Chapter Thirteen
It was almost dinnertime when Owen came through the front door of the house he and Cass shared. He went into the kitchen, still looking as shell-shocked as he had when he first looked into the eyes of the child who was so clearly his.
Cass was leaning against the counter when he came into the room and waited for him to say something. He merely looked at her and shook his head as he dropped into a chair. His eyes were rimmed with red, and he’d clearly been crying. She wanted to ask, but knew she had to wait until he could say whatever he was going to say.
She had never been so frightened in her life.
Finally he said, “I have a son, Cassie.”
“I figured that out.”
“I’m sorry I just left you. . . .” His voice was slow, hesitant, as if he’d used so much of it that afternoon there was little left.
“It’s okay. I understand.” I understand, but I hate this and what it’s doing to you.
And what, she couldn’t bring herself to ask, was this going to mean for them?
“I swear I didn’t know, Cass. She didn’t tell me. I swear. I wouldn’t have lied to you.”
“I know. It never occurred to me that you had.” She pulled the other chair next to his and sat and took his hands. They were cold as ice despite the warmth of the room.
He sat and stared at her with empty eyes. “She wasn’t going to tell me, can you imagine that? She never wanted to tell me.”
“So why did she? I mean, obviously she should have, but why now?”
“Because she’s engaged, and her fiancé won’t marry her until she comes clean to me. He said it wasn’t right that I didn’t know.” The only emotion in Owen’s voice was disgust. “Can you get your head around that? If this guy hadn’t had a stronger moral sense than she has, I still wouldn’t know that I have a son.”
“Why didn’t she tell you back then? I don’t understand. Why did she keep it from you all this time?”
Owen blew out a long breath. “Remember I told you we’d separated? And then I was back for a week or two and we tried again, but it was clear it wasn’t going to work out?”
“I remember.”
“Well, during that time—over those two weeks—we had sex more than once. She’d gone off the pill because we hadn’t been together.” He smacked his hands together. “Boom.”
“So why didn’t she tell you? I still don’t understand.”
“Frankly, neither do I.” His hands were beginning to warm between hers, and his thumb rubbed her wrist as if to comfort both of them. “She said at first she was really pissed off at me.”
“Because she was pregnant? Two to tango, right?”
“Right. But I’d left and gone back to Alaska. Then she said she didn’t know where I was, though her lawyer didn’t have a problem finding me to have me served with the divorce papers. She knew where to find Ruby. She could have found me if she’d wanted to.”
“I heard her say Ruby hated her.”
“With good reason. Ruby never wanted me to marry her, tried to talk me out of it.”
“She could have written to you, she could have—”
“The bottom line? She didn’t really want me to know. She wanted to hurt me.”
“She wanted to hurt you, so she didn’t tell you about the baby?”
He nodded slowly. “Is that the most messed-up, ass-backward, stupid thing you ever heard? ‘I want to hurt you, so I’m never going to let you know you have a son’?” Owen shook his head. “What kind of a person does that?”
“So she wasn’t ever going to tell you . . . ?”
“She says as time went on she realized how wrong she was, but at that point she didn’t know how to make it right. The more time that passed, the older J.J. got—James Joseph, she named him. James Joseph Parker.” Owen paused and swallowed hard. “Anyway, she said she kept thinking about it and knew she should tell me, but she didn’t have the nerve, had less and less nerve the older he got. Everyone in her family had urged her to come clean, but she’d made them swear not to tell me. Said she kept saying she was going to do it. Well, finally, this guy she’s in love with forced her hand.” Another pause. “He must be a good guy because he wouldn’t put a ring on her finger until she told me. Said he wouldn’t feel right about raising someone else’s son the way things were.”
“Sounds like a nice guy who isn’t above a bit of emotional blackmail.” It was Cass’s turn to pause. “You think he’s just that good a guy, or do you think he wants to make sure you’re in it for the child support?”
“Maybe a little of both, but the way she told it, I think he really was appalled that she’d kept this little secret to herself for the past eighteen months.” Owen looked up at Cass, his lips twitching slightly. “That’s how old he is. He’s eighteen months old and I never even knew about him. He doesn’t know me, Cass. It’s like he hasn’t had a father all this time. Well, except for her boyfriend, that is.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, children that age don’t know better. He doesn’t know that he didn’t have a—”
“But I know that I wasn’t there for him, whether or not he realizes it yet. I know. And no, it’s no consolation at all. I don’t know how I kept from doing her bodily harm. I’m so angry I’m seeing stars. Keeping that in check for J.J.’s sake is killing me.”
Owen got up and poured a glass of water, drank it, and left the glass on the counter. “I’m going to take a shower, and then I’m meeting Cyndi to talk about where we go from here.”
Didn’t you discuss that at all? she wanted to ask. You were with her all afternoon. Surely you would have talked about custody?
Or was he talking about something else. Where we go from here could mean a lot of things.
CASS STAYED UP past two, waiting for Owen, but when it became clear he wouldn’t be back anytime soon, she curled up on the sofa under a throw and fell asleep. The dreams she had were torture, and when she awoke and found Monday to be dark and rainy at 6:00 a.m., she dragged herself upstairs and got into bed. It was another hour before she fell back to sleep, the fear growing inside her.
Maybe they’ve found each other again. Maybe they’ve discovered they still care, maybe they’re talking about giving it another try. They have a son together. Maybe they’re thinking they should try to be a family.
She woke up with tears still in her eyes, aware that Owen was tiptoeing around the room.
“When did you get back?” she asked quietly.
“A few minutes ago.” He’d opened the dresser drawer where he’d been keeping some of his things and took out some clothes, though she couldn’t tell what.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t turn around. “I should have called you.”
Where did you stay last night? she wanted to ask. What’s going on?
As if he’d heard her or read her mind, he sat on the edge of the bed. “I stayed at Ruby’s last night, in my old room. I was so exhausted from all this craziness, I was too tired to walk back here.”
“Cyndi had her car, right? She could have dropped you off.”
“I didn’t think to ask her.”
Or maybe he didn’t want his ex to know he’s practically living with you, that vicious little inner voice poked at her.
“Did you get to spend any time with . . . with your son?”
“A little. Cyndi called one of her brothers to come pick him up and take him back to their parents.”
“Did you resolve anything?”
“Not really. I’m having a hard time with this, Cass.”
“Of course you are. Anyone would.” She sat up and put her arms around him, and he leaned against her. Cass stroked the side of his face, and he seemed to morph back into the man she knew.
“Why don’t you get into bed? How much sleep did you get last night?”
“None.”
She moved over to make room for him, but he shook his head.
“I’m going to meet Cyndi and J.J. for breakfast. She thought it would be a good thing if he started to see me more. You know, so he could get used to me.”
“Oh. Sure. I guess he’s going to have to get to know you.”
Owen leaned over and kissed the side of her face. “I’ll see you later.”
He went into the bathroom across the hall, and she heard the shower turn on. Cass got up and went downstairs, still in the clothes she’d worn the day before, and made coffee. It was going to be a very long day.
Monday led into an even longer Tuesday. It seemed that after almost two years of avoiding Owen, Cyndi couldn’t spend enough time with him. Late that night, when he crawled into bed, he’d had little to say, and Cass hadn’t pushed him because she hadn’t been sure how. She was trying to be understanding, trying to feel what he felt after learning he’d had a child who’d been deliberately kept from him. She wished he’d talk to her about it, but his thoughts, his emotions, seemed tied up inside him.
On Wednesday morning, Owen was already in the shower when Cass awoke. She tossed on a short robe and went downstairs to make coffee. When he finally came into the kitchen, she handed him a mug of coffee fixed just the way he liked it.
“Thank you.” He pulled a chair away from the table and sat for a moment. He looked tired and worn-out. Even his tan seemed to have faded.
“You okay?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Cassie, I’m sorry. I know I should talk this out but I don’t know how I feel about any of this. I’m so out of my element. I don’t know how to be a father. I don’t know if I’m ready to take on this child—hell, I don’t even know this little guy, but he’s mine. I know I’m supposed to feel a certain way, but I don’t know how.” He ran a hand through his hair, wet strands falling onto his forehead.
Cass filled a mug for herself and sat across from him at the table, and let him talk.
“I’ve been pretty much on my own since I was eighteen and I left for college. I’m not used to having anyone depend on me. I’ve never had to be responsible for anyone but myself.”
“You took care of Lis when she was little,” Cass reminded him. “When your mom was at work and your father didn’t bother. You made dinner for her and you read to her at night.”
“That was different. I’d known Lis my whole life. We were really close back then. I knew what she liked to eat and what books she liked to read. I know absolutely nothing about my son. I don’t have that emotional connection to him yet. What if I never do?”
“You must have learned something about him since you’ve been with him and Cyndi for the past couple of days.” She tried to keep an accusatory edge from her voice, but she wasn’t sure she’d succeeded.
“I’m sorry.” He reached out for her hand. “I should have called or texted. I just lost track of time, I guess.”
“Are you sure it was only time you lost track of?”
“If you mean us . . . no, I’m sure of us. I’m just not sure of anything else right now.” His fingers locked with hers. “He’s a cute little guy, isn’t he?”
“Adorable. He looks so much like you. I look at him and I see what you must have looked like at that age.” I see the son I thought we’d have together one day.
“Gigi said he looks a lot like me. And I’ll give Cyndi credit. He doesn’t whine or act up much. I mean, he doesn’t seem bratty or anything. I just wish I knew . . .”
“Knew what?”
“Knew what to do about him. How do you learn how to be a father in a couple of days? He and I, we’re total strangers. I don’t even know how to talk to him. It’s like he and Cyndi have their own language and I don’t understand most of it.”
“You’ll catch on.”
“When will I do that? She’s going to take him back to Connecticut. How am I even supposed to get to know him? I swear, I’m wearing myself out from walking on eggshells around her. Like if I say the wrong thing, she’s going to scoop him up and disappear with him and then whatever chance I might have had to try to be his dad will have disappeared.”
“Do you want to ask for partial custody?”
“She’ll never let me take him away, even for a weekend.”
“That’s not really her decision, is it? I mean, if you sue for custody and it goes before a judge, he gets to decide. I would think, under the circumstances, after you explain that J.J.’s very existence was deliberately kept from you, a judge might tend to lean toward you when it came to custody. What do you want, Owen? Deep down inside, what do you want?”
He was quiet for a very long moment.
“I want to know my son. I want to have a place in his life. I want him to know that I’m his father. I want to have a role in who he grows up to be.”
“Then that’s what you need to work out with Cyndi. And if I could make one suggestion? I’d tell her to get this guy she’s marrying down here so you can check him out yourself. If he’s going to be with your son on a day-to-day basis, you need to know firsthand what kind of a man he is. And the three of you are going to have to work out a custody agreement and make it legal.”
Owen nodded slowly. “I should call Jesse Enright and talk to him. He’s a lawyer in town.”
“Sophie’s brother. Yes, I’ve met him. That’s a good start.”
“I guess working out the custody thing is the right thing to do. But what if J.J. doesn’t like me, doesn’t want to be with me?” He rubbed a hand over his face. “And what if I’m no good at being a father? What if I never learn how? I am so confused right now, Cassie.”
“Maybe you should stay at the store with Gigi until you figure things out.” She hated to say the words but she could sense he needed some space.
He blew out a long breath, and Cass could tell he was conflicted.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe what I need is time to myself to think things through.”
Cass could hear the reluctance in his voice, but they both knew she was right. She disengaged her hand slowly. “You left a few things in the dryer the other day. I’ll get them for you. . . .”
CASS WAS ON-SITE at the island with the crews as they cleaned up one lot after another and the dock construction began. She couldn’t help but wonder what Ruby thought of all this. On Thursday afternoon, Cass headed toward the store.
“Hi.” Cass waved a greeting to Ruby, who sat at the table near the window.
“Hello, Cass.” Ruby nodded but didn’t lift her head from whatever she was reading. “Haven’t seen you these past few days.”
“I’ve been busy. You know, all the stuff going on here on the island. What do you think of the progress we’re making?” Cass tried to sound casual, referring to the construction that had begun.
“I know all about what’s going on here, and I know what I be thinking.” Ruby turned to Cass. “What you be thinking?”
“I don’t know.” Cass felt the tears begin to flow down her cheeks. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Ruby.”
“Now, you come right on over here, girl, and you sit with me. . . . That’s right, pull that chair closer.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“Do? Not for you to be doing. That be someone else’s burden.” Ruby reached for Cass’s hands and patted them as if to comfort her. “Choices be made, but not by you. Wait and see what those choices be.”
“I’m not a very patient person, Ruby.”
“Then maybe one of those choices be yours after all.” Ruby patted Cass’s hands again. “You just be you, Cass. That be all you can do. Just be Cass.”
“I’m afraid, Ruby. What if that’s not enough?”
“Fear be for the weak. And if you not be enough, then you be in the wrong place. Girls not as smart as you know that much. Uh-uh.” Ruby stood and folded the newspaper she’d been reading. “If you not be enough, that be on that fool boy of mine, not on you.” Ruby walked toward the counter shaking her head and muttering something under her breath.
Cass followed Ruby and got a bottle of water from the cooler. When she went to pay for it, Ruby waved her off. “No charge for family.”
Cass’s eyes filled with tears again. She had felt like part of this family, had wanted to be part of what held them all together, Ruby, Owen, Lis, and Alec. She’d started to feel as if she belonged here. Now she wasn’t sure where she belonged.
“Thanks, Ruby. I’m going to head back to work.”
“Your people be taking apart the old Collier house today. ’Bout time. That place been tilted on the foundation for the longest time. You think you be saving anything there?”
Cass nodded and brushed away her tears with the back of her hand. “There’s some decent wood on the floors in the back of the house. The floors in the front are all water stained and soggy, I can’t reuse them. The brickwork is good—I’ll use that for the back patio. There’s a piece of one of the door surrounds where someone marked off the height of a child as he or she grew. I’m going to try to save that, try to find a use for it. It’s such a personal thing to that house.”
“Alfie Collier. Only child that family had. Died when he was eleven or twelve.” Ruby nodded slowly. “Had the leukemia. They took him all the way to Baltimore for the doctors there, but it didn’t help. Didn’t seem right for a child to suffer so and then die anyway.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Cass turned to go.
“You have a good heart, Cassidy Logan. A good heart and true.”
“Thank you.” Cass watched Ruby’s face, unable to read what she saw in the old woman’s expression. “You know, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact. “You know what he’s going to do.”
“Can’t say either way. Just have to wait and see.”
CASS HADN’T BEEN kidding when she told Ruby she wasn’t patient. By the end of the week, she was worn-out from worry and speculation. It was almost as if the time she and Owen had spent together before Cyndi came back into his life had been a dream.
And there was no question Cyndi was back in his life. Owen might have needed some space, but Cyndi was certainly occupying more than her share of it. So Cass was surprised when, on Saturday morning, he called her cell. “Would you come over to the island today?”
“Sure,” she managed to say. “What’s up?”
“I want you to meet J.J.”
“I’d love to meet J.J. How are you getting along with him?”
“It’s slow going. I’ve actually been spending these past two days working. Jared left me with his ship and two divers and a contract with the Maryland Historical Society that needs to be honored.” He paused. “I’m sorry. I should have been in touch more.”
“It’s okay.” She hadn’t wanted to hear him say he was sorry. She’d wanted to hear him say, I still want you. I love you. I choose you.
“It’s really not okay. I don’t want you to think this changes things between us, Cass. But this is my mess and I have to find a way to make things right for everyone.”
Cyndi created this situation when she decided not to tell you that you had a son. Why is it on you to clean it up? It’s her mess.
Aloud, Cass said, “You will. You’ll do what’s best.”
“I’m trying. Look, her fiancé is driving down from Connecticut today. He and Cyndi and J.J. will be at Ruby’s by around noon. I’d really like you to be there, too.”
“Okay. I’ll see you there.”
Cass disconnected the call, and for the first time in a week, she felt that maybe—just maybe—things could work out after all.
CASS PARKED HER car on the point and stopped at the cottage to give Alec an envelope containing her rent payment.
“Boy, what a mess,” Lis complained when Cass walked into the cheery kitchen.
“Actually much less of a mess than the first time I saw this place. It’s actually quite charming now.”
“I wasn’t talking about the house.” Lis had been drying off a glass, which she then put into a cupboard.
“I know.” Cass sighed. “I’m just trying to find a little levity where I can these days.”
“I hear you. Honestly, I could smack that girl. I can’t understand why Owen is being so nice to her.” Lis dried another glass and put it away, her back to Cass. “Well, except for the fact that she has his son right now and she could make things tough for him if she thought he was pulling attitude with her.”
“I guess there’s that. They’ve been spending an awful lot of time together this week. I guess they’re getting reacquainted.”
Lis spun around to face Cass. “Do not go there. He’d be an absolute idiot to even think about getting back with her.”
“Lis, they have a son together.”
“No, they made a son together. She’s had their son.” Lis’s anger flashed. “The son she kept my brother from knowing about. There’s no together there.” Lis slapped the counter with her dish towel. “I cannot forgive her for what she’s doing to him. And you know, if it weren’t for this fiancé of hers—who apparently has shown more heart and better sense than she has—Owen still wouldn’t know about J.J.”
Lis folded the towel and slid it onto a rack. “Have you seen him yet? J.J.?”
Cass nodded and told Lis about the first encounter with Cyndi in Bling.
“Holy crap, are you serious?”
“I had this feeling—the day after your wedding, Owen and I were in Cuppachino and she was in there—and I swear, I just knew. I told him about seeing the little boy and he was adamant that it must have been one of her sister’s kids.”
“She was bad for him back then, and she’s even worse for him now. I told him to get a lawyer involved immediately. I don’t know what she’s up to. I don’t know what she wants from him at this point, and what she’s willing to give. I’m so angry I could spit.” Lis growled. “I hate her for this. I used to think she was okay before, but now I hate her for what she is doing to my brother.”
“Her fiancé is coming today, so maybe he’ll help to get things resolved. At least maybe he can help work out some sort of custody agreement. I would think she’d need his input since she’s going to marry him and he’ll be J.J.’s stepfather.”
Cass took the rent envelope from her bag and handed it to Lis to give to Alec. “I guess we’ll see.”
“You’re liking the house?” Lis asked as she walked Cass to the door.
“I am. I love the house.” She forced a smile. At least I did when Owen and I were sharing it. Now . . . not as much.
Cass headed to Ruby’s, her heart in her mouth. She didn’t have a good feeling about what was going to unfold, but she knew she had to put one foot in front of the other and see it through.
Cyndi and her fiancé had already arrived at the store and were sitting on the back porch with Owen when Cass drove up. J.J. sat on the floor between his mother and soon-to-be stepfather. When Cass joined them, Owen rose to kiss her cheek and offered her his chair, which she declined. Before he could begin to make introductions, Cyndi extended her hand to Cass.
“Owen’s told me so much about you.” Cyndi’s smile appeared fixed, and Cass couldn’t tell how sincere it really was.
“Likewise.” Cass turned to the man on Cyndi’s left. “You must be . . .”
“Kevin. Kevin Cook.” He stood and shook Cass’s hand. He was a nice-looking man in his early forties who was the same height as Cyndi.
“Cass Logan,” Cass returned the greeting, then turned to Owen. “So what’s on the agenda?”
“There’s no agenda. We—that is, Cyndi and I—thought we should all get to know each other.”
Cass sat on the top step, where she could observe the child, who played with two little cars and who had no idea that he was the heart of all the drama that had been going on around him for the past week.
Every once in a while J.J. looked up at his mother, or at Kevin, but not at Owen and certainly not at Cass. The situation was so awkward, Cass began to feel uncomfortable. She tried to engage Owen’s son, but he totally ignored her. He’d obviously deemed her unimportant in his world.
Kevin and Owen were making small talk about the island and fishing and water-skiing. Cyndi tried to make conversation with Cass, but everything Cyndi said sounded to Cass like a challenge.
Finally J.J. got up and took himself down the steps and into Ruby’s garden. Cyndi watched as he went from flower to flower, announcing each time, “Flower,” which earned him the praise of his mother.
“Good, J.J. That’s right. Flower.” Cyndi beamed at his obvious brilliance.
“Bee,” J.J. announced. “Bee.” Then he screamed.
Cyndi and Owen were off the porch in a flash. Owen got to him first and picked him up. J.J. sobbed and reached for his mother, holding out his finger; he’d apparently gotten too close to the bee. They carried him, still sobbing, into the store, where Ruby could fix him up with one of her miracle salves.
Kevin and Cass chatted until Owen and Cyndi returned with J.J., who had stopped crying and held a Popsicle in both hands.
“I see he’s been in Ruby’s cooler,” Cass said.
Owen nodded. “Nothing like an ice pop to make things all right with the world.”
If only it were that easy, Cass thought.
J.J. toddled off onto the dune with his mother trailing behind. A minute later, she called to Owen to come identify a bug they’d found.
Owen sat on the sand and pointed to something on the ground, and J.J. leaned over to see, then sat next to his father, who held J.J.’s rapt attention. Soon Cyndi sat, too, and the three of them continued to look at whatever J.J. had found. Cass and Kevin sat on the porch watching the scene on the dune play out, and Cass wondered if Kevin felt as much like an outsider as she did. To Cass’s eye, the three sitting together—talking and laughing together—appeared to be the perfect family. The image burned itself into her brain.
Finally, she could no longer deny the obvious. She wasn’t blind.
Cass stood and turned to Kevin. “It was nice to meet you.”
She picked up her bag where she’d dropped it on the porch and walked to her car. She knew she should have said good-bye to Owen, but she just couldn’t bring herself to intrude on that perfect little family of three. She drove back to Lincoln Road, packed her bags, locked the door behind her, and headed to Baltimore.
CASS SAT IN front of her parents’ home for several minutes trying to collect her thoughts. She tilted the rearview mirror and peered at her tired face, then searched her bag for the little jar of concealer she always had with her. She couldn’t erase the dark circles completely, but maybe she could mask them just a little. She grabbed the suitcase she’d packed and the tote holding her laptop and swung her bag onto her shoulder. Straightening her back, she followed the cobbled walk to the big front door and knocked before she opened it. At that moment, she needed nothing more than a hug from her mother.
“Mom?” Cass called from the hall.
Her mother appeared in the living room doorway. “Cassie, I didn’t know you were coming home today. Did you tell your father and he forgot to give me the message?”
“No, I just . . . I just . . .” Cass dropped her belongings and walked into her mother’s arms. “I just wanted to come home.” She burst into tears.
“Oh, sweetheart. What is it?” Linda embraced her daughter.
“Owen . . . Owen has a son and his ex-wife is back in the picture and they look so right together and they should probably get back together but I love him and I thought he loved me but now he’s going to go back to her so they can be a family and—”
“Whoa! Stop! Come in here and sit down and start from the beginning.” Linda led Cass into the sunroom and sat her down on the wicker sofa. “Start talking.”
Cass talked. She told her mother about Owen and how she’d fallen in love with him. How they’d been together almost every night, sharing a sweet little house in St. Dennis. How it had felt like the most right thing that had ever happened to her. How, despite her resolve to never get involved with another adventure-loving man, she’d fallen hard for him. How she had believed him when he said he’d stay, how she’d trusted him.
Then she told her mother about Cyndi and her deception, about the child that had been hidden from Owen, about how the truth had come out. About how she’d watched them together and how much they looked like a family.
“Well, they are a family, Cass. They are parents to that child.”
“No, I mean they looked like they really liked each other again, like they were mother and father and son.”
“That’s what they are. And they should appear to like each other, whether or not they really do. If for no other reason than to make that little boy feel comfortable with Owen so he can get to know his son.”
“They looked like they were doing more than just trying to make J.J. comfortable.”
“I think you’re jumping to conclusions, Cass. I think you’re reading something into this that may or may not be there.”
“What if they decide to get back together and be a family for real?”
“Has Owen given you any reason to think that might happen?”
“Well, no, but I have eyes, Mom.”
“And an active imagination. Unfortunately, I have to take the blame for that.” Linda cleared her throat. “What did you tell Owen before you left St. Dennis?”
“Nothing. I just left.”
“You just left? You didn’t say, ‘Good-bye, I think I’ll go see my mom in Baltimore’? ‘I need space, I need to think’? Nothing?”
Cass shook her head.
“Cassidy,” Linda said softly. “I think that was a cowardly thing to do.”
“Oh, thanks, Mom. I come home crying for some motherly advice and you call me a coward. Way to kick a girl when she’s down.”
Cass tried to get up but Linda pulled on her arm to make her sit back down.
“I said it was a cowardly thing to do, not that you’re a coward.”
“Same thing.”
“No, it isn’t, and you know it isn’t. You have a relationship with this man that sounds very serious.”
“I thought it was.”
“And I’m sure he thought it was, too. He probably thinks it still is. But his whole world has been turned upside down, Cassie. Put yourself in his place. I’m sure he’s going crazy trying to figure out the right thing to do for his son. I can’t even imagine how conflicted and confused he must be.”
Cass’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she glanced at the screen. Owen.
“Is that him?”
Cass nodded.
“You should talk to him.”
“I’m not ready to talk to him.” Cass slid the phone back into her pocket.
“He might be worried about where you are.”
“I don’t think he’s thinking about me these days.” Cass stood and went into the hall and gathered up the things she’d left there. “I’m going back to my apartment. Thanks for the pep talk, Mom.”
“Cassie . . .”
“I know you’re trying to be rational and to see both sides. But that’s not what I need just now.” Cass fished in her pocket for her car keys. “Right now I need someone to just be on my side.”
“I am always on your side, sweetheart.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.” Cass kissed her mother on the cheek.
“Cass, you’re giving me the impression that you’ve given up.” Linda stopped her in the doorway.
“Maybe.”
“You know, ever since you were little, you were my warrior girl. I never saw you give up on anything. You always fought for what you wanted. What happened to my little warrior?” Linda folded her arms over her chest and stared at her daughter. “Where’s that fighter now?”
WHERE’S THAT FIGHTER now?
Cass was wondering that herself. Was she not fighting because she was afraid she’d lose? When, she wondered, had she started to become afraid of losing?
When had the stakes ever been this high?
Yes, she finally admitted to herself. She was afraid of losing Owen. More accurately, she was afraid he was already lost to her.
And maybe that was the right way for this to end. Maybe Owen and Cyndi owed it to themselves to try to be a family for their son. They’d looked happy together, hadn’t they? Maybe she, not Cyndi, should bow out gracefully. Wouldn’t that be best for J.J., better than being shipped back and forth between—where were they living now? Massachusetts? Rhode Island? Somewhere up there. It’s a long way for weekend visits, Cass thought. But if Cyndi moved back to the Eastern Shore, maybe they could spend more time together. They’d cared about each other once. Maybe for the sake of their son, they should try again.
Maybe Cass was the one who should back away.
The thought of doing that was like a thorn in her heart.
It isn’t fair, she thought as she unlocked the door to her apartment. I love him and . . .
She sighed and put her computer on the dining-room table.
And I never told him. Not in words, but I should have. What was I waiting for?
Her apartment was dark and she was too depressed to turn the lights on. The place was dusty, and something in the refrigerator smelled terrible and the odor had seeped into the entire kitchen and dining area. She opened the door to the fridge and found something unrecognizable wrapped in clear plastic wrap, which did nothing to contain the nasty smell. She dropped it into a plastic bag and took it outside to the trash.
She went back upstairs and into her bedroom and tossed her phone onto her bed. What she needed was sleep. She hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since the previous weekend, and she was mentally and physically exhausted. Not the time to make a major decision about Owen or anything else in her life. She’d ignored his last few calls, and a glance at the screen told her she’d missed yet another. Finally she broke down and listened to his voice mails:
“Babe, where are you? Where’d you go? Why’d you just disappear like that? Call me, would you please?”
“Cass, what’s going on? Kevin said you just got up and left. Where are you?”
“Cass, please come back. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out. Call me, please?”
“Okay, this is getting scary. I’m starting to think the worst. That something’s happened to you. If you’re okay, at least let me know. Otherwise, I’m going to be tempted to call the state police. Cassie . . .”
His frustration came through loud and clear in that last message. She sent him a text:
In Baltimore. Need to think things through. Will be in touch.
He’d texted back, When are you coming back?
I don’t know was the most honest answer she could give him.
Almost immediately, her phone pinged.
I’ll be waiting.