Chapter 8
Confusion was Kerry’s constant companion in the week after they returned from Anaheim. She didn’t know what the kiss meant or what Malik’s words meant, but she had a sneaking suspicion that what he’d meant and what she had heard were two different things. He wanted something casual, or at least not committed, and definitely not long term.
She’d come to the pool to clear her mind, but every lap she swam only pushed thoughts of Malik and her future even closer to the forefront of her mind. Because rather than standing her ground like the strong independent woman she was, rather than push him away when he tried to steal a kiss or simply if his scent got too close, what did she do? She leaned into him, pulled him closer and took everything he was willing to give. Well, almost.
There had been plenty of kisses. Stolen kisses in the dark of night, down an empty hall, in the shadows. She thought he made excuses just to get them alone together and Kerry wasn’t going to complain. But she hadn’t given in and made love with him again. There was plenty of touching, and tasting. But life had gotten in the way and she’d been more than satisfied. It felt nice, this thing they were doing. Even if it was secret.
Even if it couldn’t last.
Even if she constantly felt frustrated. And aroused.
Even now, after at least thirty laps, her body hummed with desire. Thoughts of Malik flickered her arousal awake until all she could do was close her eyes and pretend the water would take her away.
“Couldn’t sleep either?”
She’d felt him before he spoke because she was just that in tune with him. “Why can’t you sleep?”
With a sigh he dropped down to the edge of the pool until his legs were immersed. “Aram asked me if his mother would be upset that he loves you too.”
A fist wrapped around her heart and squeezed at his words. “What a sweetheart.”
Malik’s smile was wry, amused. “That he is. Despite everything, he is wonderful.”
She had to agree with him, his little boy was pretty amazing. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him she would be thrilled that he had so many people around him who loved him.”
She smiled. “Good answer.”
“Yeah, thanks.” He blew out a long breath, facing the stars twinkling above. Obviously something else weighed him down, so she leaned against the pool edge and kicked her feet. And waited. “Our marriage was arranged. But even though it wasn’t a love match, we got along. For the most part.”
“And the rest of the time?” she asked, even though she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know. But maybe it was a clue.
“Sometimes Kamala would fall into these quiet spells, sleeping and crying a lot before she would, I don’t know…wake up. Then she would be wild. The life of the party. Sexy.”
Just what every girl wants to hear. How great his ex is.
“When she died it was tragic because she was so young and a mother, but I think it was freedom for her.” He barked out a bitter laugh. “Funny, since she was seeking freedom when she died. I don’t know if she was sleeping with the royal bodyguard in the car with her or if he was merely taking her to her lover.”
Kerry’s heart broke for Malik and the emotionless way he told the story, but it made her wonder. Was his marriage to Kamala the reason he couldn’t love her? Not that it matters, since I don’t love him, she reminded herself. Lifting herself from the pool, she bent over behind Malik and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tight. “I’m so sorry, Malik.”
He patted her hand, closing his eyes to soak up the feel of her. “Thank you, Kerry.” He turned and stood, pulling Kerry closer to him. “Kerry.” The way he said her name, so full of longing, of aching, it made her heart hurt for him. For them.
“Malik,” she whispered, their mouths so close their breath mingled and swirled until it was one. Then his mouth was on hers, ravishing her mouth from someplace deep inside himself. Don’t fall, she reminded herself as she tilted her head back and let Malik plant small kisses down her throat. “Malik.” His name fell from her lips with such ease she whispered it over and over like a prayer.
In one quick move he lifted her up and carried her to the lounger tucked under the big tree with the thick feathery fronds. “I need you, Kerry,” he growled deep in her ear. “If you don’t want this, say so now.”
She thought about it for half a second and then smiled. “Yes. Now.” Don’t fall for him, she reminded herself as they tumbled down, his weight sinking into her until she cried out. The feel of his weight was comforting, sensual. Addictive.
His mouth continued to do such fantastic things to her she hadn’t noticed how quickly her bikini became nothing more than an ornament to the deck furniture surrounding them. Malik’s mouth encircled one smooth breast, sucking hard on the nipple before nibbling deliciously while she squirmed in ecstasy. He moved to the other breast and gave it the same attention, going back and forth until she was just a bundle of nerves and desire.
“Please, Malik. Hurry,” she urged in a breathless whisper, wrapping her legs tight around his waist.
With a grunt he pushed back and unfastened his pants, unleashing his magnificent erection she couldn’t take her eyes from. His cock twitched at her long, heated gaze and Kerry laughed. The sound was husky and made his gaze darken and intensify with need. He captured her mouth again in a kiss that stole her breath and her ability to think of anything but Malik.
Then he was there, lining their bodies up and sliding his hard length through her slick heat. Jaws clenched with such intense focus and concentration, her body tensed in anticipation. And then his hips pushed forward and slowly slid into her body, groaning at the feel of her, so wet and so tight. “Kerry,” he groaned and pulled out, slamming in again and again while she moved her hips in time to his.
Her small hands traveled down his back, gripping his strong ass, relishing the feel of his muscles bunching with every stroke. Kissing down her throat, he pumped harder and harder as his lips circled her nipple and pulled.
Hard.
Kerry cried out and her body tensed, tight as a bow, before shaking uncontrollably as her orgasm washed over her. On and on it went while Malik kept up his perfect torture on her body until his own release thundered through his body and into hers with enough force to move the lounger a couple feet. She continued to shiver and his thrusts slowed but deepened until he collapsed on top of her with a laugh. “Kerry,” he groaned and slipped from her body.
A burst of laughter exploded from her and she’d never felt so happy, in Malik’s arms. Under the moon.
When she woke up the next morning she was still naked but no longer outside. She was in her bed.
Alone.
* * *
Malik’s mind was filled with thoughts of Kerry. Her scent and her taste, those luscious lips brushing against his, skimming over his body. Those knockout curves. Her intoxicating taste. It was an effort in futility to focus on something other than his nanny. And he was the lucky bastard who had her all to himself, hot and heavy and naked. Gloriously naked.
Despite the changes that had taken place in their relationship, whatever that relationship was, since the night by the pool, Kerry still held herself back from him. Oh, the lovemaking was incredible, inventive and adventurous, hot and very often wild. But something was different and he couldn’t figure out what it was.
That didn’t stop him from wanting her. Or having her. Soon.
Malik jumped up from his chair, grabbing his things with his guards hot on his trail. “I’m taking the rest of the day off,” he told his assistant as he breezed through the lobby and out the door. He’d been working entirely too much lately—suddenly every politician and businessman in the state wanted in on the sister city project—when this was technically a working vacation that should have given him plenty of time to spend with Aram. So he stopped at a comic book store in Santa Monica to get a few newbies for his son and he picked up flowers for Kerry. Women loved flowers. Except Kamala. She’d thrown a tantrum each time he bought them, so sure they were guilt flowers. Now he knew it had just been a projection.
Refusing to get bogged down in thoughts of his late wife, Malik pushed into the house with a plan. “Hello!”
Moments later Kerry came into the living room with Aram hanging on her back, wearing a bright smile. “Hey. You’re back early.”
He flashed a smile that quickly had red flooding her cheeks. “I thought we could all go out to dinner tonight. A change of scenery.” Aram quickly punched the air with a giddy laugh.
Kerry’s smile fell flat though. “Sorry but there’s an art show tonight for the kids at the afterschool program.”
For some reason the rejection really stung and all through dinner he had to wonder if she really was going to an art show. Or if she was meeting up with someone else? He hated that Kamala had left him with this damn insecurity, so he pushed it away and listened to Aram tell him about doing the backstroke with Kerry, the drawing he made of the ocean, and all manner of things that filled a little boy’s day. Still his mind wandered to Kerry and her emotional distance. He had a plan to fix it that started with loving her body until she was too relaxed and sated to keep those walls up.
The minute he got Aram to bed, Malik found himself standing outside her closed door, arm raised but hesitant. Did he really want to know what was bothering her? The answer came simple. Hell yes. He knocked and waited.
“Yes?” She flashed a smile and stepped back to let him in.
“I want to talk to you.”
Kerry’s smile faded. “I don’t feel like talking,” she said, punctuating her words by grabbing the hem of her nightgown and pulling it over her head, revealing her smooth naked skin. She climbed on the bed and leaned back, thrusting her chest out. “How was dinner?”
Malik shrugged but his eyes locked on the tight pink buds pointing at the sky. Smooth, slightly tan skin covered every inch of her body, her impressive breasts were full and heavy with desire. A slim waist flared out to womanly hips and his eyes tracked down her long legs, tight and smooth with muscles. “It was fine. The food was delicious and it’s always great to spend time with Aram. How was the art show?”
“Amazing,” she answered and her mossy green eyes lit up with excitement. “Some of the kids are so damn talented it touches me, you know?” Leaning back again her smile changed from happy to sensual. “Now I’m done talking, Malik. I missed you tonight.”
Music to his ears. “I missed you, too.”
“Show me.”
He smiled.
She smiled back, bedroom eyes and come-hither gaze pulling him closer. “Malik.”
That was all it took for him to strip off his clothes, cover his body with hers, and take them both to heaven and back before the fell asleep in each other’s arms.
And he never did find out what was going on with Kerry.
* * *
Kerry knew it was coming. That it had been coming for some weeks now. Malik had something on his mind and he wouldn’t rest until he said his peace. She heard him downstairs, patiently listening to Aram tell him all about the comic book she’d made for him. His excitement was endless at being made into a real life superhero complete with a cool costume, cape, and super powers. He guided Aram up the stairs, the boy still talking nonstop as he went through his nighttime routine.
She couldn’t help the smile the little boy always managed to pull out of her, especially his excited kid chatter. But her smile faded quickly when she blinked and found Malik standing at her door wearing a much too serious expression.
“What’s going on?”
She went for nonchalance. “Nothing.”
The tension around his eyes and mouth tightened, transforming his rugged handsomeness into something hard and unforgiving. “Things have been different between us lately.”
Kerry nodded because they had. Purposefully so. “I agree. Things have been insatiable. Irresistible.” Their lovemaking had been like something out of the erotica books she kept stored on her e-reader. It was so hot and all consuming she couldn’t have imagined it in her wildest—and naughtiest—dreams. She’d thrown herself into it with not quite so reckless abandon, letting her body reap all of the physical rewards it could while reminding her heart to stay out of it.
He stepped inside her room and shut the door, eyes now a gold-flecked melted chocolate. “It has been unbelievable but I think you know I wasn’t talking about the quality of our lovemaking, right?” She nodded guiltily. “It feels as though you’ve checked out. On us.”
Ouch. She barked out a bitter laugh of disbelief. Life would be much easier if she could just check out on Malik, but she couldn’t. Despite her best efforts she had gone and done the worst thing possible for her at this point in her life. She’d fallen in love with him, a man so far out of her league he may as well be from outer space. But that was her problem and she had no plans to burden him with the truth. Kerry spent her life as a burden to her father, who saw her as a reminder of his long gone wife; she wouldn’t do it again.
She couldn’t. “I haven’t checked out, Malik. I love being with you and spending time with you. Making love with you. But I also know you have an aversion to anything serious like love and commitment.”
“And?” He looked sexy and adorable all at once, spearing both hands through his hair and leaving it as disheveled as he appeared emotionally. Confusion was written all over him, from the dark furrowed brows to the scowl he wore like armor.
“And I’m a young woman who hopes to one day fall in love, get married, and maybe even have a few babies, so I can’t afford to fall for a man who can’t give me any of that.” Too late.
Malik dropped down on the edge of the bed and let out a frustrated breath. “So you have been holding back? Keeping part of yourself back from me?” Kerry nodded, completely unapologetic. Her whole life she’d been the one to look after herself, to take care of herself. And that wouldn’t end, not for anyone. “I have to tell you, Kerry, I really fucking hate that.” He wore a sardonic smile that pierced her heart.
She returned his smile and moved closer to him, tracing a line down his square, scruff-worn jaw. He really was the best. Beautiful and strong and caring. “I hate it, too,” she whispered and pressed a kiss to where his jaws clenched tight. It would be great if she could just whisper those words, I love you, in his ear and then spend the night showing him. But she couldn’t.
He turned and cupped her face, amber eyes so serious she wanted to look away. “Then give me all of you. Please.”
His voice had been filled with such raw emotion it hurt her heart. She nodded. She could drop the walls for one night, no matter how dangerous it was. Besides, this was her chance to see what it was like to make love to the man you loved. To toss all caution aside and pour her heart and her body into their loving. “Yes,” she rasped out, the word almost painful as she spoke it. Done with talking, Kerry held his face and kicked a leg over his waist and settled against his hard length. “Just this once. Just for tonight.”
Then she threw her heart, her body, and her soul into loving Malik. She gave him everything.
She just hoped tomorrow wasn’t too late to resurrect those walls.