Alex

 

Chapter 1

 

Alex

 

I stepped out of my house that morning, breathing in the crisp air that blew across the rolling hills of this part of Kentucky and closed my eyes, savoring the moment for just a second more. There was plenty to do around the ranch today, but I wanted to take a minute more to revel in the stillness of this most remote part of the ranch.

My father knew what he was doing when he gave me land in this area of the ranch. It was no secret that I was the most hermit like of all the Killarny brothers. I just had my own way of doing things and my preference for how I lived out here. Even though I was close to each of my brothers in one way or another, I was the one who tended to prefer retiring to my own house for the evening or any time that I wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle that followed them all around. It seemed like wherever you found more than one of us gathered together it either turned into a friendly argument or a wrestling match.

It was simply that we liked to poke fun at one another. My mother had been very patient with us all, but I knew that while she was alive, we had caused her an awful lot of grief. She had tried tirelessly to keep us all out of trouble and aside from a few drunken nights spent in county lockup we had stayed out of any kind of major drama for the length of our adult lives. We had all been a worry to her, and I thought about that on occasion, how she wanted us all to be happy and how many times I had heard her pray for that.

Now my mother was gone, and things on the ranch hadn't been the same since her death. We were all moving on in our own ways, and things had changed even further when my father had decided to pick up his things and move to Puerto Rico. It hadn't been too much of a shock to me. I knew my father was struggling to get past my mother's death, and the best way for him to do it would be to get as far away from the thing that most reminded him of her -- the ranch that the two of them had made their own after the death of my grandfather.

Killarny Estate spread out across the vast expanse of green hills in this part of the state. Perfect for raising horses, my family had carved out their place in the industry over a hundred years ago and continued to raise some of the fastest and most sought after thoroughbreds in the country and all over the world. You never knew who might call the office to inquire about a Killarny horse. We had seen some princes and sheiks visiting our estate in the years when we had our most distinguished horses breeding new foals every year.

The breeding had been what my father was most passionate about and in the years when my mother was battling cancer it had taken a backseat to her health. Now that we were back to our normal state of things, at least as normal as things could be without my father and mother overseeing the operation, we were expecting more foals, and we had reached the time of the year when we would need to start checking our mares for possible pregnancy. And that was the thing on my to do list for this particular day.

I closed the door behind me and headed up the road. It was about a half mile to the main barn from my house, and I enjoyed the walk. Even though I preferred being on a horse, I didn't really see any need in building my own stables like some of my brothers had at their own homes. To me, it was nice to maintain the sense of being out away from the rest of the world. I had a lot of pasture lands around me where some of our wild horses from the Dakotas were kept, and out the back of my house was where the woods started and things became a deep, dark thicket the further in you went. That was all Killarny land as well, a portion of it that had been set aside and would never be cleared, at least as far as any of us were concerned because it provided a nice buffer between our estate and the other ranch that was the nearest to us.

Walking up the road to the barn I caught sight of my niece Emma on her horse Saoirse. It was clear that she had not seen me there when I saw what she was about to do. Emma leaned in and urged her horse on, and together they bounded over a fence -- a fence that was absolutely not intended for jumping. I knew better than to shout out because it would spook the horse, and at that point, there was no need. The two of them had already cleared the fence and Emma was patting her horse on the head, telling her what a good job she had done. I was up behind the two of them before she noticed me there.

"So, Emma. Does your dad know you're practicing your jumps back here?"

Startled, my young niece turned around to face me, her cheeks burning red and her eyes going wide.

"Uncle Alex! Oh...please don't tell dad. He'll ground me if he knows I was back here jumping."

The girl looked legitimately afraid of being told she couldn't ride her horse for a week, the same as I would have been if I had been grounded at her age. Riding horses had been life for me just like it was for Emma and I had done much wilder things than jumping fences. There was a memory of crossing a ravine that stuck out to me in particular.

"Promise me you aren't going to do it again?" I asked, trying to make my tone sound as serious as possible, but I didn't really have the paternal sternness that her dad, my oldest brother Pete, always managed to use.

"Promise. I'll wait until my lessons." She answered affirmatively.

I nodded. "Good. But if I catch you again you know I'll have to tell your dad about it." I hoped that she wouldn't take that word of caution the same way I would have at her age. That sort of thing would have meant, "Don't get caught."

She smiled and nodded at me. "Deal." Emma led her horse back around and through the pasture and I headed on my way to the barn, making a mental checklist of the things I needed to accomplish on this particular day.

I needed to give the vet a call and see when they could come out to do pregnancy checks on the mares. It was a task that we sometimes handled ourselves, but was best left to the professionals. Doc Halloran had always been the one to service our horses and check up on the wild herd out back, but he had recently retired, and there was a new vet setting up shop at his practice. He had assured everyone that the new vet was going to be able to take care of us all just the same and I took his word for it. The man had been in the business of caring for race horses longer than I had been alive...and possibly even longer than my father. He was in his 80s, and it was well past time for him to hang up his hat. I trusted that the man knew what he was up to hiring the new vet that would take over for him and continue working with all of the nearby ranches, but I knew that some of the older generation would have an issue with it. They always took issue with something new changing up what they were used to as the norm.

The barn door squeaked as I opened it and I made a note to grab some WD-40 the next time I was in town. Otherwise, it wouldn't get done. It was the sort of thing I could assign to one of the hired hands to make sure it happened, but if I left it up to one of my brothers to notice it, then it would be forever before it was taken care of. Pete was too busy with the business side of things, and I couldn't really blame the man for that. Taking care of his daughter and maintaining his new relationship was enough work for any one man. I didn't cut my younger brothers as much slack, but everyone knew that Jake was up to his own thing and the twins were always off doing as they pleased as soon as their work was done. Stephen and Sam were living up to their reputations as the youngest, and while I knew I could ask them to do something, they'd rather be off chasing tail than running errands for me. I was always the one who noticed the details and paid attention to the smallest changes around the ranch. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or if I was slipping into my father's OCD ways since he was no longer around to monitor the day to day running of the ranch.

I grabbed the small notebook from the breast pocket of my shirt and started tallying the mares that we needed to have checked. They were spread out across the three barns, and it was going to take me a while to count which ones had been with a stallion in the past few weeks. We kept meticulous records on which mares had been with which stallions, but there had been an incident about a month ago with Nevada Rebel, one of our more cantankerous stallions, jumping a fence and getting into a group of mares before anyone could stop him. I tried to keep a close watch on that, and most of our breeding was intentional given the nature of what we did. Accidents happen though, and if any of the mares that had been in the group that Nevada Rebel had infiltrated turned out to be pregnant, then we were going to have to spring for the DNA testing once they foaled. It was pricey but a requirement for breeding purposes. No one would be willing to purchase a horse whose lineage couldn't be confirmed.

As I made my way to the second barn, my brother Jake caught up with me; saddle slung over his shoulder. He wiped the sweat from his brow, and I could see that he had already been up to some work that morning.

"Where are you headed?" I asked.

He nodded his head in the direction of the barn I was going to. "I've got a yearling in there I want to do a little work with. We've got a couple from Texas who are thinking about buying her, and I wanted to go ahead and get a little training in so they don't have so much to do with her initially. They're a little older, and I'm not sure they're up to the work the girl might require."

I nodded. "Which one?"

"Pineapple."

I took a look at my list just to make sure she wasn't on there. We kept the yearling fillies away from the stallions, but there was a possibility she had been with the group, and I would hate to be sending a pregnant horse down to Texas unexpectedly. Glancing over the list, I saw that she wasn't there and breathed a sigh of relief.

"She's a little skittish," Jake continued. "I'm going to do a little ground work with her and try the flag. She seems to be easily spooked by moving objects, and we need to work on that before we start trying to load her in a trailer."

"Good idea," I said as I placed the notebook back in my pocket.

"What are you up to?" He asked me as he gestured toward the notebook.

"Making a list of the mares we need to have the vet check when they come to make the rounds."

"Oh right," he said with a nod. "New vet in town. I haven't been around to catch a name yet. Have you heard who Doc Halloran brought on?"

I shook my head. "Nope, haven't heard a thing. Hope he's a good one. I don't really want to go looking for another at this time of the year. We've got too much work coming up for him."

"I heard it's a woman."

I stopped in my tracks and looked at my brother. "Seriously? The doc hired a woman?"

Jake nodded affirmatively. "Surprised me, too. I think a lot of the older guys are having a problem with it...well, I mean not the looks of her I'm sure. But you know how the old ones can be. They were already a little set against having a new vet, but the talk I've heard is the fact that it's a woman has them a little unsure about the whole thing."

I wasn't as backward or old fashioned as some of the ranchers in the area, but it was no surprise to me that they were against the idea of a female vet. Sure, there were some of them in the area, and it wasn't unheard of, but the one serving the nearby ranches for the past fifty years or so had been Doc Halloran, and they were accustomed to him. Having a new veterinarian working on their horses was one thing for them to get used to, having it be a woman when many of them still had pretty archaic ideas about what a woman's role was would be another thing altogether. And Doc Halloran had struck me as someone who might have fallen into this group that would have ideas about what a woman could and could not do. What that said to me was that he had a lot of faith in the abilities of this new vet and whether she was a man or a woman didn't matter to him one iota.

"Ah, well. I guess they'll have to get over it pretty quickly or find themselves someone new. And half the vets around here are women nowadays. They'll just have to get over whatever kind of old-fashioned ideas they have."

Jake nodded. "I agree."

We parted and went about our separate tasks and after I was done putting together my list of mares I headed back to the main barn to look for a can of WD-40 for that squeaky door. The supply closet was full to the brim with all sorts of things, but I couldn't find a single can of what I needed.

"Of all the damned things to be out of," I said as I pulled out my notebook to add it to my list.

I stopped by the main house on my way to my truck. Pete was in his office working on something on his computer and barely looked up to acknowledge me.

"Need something?" He asked. I could tell he was absorbed in his work.

"I was just going to ask if you needed me to grab anything. I'm on my way into Ashland to run a few errands."

Pete stopped to think and then shook his head. "Thanks for asking though. What are you going after?"

"Just a few things we need for maintenance. And since I'm there I think I'm going to stop in and meet the new vet. I've got the count of the mares we need to have checked, and I thought I'd give her a heads up about what our needs are. Jake tells me it's a lady vet."

Pete raised an eyebrow. "That surprises me."

"Me too. But you know Doc Halloran wouldn't have hired her if she wasn't the best around. I'd like to get a look at her." I said with a grin.

"Behave yourself, please," Pete said with an almost scowl. "We do not need to find a new vet right now. If you could keep your hands to yourself and your dick in your pants that would be great."

I threw my hands up in mock surrender. "I don't know what you're talking about."

My older brother shook his head. "I know you try to act like the twins are the ones with a reputation around here, but you've got one yourself with just about every new woman that moves anywhere nearby, and I would like if we could maintain a good relationship with someone we're going to be engaging with professionally for the foreseeable future. If she sticks around half as long as Doc Halloran, then she'll be here for the rest of her life, so unless you plan on marrying this girl, I want you to keep a wide berth of her."

I laughed. "I think you're taking it a little far. We'll have to see what she looks like first."

I waved to my brother as I headed back outside and over to my truck, starting the thing and speeding down the long road that led from the highway up to the main ranch house.

The drive into town was easy and uneventful, and the street parking in front of McCall's Hardware was nearly empty. I recognized all the vehicles there, save for one of them, and they all belonged to several of the older men in town who passed their time sitting on benches just inside the hardware store, sipping coffee that Mrs. McCall made every morning for her husband and the men who stopped by for what amounted to a gossip session.

"How are you doing there, Alex?" Charlie McCall bellowed from behind the counter as I pushed open the door and stepped inside the store, my arrival announced by the tinkling of a tiny bell overhead. I thought I detected a strange twinkle in his eye, but I couldn't imagine what that would be about unless one of the old codgers on the benches had just told a dirty joke.

"Not bad, just here to grab a can of WD-40 and a roll of twine if you've got the size I'm looking for."

"Good deal, you know where everything is. Holler if you need anything."

I nodded in greeting as I passed by the gentlemen enjoying their coffee and headed down the front of the shop until I found the aisle I was looking for. The lubricants were toward the back of the store, and once I found myself in the corner, I grabbed the can I was looking for and turned to head toward the rope and twine when I ran smack dab into a head full of curly red hair that barely reached the height of my collarbone.

"Sorry about that, miss. I..." I stopped and looked at the face in front of me and tried not to let out the gasp of surprise I felt when I realized I was face to face with Madison Graston, the woman I had thought I was going to marry, for the first time in a decade.

Chapter 2

Madison

 

The sign at the office needed a fresh coat of paint, and I was determined to do it myself, so I had walked down the street to McCall's Hardware to see if Charlie could mix up a nice sage green for me. When I turned the corner at the end of the aisle, I hadn't been looking and apparently neither had the man I ran into. His chest was hard and chiseled, something I could attest to as I brought my hands up to shield myself as I bumped into his pectoral muscles with my head. My hair was up in a loose bun, red curls spilling out. It was a work day for me at the office, but I was so busy trying to fix up the outside that I wasn't really focused on seeing clients in the office, and I dressed accordingly—in a pair of paint splattered overalls and an old kelly green t-shirt.

It took a moment for it to register whose face I was looking at. And when I finally realized whose face it was staring back at me, I couldn't look away.

Alex jumped back like he had stood too close to a wood burning stove and was risking burning himself, backing away slightly and then pausing to look at me.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Taken aback, I held up the can of primer that I would be using to cover the old paint on the sign once I made it back to the office.

"I needed paint," I said without attempting to explain myself any further. In the moment it was too shocking to see him, but it didn't take long for those buried feelings to start bubbling to the surface again. It had been ten years since we last saw each other. Ten years since the biggest fall out of my life. Over half of my life had passed by since the last time I spoke with Alex Killarny, and even though I knew the chance was high that I would run into him once I moved back into town, I hadn't expected it to be within the first twenty-four hours.

"You're back then?"

I nodded simply, and he nodded in return, his eyes never leaving my own. It seemed like a challenge, but what he was challenging me to I couldn't be certain of. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of the hardware store and back down the street to my office before we got any deeper than the ‘Hi, how are you?’ portion of this conversation. McCall's Hardware was not the place to have this talk, not that I was looking forward to the content of the discussion wherever it inevitably occurred, but I preferred that it not happen in the middle of what amounted to the gossip hub of this town. Anything that went down here would be all over town by the time people started heading to Claire's diner for lunch.

"I've...I've got to pay for this. See you around." I whipped around and walked toward the counter. It felt like he might have been following me, or at the very least his gaze was. I had a $10 out of my pocket and on the counter for Charlie before he could take the time to ring up the total.

"I'll be back later for the rest of the things I need," I said as I hurried out the front door, the little bell ringing behind me as I stepped out onto the sidewalk, never pausing to slow down. My office was only a block away. A straight shot from where I stood and I wanted to get back there, to the safety of it, before Alex could appear from the hardware store and chase me down. Not that I thought he had any interest in doing so, but I really had no idea what was on his mind at that moment. Clearly, we were both equally surprised to have run into one another, and I could tell that he was feeling just about as enthused about the encounter as I had been.

What had shocked me the most though were the feelings that came surging back to me, like a jolt to my system. It had been ten years since I stood in front of him and just as long since he had last touched me, and already I could feel the desire for him growing again. There it was like it had only been yesterday when we were last together

I had thought we could manage to avoid each other once I came back. It wasn't likely, but there was a slim chance. Maybe we would only cross paths every once in a while and then our lives could go on like normal without bringing up too much from the past. I had no idea how his life might have changed in the past ten years. Mine certainly had. Through the years I had dated and finished college. The last time we had spoken had been around the time of our high school graduation...we had basically spent our entire time as adults apart from each other.

Even when my best friend Lorna had tried to tell me about what was happening back here in Ashland, I had always steered her away from any discussion about the Killarnys in general and Alex Killarny specifically. She knew that talking about them was far too painful for me. Even hearing about them in passing was more than I wanted and she had learned a long time ago to leave them out of any conversation we were having about things from the past, no matter how pertinent the Killarnys might have been to the discussion. Beyond that though, I hadn’t shared most of what had transpired between Alex and myself all those years ago with my best friend. As far as she was concerned, it was a breakup and nothing more, but still, she had never pressed.

I doubted that Alex was following me because it was quite likely he never wanted to see me again, but I rushed into my office anyway, uncertain if he even knew what I was doing back in town. Surely he would hear that I had taken over Doc Halloran's practice at some point, but word might not have made it out to their ranch yet. He would find out soon though as I noticed from the schedule Doc had left behind for me. I was due to head out to the Killarny Estate in the next week to check their mares. The place was big though, and there was a good chance I wouldn't see Alex at all while I was there.

But it was probably just as great a chance I would have to see him, and now that bandaid had been ripped off, so it was one less thing for me to worry about.

Lorna was in the front office pulling things out of boxes and setting them out on the desk that had been designated as hers. She was there helping me out until I found a full time office manager. Doc's granddaughter had been helping him out over the past few years, and he hadn't ever gotten around to hiring someone full time since his wife had retired from the practice. Now that was going to be up to me, and I would need to put ads in the paper or up around the noticeboards in town soon, but that was one thing on my to do list that I didn’t feel like focusing on at the moment.

Lorna looked up as I entered the office. “Hey…what’s up with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Is everything okay?” She dropped what she was doing, and I could tell from the concerned look on her face that my regular porcelain skin must have gone a full shade whiter—a terrifying thought in itself.

“You might say that. I ran into Alex at the hardware store,” I said as I came around the other side of the counter to where her desk was and put the can of primer down.

“Oh, shit,” she said, bringing her hand up to her mouth. “I guess…well; I guess it’s a good thing it’s over with then. Now you don’t have to wonder when it will happen.”

I shook my head slowly and tried to bring myself back to the present. There was too much important work ahead for me to get my mind in a tangle over seeing a high school boyfriend. But deep down I knew that it was more than that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lorna asked, perceiving my emotions like she always did.

“Not now, maybe later. Right now I’ve got to get this sign primed and painted and outside so that people know who the new vet is.”

 

 

The painting was slow work as I stenciled my name on the wood and filled in the lines carefully. I hadn’t done anything like this since I was a child and it felt good to be doing something a little different from the norm. I had never been very artistic, but there were a few videos and photos I had looked at online to give me the inspiration for the sign. Once the letters were done, I would let them dry before putting a protective coating over the top, sealing it from weather damage. I had no idea how long I would be at the practice, but as it was something I had worked toward my entire adult life, my immediate plans were to stay here for the long haul.

Or as long as my father needed me, which might not be very long at all. The thought sent a pang of sadness directly to my heart, and I felt tears start to build behind my eyes. No, I would wait to cry in the shower later that evening, where no one could hear me.

The doctor had told my father his heart was bad a few years before and that he would have to do what he could then if he wanted to give himself a better chance at living. The particular kind of heart failure he was experiencing wasn’t reversible, but it could be slowed down for a time, and it had been for some years. But his latest report wasn’t good, and the doctor had essentially told him there would be another heart attack. Maybe big or maybe little, but eventually another big one would come, and that would be it. The small heart attacks had done so much damage that there really wasn’t anything left to do.

When he told me about the state of things I knew what I had to do. I had been looking for a practice to take over anyway and wanted to be closer to ranches so that I would have more opportunities to work with equine herds, and I made the call to Doc Halloran. I had done a little work at his clinic when I was in high school, and he was good friends with my family, so I had known that he was getting ready to retire after a long career in the community. It had made sense that I could come back here and take over the practice, to be back home and closer to my father whenever the time came.

He didn’t require any additional care from me, but I felt better being close by. We had found a home healthcare nurse to check in on him and the status of his heart once each week to monitor how things were going and report back to his doctor. In the meantime my father went about his life as he always had, taking pride in the cattle he owned and enjoying the time he spent working with them on what little land we had left.

I dotted the ‘i’ above my first name on the sign and looked down at my work. The sage green had bene a good call, and I thought it would look good contrasted against the red brick of the office facade.

Heading back into the front of the office I saw Lorna packing up, and I thought it might be time for us to have a discussion about what had transpired that day.

"Hey, you want to come upstairs and have a glass of wine?"

She looked at me over her glasses and pushed a stray strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. "Sure. Nowhere else to be."

We headed up the stairs to the spacious apartment above the clinic, and I went to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of sauvignon blanc that had been chilling since I had first arrived at the place. Grabbing a couple of glasses from the cabinet, I opened the bottled and poured generous amounts into each and handed one of them to Lorna.

"Thanks so much for all that you've done to help me. You know I couldn't do it without you," I said with a smile as we clinked glasses and sipped the cold white wine.

"Well, I know that you would have liked it if your sister had been able to help, but since Lucy is busy with work, then I am happy to help you out as much as I can for as long as you need me." She paused and swirled her wine. "But I've got a feeling you want to talk to me about something else, right?"

I nodded. "Bingo."

It had been years since I had voluntary brought up the Killarny family in conversation. Training myself to avoid any talk of them had been pretty easy living far enough away from home that they no longer had any kind of impact on my daily life. But now that I was back in Ashland that was going to change, and I needed to confront at least some of my surface feelings about the family with my best friend.

“You remember that weekend that Alex and I broke up, right?”

She nodded and took a sip of her wine. “How could I forget? You were inconsolable for a month after and then you refused to talk about it at all.”

I sighed deeply and thought back to that time, finally opening up and explaining everything that had gone on between not only me and Alex but our respective families.

It had been not long after my mother had first fallen ill. It was degenerative and in her muscles and while there wasn’t much that could be done, there were several drug studies available for her to take part in if only we would be able to pay for the expense of getting her to the hospital three states away and keeping her there for a week each time during the course of the treatment. It was something that quickly began to add up, and there wasn’t a lot my father could do to make more money at the time. The cattle business is a market like so many things, and there were only certain times of the year when selling really worked, and the rest of the time it was more about maintaining and caring for the herd.

All that we had was the land. And so he had gone to his friend Sean Killarny, Alex’s father, about it to see if he would be willing to loan him some money for my mother’s treatments. It had hit my father’s pride very hard, and it took so much for him to go to Sean and ask for this. My mother’s illness was the only thing that could have driven him that far. He did it for her.

Sean Killarny had more money than God and everyone within a one hundred mile radius, maybe further, knew it. He could have loaned the money and been done with it, knowing my father would pay him back eventually. But Sean had seen the dire truth of the situation—my father was in desperate need of the money and fast, and he would do anything to get it. Sean proposed the terms. He wouldn’t loan the money, but he would buy most of my father’s land with the intention of selling it back to him at cost when my father had the funds to repay him. In the meantime, we could still live on the land and wouldn’t have to worry about leasing it or anything of the sort. My father regretted it every day, but he hadn’t gotten any of this in writing, and so when things went badly later it was all his word against the other man.

My father trusted Sean Killarny and had no reason not to believe that things wouldn’t pan out exactly as he said. But when the time had come, and he was ready to buy back the land, suddenly Sean was unwilling. He said that the value had gone up and since our small piece of land bordered one of the corners of the Killarny Estate it would be a valuable piece of real estate for him to keep, but if my father really wanted it back then Sean was willing to give it up for twice what he had paid for it.

This was outrageous, and my father knew that it was all completely untrue. He threatened to take Sean to court over it, but as Sean was the one in possession of the land title, there wasn’t much to be done. Now he had my father between a rock and a hard place and insisted that if he wanted to stay on the land, he would have to start paying to lease the place. There was no other choice, and that’s what my father had started doing.

All of this had happened while Alex and I were in our senior year of high school. I was planning to go to a state college, while Alex was going to a different university out of state to get a business degree and we knew we were going to part anyway, but we had been together for so long at that point we decided we wanted to make it work. Four years was a long relationship at that point in our lives, and we didn’t want to throw it all away. Alex had been my first love and I his, and the idea of losing that was too much.

But we watched as our fathers quarreled and I saw how my mother was wasting away. The first drug trial had been a failure, so we put her on a second. With my father leasing the land back for use for his cattle we were leaking funds like a sieve, and there was very little to put toward my mother’s care.

Alex and I fought for months. I was so angry at his father that I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him and even though Alex and I went through with it and attended our senior prom together, I refused to acknowledge his father’s presence when we took a photo in front of the grand staircase at Killarny Estate.

It had all blown up that night. A week before graduation, on prom night, with a wild thunderstorm raging outside of our school gymnasium, Alex and I had sneaked off to his truck where we had sex in the cab. Not for the first time, but Alex had been my first, and this was all part of the passionate, fiery relationship we had shared back then. We fought like cats and dogs, but when we got back together, it was like the Fourth of July with fireworks going off all around us.

I was putting my prom dress back on and suddenly the emotion of the night and knowing that I would be leaving for college soon got to me and I started to cry. Alex tried to comfort me, but I had pushed him away, angry that he was leaving, but more upset that he was related to the man who had done such an underhanded thing to my father—and Alex had done nothing to stop it.

That was the night that I said it was over, although we spoke again a week later at our graduation. It had been terse and then explosive, with me screaming at him in the darkness on the football field after our graduation ceremony, caps in hand, gowns still on. I told him I never wanted to see or speak to him again and I had held to my word.

And now here I was, recounting what had happened a decade ago to my best friend for the first time.

“I can’t believe you never told me what Mr. Killarny did to your dad. It’s so fucked up.”

I nodded, somewhat in a daze. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know the truth of what went on between them. I just didn’t know what I should say. You know exactly how powerful Sean Killarny is in this town. Everyone is under his thumb in one way or another, or they are loyal to him.”

Lorna shrugged. “Well, you may have lucked out on your timing, because Sean Killarny has basically skipped town. He isn’t living around here anymore. I think he shows back up from time to time, but I heard he’s got a place down in Costa Rica.”

That didn’t make much sense to me, but I didn’t press. Maybe Emily Killarny had decided that she wanted a time share and they were spending their retirement basking in the sun on the beach. It was more than my parents would ever be able to do. My mother had passed away not long after graduation ten years before, and now I was on the verge of losing my father as well.

“Good riddance. It’ll be bad enough to have to see the rest of the gang of brothers around town.”

She regarded me for a moment before speaking up again. “And you’re sure you’re not still…I don’t know, harboring any kind of romantic feelings toward Alex?”

I frowned. “Seriously? It was all I could do not to spit on him when I saw him in the hardware store. He is the last person I want to see, and I definitely don’t want to be involved with him. That was over a long time ago, and I have no desire to see it start up again. There’s literally no good feeling left in me for him. What we had is nothing more than a memory now, and it’s a muddied one at that. We were kids, Lorna. You get over those things and move on.”

She took a deep breath and nodded. Our conversation moved toward other things, and I wasn’t sure exactly what I had hoped to accomplish by discussing that drama with her, other than to get it off my chest and finally let her know what had really precipitated my breakup with Alex Killarny.

A little while later after she was gone, I went over to one of the boxes of things I still had to unpack. I knew what I was looking for. There was a smaller box inside where I kept some mementos from when I was younger, and there I found the wallet sized photo of Alex and I that was taken at our prom. We looked so young like heartache had never touched either of us before. Somewhere in my eyes, I could see a hint of something though. I knew that things were going badly and that night was going to be tough. My mother was sick, and there was a sadness in my gaze as I smiled at the camera.

I looked at where my 18-year-old hand rested on his chest and thought about where it hand landed when I had crashed into him just a few hours ago—at exactly the same place. His chest was still as firm and as solid as it had been when he was 18, maybe even more so now. He was broader, and his hair was still black, combed back away from his face. His eyes were a coal gray and his gaze steady and unnerving as he regarded me at that moment, clearly as shocked to see me as I was to see him. And although I had run away, I had to admit there was a part of me that wanted to stay…to stand and look at Alex Killarny for the first time in ten years and get a good look at his gorgeous face, the lines of it, to see how the contours had changed and how the line of his jaw was still the very same as it had been the night of our prom when the stubble there had tickled my stomach as he brought his face between my legs and showed me what an orgasm felt like.

I pressed my thighs together as I thought about what it had been like to be with him back then. We were still very young, and I had been with men since, but none quite like Alex. No one that held me with the tenderness he had. No one that had the kind of command over my body, the way he insisted that I come multiple times before he ever thought about himself. But then when he was inside me, the insistent drive and his insatiable need for me.

I was wet just thinking about it, and I put the photo away, regretting that I had stirred up those long dead feelings, and desperately needing release at the same time. I stripped down and headed to my shower, intent on getting exactly that.

 

 

 

 

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