. Not to mention the fact that Anthony was obsessed with showing me a good time and satisfying me in every way possible. And by every way possible, I mean every way possible. I’m pretty sure I had never had that many orgasms in a three-day period before.

Saturday, we woke up, had amazing sex in the shower, walked the property, and then got in the car. He took me to an apple orchard, where we picked two bags of apples. On the way back, I made him stop at the grocery store, and we got the ingredients to make apple pies. He was a terrible cook, but attempting to cook with me was a blast. We had dinner that night and then spent the evening in front of the fireplace drinking wine, talking, and making love until we fell asleep. Sunday was pretty much just lounging around, not wanting to leave, and eating at least an apple pie each. We ended up leaving the rest of them for the housekeeping staff.

When we got back to the city, we took our time getting out of the plane and jumping in the car. We watched the lights pass us by, happy that we were home but not wanting to leave the comfort of each other. Unfortunately, since we both had to work the next day, we decided it was best to stay at our own places. When we pulled up in front of my apartment, he carried my bags up and gave me a long, passionate kiss goodbye. It was so sensual but sweet. He then kissed the tip of my nose and headed back out to the car, leaving me in a puddle on the floor.

I’d been trying to accept his apology but at the same time keep a safe enough distance from him that if he freaked out again, I wouldn’t be left all alone in a sea of my own tears. I didn’t want to get hurt, but the more and more I spent time with him, the greater that chance was that I would. It was already to the point that, after that weekend getaway, I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I had to admit to myself at least that I had some seriously strong feelings for Anthony.

I had several classes during the day, so I took a deep breath and just let the ecstasy of the whole thing wash through me. I hadn’t had a smile that big on my face for a very long time, and I taught every single one of my morning classes from cloud nine. I seriously felt like my body was separate from my mind and not in a cool spiritual guru way, but a “I’m smitten and can’t stop thinking about this man, overload of endorphins” kind of way. My clients didn’t seem to mind one bit, especially since my sense of calm was on point.

When my classes were done, I grabbed a bottle of water and collected the towels, wanting to stay ahead of the game so I didn’t have to be at the studio late that night. I relieved the front-desk girl for her lunch break and sat down, checking the company email and the social media pages, as well. I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone, expecting to have texts from Anthony, but when I looked at my screen, there was nothing. He hadn’t responded back to anything I had sent him. My stomach felt like it was sinking.

The last time something like this happened, I was left sitting in my apartment, crushed and stood up. I was worried that he had changed his mind again, that the intensity of the weekend had been too much and as soon as the spell wore off he went running for the hills. I hated that I had to be worried about something like that, that my boyfriend, or whatever he was, had some seriously deep-seated issues because of his dead wife that made it so I never really felt secure in our connection.

The weekend had been amazing, and we had connected on levels that I had never experienced with another man before. Not only did we have this magnetic, uninhibited connection during sex, but we also latched together intellectually and emotionally. Not many men were capable of doing something like that, especially when they had spent so many years building up walls around themselves so that they didn’t have to feel those things. There was a societal view that men aren’t men if they fall in that category, but in my eyes, he is ten times the man because he is able to access way more parts of himself than just his masculinity.

With everything that happened over the weekend, and everything that we had gone through, I didn’t know what I had to do to keep him from running away. The thought of going through this again made me sick to my stomach. I fell from cloud nine so fast I couldn’t even see straight. This wasn’t fair, not in any way, but there was really nothing I could do except wait and see what happened. I canceled the rest of my day, and when the desk girl got back, I left. I just wanted to be home to deal with this.

Not in any hurry whatsoever to get home and engross myself in chick flicks and rom-coms, I strolled down the street, looking at the different art pieces on display. Most of the street artists recognized me since I took the same route to and from home on a daily basis. Several of them knew that I was a clothing designer on the side, and they always made me feel like I was part of the community. I knew that everyone in the Art District wanted to get to Manhattan, and everyone in Manhattan wanted to stay there, but I couldn’t imagine being happy living anywhere else in the city, except maybe somewhere with a lower crime rate.

When I walked into the apartment, I hung my bag on the door and pulled out my phone, opening up to see the missed message. It was from Anthony but only from a few minutes before. There were three messages, and at first it just looked like he was saying hi and checking on me. However, the next message was a bit more disguised, telling me he needed to talk to me about something. The third one spelled it all out for me.

Anthony: Eliza, I promised you that I wouldn’t freak out, but I am having a really hard time not doing so. I promised I would tell you next time something like this happened.

I took in a deep breath and walked over to the couch, feeling a fluttering in my chest. I was right—he was freaking out about us, and after everything we had just been through over the weekend, or because all of the things we had just been through over the weekend. I didn’t even know what to say back to him. How was I supposed to calm these fears when they were completely legitimate? I didn’t want to accidently offend the memory of his deceased wife, but at the same time, it had been a long time since she passed. I understood that he would always love her, and that moving on was going to be difficult, but it was new on my end too.

I glanced over at my jacket and sat there for a minute thinking about it hard. I wanted to make the right move. I shook my head and jumped up from the couch and grabbed my coat. I stuck my phone in my pocket, grabbed my keys, and walked out the front door. When I got to the street, I hailed a cab.

“Where to?”

I sat there for a moment, thinking about if this was the right thing to do. I looked out the window at several couples walking along the street, holding hands and enjoying their time together. Instantly my mind flashed back to me and him dancing in the kitchen with flour all over me.

“Ma’am?”

“Yes, sorry,” I said. “Take me to Creative Nature Marketing in Manhattan, please. And hurry.”

This was the only thing I knew to do—go to his office and stand in front of him. When we were together, we had a connection that was stronger than anything I had felt before. It was like we were connected, like partners, and I was pretty sure—well, at least I hoped—that when I was there with him it would remind him why he shouldn’t be panicked. I really cared about this man, in a way I couldn’t even explain. I was determined to snap him out of this.

When I arrived at the offices, I took a deep breath and looked up the side of the building to his floor. I wasn’t positive this was going to work, but it was the only thing I knew how to do. I paid the cab driver and walked inside, taking the elevator to his floor. I knew the secretary was going to stop me, so I crept around the corner and scooted past her, trying to find the door to his office. As I made it halfway down the hall, I spotted it and didn’t even think. I just walked straight in with my chin high.

When the door opened, Anthony looked up from his desk, his eyes tired and worried. As soon as he saw my face, that smile that I loved so much shot across it. He was genuinely surprised to see me show up at his work. I closed the door behind me and walked forward, slightly nervous.

“Eliza,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“I got your texts,” I said, waving my phone in the air.

“I know,” he said, looking down. “It’s a hard day.”

“Look,” I said, stepping forward. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you have been going through, having lost your wife so many years ago, but I do know who you are today. You are a fighter, a moral man with huge aspirations. I will never tell you that you have to forget Amy, never. I will never tell you to not tell me stories about her, but in order for you to move forward, you have to let go. Not of her memory or your love for her, but you need to let go of the fear of having someone else in your life, because you are going to miss out on something really beautiful.”

I stood there nervously, waiting for a response. He stood up from his desk and walked around it and stopped in front of me. He gave me a warm smile and looked down at his feet.

“You’re right,” he said, looking back up at me. “I have to let go of that because you are so important to me, and I don’t want to lose you too. I can’t promise that I won’t have fears, but I can promise I will never let them get in the way of being with you.”

He walked forward and pressed his lips against mine, and I whined slightly, letting go of my nerves and leaning into him. He had the perfect response.