A few more days passed and Lucy began to grow quite settled with the Alliance. Dan, especially, was spending as much time as he could with her, making sure she was left feeling right at home. Lucy even began to enjoy stripping the old wallpaper off the walls in the office and was able to help Savannah out with the paperwork too, which meant Savannah had more time to go and help Tom with the house.
Lucy had been delighted to hear that Tom was building a house for him and Savannah to share. At the same time, she realized that it would mean only Dan was left here. When Tom and Savannah eventually moved out, there would be a bed going spare. Perhaps she could move in here - not that she had very much to her name. Her cheeks flushed as she thought about sharing a bed with Dan, and what he would look like first thing in the morning.
"Lucy?" Dan came over, and Lucy felt heat rush into her face yet again, wondering if he could tell what she'd been thinking about. To her horror, she saw him give a quick sniff of the air, before grinning at her. Apparently, he was learning how to put his shifter senses to good use, even in his human skin. Her pheromones were telling Dan exactly what she'd been thinking about, even if she wasn't going to say a word about it.
"Hi, Dan," she said, turning around and trying to be casual. It didn't quite work, and she could see the glimmer of laughter in his eyes.
He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, the scruff on his chin tickling her neck. Lucy sucked in a breath, closing her eyes as desire shot heat into her belly. “Thinking about me, were you?” he growled into her ear.
“Something like that,” she admitted, as he pulled away. His grin was spreading across his face even more as she smiled at him, aware that her face was probably bright red. Her eyes flitted to his mouth for a moment, before she turned her head away. What was she doing? Sometimes she couldn’t think straight when he was around, especially when he was so close to her. Everything about him just oozed appeal. Even the way he smelled was….
A sudden frown crossed her face. Her bear was content too. For the first time, it wasn’t trying to push out of her skin, or growling quietly. It was silent. When Dan drew closer, it almost seemed to purr.
“Is something the matter?”
She shook her head, stepping away from him. "No, I - " She didn't like this feeling. Her bear was trying to tell her something about Dan, but Lucy didn't want to listen. She hated that the bear kept on trying to get her attention when it was the very thing she was trying to get rid of, the one thing she didn't want to be a part of her any more.
“Got any plans for this evening?”
Forced to focus back on Dan instead of on her tumbling thoughts, Lucy shook her head, wondering what he had planned.
“Great,” he grinned. “Then I was hoping you’d come out with me for a walk somewhere.”
Lucy frowned again, thinking that perhaps Dan was going to take her somewhere to try and get her to shift.
“And don’t worry,” Dan continued, as though he’d read her thoughts. “I won’t be trying to push that bear out of you, Lucy. I just found a nice place and I want to share it with you. You can talk to me about stuff when you’re ready, remember?”
“Oh,” she replied, immediately feeling guilty that she’d not trusted he’d keep his promise to not talk to her about shifting. “Sure, I’d like that.”
He nudged her. “No need to look so guilty, I forgive you,” he grinned, making her smile. “I’ll bring dinner and Nick’s going to lend me the truck. See you after work.”
“Bye.” Lucy kept her eyes on him as he walked back out of the door, and along past the window towards the actual repair shop. He always managed to make her smile, even when she didn’t want to. It was like she couldn’t be in a bad mood around him.
Jo walked in, giving her a quick smile. “Everything okay?”
Lucy nodded, turning back to the paperwork she was doing for Savannah, who was up at the house build today. “Yeah, fine. Dan and I were just arranging something for after work.”
“Oh.”
Jo didn’t say any more but Lucy could tell she was smiling. Heaving a loud sigh for Jo’s benefit, Lucy quirked one eyebrow when she turned around with an innocent expression on her face.
“What?” Jo asked, spreading her hands.
“I know you’re secretly thrilled Dan and I are spending so much time together,” Lucy replied, barely able to keep a straight face. “He’s a friendly guy, is that so surprising?”
Jo shook her head. “No, not surprising at all, if you’re sure that’s all it is.” She paused for a second or two, her smile spreading. “I don’t think Dan wants just friendship between you two.”
Lucy sighed again, but this time for real. "I know. I like him too."
“So what’s the problem?”
Wondering if Jo would understand, Lucy tried to explain. “He’s a shifter, I’m not.”
“You are,” Jo contradicted, confused.
“I know I am,” Lucy replied. “But what I mean is, I don’t shift. Dan doesn’t understand that.”
"Mmm." Jo tipped her head, her eyes wandering around the room. Lucy knew she was thinking about what to say and was happy to give her the space to think. Even only after a couple of weeks, she'd really grown to like and respect Jo. She always seemed to know what to say and the others always listened to her.
“Do you know the one thing I find difficult about my relationship with Nick?” Jo asked, eventually.
Lucy shook her head, wondering what on earth it could be. Jo and Nick seemed so strong together, so obviously in love.
"It's that he's a shifter, and I'm not," Jo finished, with a sad smile on her face. "He experiences the world so differently from me and can do things I can't. There's a huge part of his life that I can't share in, and, while it doesn't mean that we love each other any less, it certainly can be hard at times."
“But shifting has it’s bad side,” Lucy replied, suddenly feeling defensive. “I mean, even Nick’s involved in a feud with another pack.”
"Oh yes, I know," Jo agreed, calmly. "But he's never chosen to be a part of that fight, Lucy. That's the difference. Your brother - and Lucas - are shifters who want to fight. It's who they are. They want to dominate and control. Savannah and Dan were a part of that pack, but they left in the end and joined us because they realized how different we are." Her gaze shifted away from Lucy to the corner of the room, her expression almost dreamy. "If the Northern Wind pack weren't here, weren't fighting with us, then this pack would just be about going out in the woods, lazing around and swimming in the lake." The corner of her mouth turned up. "Except I'd be the only human surrounded by a whole pile of bears!"
Lucy saw the slight sadness in Jo’s eyes and immediately felt ridden with guilt. Jo wanted something she couldn’t have, while Lucy wasn’t using her shifting abilities at all. Jo seemed to view them as a gift, as something worth having, while Lucy still couldn’t pull herself away from the idea that being a shifter meant being involved in violence. “I guess if I keep on staying human then you won’t have to worry about being the only human in a pack full of bears,” she replied, trying to lighten the mood.
Jo's gaze shot back towards her at once, as she shook her head fervently. "No, Lucy, I don't agree. Your reasons not to shift are entirely your own, but none of us can escape from who we really are. It would be like Dan trying to pretend he's not a bit of a clumsy joker when we all know that's exactly who he is. Can you imagine him trying to be serious all the time?"
Lucy shook her head, numbness spreading through her limbs. She knew exactly what Jo was getting at, but she still didn’t want to accept it. It was too much to think about, too much to take in at one time. Her bear growled uncomfortably, aware of the battle going on inside Lucy.
“Just think about it, okay, Lucy?” Jo finished, putting a gentle hand on Lucy’s shoulder. “I know I’d give anything to be able to share that part of Nick’s life. Don’t hide that part of yourself away.” She walked away, her feet barely making a single sound on the floor.
Lucy sat quietly for a long time, the paperwork forgotten. Jo had shown her an entirely different side to life, one where shifting wasn't a part of her day to day living. Lucy couldn't imagine what it must be like for Jo, to be surrounded by shifters who could all sense things and do things that she couldn't. Remembering how Dan, Nick, Tom, and Savannah had all gone out into the woods the first night she'd arrived, Lucy suddenly saw the look of resignation on Jo's face - and pain sliced through her heart. She had what Jo wanted, but she was refusing to use it.
Dan had tried over and over to tell her that being a shifter wasn't a bad thing, but she'd never even allowed herself to consider what he'd said. Dominic's need to control had told her, over and over, that violence and anger went hand in hand with being a shifter. Lucy had given up on her dreams of finding a pack that was peaceful and respectful, and now, it seemed, even when she might have found what she’d been looking for, she didn’t want to believe it.
Lucy had to admit to herself that her bear's instinct was to trust Dan. More than that, the bear wanted to be with Dan, all the time. It was calm and settled when she was with him. Of course, Lucy had tried to ignore her bear completely, but now, finally, she was ready to listen. What was it her bear was trying to tell her? That she should trust him? That she could let herself shift and know that he wouldn't ever try to push her into fighting or violence, in the way Dominic had done? Lucy swallowed hard, threading her hands through her hair and resting her elbows on the table. Perhaps tonight, wherever it was Dan was taking her, she'd be able to talk to him about everything Jo had said. And maybe, just maybe, she might think about shifting again.