I pulled into a parking space in front of Fanaille and got out of my truck, just as a gust of wind sent a bunch of brown and orange leaves scattering across the sidewalk. It was fucking chilly out here this early in the morning, with the sun barely cresting the trees down at the end of Waterford Street and glinting off the lace-curtained window of the bakery.

Cal and Ash were inside, joking and laughing as they moved in tandem, two souls with one purpose. I'd seen them like that a million times over the past half-year or more, and I'd shaken my head each and every time. I'd never understood that kind of closeness, never wanted it. Now that I'd had just a taste of it, though, I craved it more than my next breath.

It was ridiculous that it took a disaster to make you realize how grateful you should have been before the disaster struck. And that was what the fight with Ev had been — a complete, unmitigated clusterfuck of a disaster.

After Ev had walked off the day before, I’d spent way too many melancholy hours roaming my damn house, where every room already had an Ev-shaped memory imprinted on it, even after just three weeks. I couldn’t go to the diner or Hoff’s without being asked about Ev, I didn’t want to drive past the playground or the school because they’d make me think of him, I couldn't be in my kitchen or smell a fucking apple without replaying our fight. I was a prisoner in my damn life if he wasn’t in it.

Finally, I'd fled to the damn garage to work on the car — because I fucking could too commit to something — when I finally realized, a little too late, the subtext of what Ev had really been saying all along.

Jesus Christ. If I was scared to love him when he couldn’t love me back, if I was missing him after three hours without him, what the hell would it be like to lose someone after years together? After marriage and promising forever?

Everett was scared. And the very fact that he was so scared meant he was in love, or was close enough to love to scare the shit out of him. But instead of holding onto him with two hands, instead of going with my first instinct and wrapping him up in my arms to comfort and reassure him, I’d let him walk out the door.

Alone.

Again.

But this was the last damn time.

I loved Everett Maior. I loved every minute I spent with him, even when he was teasing me relentlessly, every suspicious and superstitious thought that danced through the man’s head, even when he made me crazy. And maybe it was too soon to be thinking that way, but… the way I looked at it, I had a lifetime of commitment stored up and only one man I wanted to use it on.

I pulled open the door to the bakery, and stepped inside the cinnamon-sugar haven.

“Officer Sloane!” Cal called, turning from Ash to greet me with a smile still bright on his face. “How’s it going?”

“Pretty good. You?”

“Very good. He’s just about convinced me we want a dog,” he said, hooking a thumb at his boyfriend. “But not until the spring.”

“Cal and I are planning a…” Ash began, before pausing dramatically.

I raised my eyebrows. “A date night? A party? Oh, God, a family?”

Cal laughed out loud. “Yeah, slow down there, Sloane. No families right now.”

Ash folded his enormous arms across his chest. “Yeah, Caelan needs to make an honest man of me first.”

Cal’s lips twitched. “Okay, your heteronormative ideas of how families are made aside… Don’t rush me, Ashley. I have plans.”

Ash grinned at him — totally sappy, totally in love, totally content to wait for whatever Cal wanted.

Ugh. I needed Everett so badly my gut clenched.

“What Ash meant to say is we’re planning a vacation,” Cal said. “We’re going down to Florida to visit my grandmother sometime this spring, and we’ll wait to get a puppy after that.”

“Florida?” I said. “That’s cool.”

“He claims it’s to visit his grandmother,” Ash teased, “but it’s totally because Ethan Scott called to tell him he’d won a trip to Disney World, and Cal realized I’d never been, so he wants to take me.”

"Ethan!" Ethan Scott had been a friend of Cal’s back in high school, more than a few years younger than me. We'd never been close, but I'd run into him when he'd come home for a visit over the summer. “How’s Boston?”

Cal shrugged. “Not so great now that Parker’s moved back to O’Leary. They moved east together, and now that Parker’s back here… I got the impression Ethan was lonely.”

I could understand that all too well.

“So where's Everett this morning?” Cal asked, giving me a knowing grin.

“At this hour? Asleep in his bed, hopefully. I’m planning to grab some pastries and go wake him up. Whatever kind is his favorite this week.”

“That would be pumpkin muffins with cream cheese frosting,” Ash said.

“And the largest black coffee,” Cal added.

“Now that’s a hell of a way to wake up,” Ash said. “What did he do to deserve that?”

Cal swatted Ash in the stomach as he passed on his way to the bakery case. “Ashley!”

“Hey! Not like that,” Ash said. “Mind out of the gutter, Caelan. I just meant is he feeling okay?”

“Actually,” I hesitated, but then I figured if anyone would get relationship stuff it was these two. “I fucked up yesterday. Bigtime.”

“How big?” Ash asked, eyes wide, as he put a to-go cup of coffee on the counter next to the box of muffins Cal had prepared.

“Uh, huge?”

“How huge?” Cal folded his arms over his chest.

“Like, I called him six times last night and texted him fourteen times but he didn’t answer huge. Like, let me bribe you with your favorite pastries to even hear my apology huge.”

Ash winced and Cal pursed his lips. “Better let me throw in some cupcakes, too,” he said, opening the box again.

I chuckled. “Thanks.”

Cal’s phone rang, and he and Ash swapped places so Ash could ring me out while Cal answered it.

“You don’t seem too worried,” Ash said, a smile quirking one side of his mouth. “For someone who messed up that badly.”

I shook my head. “I’m weirdly… not. I dunno. I came to a whole bunch of realizations after I, you know, fucked up. And one of them was that Everett is it for me. He’s scared and it’ll maybe take a long while before he feels the way I feel, but…” I shrugged.

“There’s something really freeing when you figure out what you can live with and what you can’t live without,” Ash said, nodding. “I get it.”

“Hey!” Cal said, frowning. “That was Myrna. She’s looking for Frank. Have you seen him, Si?”

I shook my head. “I haven’t been anyplace but here.”

“Myrna said their daughter Regan came up for the weekend with her dog, since Myrna’s starting treatment next week. Frank promised them a big breakfast today. But when they woke up this morning, Frank and Banjo were both gone. Myrna and Regan don’t know if he took the dog out for a walk early or what, but he’s been gone since at least four, when Myrna got up.”

“Four?” I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. “It’s nearly nine.”

Cal nodded, concern in his eyes. “I mean, it’s possible that he just got sidetracked or lost track of time.”

“Not with Regan home,” I countered, frowning. “Wonder if he fell down or something? He’s getting older.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Ash joked, though he was clearly concerned, too. “If you want someone to help look for him, I’m game.” He looked at Cal. “You’ll be fine?”

“Yeah,” Cal said. “O’Leary’s waking up slow this morning anyway. And if they get impatient, I’ll tell them to sit the fuck down and wait.” He smiled grimly.

“That’s the customer service O’Learians have come to expect,” Ash said, kissing Cal on the mouth. “Be back.”

“I’m going to run these to Ev,” I said, taking the pastries. I needed to see him just for a second, to press a quick kiss to his lips and tell him I would be back later, to let him know that he could talk and this time I would really listen. “And then I’ll call Mitch…”

But my phone was already ringing. “Hey, I was just going to call you,” I told Mitch. “I heard about Frank, and…”

“Myrna called me,” Mitch interrupted. “Constantine and I are already out at the campground. Regan Lucano's dog came back, Si, but there's no sign of Frank. And…" He hesitated, then continued in a low voice, like he didn't want to be overheard, "We found blood traces. Up in the campground where John Carpenter was staying.”

My own blood ran cold. “Could be animal?”

“Could be,” Mitch agreed. But neither of us believed it.

“I’ll be there in ten,” I promised. “Ash Martin’s coming with me.”

“Good.”

“I’ll drive,” I told Ash. “Meet me at the truck.”

“Yeah. Lemme grab boots and a coat,” Ash said, heading into the backroom, which led up to their apartment.

“Be back,” I told Cal.

I rushed across the street and rang the doorbell repeatedly, the warmth of the coffee cup searing my hand.

“Keep your shirt on!” I heard Henry yell, followed by a clomping sound that I knew was his cane on the stairs. “I’m coming.”

He threw open the door a second later. “Silas?” Henry was still in his pajamas, his white hair sticking up around his head.

“Morning, Henry. Sorry to barge in. I just need to see Ev really quickly. I got called out and I…”

“Silas,” Hen said, eyes wide. “Ev isn’t here. He stayed with you last night.”

“No, he came back here,” I told him. “We had a fight. A really stupid fight, and…”

But Henry was already shaking his head. “I took Diane out to dinner last night, Si. And when I came home, the place was deserted. Far as I know, he hasn’t been home since he left here with you yesterday afternoon.”

“But then… Henry, if he's not here, where the hell is he?"