Chapter14
They didn’t talk about it in the morning, even though she had woke up lying beside him. She chose to ignore that and had gone ahead with breakfast, not bothering to wake him up. She was sore, but it was a good kind of sore. She didn’t quite forget the feel of his arms enveloping her as he climaxed. He’d come thrice and she’d come thrice.
“Dear, come join us,” an elderly woman called.
She met up with Ben’s aunts and uncles who asked her where he was, and she replied he’d had too much wine last night so she’d let him sleep in. She saw butter melt on toasted bread and remembered how she had melted with his touch…
She shook her head and poured herself some fresh orange juice. He arrived thirty minutes later, his hair a mess even if he had tried his best to tame it. He was wearing the sweats he had tossed on the floor when he’d begun to make love to her.
Make love? Sierra wanted to kick herself. It was just sex. But it had felt different this time. It hadn’t feel awkward. Things had fallen into the right place. He had looked at her with such affection in his eyes.
He didn’t say anything as he sat beside her and busied himself filling his plate with poached eggs and sourdough bread.
“Someone’s got a hangover,” his uncle teased. “Don’t worry, Ben, I expect your cousins won’t be down by noon.”
Ben forced himself to smile. He was tired, but it was a good kind of tired. He had wanted to avoid seeing Sierra for just a few hours, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He had woken up with the left side of the bed empty, and he had a gut feeling that things had completely changed between them.
Don’t flake out, Ben, he told himself, stay with the deal!
He saw Sierra look uncomfortable, but she still tried to maintain some civility, even if she couldn’t exude warmth when it came to him. Ha, like she hadn’t liked it last night, because he was sure he had. Sierra excused herself once breakfast was done, going back to her room. Ben gave it five minutes before he went after her.
He saw her sitting on a chair by the balcony, hugging her knees.
“You okay?” he asked her.
She didn’t look at him. “Last night was a mistake.”
“It was a good mistake,” he admitted jokingly. Seeing she was serious, he took a chair and sat beside her, listening to the seagulls crying in the skies, eager for their morning victuals. “Which part didn’t you like?”
That’s the thing. I liked it, I liked it a lot, just as much as I love you, and what she had thought of horrified her. “I-It was okay. It’s just that tomorrow’s getting close. I’m not sure I’m ready for it.”
“Hey, we’re in this together,” he gave a lopsided grin, oblivious to her feelings. It would be cruel to make her stay for my selfish purposes, he told himself.
“Yeah,” she said weakly. Of course we are, I’m only in it for the dough anyway, she told herself scathingly.
As if hearing what she had said, he smiled at her again. “Don’t worry, you’re getting the money soon enough.”
***
She was ravishing in a cerulean blue dress, and she was about to break up with him. The long wait was over. This was it, in an outdoor setting filled with boisterous laughter and good food at a wonderful dinner under the stars once more.
She was looking at him nervously.
He eyed her and nodded. He whispered something in her ear and she looked at him, incredulous. She took a breath and whacked his hand away when he tried to hold her. That truly hurt, what he had said. He’d meant to say that, knowing full well her reaction.
“Please don’t start here,” Ben said in a loud voice, as his relatives passed about bottles of wine freely. She felt his hand on hers again, and she resisted the urge to embrace him and tell him she couldn’t break up with him and how she badly wanted it to be real. Last night had been too real; it was something she wanted to share with him forever, if possible.
A few relatives heard it, but she mustered enough courage to create a subtle fight scene. She took another deep breath and slowly walked out. Ben saw his cousins looking confused at the scene. Sierra looked upset. He followed her right out.
“I can’t do this anymore, Ben,” Sierra told him, her voice breaking. At that moment he felt his heart break as well.
Sierra looked around and saw his mother, his grandmother, his relatives looking confused. She had walked out, thinking she could break up with him “in quiet.” But they all had followed the two of them, concerned with what was happening. How their affections for each other had changed in an instant.
Ben was almost too afraid to say anything. “We just can’t work on this, can we?” he asked her, remembering what he had written down. It wasn’t supposed to sound this hurtful to him, but it was hurting him now. Why can’t we work it out, Sierra? I’d want to work this out with you, you have no idea… but we’re already here…
“Oh Ben,” he heard his mother give a soft gasp.
“We can’t,” Sierra said in a shaky voice. “All this was beautiful. You gave me so much in a span of only a few months. But our priorities are different. We’re just too different,” she choked.
Ben was struggling to remember the words. What was he supposed to say? She was a damn good actress wasn’t she? She had lied to him all along. She was no model; she was a great actress in the making. His eyesight was clouding over. The weather was screwing his eyes up.
“You’re right. We are. I wished we weren’t,” he found himself saying. What the hell was he saying? “I guess there are some things neither of us can save. It was wonderful being with you, though; I’ve never enjoyed anyone’s company as much as yours.”
“You don’t do this to people you love,” her voice cracked.
“What do you think you’re doing to me?” he retorted.
At that moment, Ben knew it was the truth. He had allowed himself to be vulnerable.
She nodded and said nothing else. Her gaze lingered on his eyes for the briefest moment, then she quietly walked away from him, adamant on controlling her tears until she reached their bedroom.
Ben stared at her retreating figure, his feet glued to where he was standing. It had happened, it had really happened. Sierra had pulled through. And yet, he felt the deepest sense of pain wracking his chest. Was it because he had lied to his family so he could be finally left alone? He realized it wasn’t as harsh of a breakup as he’d expected it to be. It would probably leave his family confused, but he didn’t care. He looked the part; he looked hurt already. He took a deep breath and didn’t look at his family as he went the opposite way.
“Ben!” Grace cried out for her son.
Ingrid stopped Grace from running after him. “Let him be. The boy’s been hurt. They’ve both been hurt. And I thought we were through with the family drama.”
“We aren’t,” Grace said glumly, her heart aching for him.
Ben had walked as far away as he could, as fast as he could. He had gone out of the hotel and was halfway through the main square when he looked back, trying to catch a glimpse of the hotel. Her words were still like a fresh wound to him. Was it his ego that was affected? Was his reasoning clouded because he knew things were different with her now? Was he masking what he felt because he told himself this was going to serve its purpose in the long run?
Self-preservation was the goal here. That was why he’d wanted the contract to take place and he’d had to find the perfect accomplice. Perfect… He shook his head. She was far from it. She wasn’t how he’d envisioned his current love interest to be. He liked his dates cultured; if they weren’t cultured, he liked them successful and most of all beautiful. Sierra wasn’t even that beautiful. She wasn’t his type… he was masking what he felt again. Was it so hard to admit that Sierra meant something to him?
“We shouldn’t be talking about breakups and exes on a first date,” Sierra surmised.
“What do you suggest we talk about?”
“Favorite stuff. Random stuff,” she had told him.
She had wanted to know him better the moment they’d had a conversation all to themselves. That was what she was like. She didn’t want to judge him; she wanted to know him better.
“Don’t you like looking people in the eye?”
“Not with people I’m not too close to,” Sierra told him. .
“You could pretend you’ve got the hots for me, and I could pretend I’m head over heels in love with you,” Ben said.
Sierra gave a short laugh. “You really think I’m going to feel that way for you?”
He shrugged. “It could happen. But then again, a contract is a contract. Feelings shouldn’t be included in this.”
He had said those words and then the unthinkable had happened. Feelings had become included. He suddenly wanted to kick himself in the shins, if he could’ve. He had said that with conviction, and now he was paying the price. Feelings like this were alien to him.
“You made me look cheap back there.”
“That’s how men talk,” he exploded.
“No, that isn’t how men talk,” she said in a disappointed voice.
He couldn’t bear seeing her disappointed. He had shrugged it off as annoyance, but it was more sympathy—nay, it was more guilt. He had wanted to sound nonchalant about it to his male acquaintances, and it had backfired…
Ben realized he was a fool. He had only dismissed it as a distraction. He had liked some part of her, which was why he’d hired her in the first place. He liked to look at her, which had also been important when he’d hired her. He was after everything superficial because that was what life was all about. Only family had meant something, until she’d come along.
Something in him stirred. He had looked at her like he had seen her for the first time. It had taken him so long, he was a fool. A damned fool! She was the best thing that had ever happened to him in recent memory…
He breathed in deeply and cursed under his breath, breaking into a run back to the hotel. By the time he stepped back into their shared room, he was panting and sweating.
“Sierra?” he called out. One look around the room told him she was no longer there. Her luggage was gone, and her toiletries were gone. She had left the credit card he had given her on the nightstand. He wildly searched for a note. There had to be some explanation for this from her. This wasn’t part of the plan. There was none. He called the front desk, asking if anyone had taken the limo services for the airport. Someone had, fifteen minutes ago.
He found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped in front of him in silence. She was gone.