Poppy

 

 

 

I flip the papers over again, pleading with them to make any sort of sense.

Instead, the words blend together like alphabet soup on the white typed pages. I can hear every creak of Grant’s office and it makes my stomach flip and flop and whirl like a crazy butterfly tornado inside of me.

It’s so hard to be so very close to him and yet so very far. We hadn’t said more than two sentences in the last week, not that he hadn’t tried. Every morning he gave that same kind smile, but I could barely bring myself to look him in the eyes.

It was just so all complicated now that a baby could be in the mix.

This wasn’t just about the million dollars anymore. It wasn’t just about Grant keeping his position at the company.

Somewhere along the line, this fake engagement had become so much more and neither of us had managed to notice…

Were we foolish or just in denial?

I swallow thickly, slapping the business papers back against my desk and crossing my arms on top of them, burying my face into the crook of my arm. I hadn’t been sleeping well or eating well or doing well at all really. After all the time we spent together, Grant had become like another part of me in the last few months and now that there was this tension and weirdness between us it felt like I’d suddenly lost use of my arm or my leg or some other vital facet of myself.

I’d finally caved and eaten some of the frozen foods he’d left for me, though last night someone delivered a wonderful Thai surprise that left me crying into a bowl of drunken noodles while watching my soap operas.

Why did he continue to be so thoughtful after I’d shunned him so coldly?

 “Are you okay?”

Reagan’s hand slides onto my shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. When I drearily lift my head, she frowns at me, “You’re pretty pale.”

“I’m just exhausted.” I sigh, straightening up at the desk and smoothing my hair away from my forehead. I hadn’t had the patience for any upkeep lately. I don’t think I’ve even brushed my hair all week.

 “I can tell.” She replies quietly, clicking her tongue as she glances around the subdued halls of the workplace, “You know it’s Friday and it’s slow today. Are you sure you don’t just want to head on home? Maybe take a nap?”

I give a little shake of my head, gesturing towards the massive pile of papers that had doubled daily all week and that I’d barely managed to make a dent in, “I’m so behind. There’s no way I can leave.”

“If you say so.” Reagan sighs, leaning against the corner of the desk.

She watches me carefully as I stare blurrily at the papers, unable to make sense of even the most simple of sentences. My brain was on a completely different planet than my body, floating out into space.

“…Are you sure there’s not something else going on?” She frowns, tossing long black hair over her shoulder. A wave of her perfume hits me and makes my stomach heave.

I gag, covering my mouth with my hand as she sniffs at her armpits.

“What was that about?” She whispers, leaning closer to me, “You want a ginger ale?”

“I’m fine. I get like this when I’m stressed.” I groan, “And with that whole Kitten debacle…”

“Yeah, that must be super rough.” Reagan sighs in agreement, rubbing my shoulder again as I rest my face back on my arm, “I can’t imagine how you feel. The man you love having a baby with someone else.”

I choke abruptly, jerking my head up as Reagan reels backwards like she’s expecting me to projectile vomit all over her pretty cream colored dress.

“Love?” I gasp, eyes bulging and knuckles clenched white.

“What, are you seriously going to pretend you don’t love the guy? I mean, I don’t understand it, but whatever.”

“I don’t!” I cry out, stomach lurching up into my throat again as I clap two hands over my lips.

“That’s it. I’m taking you home.” She scowls, gliding off my desk with a dainty clack of her high heels on the tile, “I am so not going to clean up your barf if you lose it here.”

With another toss of her long hair, she prances quickly around the corner towards Grant’s office, where he’s having a business meeting with Eli about the Australian office. I peer after her curiously before snapping forward once more, unwilling to catch a glance of the handsome man that I’d once been set to marry. I wasn’t sure what the status of that plan was anymore. I wasn’t sure how to feel about a potential marriage with Grant.

It was all so stupidly thorny and complex now.

Nerves billowed up inside me as I inhale deeply, giving a little shake of my head.

Maybe Grant was more pissed at me than I thought and he’d paid off Little Thai Thai to poison my noodles? Ugh, maybe ginger ale was a good idea.

I stand slowly, pushing away from my desk with my palms like a weak tugboat leaving the dock. Blinking away the black dots that swirl in front of my eyes, I walk to the vending machine in the corner of the room. Each step made the room spin a bit more until I clutched the side of the machine and focused only on slowly inhaling and exhaling.

 “Poppy, I’m really worried…” Reagan frowns into my ear, taking my arm in her own as she slides a few quarters into the vending machine and presses the ginger ale button, “Should I take you to the doctor?”

“No, no. I’m okay.” I sigh, taking the bottle of fizzling soda and taking a tiny sip. The bubbles rush down my throat, happily churning in my belly.

“Did it help?” She asks as I give a little nod.

She pats my back, walking with me to the elevator and pressing the button.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, “Food poisoning?”

“Like I said, this happens when I’m stressed.”

“I mean, at least you’re not pregnant.” She laughs, shaking her head, “That would be terrible right now, wouldn’t it? Two baby mamas for one billionaire…” She trails off with a giggle.

At first I laugh along, silently recounting the weeks since my last period.

“Oh god.” I mumble, almost falling headfirst into the elevator.

Reagan catches me, propping me up against the metal bar as I cling to it with damp palms.

“What happened?” She gasps, “More nausea?”

I just shake my head, struggling to convince my tongue to move but my throat has gone so dry it scratches all the way down.

“My period.” I breathe, staring at her with huge eyes, “I’m late.”

 

~~

 

Rows and rows of pregnancy tests stare at me, overwhelming and silently judging.

“God, how many kinds are there…?” I mumble aloud, a woman from the other side of the aisle shooting me a dirty look.

“So, you aren’t on the pill or anything?” Reagan asks as she carefully inspects each and every box.

I shake my head numbly, holding out my hands as she lays a few boxes on my palms. The happy women on the small cardboard boxes grin up at me joyously.

“I can’t be pregnant though, right?” I let her drag me towards the front of the drugstore, apparently content with her dozen choices, “I mean, that would just be so crazy. Like you said. Two babies for Grant at one time?”

“It wouldn’t be the strangest thing I’ve ever heard.” She replies quietly, plastering on one of her patented, dazzling fake smiles for the yawning cashier and holding out her sleek black credit card.

“Oh, you don’t have to pay!” I say hurriedly, digging in my purse.

Reagan just rolls her eyes, waving the card around slightly, “One of the perks of being hugely wealthy, Poppy. I can treat my friends during disasters. You’ll know the feeling soon enough.”

“The wedding could be off-”

“Please, you’re carrying his child. The wedding is definitely on.”

“We haven’t even taken the tests yet and Kitten-”

“Poppy. Please. Shut up. Let me have my moment here.”

“Your moment…” I grumble, rolling my eyes and falling into a pouting silence.

The cashier tosses the tests into a sheer plastic bag and pushes them lazily across the counter. Reagan snags the bag, tossing it over her shoulder like it’s a fine Gucci purse. Then, linking arms once more, she leads me out from the tiny store with a goodbye wave.

“So, will you have the wedding before or after the arrival of your little bundle of joy?”

“Oh my god, Reagan…”

She laughs, her head tossed back to greet the sun as she squeezes my arm tenderly, “I’m just trying to lighten the mood. You look like you’re going to pass out. I just wanted you to smile.”

My phone vibrates from my back pocket and I reach down to grab it, lifting it to my ear without glancing at the screen, “Hello?”

“Hi, Poppy…” The weak voice says slowly.

“Miki!” I respond in surprise, “How are you?”

“Are you home?” She asks, dodging the question.

“On the way there. I’ll just be a few minutes.”

Without an answer, the dial tone abruptly buzzes in my ear.

“Your sister?” Reagan asks curiously, “How’s she doing? Have you talked to her since the earring fiasco?”

I shake my head, giving a little shrug, “I haven’t heard a peep since then. I think she’s coming over though. It’s hard to tell with her.”

“Talia used to be secretive like that too.” Reagan laughs as we walk slowly down the sidewalk. Surprisingly enough, the heat of the looming afternoon helped my queasy stomach to settle. Or maybe it was the ginger ale Reagan had forced me to guzzle.

“Oh yeah?”

“I guess we both were, actually. We both secretly started seeing the boys. Me with Eli and her with Grant. I don’t know why we didn’t say something right away. We waited months but I’m sure Eli and Grant talked all about it the second we hopped into their beds.”

“What happened between you and Eli?” I ask softly, glancing carefully towards her. I wasn’t sure how sensitive the topic was.

She chews her lip, watching our shadows dance across the cement carefully.

“After Talia’s death, we all floundered but Eli was the worst. I think he blames himself the most for Talia. It was him who stopped us on the sidewalk. If he’d just remembered his keys earlier or at the party, we wouldn’t have been where we were. He hit the bottle hard and I couldn’t take it.”

“Like Grant.”

“Grant also drowned in the booze, but different than Eli. I kind of feel like Grant went along with it just for his best friend, to keep Eli from being all alone.”

I nod, listening to the quiet swish of the plastic bag dangling from Reagan’s tan hand.

“Is this weird for you…?” I finally ask, the question that had been burning in the back of my mind for the longest time, “Seeing Grant with someone else?”

She turns to me, lips slightly parted in surprise, “Oh, Poppy…”

“You can be honest.”

She swings the bag slightly as she contemplates the loaded question, rustling the contents.

“In that case, honestly… Yes. It is a little hard for me. When he first announced he was getting married, it just about tore my heart out.”

I flinch and she tightens her arm around mine desperately, “No, no… don’t misunderstand. It wasn’t so bad because I didn’t want him to be with someone else or to move on or be happy. It was only because, for that second, the reality of my sister being gone really hit. She’ll never get married or have a baby…” Reagan rustles the bag again, holding it out slightly in front of us, “She wanted those things with Grant so badly.”

“I’m sorry…”

How difficult this must all be for Reagan and Grant… and even Eli who I never spared enough kind thoughts for.

“Don’t be. I am just so glad Grant found you. That you found each other.”

I smile at my shoes, shaking my head.

“What we have is special.” I muse, letting my thoughts drift towards him. I’d made a mistake in shutting him out, that was clear to me now. Whatever was before us, we could face together… if he felt the same way I did about him.

What if he didn’t have any true feelings for me at all?

“How did you deal after your parents passed?” She asks, interrupting my thoughts as she leans her head on my shoulder.

“I had Miki to raise. I just threw myself into waitressing so that I could provide something stable for her.”

“You did a great job, Poppy. I know it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. But you really did.”

I don’t reply, keeping my eyes on the approaching apartment building. If I’d done such a great job, why did it seem like Miki was in such trouble?

 

~~

 

“Okay.” Reagan frowns from behind the pink box as I set the long white stick down on the counter, “Three minutes.”

We stare at the stick as if we expect the result to appear instantly until finally Reagan grabs my elbow and hauls from the dimly lit little bathroom.

“We are so not just going to sit there and torture ourselves for the next 180 seconds.” She laughs, “Let’s watch some TV or something. Oh, you’ve got ice cream in your freezer, right? I’m starving.”

“How’d you know that?” I ask, startled.

“Grant asked what kinds of things he should order for you.”

“I knew that was him.” I sigh, shaking my head and glancing towards the stocked fridge and pantry.

“What, you thought maybe a kindhearted fairy descended on your cabinets while you were gone?”

I roll my eyes, sticking my tongue out at her as we settle comfortably on the couch.

It seemed we’d only just got settled under my mother’s quilt when there was a quiet rap at the front door.

“I’ll get it.” Reagan says, patting my belly teasingly as she heaves herself up and trots over to quickly open the door.

“Hi, Miki… um… come in…” Reagan’s stunned words trail off slowly as my little sister steps inside, blood dripping from her busted lip and one ugly black and blue eye swollen shut.

“Did David do this to you?” I shriek, leaping to my feet and running towards her. I grab her shoulder but release them instantly at her flinch of pain.

Miki inches forward towards me, unable to speak, her entire body quivering as she buries her face into my chest. Slowly, as gently as I can, I wrap my arms around her tiny body and rest my cheek on top of her head.

Reagan just stares at us, her hands over her mouth.

“The earrings…” Miki chokes out, her hands clutching at my shirt, clinging to me as though she were going to drift away, “I asked if he took the earrings.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” I whisper, tears stinging my eyes, “All that matters is that you’re home and you’re safe.”

“He took them, Poppy. I swear I had no idea-”

“Shh…” I rock her in my arms as Reagan gestures silently towards the bathroom.

“Let’s get her cleaned up a little.” The blue eyed woman whispers softly.

I nod, stepping slightly back from Miki though she refuses to release me. Holding her hand in my own, I guide her into the bathroom and flick on the light.

Under the bright fluorescence, Miki looks even worse. Tiny scars crisscross over her cheek and shoulder, her shirt ripped at the seam.

I was going to kill that man. I was going to rip him apart. I was going to sick Grant on him-

“Poppy, you’re pregnant?” The teenager bursts suddenly, snatching the pregnancy test off the white counter and holding it up in the air, her injuries and troubles momentarily forgotten.

“Wait, what?” I breathe, room spinning as I clutch the edge of the toilet.

“Look, there’s two lines…”

Reagan squeals, snatching the test and staring at it, “It’s true!”

Confusion, excitement, and terror all surge through me at once as I sink onto the edge of the bathtub, hands clapped over my face. Tears of who knows what emotion fill me.

Was this good news? Was this bad news?

I was so, so viscerally ecstatic to be carrying Grant’s child, to have a little baby growing within me. But at the same time, who knows how Grant would feel. Would he hate me?

Reagan stares at me with shocked eyes while Miki jumps around, waving the pee-stick in the air.

“I’m going to be an aunt!” She shrieks happily, “Oh my god! Yes!”

“Sit down, young lady.” Reagan snaps abruptly, one eye on my pale face as she takes the test and sets it firmly back on the counter, “I need to have a good look at you.”

Excitement dissolving into a pout, Miki crosses her arms and huffs patiently while Reagan drags a washcloth under the water and pats her swollen eye.

“He’s doing drugs.” Mikayla whispers suddenly, both her eyes shut, “When we came that day it was because he wanted to find some things in my room to pawn. I didn’t care when it was just my own things… I thought he’d get his full and be satisfied.”

“And you, Miki…?” I ask slowly, swallowing the dry lump in my throat as I set my chin on my palms.

“I never even smoked a cigarette.” She shrugs, hissing when Reagan blots a cut with an alcohol swab.

“Why’d you stay with him?” Reagan asks, stepping back to get another good look at Miki’s bruised face.

Miki’s eyes drop to the ground, kicking her legs against the bathroom cabinets dully.

“Poppy…” She glances at me then down at her hands. Slowly, I stand up and wrap an arm around her shoulders, as she struggles to find her words, “Poppy, there’s something I never told you.”

“What is it?” I ask, though I barely get the words out before Miki bursts into sudden tears, burying her face against me as I cradle her close.

 “I wasn’t sick that day.” She cries, “David and I were seeing each other even back then… that day was the first time I step with him, Poppy, and it killed our parents!”

I lifted her tiny body off the counter and clung her close against me like she was a baby. She’d gotten so skinny and frail the last few months, she felt almost nonexistent in my arms.

No wonder she never spoke about our parents’ deaths, she’d been quietly carrying a burden of her own. How could I not have seen it?

“I wanted them out of the house that day so bad, I rushed them out so I could ‘rest’. I didn’t know they’d die, Poppy!”

“Of course you didn’t!” I cried, cradling her close, “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t cause the accident any more than I did or they did or anyone did. It was terrible, but it was no one’s fault.”

But I knew full well that guilt was not so easily assuaged.

“David convinced me that you’d hate me if you know. He just made me feel like he was the only one who could care about me. I was so dumb.”

“You weren’t dumb. You were young and he preyed on you.”

“I’m done with him for good, Poppy. I swear. I’ll go to school, I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

I rub her back like Mom used to do when she was small, laying a kiss her forehead, “I just want you to be happy. I want you to be passionate about whatever you want to do.”

A smile slowly softens my little sister’s face as she nods, “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Of course.” I respond, stroking her hair.

“Do you want to call the police about what David did to you?” Reagan asks as we leave the bathroom.

The girl just groans and shakes her head, “I just want it to be over. I never want to see his face again.”

“Sounds good to me!” I add with a grin as Reagan walks to the freezer and pulls out a big carton of ice cream and digs three spoons from the drawer. We settle back on the couch, all of us warm and cozy beneath a single blanket.

“You never told me what happened with Grant.” Miki adds through a mouthful of sweet cream, “Are you guys broken up or what?”

“No. I don’t know. I think I might have been too harsh on him…” I sigh, sucking thoughtfully on my spoon.

“He’s a great guy, Poppy.” Reagan offers, waving her own spoon at me, “Have you seen the way he looks at her?” She smirks, glancing at my sister.

“Oh my god! He worships the ground you walk on!” Miki laughs, poking me in the ribs, “He adores you. Anyone can see that.”

I blush, cramming another bite between my lips.

They were right though.

Grant lit up my life so beautifully, illuminating corners of my soul I’d never known existed. He made me feel so content and happy. Every day at his side was better than the last. And those nights we spent together, rolling across his sheets with our bodies intertwined…

“I guess I can’t deny it anymore.” I finally sigh wistfully, kicking back against the couch and grinning at the two girls beside me, “I have to give him another chance… Reagan, you were right. I love that man.”

The words form perfectly in my lips. Love. When had it happened? I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment I’d fallen so hard for him. Just one moment I was rolling my eyes at his cocky words and the next my heart hopelessly fluttered at his smile and I was dying for the feel of his fingers intertwined with mine.

I love him. And now we’re going to have a baby together.

Softly I glide my hands across my stomach though it feels no different than it had before. When I close my eyes, I can imagine the little bundle growing inside of me. Hopefully Grant will be as thrilled as I am.

“You love him?” Miki whispers, clutching her heart, “Really?”

I nod as Reagan’s eyes go wide as she lets out a happy cry and wraps her arms around me. Just as a joyful Miki does the same, the front door bangs open noisily.

We leap to our feet in clumsy, shocked synchronization, whirling to face a scowling David standing at the front of the apartment. His chest heaves in fury, his eyes a black storm on his pale face.

“What are you doing here?” I ask quietly, stepping between a visibly trembling Mikayla and the older man.

He ignores me, his hands shoved deep in his pockets as he takes in Reagan critically.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He snarls, “Are you the one who’s poisoned Miki against me?”

“No one poisoned her!” I glare, taking a step towards him. The bat leans restfully against the wall behind him, out of reach, “She just finally came to her senses. I mean what the hell, David. You’re twenty five and she’s a teenager. You’re a predator!”

“I’ve treated her well, I’ve taken care of her, I’ve loved her!”

“Is this love?” I scowl, gesturing at the battered girl, “Is that treating her well?”

“It wouldn’t have happened if she just behaved-”

“Get the hell out of my house.” I growl, an anger boiling inside of me that I’d never felt before. He’d hurt my little sister, physically and emotionally. Who knows how long it will take her to recover from the wounds inflicted on her soft heart.

“Not without Miki.” He responds, lurching forward to wrap a hand around the girl’s wrist.

I throw myself at him, shoving him as hard as I can away from the crying eighteen year old, “Don’t you dare lay a finger on her ever again!”

He stumbles backwards in surprise, knocking into the wall.

“Miki, come with me right now!” He shouts bitterly, “Enough of this nonsense! Get your ass back home!”

Mikayla covers her eyes as though she’s wishing for him to disappear. Her jaw grits shut as Reagan pulls her into a comforting embrace.

“She’s not going with you. Not now, not ever - and I said get the hell out of my house!” I lurch towards him again but this time his hand draws something from his pocket that glints a metallic, dangerous silver as it plunges forward towards me.

Before I even realize what’s happen, a searing sharp pain ignites in my abdomen. I reel backwards, hands pressing to my stomach as something warm gushes between my fingers.

Dizzy, I collapse to my knees on the ground as Miki and Reagan scream behind me. A red stained knife falls before my face, clattering before me as David stumbles back towards the door and darts from the apartment. I fall forward, rolling over onto my back as I gasp for breath. With every strained inhale, the warmth spreads further across my t-shirt. The ceiling spins as Reagan leans over me, grabbing my hands in hers. Her face is tear stained and contorted, her hands smoothing hair back desperately from my face.

“The baby!” I gurgle, pressing my hands to my stomach, “What about the baby!”

“Shh,” Reagan begs, tears falling down her face as Miki babbles incoherently to someone over the phone in the background.

“And Grant!” I cry out, as blackness swallows me whole, “Grant…”