Chapter Fourteen
Tibby was better than her word. Within the space of one week, Lady Cavendish had given Susannah over to Tibby, which allowed for a very quick and efficient relocation of Susannah, and ultimately Freddie, to Tibby’s home in Hanover Square, which had caused some tears from the children, and the promised new wardrobe had been ordered, fitted, and delivered. It had been a bit of a blur, but now, at last, they had settled into a rhythm of normalcy that set Susannah quite at ease.
She still did the odd work for the kind modiste, Mrs. Randall, in her free time and was getting to have so much work there that it would supplement Tibby’s generous payment quite well.
She would need all the funds she could get. Her recent meetings with her solicitor, Mr. Jacobs, revealed that her family was not doing well at all and were growing nearly as desperate as she was, and she cursed their inability to properly manage funds. Mr. Goulding was not much of a comfort either, as her visit with him the other day only disclosed that the creditors were growing vastly impatient with all of the waiting and no significant payments. He feared she would be in danger if she did not produce money soon.
He, obviously, had no idea that she had already been nearly attacked four times.
Neither did Colin, nor would he ever.
The Gent’s contacts had helped her three of the four times, and she had saved herself the last, her slight frame and quickness making disappearing into the bustling crowds far simpler than it would have been otherwise. They always had caught her at different points, never lying in wait outside of either solicitor’s office or near her favorite shops. There was no rhyme or reason or pattern to their sudden appearances, which made avoiding them impossible.
She would have to be more careful, now she was further from the dirty and crowded heart of the city.
Freddie had adjusted well to his new home here, though he missed the girls and Mrs. Creighton, as well as Colin and Kit, very much. For that reason, he still continued lessons with Mrs. Creighton and there was a specific play time every day, either at the Gerrard home, at Tibby’s, or at some other location outside of them. Only yesterday they had all gone to the home of the Marquess of Whitlock to meet the young Lady Helena, now two months in age, and a beautiful addition to her family. The girls had been understandably delighted by the infant, while Freddie was more content to entertain the only slightly older Earl of Lambert, otherwise known as Harry.
Susannah would never get used to moving in circles with a marquess and an earl and the like, nor wiping the tears of a very small earl, despite being in possession of a title herself. But it was not the same thing by any stretch. These men were good and honorable and kind, while anyone her husband had brought around…
Well, there was no comparison.
She hadn’t wanted to know Colin’s friends personally, but he had insisted and so she bore it. The men were altogether too pleasant, too friendly, and too attractive for the appropriate distance, which was as maddening as it was entertaining. And their wives were worse. They had descended upon Susannah in droves when she had first met them last week, and already they were the closest female friends she had ever had.
Mr. Bray’s wife Annalise was, perhaps, her favorite, as she was more reserved than the others and was far less intimidating. Lady Whitlock and Lady Beverton were very bold, but delightful, and Mrs. Harris was charming and warm, but with the sort of grace that spoke volumes of her character. Annalise was softer and gentler than the lot, and from what she had learned in the last few days, her past and upbringing had been the stuff of nightmares. Only recently had she embraced the life of Society, but still she clung to her friends and her husband for assurance and comfort.
It did not escape Susannah that the lady of smallest stature and personality had the husband with the one of the largest and most intimidating personas she had ever encountered. The strong connection between the two was palpable and, though neither spoke of it or were particularly demonstrative, all could feel its intensity. Once she had caught them staring at each other from across a room, and it rather felt as if she had invaded the most intimate of moments.
And then there was Tibby.
Tibby was the single most magnificent woman Susannah had ever met. She spoke frankly, acted independently, and gave generously, all to a fault, except there was no fault in anything she ever did. She was above all criticism and negativity, and she never listened to anything anyone protested. She adored that Colin’s friends and their wives had adopted Susannah, tsked audibly when Susannah chose simple garments instead of finer ones, and actually attempted to make her feel useful, which was more than Lady Cavendish had done. Yet Susannah still suspected that Tibby had no more need for a companion than she did a golden hat stand, though she would not be surprised if there was one of those hiding in a closet somewhere in the house.
But Tibby allowed Susannah anything she wished, even the simpler dresses, though she did insist on a very fine quality, and Susannah was just selfish enough to want that for herself as well. Tibby adored Freddie beyond anything he had ever received from her own family, and she had even seen them holding hands and skipping down the gallery two days ago after luncheon.
Her one sanity and stability in all of this had been Colin. He had not been at all upset when Tibby’s plan was revealed. In fact, he delighted in it, and had been her staunchest supporter. He saw her every day without fail, regardless of when the children gathered, and sometimes multiple times. He had said no more about love or marriage, but he had been doting on her with looks and smiles, touching her hands, her shoulder, her cheek, and stealing a kiss whenever he could. She felt like a young girl in the bloom of first love, anticipating every moment with feverish delight. He was spoiling her with presents and attention, and she was beginning to worry at how much his little gifts had cost. She’d already been forced into dealing with one man’s squandered finances, she could not endure seeing that again, and certainly not from Colin. But he never worried, always soothed her nerves, and brought her smiles and laughter that chased away the secret shadows of her mind.
She was living in a fantasy world, and it was a heady thing indeed.
“My goodness, you are a long way away.”
Susannah looked up suddenly into Annalise’s kind face as she watched her over her teacup. She smiled and lifted her own cup, having momentarily forgotten her friend in her reflections. “I’m sorry,” she murmured after a small sip. “Just reflecting.”
Annalise smiled and set her cup down. “Yes, I can imagine you have done that quite a lot lately.”
Susannah nodded and put hers down as well, though it rattled.
“There is no need to apologize, you know,” Annalise murmured, her green eyes soft. “I remember what it was like to be thrust into this life. It is quite taxing.”
Susannah sighed and relaxed a bit. “Yes, very. I’m still trying to catch my breath.”
Her companion’s smile turned wry. “Tibby takes some getting used to.”
That drew a smile from her. “Indeed, she does. How did you do it, Annalise?”
“Well, I didn’t really have much of a choice,” she replied, pushing a golden curl behind her ear. “Tibby quite took over my life; I was a little puppet for her until I found my feet. But she was a most skilled puppeteer and I loved every minute of it,” she added hastily, her eyes taking on a hint of panic.
Susannah patted her hand. “I know exactly what you mean. She is extraordinary. I adore her.”
Annalise smiled with relief. “She truly is, and I love her dearly. And I had some help, you know. Duncan was always there with me, ensuring my comfort and helping me find my way. And Marianne, of course, was essential.”
Susannah frowned as she thought back to Colin’s descriptions of each family. “Marianne is Mr. Bray’s sister, yes?”
Annalise’s gaze suddenly sharpened. “Yes. What have you heard of her?”
Susannah shook her head. “Not much, beyond her great beauty and popularity. Also that she was apparently unwell this Season.”
A small, sad smile flickered on her friend’s face. “No, she was not unwell, only more reserved. She had a trying time with my venture into Society, and then the events leading to my marriage…” She sighed and took a biscuit. “She is a complicated woman, with more heart than she would dare let anybody know, but I love her all the same.”
Susannah offered what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I shall remember that, Annalise.”
Annalise tilted her head a bit, her complexion enhanced by the rich cream gown she wore. “You know, you may call me Annie, if you like. I don’t feel the need to stand on ceremony with you, for some reason, and it’s far easier to say.”
That took Susannah so by surprise that she gaped.
Annalise giggled. “When you look at me that way, I feel as though I have done something worthy of Moira or Kate.”
Susannah snapped a grin in place. “I cannot picture that for you.”
She shrugged, still laughing. “Give me time, you never know. Although that would terrify Duncan.” She actually seemed to consider that for a moment, then shrugged again. “Ah, well. I mean it, though. Call me Annie.”
“Very well, then,” Susannah replied, her smile fading into sincerity. “Annie. I wish I had something I could share with you in return, but…”
Annalise waved her hand impatiently. “No matter.” She looked her over briefly, then smiled. “You are looking very well. That gown suits you perfectly.”
Susannah looked down at the simple blue muslin and her cream shawl, and she adjusted it slightly. “I’m afraid that Tibby was disappointed that I did not want something more elaborate, but I couldn’t do it.”
She looked up at Annalise to find her biting her lip.
“What?” she asked suspiciously.
The corners of Annalise’s mouth quirked. “If Tibby disapproved of your simplicity, and still let you do as you wished, it would only be because she is doing something behind your back. She will have her way, you know, at least once. You might as well accept it and embrace it now.”
Susannah gaped again. “But… but I am her companion! And I don’t wish to be over-trimmed or ridiculous!”
Now Annalise took her hand and rubbed it soothingly. “She would never make you ridiculous. She actually has quite the eye for fashion and keeps your tastes in mind. But your being her companion is not going to stop her. I was less than that, and she sent me to a ball.”
A cold sweat threatened to break out on her forehead and palms, while a sudden tightness seized her chest. Surely Tibby wouldn’t do that to her, not without warning. She could not have expensive things, or be forced out into Society. It would ruin her, and ruin everything.
She opened her mouth to say more, but the sounds of little girl voices were suddenly heard from the hall and little feet were dashing about.
The door to the salon was thrown open as three little girls raced into the room and went straight to Susannah and Annalise, gleefully bouncing up and down and chattering wildly about everything that had occurred since they had seen her the day before. Rosie had found a book of fairytales from when Colin and Kit were small and had been reading it ever since. Bitty was gleeful about conquering a piece of music, and Ginny’s favorite doll had torn a seam, which could be easily mended.
“Yes, darling,” she soothed, cupping the girl’s face. “I will mend it, not to worry.”
Ginny nodded once, then went over to Annalise and settled herself into her lap.
Susannah and Annalise bit back smiles as they exchanged a look. Ginny might not be as vocal as her sisters, but she had more than her measure of the same will.
“Where is Mrs. Creighton?” she asked Bitty, now sitting beside her.
Bitty helped herself to a biscuit and shrugged as she munched on it.
“Mrs. Creighton has today off,” a warm voice drawled from the doorway.
Susannah looked up to find Colin leaning casually against the doorframe, cravat loosened, crooked grin in place. And his eyes on her might well have been fire for the effect on her skin. He was far too attractive as it was, but when he looked so easy and unaffected, and his eyes held such intensity? Breathing seemed fairly unimportant under such circumstances.
“What have you two been doing today?” he asked, as if he were speaking only to her.
Susannah flicked her gaze to Annalise and found her watching her with far too much interest. She struggled to swallow as she felt her cheeks flame, returning her gaze to Colin. “Oh, this and that. Annie and I have just been chatting, and…”
Colin straightened very suddenly, hands on his hips, glaring at Annalise.
Susannah stopped talking in disbelief, and found Annalise surprisingly unmoved by Colin’s apparent distress.
“Why does she get to call you Annie and I have to call you Annalise?” he asked, or rather demanded, pointing at Susannah.
“Colin,” Susannah said, smiling just a touch, “it would hardly be proper for you to call her…”
“Only my particular friends may call me Annie,” Annalise broke in gently, as if Susannah hadn’t spoken.
Colin huffed and folded his arms. “And I am not your particular friend?”
Annalise giggled lightly. “Not yet,” she replied, smiling fondly at him.
He narrowed his eyes and pointed at her. “I will get there, Mrs. Bray. Mark my words.”
She gave a slight tilt of her head at him. “I look forward to it.”
Colin finally smiled, laughing softly and relaxing entirely.
Annalise wrinkled her nose in a hint of a laugh and returned her attention to Ginny in her lap and Rosie at her side.
Susannah had watched the exchange with interest, wondering at the warmth between them. It spoke of sincere friendship, and the gentle sparring was like the interactions she had seen with Colin’s other friends and their wives, although much subdued by comparison. And Annalise had rarely participated in the sparring there, though she had been willing enough just now. Colin could be an overwhelming man in his charisma, but Annalise showed no fear or trepidation. She trusted him enough to open up, and that said volumes about the man that Colin was, despite what he showed the rest of the world.
“Where’s Freddie?” Rosie asked around a mouthful of biscuit, smiling as Annalise handed her a serviette for her crumbs.
“With the tutor,” Susannah told her. “You were a bit early, he should be finished soon.”
“What tutor?” Colin asked suddenly.
Susannah gave a soft moan of apprehension. Colin hadn’t been told about Mr. Townsley yet, and she’d just blurted that out like anything. This was neither the time nor the place to discuss it, but there was nothing for it now. And he would not like it. “His new tutor. He… started yesterday.”
Colin gave her a searching look that was far too thorough. “A young man?”
She swallowed hastily. “Not too young. Perhaps thirty. He is a scholar from Oxford, and Tibby said he came very highly recommended.”
“Tibby said that,” he commented, his eyes tightening just a touch, though his expression remained blank. There was something in his voice she did not trust, and she bit her lip at the sudden tension she felt.
“And is he a handsome, not-too-young scholar from Oxford that came so highly recommended?” he asked, his voice dipping lower.
Susannah looked at Annalise quickly, and her wide eyes were full of warning.
“Yes,” Susannah murmured softly as she bent her head closer to Bitty. “I daresay he is.”
Brisk footsteps exited the room and she exhaled in relief as she looked up to find him gone.
“What was that about?” Annalise asked as she helped Rosie break a biscuit for Ginny.
Susannah only shook her head, exhaling slowly once more.
“Any idea where he went?”
She bit her lip again, and winced. “Tibby,” was all she said.
“Why did you bring that man here?” Colin demanded as he barged into the sitting room where Tibby sat.
She looked up at him through gold-rimmed spectacles, open book in her lap, one brow raised. After a very long moment of staring at him, she removed the spectacles from her nose and said, “My dear boy, you are going to have to be more specific than that.”
He was in no mood for her games. “You know perfectly well who I am talking about,” he snapped.
She pursed her lips and closed her book, setting it on the table near her. “From your shocking rudeness, I can only assume you mean the very intelligent and charming Mr. Townsley. A most delightful gentleman. And so very tall!”
“I could care less about the scarecrow’s perch,” he snarled coming over and setting his fists on a table near her. “Why is he here?”
Tibby tilted her lace-capped head to give him an incredulous look. “To teach Freddie, of course. Why else would I hire a tutor? I can assure you, my personal tastes are not so scholarly.”
He slammed an open hand on the table. “Stop making light of this. Why wasn’t I informed of a tutor coming in for my ward?”
She snorted and her eyes turned cold. “Mr. Townsley happens to be one of the leading scholars in London, highly respected and very hard to come by. You should be grateful I was able to snap him up.”
He gawked at her for a moment, his mouth working. “Grateful?” he managed. “That a young and apparently handsome idiot is floating around your house who knows how often and…”
“He is helping Freddie to prepare for when he goes to school,” Tibby overrode, putting out a hand as if to stop his words herself. “Mrs. Creighton has told me that while Freddie is quite brilliant in many respects, the girls outstrip him in some areas. All I am doing is helping, which, by the way, you asked me to do.” Her cold eyes turned less so as she looked him up and down, and a corner of her mouth ticked. “The fact that Mr. Townsley is young and handsome, and remarkably available, not to mention quite perfectly suited for my new companion is merely advantageous.”
His brows snapped together and he curled his fingers into a fist. She was teasing him, playing him, and he knew it. Worst of all, it was working. He was in a rage, jealous beyond expression, and barely reigning in his control. He hissed a breath through clenched teeth. “Tibby, you are meddling.”
She gestured faintly with the spectacles she still held. “Well, of course, I am. That is what I do.”
He would have laughed had he not still been seething. “Stop.”
Tibby actually looked surprised for a moment, and her hands moved to her hips. “Stop? Colin Gerrard, when have you ever known me to take orders from anyone?”
He looked down at his fist and uncurled his fingers one by one as his anger started ebbing into a grumpy irritation. “Never,” he muttered.
She sniffed once. “Exactly. And I do not mean to start now.”
He shook his head and clenched his jaw. “Tibby…”
“What?” she asked with a bit of a bite to her tone. “What exactly do you protest, Colin? And why?”
He felt a muscle tick in his jaw. He stared at Tibby with a surprising amount of hardness, his mind conjuring all sorts of rebuttals for her extraordinary lecture, none of which he could bring himself to verbalize. He could not explain himself to Tibby, not really, and not to the extent he should.
He understood Duncan’s complaints of her all too well now. And the helpless devotion that followed.
“Townsley can tutor Freddie,” Colin said slowly.
“Thank you,” Tibby said drily, her lips quirking.
He ignored that. “But he is to have nothing to do with Susannah. I mean it.”
“They have to interact, Colin.” Tibby had suddenly gained a very suspicious gleam in her eye. “Freddie is her son.”
“Does he know that?”
She nodded once. “He also knows to keep it quiet. I would hardly hire an idiot I could not trust. And I have no plans of setting him with Susannah. I am no matchmaker, she is free to make her own decisions.”
And that was what frightened him. Being with Colin would be a complicated affair for her, given the past and their current situation. Some fresh young scholar who had ties to her son would be a convenient solution, and Colin could not be here constantly to ensure that he was in her thoughts and in her heart. She received his attentions with pleasure, but seldom returned them. She was carefully staying within restrictions that he would have torn aside but for his determination to win her by patience.
The lack of information from the Gent as yet was frustrating, but so long as he minded his time with her and did not press further than she would allow, he would be safe.
Susannah was not about to reveal things to him on her own; she was too proud and stubborn for that. And heaven help him, it was one of the things he loved most about her.
Tibby gave a soft clearing of her throat and smiled genuinely when he met her eyes at last. “There’s a story here…”
He shook his head, exhaling a heavy sigh. “Not yet, Tibby. Not now.”
She lifted one brow. “I have eyes, darling. You don’t have to tell me anything.”
He was afraid of that. He pointed a finger at her. “Keep Susannah away from him.”
“I am not her keeper. I won’t push, but I will not pull either.” And by the firmness of her stance and the determined set of her jaw, he knew the conversation was over.
He shook his head and grudgingly gave her half of a smile. “I love you, Tibby. You know that. But right now, I hate you.”
Her lips twitched and she shrugged. “Love and hate are two lines on the same palm. You’ll thank me later.”
He snorted and moved around the table towards her. “Provided I don’t kill you, right?” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.
She patted his chest fondly. “That is a risk, yes.”
He smiled in earnest now and turned to leave the room, then looked back over his shoulder. “Gold-rimmed spectacles, Tibby? Really?”
She tittered in her usual manner. “I was not about to let fading eyesight turn me into an old woman. Very fashionable, yes?”
He shook his head with a chuckle and went back to the girls. He wanted to walk with Susannah for a while. He wanted to do a great many things with her, but for now, a walk would suffice.
Thankfully, the girls had already gone off to collect Freddie and play, with Annalise volunteering to mind them for the time being. Susannah took very little convincing to take a stroll, and he was thrilled with that. Her color was heightened, and her figure looked healthier than he had seen her yet. Still too thin for his taste, but it was progress. And she smiled so easily now, each one catching in his chest.
“Are you all right?” she asked softly as they left the house, still tying her bonnet ribbons.
He shook his head and fought for calm. “No. But I am better than I was.” He looked over at her and felt the tightness in his chest loosen. “I am much better now.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but then only smiled and took his arm. “Bitty tells me you’ve finally procured a pianoforte for them.”
He shook his head. “Yes, and the monstrosity has taken over the whole of the house. It will never be a quiet place again.”
Susannah laughed softly and squeezed his arm. “You have three little girls living there, Colin. It was never going to be a quiet place again regardless.”
He smiled at that. “Very true. Bitty is delighted by it. I think she will be our musical one, though I fear she has a long way to go.”
“She was telling me about it, how pretty it is and the carvings on it…” Susannah hesitated, and Colin watched her, transfixed by the play of emotions on her face. “Colin, why did you spend so much on it? You could have easily purchased a simple one. I know they have shops in the city for it. There was no need to be extravagant.”
He gave her a searching look when her eyes met his. “I wanted a quality instrument for them, one that would last for ages and that they would want to perform on one day. That sort of thing costs more, and I have the funds for it, so why shouldn’t I have given them the best?”
She gave a short sigh and shook her head. “Forgive me, I am in no position to judge.”
“You’re forgiven, of course,” he assured her, reaching into his pocket. “In fact…”
He pulled out the locket he’d purchased for her and dangled it in front of her face.
She gasped and looked up at him, curiously upset. “What? Why would you do that?”
He reared back a bit in surprise. “Do what? Buy you a pretty trinket?”
“Yes!” she screeched, pulling away from him. “Colin, you can’t just keep buying me things! You spend too much money! You buy expensive pianofortes for your sisters, you buy me dresses, you bribe shopkeepers to interview me, you buy my son clothes…”
“Kit did that,” he interrupted hastily, though he had no defense for the others, as they were true.
“…and you are constantly buying me things I don’t need!” she rambled, throwing her hands up. “I can’t see how you can afford any of this and maintain your usual lifestyle. Colin, tell me the truth: are you a spendthrift?”
He widened his eyes as he saw the real concern and fear in her eyes. “A spendthrift?” he echoed faintly. “Why should you…?” He trailed off as realization dawned. “Your husband mismanaged money.”
She folded her arms grumpily. “He didn’t manage money at all. It went out faster than it came in. He threw it away and he was constantly buying things we didn’t need with money we didn’t have. He gambled all the time, badly and recklessly, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. He ruined us, Colin. Beyond any hope of repair. So I need you to tell me if you are going to go the same way.”
He considered her words carefully and took a moment. Then he took a measured step towards her. “I am not a spendthrift. I do not spend money recklessly, though I do spend it. I know exactly where every farthing is going at all times. Kit and I learned a lot from our father, not the least of which were mistakes to avoid. We have each made some very lucrative investments and have several estates in the country that we manage in Loughton’s absence. I have far more money than anybody thinks and I do that intentionally so no one will suspect. I am careful with my money, Susannah. And I never gamble. Well,” he amended with a small smile, “almost never. But I’m smart there, and very good at it.”
She did not return his smile as she searched his eyes with a slight sense of panic.
He put his free hand on her upper arm. “I do not waste money. Ever. Everything has a point, place, and purpose. Including my gifts to you. So please, will you take the locket now?” He held it up for her to examine again, swinging it just a little.
She bit her lip, her eyes finally darting to it. One side of her mouth began a slow, almost imperceptible curve, and he almost grinned. She wanted it. Despite her argument, she wanted the pretty little trinket.
He chuckled and turned her around, draping the locket around her neck and fastening it for her. Too tempted by her skin, he stroked two fingers along her nape and she shivered, then turned to face him, her eyes scolding.
He grinned and shrugged unrepentantly. He would not apologize for wanting her.
Susannah took his arm once more and tucked a pleased smile into her cheeks as they commenced their walk once more. She inhaled the brisk air and looked around at the trees, now changing color with the fading temperatures. She leaned against him slightly with a sigh. “Don’t you just love London in autumn?”
He smiled down at her. “Not particularly.”
She pulled back and looked up at him, laughing. “What? Why not?”
He shrugged and made a face. “I hate London.”
Her step slowed and her brow puckered adorably. “You love London. You live here. You’ve always lived here, you said so yourself.”
He hadn’t intended to reveal this yet, or perhaps ever, but now it was upon him, he’d see it through. He held her gaze steady. “We always said we’d meet again in London.”
She stopped completely, her eyebrows nearly to her hairline. “Wait…” she said slowly. “You… you’re not saying…”
He smiled softly and turned to face her completely. “I love autumn. In the country. I have not really seen an autumn in the country in almost fifteen years. I have spent those fifteen years in London, or travelling from place to place, but mostly, I was in London. Waiting. Hoping. Wishing that we would truly meet again in London.”
“But…” she stammered, shaking a bit, “but you couldn’t know…”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t care. I loved you.” He stepped forward and cupped her face in his hands, despite their being in public. “I love you. And right now, you are in London in the autumn. I love you in London in the autumn. But I would love winter, spring, or summer in London so long as you were there.”
Susannah stared at him for what seemed an age, not moving save for the slight tremor coursing through her. Then suddenly, she took one of his hands and pulled him quickly from the street to the side of a building, beyond where wandering eyes would see. She went up on tiptoe and laced her fingers behind his head, and pulled him down for a kiss that was slow, long, and maddeningly delicious. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, wondering faintly when he would get used to this thrilling rush of pleasure he found in her, the effect she had on him, the growing need he felt for her.
Never, he decided as her hold tightened on him, her fingers curling into his hair just enough. He would never get used to it.
And there was nothing at all wrong with that.