- Chapter Nine -

Zoe

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I woke up smiling.

Light filtered across my eyes, making me squint lazily. For once, it didn't bother me. I'd never noticed what a pretty color the ceiling turned with the sunflower yellow casting over it. Peaceful. That was a good word for it.

For how I felt.

Turning on my side, I pulled the covers over my face and just... laughed. Holy shit. Did last night really happen?

A single, swinging fist. That was all it took to send me tumbling like a domino. I saw Huck in my mind's eye, standing so proud and fierce in the ring. Magnus, a wreck at his feet.

Then he'd turned—and found Reese.

Pushing the pillow between my teeth, I bit down as hard as I could. Fuck, it'd been amazing. Huxton was stunning, a warrior that had stomped through the staring faces and taken down my old enemy.

My heart started buzzing. I lavished in the sensation.

Learning that he'd done it all for me. That had put me over the edge. I kissed him, I reminded myself. Pushing the pillow away, I touched my lips, felt them for what seemed the first time.

I Kissed Huck. Then he kissed me.

And then...

Sitting up, I shook the hair from my eyes. I was getting too warm, reliving the events. I couldn't take any of it back. I didn't think I wanted to.

Last night, I'd fucked a stripper.

It would blow Huck's mind to learn he wasn't the first one I'd been with.

Sighing, I hugged myself and rolled onto my side. Don't make things complicated. They didn't have to be. It could just be fun. Huxton and I, well... why not just lavish in the pleasure and rush of our interactions?

Because already... I'm wanting more.

Tapping my cheeks, I jumped to my feet. Wanting more from this was irrational. I'd just been saying yesterday that I couldn't give in to this guy.

But I did.

Dammit. I needed to know where this path was headed. Stepping fast, I shoved out into the hall. I need to talk to Eliza. She knew Huck, they were old friends. If I told her what had happened, she had to give me some info about him.

Would my roommate high-five me... or reprimand me?

“Eliza?” My voice was weird in the still air. “Eliza, are you home?” Heading to her door, I knocked gently. I could hear noise inside. She had to be awake. “Eliza, I need to talk to you. It's important. I'm coming in, okay?”

No answer. Alright.

Twisting the knob, I cracked the door and leaned in. “Eliza, sorry, but I—Oh my god!”

Sprawled across her bed, illuminated by the glow of her laptop, Eliza flashed her wide eyes at me. She was naked. Entirely fucking naked.

I'd never seen so much of Eliza before. That wasn't the worst of it.

The screen of her computer showed a few chat windows, the red light of the camera blinking. Her legs were spread, back against the headboard. In one hand she held a shiny purple dildo. Or, well, she had been holding it. When she saw me, she threw it so hard it bounced off her closet door. “Zoe, what the hell!?”

“I'm so sorry!” I shouted, throwing my arm across my face. Oh shit oh shit. I hadn't expected to walk in on... on whatever that was.

Slamming the door, I stumbled into the hall—bounced off the wall, sitting heavily on the floor. My heart hammered in my chest, eyes hurting from how they strained. I rubbed my eyes, the visual of Eliza haunting me.

What the fuck had she been doing?

Shaking, I scuffled on all fours until I was in the kitchen. Grabbing at a chair, I got myself on my feet, sitting back down just as heavily on the cushion. “Fucking fuck,” I said out loud. That had been... very uncomfortable.

In the hall, hinges creaked. I sat up sharply, like my spine was made of diamonds, unbendable. Without moving my head, I watched Eliza as she approached me. She'd thrown on a bathrobe, her bare feet quiet.

Wordless, she sat across from me. The silence stretched, our eyes flicking to meet—then dancing away again. It was painful.

Finally, she cleared her throat. “Sorry you walked in on that. I thought it was locked.”

My nod was subtle. I kept looking at my hands. “It's my fault. Really.”

Saying nothing, she shifted in cher hair.

Lord, this was awkward.

Turning slightly, I watched her from the corner of my eyes. I mumbled, “Were you doing what I think you were doing?”

Smoothing her forehead, Eliza forced herself to look me dead in the eye. I managed not to flinch away. “Yeah. I'm a cam-girl, Zoe.”

A cam-girl. Jesus. “I would never have guessed,” I said, calming the nervous edge of my heartbeat. “I figured you were... I don't know. Getting money from your parents or something.”

Smiling wryly, she lifted an eyebrow. “You really didn't give it much thought, huh?”

Hanging my chin, I laughed. “I guess not.” Truthfully, I'd been so busy living my own double life, I hadn't bothered to wonder. As long as Eliza didn't pry into my life, I wasn't going to look into hers.

Camming, right in her own bedroom. Just feet away from me.

“Does it disgust you?” she asked, not hiding her sadness.

“No! No, of course not!”

She tugged at her long hair, sighing. “Then why are you all red, why can't you look at me without wiggling in your chair?”

Blushing hotter, I pointedly leaned across the table. Grabbing her hands, I leveled my tone. “Whatever you do is your own business. Okay? I'm just a little shocked, that's all.” My smile was shy. “I wasn't prepared to walk in on that.”

Squeezing my fingers, Eliza softened her eyes. “I heard you knocking. I really thought it was locked.”

Hoping to relax her more, I said, “I thought you were going to stab me with that dildo.”

Peals of laughter, sweet as candy. Letting go of me, Eliza leaned back in her chair and hugged herself. Tears squeezed from her eyes, the knots flooding away. In seconds, I was giggling, too.

“God,” she chuckled. “I closed the cam down so fast, but I bet those guys wondered what I saw that scared me so bad.” Pausing, she took a long breath. “Thanks for being okay with this.”

Shrugging high, I put my elbows on the table. “Like I said, what you do is your business. At least you're not on a street corner, right?”

Something flickered in her stare. “Would that be going too far, you think? Sex for money?”

A jagged pain moved through my stomach. She couldn't know how close she was coming to my deepest fear. “Yes. Sex for money would bother me. No one should be forced to do that.”

“Why do you think I'd only do it if I was being forced?”

Blinking, I looked Eliza over with new appreciation. Her mouth was a hard pucker, fingers half-bent on the table. I'd pushed a nerve. “Eliza... call me nuts, but are you trying to tell me you have exchanged sex for cash?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose and said, “Lying would be stupid at this point. Zoe, I used to be an escort.” I must have looked as surprised as I felt, because she lifted her hands in defense. “Not anymore. It got to be too much for me. Camming... it gives me the parts I loved about escorting, this powerful sort of rush...” Stopping herself, Eliza bit the side of her lip. “Judge me if you want, but I enjoyed feeling so wanted. It was addicting, but the danger wasn't.”

My ears were ringing. I kept waiting for her to say, “Just kidding!” But she didn't. She wasn't joking around. “Holy fuck,” I whispered. I didn't know what else to say to this news.

“Go ahead. Call me a bad person. Every other guy I tried to date seriously did.”

A full body shudder went through me. Eliza had jostled something loose. The part of me that felt worthless. The dark pit I was working to this very day to shine light on and prove wasn't real. Just a boogeyman.

I reached for her again. She dodged me, that time. “Eliza, no. God... you're not a bad person. I'm just trying to keep up.” I gave her a sympathetic frown. “You're the first escort I've ever met. I mean, former escort. Sorry.”

Why was there a dodgy sort of guilt in her eyes? Eliza rocked in her seat, looking away. I thought she wanted to say something. Instead, she stopped herself and reset. “Thank you. I didn't want to tell you. I figured you'd freak out. You uh... always seemed a little virginal, if that makes sense.”

Virginal. Well, she was wrong there.

I made fists on my thighs. Here was my opening. “I had sex with Huxton last night.”

If she had been holding another dildo, she would have chucked it at me. “You what?”

Wincing, I lifted my hands in defense. “Calm down. It just sort of happened.”

“Believe me,” she said, wagging a finger. “Sex with Huxton never just happens. Zoe, what were you thinking?”

I mumbled, “I was thinking it'd feel good.” And it felt amazing. “Now I'm thinking there's a reason you're freaking out. What's wrong with what I did?”

Standing quickly, she started pacing. “Nothing. Everything. Fuck, I told him...” Coming to a halt, she shot me a look over her shoulder. “I didn't think he'd be the kind of guy you'd go for. I thought you liked quiet, classy men.”

Laughing, I smoothed my hair nervously. “Because you think I'm uptight.” An idea hit me, I lifted my eyebrows. “Is that why you had him dress up like a damn Gucci model at my party?”

Blushing, Eliza fidgeted with her robe ties. “I missed the mark, I take it. Look, Zoe, it's fine if you like men like Huck. But uh, it's just...”

“Just?” I pressed.

Eliza sighed heavily. “Okay, you just got out of a relationship with a dude who cheated on you. I know Huxton pretty well. I wouldn't say he's a one-girl type.”

A cold wave trickled through my veins. “We just had sex. It isn't like we're dating.” Not a one-girl type. What does that mean?

Did he have other women on the side?

I felt like Eliza was hiding something from me. I was scared to push and learn more. I'd woken up so happy, and now, my insides were made of acid.

She came to my side, bending down and touching my shoulder. “Zoe, if you like him, go for it. But you might want to talk to him about what he expects... and what you expect out of this.”

Staring at her hand, I thought about Huck's busted knuckles. I just want him to fight for me. I need him.

He's all I have keeping me afloat.

Patting her wrist, I smiled lightly. “You're right. I'll talk to him and clear things up.”

Though she nodded, Eliza still looked wary.

I left the room, heading into the bathroom. I had no clue what was sliding around under the surface of Eliza's fears, but I didn't like it. Until I saw Huck, I could do nothing about the what ifs or the wondering.

So for now... I would take care of something basic.

A hot shower was calling my name.