- Chapter Thirteen -

Zoe

Staring out the window, I twisted my fingers in the bottom of my jacket. I'd been dressed and ready to go for over an hour. Huck wasn't late, I was just beyond nervous.

What am I thinking? I can't do this.

Pacing the tiles, I studied my feet, hid my hands in my pockets. If I folded into a tiny ball, tried hard enough, could I vanish into thin air?

Stop being a coward.

Telling yourself things like that should work. It never does.

“Hey,” Eliza said, standing in the kitchen doorway. “You okay?”

Peeking at her over my shoulder, I smiled softly. “Not at all.”

She swept into the room, looking beautiful as ever. Eliza had a natural air of—I don't know the word. Grace? Something like that. She just moved and spoke and acted as if nothing could ever touch her. No one could hurt her.

Though... I knew that wasn't true. Just recently, I'd scratched my way accidentally into her history. Eliza had a past that she feared people would judge her for.

A past just like Huxton's.

And in a way... a past just like mine.

She stood beside me, staring out the window at the curb. “Waiting for Huck?” she asked, knowing the answer. I still nodded, anyway. “You're anxious about something.”

“No, no.”

Pushing her eyebrows up, she looked pointedly over my outfit. “Then why do you have your jacket on already?”

Putting my fingers against the top clasp by my neck, I smiled shyly. “Clever. Okay, yes. I'm nervous. Today, I'm... doing something I'm not sure about.”

Eliza looked past me, back out the window. “Something that you're scared to show Huck?”

“Insanely scared.”

“I don't think you need to worry about what he'll think.”

My lips crinkled together. “What?”

Sliding me a sideways glance, Eliza sounded like she was musing out loud. “Well, I don't know what you're doing, exactly, but... if you're scared, imagine how terrified he must have been when he told you what he does for a living.”

So he told her that I know. It wasn't that shocking. They were friends, it would have come up eventually. It also meant that she had known he was an escort. I felt a little dumb, but I'd only just connected those dots. “You think he was scared?”

“Of course he was! If I was freaking out, how could he not?” Pausing, she drummed her fingernails on the windowsill. “Why...”

“Why?” I prompted.

“Why are you alright with it? I mean, sorry, not trying to sound judgmental.” Lifting her palms, she waved her fingers in surrender. “I just... I thought you would be horrified by my news, and you did seem shocked. But you're sleeping with Huck, right?”

My blush went all the way to my hairline. I wasn't embarrassed at the reality, I just didn't appreciate her blunt observation. “You don't know everything about me, Eliza. I don't blame people for their pasts.”

She set her forehead on the glass. Her reflection was much like her voice; frail, hardly there. “This isn't his past, it's his present. He still has clients, Zoe.”

A motorcycle rumbled loudly. Both of us looked, spotting Huck when he rolled up. He didn't turn the bike off. Clearly, he was waiting for me to go to him. I appreciated that, it was a nice escape from Eliza's probing.

I had a suspicion that she was... envious. She'd enjoyed escorting, or some parts of it, she'd said. But in the end, she'd quit. Did she feel it was unfair that Huck could get away with putting his dirty laundry in front of me, having his cake and eating it too?

Eliza couldn't know how desperate I was to prove that the past didn't matter. Mistakes, flaws... couldn't we be forgiven for them?

Outside, the Harley snarled; expectant. Heading for the door, I glanced back at Eliza. She was staring at me, so many questions in the air between us.

Lifting my chin, I left with one final sentence;

“According to him, at least for now... the only client he has is me.”

Hugging his torso, I wrapped myself around Huck and never wanted to let go.

I'd told him where we were headed. He'd nodded, speeding us to the location far faster than I could reach on my own. That was part of what took me so long yesterday; public transport is a bitch.

The whole sky was the color of ash, thick and waiting to drench us. We hadn't had rain in sometime, but I thought, if it fell today, it'd be appropriate.

Huxton slowed his bike, turning into the small parking lot. We weren't far from the bustle of Beverly Hills, and I could see the confusion plain on his face. “This is it?” he asked, staring up at the beige building.

Climbing down from behind him, I said, “Yeah, we're here.” Am I honestly going to do this? It didn't seem possible to turn back, but if I just faced Huck and pleaded with him, said I'd changed my mind, maybe... maybe he'd listen.

Twisting, I gazed up at his intense green eyes. They ripped the ability to speak from my tongue, made it so I couldn't find my footing.

His hands curled around the small of my back. “Zoe, it'll be fine. I can tell you're freaking out, but really... believe me. It's okay.”

It was nice of him to say that, but he had no idea.

My lips went up on one side, then the other matched, like I'd just remembered how to make myself smile. “Did you bring the truffles?”

Digging into his pocket, he handed me the bag.

Taking a single, slow breath, I led us towards the front doors. When we got close, Huck started searching for a sign. He wanted to know where we were. This place liked privacy, so unfortunately for him, he'd have to wait to learn.

Inside the foyer, there was a simple, curved desk. Everything had a sanitary shine. Christmas decoration stuck here and there, a tree lighting up the corner. There were two people in chairs, facing away, wrapped in blankets.

The man behind the counter smiled at me, eyes lighting with recognition. His tag said 'Hershel,' but I already knew that. “Miss Lillith, you're back so soon. Is something wrong?”

“No, everything's fine.” Tossing a quick glance at Huck, who had stuck his hands in his jeans and looked too casual for the atmosphere, I said, “We'll be going straight up. Is it okay?”

Sliding me a clipboard, Hershel's smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Of course. She'll be very happy to see you.”

Swallowing loudly, I scribbled my name down. “Thanks.” Motioning to Huxton, I guided him into the elevator. It was wide, roomy. Still, we stood hip to hip. It was a silent ride. I think he was beginning to understand that this place was... important.

The doors slid open with a 'ding.' Turning, I hefted the truffles, let the weight of them center me. I wasn't sure what was about to happen. I couldn't predict how Huck would take the news.

Sweat soaked my palms. Wiping my hands on my jacket did nothing. “Here we are,” I croaked, stopping in front of a door. The hallway was quiet, a single woman at the end rolling a cart.

Looking at Huck, I tried to see into his head. He wasn't smiling, he'd put on an expression that welled with empathy. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

Was I okay?

How could I be okay, with what I was about to tell him?

He has to know. It's only right. And, when it was over, if he thought I was as terrible as I did... maybe he would leave.

The idea turned my stomach and made me ill. I never answered him. Tucking my chin, I grabbed the handle and opened the door.

She was perched on the edge of her bed, facing the window. The light made her white hair look like a halo, and to me, she was saintly enough to deserve it. They'd dressed her in a long sweater, soft baby blue.

Everything about this woman was gentle.

The sound of the door alerted her to us. Turning enough to show her profile, she spotted me. Her smile went ear to ear, eyes twinkling with life—with vibrancy—even if so much of what was behind her blue gaze was jumbled.

“Zoe,” she said, motioning to me. “Oh, you've come to see me! It's been so long!”

Pain crept into my heart. So long? No. It was just yesterday. “Hi, Gram,” I said, moving to sit beside her. She curled her frail arms around my neck, kissing my cheek. Her skin was papery, yet still flushed for a woman in her seventies.

Embracing her firmly, I looked over her head. Huck was staring at us, confusion and doubt leaving deep grooves in his skin.

Carefully, I pulled out of my grandma's arms. “Gram, I brought you something.” Offering the truffles, I enjoyed a spark of joy at how delighted she looked.

“Oh! Hazelnut! My favorite.” Chuckling, she took the bag and opened it. “Now, I'd share, but you know you're allergic.”

I laughed like I always did when she said that.

Chewing the candy, she finally noticed Huxton. Her eyes flashed, concern burning bright. “Oh, who... Reese? Is that Reese, dear?” I caught the corner of her mouth trembling.

Both Huck and I flinched. Putting my palm on her knee, I shook my head. “No. Gram, this is a friend of mine. His name is Huxton.”

“Huxton,” she said doubtfully. Squinting, she offered him a truffle. “Are you allergic? You musn't eat this if you are. You'll turn all red and puffy, like poor Zoe did when she was little.”

The grin I loved returned to his face. “I'm not allergic, thank you.” Taking the little ball, he popped it in his mouth. He was watching me, asking so many things with his stare.

Patting Gram's knee, I said, “I'll be right back. I need to talk to Huxton outside. We'll be quick.”

Nodding, she waved her frail hand. Again, she watched Huck with a flutter of nerves. There was tension behind her eyes, I'd never seen her look so uneasy. “You need to be careful,” she said to him. “Very careful. Not too fast.”

My jaw went slack. Confused, I looked between them both. “It's okay Gram, we'll be careful.” What the heck did she mean by that? Did she think Huck and I were... what, getting together too fast?

I couldn't have said she was wrong. Everything in my life was moving at breakneck speeds, these days.

She watched us until we shut the door. In the silent hall, Huck turned to me. His lips didn't move.

Leaning on the wall, I closed my eyes. “That was my grandmother.”

He waited. When I said nothing else, he nodded. “Okay.”

Touching my cheek, where she'd kissed me, I sighed. “You noticed something was wrong with her, right?”

Huck shifted in place, uncomfortable. I didn't blame him. “Is it like Alzheimer's? She said she hadn't seen you in forever, but you did come here yesterday... right?”

“Yeah. I did. I come and visit her once a week or so.” My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. I didn't know how to begin. “Gram has... brain damage.”

“That's awful,” he whispered. “From what?”

Lifting my chin, I smiled sadly. “From me.”

Huck transformed. I had a front seat to the show. His sympathy rolled into bafflement, then it took a hard corner and became disbelief. Surely, disgust would come next. I couldn't handle it, I closed my eyes. Seeing his reaction was too hard.

He asked gently, “Zoe, how could you have caused that?”

Breathing through my nose, the air came out in a rush. “I'll let you in on a secret. Not that long ago, I used to be an awful, awful person. I didn't give a shit about anyone but myself. Life was hard, everyone always says that. But for me... it was like, if I didn't do something to numb it all, I couldn't deal.”

Risking a look upwards, I studied Huck's knotted eyebrows. He was listening intently. I pressed on, saying, “I didn't even have a good reason. Sure, my parents divorced, and I hated how they fought, how they wanted me to choose between them. But so what? How pathetic is that?”

Huck was still as stone.

“I just wanted someone to care about me, for once. The first guy... I guess I was sixteen. Typical jerk, but he did it for me. He offered me attention. An escape.” Smiling bitterly, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Fuck, I hate this story. I hate my past. I'll sum it up; I was a party girl. I drank and stuck whatever I could into my system.”

Shivering, I hugged myself, recalling the needles. Coming down off of everything cold-turkey had been a struggle. It had been six months since I'd quit, and even now, I still felt a ghost of a craving at times.

Reese had really given me hell for quitting, he'd called me boring.

That was probably why he'd cheated on me.

I said flatly, “Asshole after fucking asshole, none of those guys cared about me. I thought they did, but... I know better, now. My parents didn't want to deal with me, they said I was out of control.”

Turning, I put my cheek on the door. “But my Gram? She took me in. She wanted better for me. She believed in me, even if I didn't.”

Huxton reached out, cupping my shoulders. I winced at the contact, so wrapped up in my memories that it was hard to battle down my urge to run. He hissed through his teeth. “Zoe, calm down. You're not a bad person for partying, or for messing with the wrong guys. Lots of people do that.”

Setting my jaw tight, I met his stare calmly. “I know. I haven't gotten to the worst part of the story yet.”

He stood taller, not releasing me.

Deciding to continue, no matter what Huck did or said, I licked my bottom lip. “She really did try to get me to stop. I still didn't, I just began hiding it from her. I wanted her to be proud of me, but I was too weak to quit. I was dating Reese at the time, he loved going out and being nuts. He was so free, I guess I admired how little he cared what others thought of him. Now I hate that part of him.”

Remembering that I'd compared Huck to Reese, I frowned. Huck said nothing. I looked to the side, whispering, “Sorry.”

“It's fine. Go on.”

Nodding, I said, “Because I was hiding it from her... I wasn't ready for her phone call. It was kind of late, and I was already fucked up. She phoned me, so I stumbled outside the house I was partying at. Gram needed me to come with her. She was a good driver, but she wasn't strong enough to carry this big desk she'd seen someone giving away online. She really wanted it—she used to be a writer.” My voice fractured. “Smart as a whip. It was her only chance to get it before they'd hand it off to someone else. Well, I panicked.”

My blood was pumping with the memory. I could hear the tremor in my voice. “She needed someone, and it couldn't be me. I called Reese. She knew him, we'd been dating for over a year by then. He was... angry, he wanted to come to the party with me. I told him, just go to her house, let her drive you to wherever and move the desk, it'd be fast.”

Huck sensed my nerves, squeezing me gently. “You're trembling.”

“Of course I am. I hate this story. I can't believe I'm telling you.” Willing my lungs to work better, I gathered myself. “Reese went with her. I went back to getting wasted. His phone call came at seven-fifteen at night. I remember it exactly.” How could I forget? “Reese was freaking out. He said there'd been an accident, I needed to go to the hospital.”

Tension slammed into my temples. Reaching up, I held my skull, grimacing. “What's wrong?” Huck asked.

“This is killing me. I'm exposing how terrible I am. I let my selfishness get my grandmother nearly killed, Huck. I should have told her the truth, I should have never asked Reese to go... he was hurt, too. I thought, back then, how thankful I was that he'd been with her when she'd crashed the car.” Blinking, my tears welled up. I forced them away. “He pulled her out of the wreck, called the ambulance. Because of me, she's like this... because of him, she was saved.”

Reese. I'd had so many reasons to want to believe in him.

“Even if he saved her, that doesn't mean he gets to treat you like shit,” he said urgently. There was anger in his piercing greens.

“I know that now. But at the time, with everything... Huck, I was terrified she was going to die. When they told me how hurt she was, that she would need special treatment to even have a chance at recovering fully... I went with my gut.” A harsh chuckle escaped me. “My gut said Reese could be trusted. That he loved me. That he cared. And that was why I let him take me to meet Nehro.”

This was the memory I loathed most.

Understanding flashed through Huck's face. He let me go, staring around the place he now recognized as a special care facility. “Your debt. This is what it paid for.”

Tasting bile, I said, “Correct. This is why I'm doing everything. This is what Nehro has over my head.” Turning towards the room behind me, I lowered my voice. “He knows where she is. He could kill her if I tried to run away, and he knows I know that. It's my fault. All of this. And that's why I have to keep her safe. I'll pay off that loan... and I'll do it any way I have to.”

“That contract is bullshit.”

My memory burned, thinking of how Huck had tossed that man, Kit, onto Eliza's front lawn. 'Look—it's just how it is. Okay? She owes me the money. She has to pay, or else.' Kit had said that.

Huck had stood proud and declared otherwise.

“That day, my birthday party,” I whispered. “I think... I saw you stand up for Eliza and wondered if it was possible someone might do that for me.” Looking into his eyes, I wanted to touch him. I didn't. How could I ask for more from him? “I have to fix this. I'll endure the pain... and if no one else will stand by my side, I'll accept my fate. I'll do what Nehro wants. It's my sacrifice to make.”

I was so tired of being someone who constantly needed saving.

His fingers trailed to my neck, clasping gently, then pulling me against him. I gasped, wondering how he'd known I needed him to do that. “Zoe,” he growled, sending my goosebumps jumping. “How many times do I have to tell you?” Forcing my face near his, so that I saw the flecks of ebony in his eyes, he whispered, “I will fight for you. Me. Stop treating me like I'll disappear any god damn second.”

I stuttered. “What? I'm not—”

“You are. I can see it when you look at me. The edge of your sad smiles... you still think I'll abandon you like Reese did. That I'll see through you and hate what's there. Well,” he said, brushing his nose on mine. “I see all of you. I know the truth. And I'm still right fucking here, wanting to kiss you and hold you and rip apart the men who have made you cry.”

Reaching up, I rubbed at the wetness near my eyes. “I don't cry.”

Huck grinned, his tone husky. “I've heard you cry out, that's close enough.”

The shame inside of me was crumbling, stampeded over by my throbbing heart. Huxton Blake was filling me up so that there was no room for self-hate.

What had I done to deserve a man so wonderful?

I didn't have that answer, but I did know one thing.

When Huck said he would rip apart the men who had made me cry, he had never been more serious.