“You’re pregnant?” The words come out more like a statement than a question as she shoves the test into my hands. A number of emotions threaten to break through me, but I hold my ground, nodding my head yes. I am so mad at myself for letting this happen. It is almost the same thing my mother went through when she had me, and I don’t want to be like that—weak for a man who may never really want me.
Marie looks sad, disappointed, devastated—all the emotions I am feeling. I try to suck air into my lungs, but I can’t. Everything seems to fall away, and it really sink in then, holding the test in my hand, seeing the word on the little screen.
“If you think he’s going to stay, you’re terribly mistaken. Men like him don’t stay, Ava. You’d be better off never telling him and putting it up for adoption or getting an abortion.”
I blink in confusion at the harsh tone of her voice.
She doesn’t know me at all if she think I am just going to give the baby away, or worse yet, get rid of it.
“I don’t care if he doesn’t want the baby… It’s mine.” I defend the little bean inside me, knowing without a doubt I would never hurt it. I will do whatever I could to protect him or her, no matter what happens.
Marie shakes her head, rolling her eyes as if she doesn’t believe me. “My mom thought the same shit, and so did yours. Do you think it’s going to be easy, Ava? Yeah, you have a good job, but that’s until he finds out. Then what? Not to mention, you’re so close to graduating.”
Everything she is saying was true. It is going to be hard, and I am close to graduating, but I can’t do what she was asking me or telling me to do.
“I’m keeping the baby, Marie. Even if he doesn’t want it. You don’t have to agree with me, but I’m doing what I need to do.” Somewhere deep inside me, I grab onto the last shred of courage I have. I can’t be afraid of what is to come, not without knowing for certain that Ryker wouldn’t want the baby.
He could be different? Better? Not all men are the same, right?
“Whatever, Ava.” Marie throws her hands into the air in frustration, walking out of the bathroom. I grip the test in my hand, the plastic biting into my palm.
“He could be different, Marie. He could be better,” I expel, rushing from the bathroom after her. She stops mid-step in the hall, causing our bodies to clash. When she turns around, I see tears in her eyes.
Those tears move me in a way I have never been moved before. Marie never cries. She doesn’t care to show emotion. She is hardened in some ways, her life being a replica of my own.
“He’s not different, Ava, and I want you to realize that before you end up being exactly what we decided we never wanted to be.”
I can feel my own tears prick at my eyes, and know I have to tell Ryker. I have to find out if Marie is right, and then and only then will I make my choice on what to do.
“I have to tell him, Marie.”
“Then tell him, but don’t get your hopes up expecting him to want you or that baby. It was a mistake, Ava, and he’ll make sure you realize that when it’s all over.” She leaves me with those words, standing in the hall, my hands shaking and my heart beating furiously. I clench my jaw, holding the tears in all while hoping like hell that Ryker is better than that.
That he’s different than all the others.
When I walk into work the next morning I’m groggy, feeling as if I haven’t slept a wink, and I probably didn’t. There’s a stack of papers on my desk that need sorted and the looming secret inside me makes me feel nauseous. I don’t want to see Ryker today because seeing him makes me think of all the things that Marie said last night.
What if she’s right?
The fear of the unknown is what kills me. I’m not only hiding a secret inside me but one that could change the way things are between Ryker and me. If he finds out I’m the woman from the bar, I’m almost certain I won’t have a job to come back to.
Making good on getting to the office early, I head into the break room and start brewing Ryker a pot of coffee. He likes it dark with a dash of whiskey in it, that much I’ve learned. I daydream through the mundane process, wondering if maybe he’ll be okay with me being his mystery woman. The way he talked to Reed about our one night together all but tells me he enjoyed it and at the very least wanted to know who I was.
“Did you get your problem taken care of?” Andi sneers at me as she grabs the pot of coffee and pours herself a cup. I clench my fists together, staring her down. I want to tell her that coffee isn’t for her, but that’s the last thing on my mind.
She’s judging me, and based on something she has no proof of.
She’s far from perfect, I know that, but looking at her right now as she stares down at me makes it harder for me to remember, even more so when she’s dressed to impress, her hair and even eyeliner perfect as hell.
“Problem? I don’t have a problem. Well, actually, I do have a problem,” I growl. “I brewed that coffee for Ryker, not you.” Andi doesn’t seem to care. Figures. She smiles, perfectly white, straight teeth reflecting back at me.
“Oh…” She blinks, a pout forming on her lips. “I’m sorry. I thought this coffee was for everyone, but I’ll make sure to let Ryker know all about the thing his new intern is complaining about.”
My face deadpans. What a bitch!
“Tell Ryker whatever you want. I don’t really give a rat’s ass,” I hiss, pouring Ryker his cup and heading out of the break room. I catch the smirk on her face as I walk out and hope she didn’t actually start a rumor about Ryker and me, especially after she found me sick in the bathroom a couple times. I push the thoughts away, knowing I have to see Ryker shortly anyway. I can’t let her interfere with my thoughts. She’s nothing, no one who matters anyway.
I smile at the few co-workers who are just walking into the office and stop outside Ryker’s door, noticing he’s on the phone. His body is stiff, and his hand scrubs at one side of his face. He’s handsome as hell, like the love child of Ryan Gosling and Gerard Butler if the two hunks could have a baby together. Just watching him has my already crazy hormones making parts of my body sit up and take notice.
He waves me in when he notices me standing on the threshold, and my heart beat slams in my ears as I grow closer to him. My body awakens like the first rays of sun that land against a blooming flower.
Stormy-blue eyes suck me in as I place his mug on the desk, the smoldering fire in them making me shiver. What is he thinking? He rubs a hand against his looks-carved-from-stone jaw, and I find myself wanting to lick it. Hell, I’ll be happy if I just get to taste his lips.
Sucking in a calming breath, I try to calm my wacky-ass hormones down before I jump him on his desk.
“I’ll have my assistant set up a meeting for later this week,” he mutters into the phone before issuing a good-bye. He hangs up his cell and puts it down on the desk. His hands are bigger, stronger looking than they ever appeared to be before.
“I got you coffee. There wasn’t any whiskey in the break room, so I figured you had your own stash.” I smile, feeling the heat creep up into my cheeks, even though I haven’t said anything embarrassing yet.
His pink tongue darts out over his full lips, and suddenly, I’m envisioning myself kissing those rough lips again. The way he made me my body light up with need is something I still haven’t forgotten. I want him. I want him so badly it almost hurts.
“Are you feeling better today?”
I bite my bottom lip, nodding my head yes. It’s the perfect opening to tell him why I feel crappy, but I’m too chicken. “I feel great,” I lie, even though it’s only a partial lie. The morning sickness has eased, at least for today, but the anxiousness hasn’t.
“Good.” He goes quiet, and I think he looks like he might be nervous. Seeing him look unsure makes me extremely curious about what he’s going to say next. “I want you to have lunch with me today. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top. Just lunch. Right here. In my office.”
I can’t do anything but stare at him. Ryker looks so out of his element, and I can tell he’s worried I’m going to turn him down. “Like a date?” I blurt out, unable to stop myself. A devilish grin pulls at Ryker’s lips, making my knees a little weak.
Does he even know how fucking gorgeous he is?
“Yes, like a date. I’ll come out to get you closer to noon.” He stares at me with determination, and I know there will be no getting out of this. I could say no, even though I really don’t want to, though I doubt that would stop him. He would just come out and get me.
“Okay, great.” I smile, wringing my hands together nervously.
“Do I make you nervous, Ava?” he asks as I turn around to walk out of his office. I ponder my response for a few seconds.
“You don’t make me nervous. You make my heart nervous, and that’s what scares me.” I’m shocked I just put that out there, so I don’t stick around and give him a chance to respond. Practically running out of his office, I get to my desk and sit down, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm my breathing.
I can do this. I can tell Ryker who I am and that I’m carrying his baby inside me.
Can’t I?