Ava forgiving me doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I watch as she scurries around the office, the mug of piping hot coffee in my hand, made just how I like it, proves she is more than perfect for the job as my assistant. Still, I cringe thinking back to the day I cornered her in my office. My head wasn’t in the right place then—hell, it still isn’t—but I know if I want to have a decent relationship with the woman, I can’t be pushing her for sex.
I feel like a bastard for treating her the way I did. Maybe I should offer to take her to lunch or something as another apology? The thought has me planning it out as I watch her curiously from my office. Even from here I can see the color drain from her face, and my brow furrows with worry. I’m moving toward the door immediately.
Is she okay?
“Ava?” My voice is loud in the quiet office, more demanding and sharp than I intend, but something inside me says she needs me.
She shakes her head, her beautiful blonde curls escaping from behind her ears, making my fingers itch to put them back. One of her hands presses against her stomach as she rushes to the bathroom, the other covering her mouth as her whiskey-colored eyes watering and her face filled with panic.
Setting my cup down on the nearest desk, I take off after her. If she’s sick, I need to make sure she’s okay. After all, she’s my assistant, or at least that’s the excuse I’m going to give myself for chasing after her like a lunatic.
“Hey,” I grip her by the arm, watching her swallow hard, her hand dropping from her mouth while her eyes move from my hand, up my arm to my face. She takes a few deep breaths, the color returning slightly to her face, so I release my hold on her. “Are you okay? You don’t look like you’re feeling well.” I try my best to sound sincere and caring, but it comes out more like an accusation than an observation..
I know that’s true when her gaze narrows and her spine stiffens. “Why do you care? I came to work, that’s all that matters, right?” Her voice is cold, her body language reflecting her irritation.
“No, that’s not all that matters. If you’re sick, you should go home. I don’t want you feeling like crap and thinking you have to be here when you don’t. I can survive for one day, I swear.” The boyish grin I give her doesn’t diffuse her annoyance, and I start to wonder if I’ve done something wrong yet again.
Her suspicious expression makes pain shoot through my chest. “Look, Ryker, apologizing for being a dick doesn’t make us friends.” Her words sting more than I care to admit, and when she turns a pale shade of green and pulls away, running for the bathroom again, I’m faced with the decision of going after her once more and forcing her to tell me what is wrong or leaving her to be sick in peace. Both options suck.
Before I can make a decision, Fallon interrupts me. “Whoa, where are you going?” Her dig into my forearm, stopping me in my tracks. Dread fills my stomach as I watch Ava gag as she escapes into the bathroom.
“After her.” I sigh, sounding about as defeated as I feel. My heart thumps painfully against my ribs, and I don’t understand why. Ava’s no one to me, not really—at least she shouldn’t be—but watching her run away when I know she’s not telling me everything just drives the knife further into my chest.
Fallon shakes her head, releasing her painful grip to lead me back towards my office. “Oh, no you’re not. She’s in the ladies room. That’s a no-go, even for you, Ryker Winston.”
It takes very little effort for her to drag me across the room and into my office. My eyes stay trained on the bathroom door until I can no longer see it.
Fallon sighs as she pulls me through the office door, not releasing me until it’s shut behind us. She turns to face me with her hands on her hips, which puts the emphasis on her pregnant belly. Her green eyes narrow on me as she tries to read the thoughts I’m sure are plain on my face.
“What was that all about?” I can tell she’s not going to let me off the hook on this one, so I might as well come clean.
“She’s sick, and I’m worried about her.” I shrug in an attempt to look unaffected, but the way her gaze sharpens tells me I failed. “Unfortunately, I think my extraordinary ability to be an asshole just scared her away.”
When I look over at her, Fallon has a look that clearly says “I don’t believe you” on her face. “Uh-huh. What did you do to scare her away?” She raises one eyebrow in a move very similar to Reed, crossing her arms over her chest while she waits for my answer. I feel like I’m being chastised by a parent.
Running my fingers through my hair in frustration, I lower my eyes to the floor and attempt to explain. “I might have cornered her in my office and tried to initiate sex when she first started…” I trail off, because hearing myself say the words makes me cringe, and Fallon’s gasp makes me feel about twenty times worse. I would punch myself in the dick for being such a douchebag, but I’m a little partial to that particular part of my body.
“You’re an asshole. No wonder she looked like she wanted to vomit.” The hint of amusement in her voice makes me look up from the floor and up at her.
“It was a mistake, and one I’ve already apologized for, though it sure doesn’t seem like she forgives me.” I don’t want Fallon to know how much Ava affects me, but I also know there’s no point in lying to her. Even if I don’t tell her, she’ll get it out of me. She has this way about her that makes keeping secrets impossible.
“Okay, so you apologized, everything was good, and now this morning when you tried to talk to her she was different?”
I nod my head yes, wishing I could take back all the shitty words I had said to her. If Dad was still here, he’d be disappointed as fuck in me.
“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure she’s, but she refuses to go home.” I yank my hair again. “There’s this strange pang in my chest.” I press my hand against the aching spot, but don’t tell Fallon it’s the same pang I felt when I woke up, realizing the mystery woman from bar left me alone in my bed. God knows that would be a whole ‘nother story.
“Pang like you feel something deeper for her? Or just a pang like you feel like a total jackass for acting the way you did?”
I shrug, unable to tell her which one it is. I’m not ready to admit to myself or anyone else that I’m interested in Ava. “I feel bad for what I did, okay?” I straighten, adjusting my tie and forcing myself to loosen up a bit. “It’s not like I meant to hurt her.” At least, I don’t think I did. “I’m a little off right now, between you and my brother having a baby and Dad dying. It’s just a lot to take in.”
Fallon crosses the room to stand almost toe-to-toe with me. She has a slight waddle to her walk now that makes me smile, and I gaze down at her, knowing how lucky my brothers and I are to have her in our lives.
“Let me talk to her.” I start to protest, but she cuts me off. “Girl talk. She’s probably more likely to talk to someone who isn’t her boss that tried to solicit her for sex.”
What she’s saying makes sense, but I want to be the one she confides in, even though I don’t understand why it’s so important to me. I don’t want to, but reluctantly I nod my head in agreement. “Okay. I’ll let you try talking to her, but you have to tell me what she says.” Narrowing my eyes playfully, I point my finger at her to show that while I’m teasing, I’m also completely serious. I want to know everything Ava says to Fallon.
“Oh, you’ll let me, huh?” Fallon rolls her eyes, but the smile on her face shows she’s amused, but when her eyes meet mine, her expression turns serious. “I’ll tell you what I can, but if she confides in me, about anything, I won’t break her trust. If you ask me to, I’ll sic your brothers on you.”
I hold my hands up in surrender, because if she complains to Reed about anything, he’ll kick my ass all over the building, and I’d rather not have that happen. God knows the man is already on me about everything else. “Fine.”
We leave my office just as the bathroom door down the hall opens, and my head turns so fast I feel a sharp pain in my neck. But, it’s not Ava’s beautiful eyes that meet mine. No, it’s Andi’s dark ones instead. My shoulders sag in disappointment. Fallon’s hand cups my cheek, and when I turn back to face her, she’s giving me a warm look that’s full of affection. “I’ll go check on her.” She glares over at Andi, who’s giving us both a smug look. “If Andi was in there, Ava’s definitely going to need a friend.”
Fallon walks away, passing Andi on her way to the bathroom. I hear her mutter, “Bitch,” under her breath as she does, and I snicker at the pissy expression on Andi’s face. No one here likes her, but since she hasn’t done anything to get herself fired, my hands are tied. It’s a damn shame and unfortunately, you can’t fire someone just for being the office gossip queen and a bitch.
As Fallon walks into the bathroom, I’m left standing there hoping like hell there is some type of redemption for me. After letting the mystery woman walk out on me, I can’t let Ava do the same. Even if I’m basing my reaction to her on this strange feeling her presence and smile gives me. I can’t give her up. I can’t give this feeling up.
I have to have her, even if it’s not in the way I want to.
She makes me feel alive.
She makes me feel, period.