There was a reason they were called fantasies; they don’t belong in the real world. They should stay tucked safely away in the corners of your imagination where they were bright and shiny illusions of what could be. In the harsh light of reality, they were dark and dirty, spreading like the plague until nothing looked the same.

I laid in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling, smoking a joint, the sheets tangled around me. I hadn’t made the bed or washed the sheets since Quinn had moved out several days ago. They still smelled like him. I pulled the covers over my head and inhaled deeply. For a moment, the scent was enough to make me believe I could uncover my head and see Quinn’s goofy grin smiling back at me; that I would wake up and this nightmare I had created would be over.

My phone rang, the screen bright in the dark room, the sound echoing through the quiet apartment. It was Derek. I pushed IGNORE and rolled over. He called three more times before I finally answered.

“I wasn’t sure you were still alive. Are you at work?” he asked.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t feel like it.” I had used four days of my vacation time in the last two weeks, on days when dragging myself out of bed and interacting with other human beings seemed like too much to deal with.

“So, what are you doing?”

“What do you want, Derek?” The words came out angrier than I intended.

“Don’t get snippy with me. I called to check on you; you haven’t responded to any of my texts or calls in two weeks,” he snapped. “Let me guess, you probably haven’t gotten out of bed today, other than to go the bathroom, and you’re probably either drunk or high most of the time, lying there feeling sorry for yourself? Does that sound about right?”

“Fuck you.”

“So that’s a yes. Get over it, Chloe. Get your ass out of bed and do something! You did this to yourself; you made your bed, now you have to lay in it.”

“How original,” I said sarcastically. “Besides, laying in my bed is exactly what I’m doing.”

“You have to move on.”

“How am I supposed to move on from the man I’ve been with for eight years? The man I thought I’d grow old with?”

“I don’t feel sorry for you. You should have thought about that months ago.”

“I thought you understood?” I asked.

“Just because I understand doesn’t mean I have to have sympathy. I know it’s hard, I know you feel like your world is over, but it’s not. And you can’t stay in bed for the rest of your life,” he said. “What about Carson?”

“What about him?” I snapped. Dani was still the only one who knew I loved him, but right now it wasn’t enough. Pain pushed out any feelings of love.

“Does he still want to be with you? Move on with him if you have to.”

I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t thought about it. I’d wanted to call him a million times in over past few weeks, or answer one of his incessant texts, especially after our rendezvous. I wanted to tell him I loved him. But my heart was too broken and mangled and only wanted Quinn. I had held onto a glimmer of hope that he might forgive me and we could make it work, but it had died the day he’d moved.

I had tried to make myself hate Carson, tried to blame him, but I couldn’t do that either. I had been the selfish one. I was one who couldn’t just be happy with what I’d had. I had let him in; he was just an asshole and took advantage of it.

“I can’t,” I choked out.

“Maybe he’s it for you, like Adrienne was for me.”

“He’s not. Quinn was it, and I fucked it up. I threw it all away.”

“Chloe,” Derek said matter-of-factly. “If Quinn was really it for you, you would’ve never slept with Carson; it doesn’t matter how strong he came on to you, or how intense the lust was, Quinn would’ve been enough and nothing else would have mattered.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Shut-up and let me finish. It’s not bullshit and you know it. That’s why it took you almost four months to break off the affair, and, to be honest, I think if Carson hadn’t asked you to leave Quinn, you never would have.”

“But I was happy—” I interjected. Derek cut me off.

“You were happy with Quinn, I know, but that doesn’t mean he was your soulmate. Plenty of people have perfectly happy marriages, live their whole lives together without the kind of spark you had with Carson.”

“So what, that makes everything better?”

“No, it is still going to be shitty for a while. And you still did an awful thing to Quinn, there is no denying or justifying that, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”

“God, are you a psychologist or a cop?” I rolled my eyes and took one final hit of my joint.

“I was always the smart one,” Derek said, and I snorted.

“Yeah right.”

“Hey, I’m not the one lying in bed, getting high on a Wednesday.”

“Do I have to get out of bed today?”

“No, but tomorrow you do. You have to go to work and continue being kick-ass Chloe. Shouldn’t they be deciding about the team-lead soon? Calling out this many times can’t look good for you,” he said, and I groaned, because I knew he was right.

“I didn’t even think about that. Goddamn it, now I’m not going to get the job either.”

“Don’t be all dramatic,” Derek said. “But you should probably go to work every day for the foreseeable future.”

“Fine.”

“I’m calling you at 7:30 tomorrow morning to make sure you are up and on your way.”

“Great, can’t wait.”

“I love you, Chloe.”

“I love you, too.” I laid back down in bed and pulled the covers over my head.

I thought about what Derek had said, about Carson, and I wondered if we could really have a relationship; at least then, this whole shit-show wouldn’t have been for nothing.

I dozed off and dreamed about Quinn and Carson, like I had every day for the past few weeks, but none of it made any sense.

A few hours later, my phone rang and woke me out of my deep, pot-induced sleep. I bolted upright in bed and looked at my phone … it was Sean.

“Fuck,” I mumbled under my breath and tried to wake myself up.

“Hello,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound like the zombie I felt like.

“Chloe, I’m sorry to bother you on your day off,” Sean said. “I hope you’re feeling all right. I’ve been worried about you being gone so much recently.”

Dread crept through me. Yup, I’d fucked this up too.

“No, I’m fine, just family stuff. Thank you for being concerned,” I lied.

“I need to meet with you, in person,” he said, sounding rushed.

“When?”

“Today, if possible. I have to go to New York tonight and would really like to speak with you before I leave. The hiring committee has made a decision.”

That woke me up.

“I can be there,” I said hastily and looked at the clock. It was almost one. “Can you give me a few hours?”

“Can you be here by 2:30?” I jumped out of bed and stumbled toward the shower.

“Yes, I will be there,” I said.

“Great, see you soon.”

I hung up and turned the shower on cold and stepped under the spray. The cold water woke me up and swept the cobwebs from the corners of my mind. Then, I turned the water to hot and washed the smell of weed off myself.

I pulled my hair into a low bun, put on a little makeup to hide the red rims around my eyes, brushed my teeth, and put on a pair of dress pants and a sweater.

At 2:15, I pulled into my office building. Whatever was about to happen would be a big deal, and I had butterflies in anticipation. Either I was being promoted, or I was being demoted from my temporary position.

I stopped in the bathroom and checked my reflection one last time before I walked to Sean’s office. I knocked on the door and heard Chelsy protest from her desk behind me, but Sean waved me into his office.

Another man I didn’t recognize was sitting in the corner. Even though he was sitting, you could tell he was tall, and he was handsome. His broad shoulders pulled at his suit jacket. His black hair and turquoise eyes made it hard not to stare, but I forced my attention to my boss as I shut the door behind me.

“Chloe, I’m glad you made it,” Sean said. “Please, take a seat.” He didn’t make any mention of the stranger in his office and didn’t introduce us. I sat down, perplexed. Was this guy taking my job?

“Chloe, I’ll get right to the point. We’ve chosen someone else for the women’s team lead here in Oregon.”

It was like someone punched me in the gut; all the air left my lungs, and I struggled to breathe. This couldn’t possibly be happening. Everything in my life couldn’t fall apart at the same time. I couldn’t look at Sean, I was afraid I might cry.

“But we have another opportunity for you,” he added. I looked up slowly and saw him smiling.

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“Chloe, this is Adam. He heads the design team in our New York office.” Sean finally motioned toward the man in the corner. The man—Adam—nodded, but didn’t say anything. “He has an opening on a team for a special project, and he wants you.”

Adam jumped into the conversation.

“We are completely overhauling our NFL line, designing new looks for all the teams that will debut in Thursday night games next season. We also have a new contract with the Syracuse Athletics Department, and need a whole new line of gear designed for each of their varsity teams. We anticipate both projects together will take about a year. I’ve got most of the team in place, but I need someone to lead the projects.”

“I have never worked in uniforms before. Are you sure this isn’t a mistake?” I said.

Sean raised his eyebrow at me. I didn’t understand what was happening.

“I was on the final hiring committee for the women’s position and saw your work. That is part of the reason this decision has taken so long. Sean was ready to give you the job here, when I called and said I wanted you. We had to start over again,” Adam said. “I think you are a perfect fit for what we need. You have vision and focus, and will be able to lead a team in creating cohesive, original designs.”

“It is an amazing opportunity, Chloe,” Sean said.

“You are offering me a job in New York City?” I asked, to make sure I was following the conversation.

“It would only be for a year, maybe eighteen months,” Adam interjected.

“What happens after that?” I asked.

“Your job on the women’s team would still be here when you get back, assuming Adam doesn’t come up with some other project he needs you for,” Sean said with a smile. “We’re in negotiations for the 2020 and 2022 Olympic game contracts, and will need a team lead for those projects as well. You could be considered for positions like that after this.”

“But we need you in New York in the next month,” Adam said. “We are already behind our timeline for the NFL uniforms.”

“I know you’ll need to talk it over with Quinn,” Sean said. I waved my hand and dismissed him. Tears formed in my eyes, because I didn’t need to talk to Quinn. I was the only one making decisions now.

“Of course I’ll do it,” I said. “I can’t turn down an opportunity like this. I’m honored to even be considered.”

“Great!” Adam stood, and looked like he was ready to shake my hand. Sean held up his hand and looked at me intently.

“Chloe, are you sure you don’t need more time? I can give you a few days to think it over. This is a big decision.”

“No,” I said confidently. “I’m positive this is the right decision for me.”

It was the right choice—the chance to start over, far away from Quinn and Carson and the memories of them both on every corner. Adam and Sean exchanged glances, and then Sean nodded.

“Welcome to the team, Chloe.” Adam stood in front of me, and I rose to shake his hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, but I’ve got to run, I have a plane to catch. One of our agents, who has moved dozens of employees across the country, will be in touch tomorrow and will help you get the details all figured out.” He pulled an envelope out of his briefcase and handed it to me.

“This is the contract. Please look it over tonight and let me know immediately if you see any issues.”

“I will, thank you,” I said. With that, he strode over to the door.

“See you in New York, Chloe.”

---

Twenty minutes later, I sat in my car, my head spinning. I had instinctively called Quinn, but hung up before it went through. I would have to tell him eventually, but right now I needed someone to share my excitement with.

I picked Dani. When she didn’t answer, I sent her a text.

I pulled out of the parking lot, and my phone rang before I got to the street—Dani.

“Oh my God, Dani, you’re never going to believe it! Nike offered me a job in New York City!” I said as soon as I answered.

“You are moving to New York?! Are you shitting me?”

“It’s real,” I said. “I have the contract with me right now. I’m planning on reading it tonight, and signing it in the morning.”

“When are you going?”

“I don’t know yet … soon. Within the month.”

“That is fucking amazing! I’m coming over right now, and we are going to celebrate! New York City! Oh my God, I can’t even believe it.”

“It’s still pretty surreal, but I’m excited,” I said. “I’m sure that will change when I call my mom, since she already gives me so much grief for being in Portland. I can’t imagine what she is going to say if I’m 3,000 miles away.”

“Don’t worry about that now, just be excited! You can deal with her tomorrow.”

“Aaahhh!” I yelled. “I’m so excited.”

“Me too,” she said. “I’ll see you soon.”

I’d only been home 10 minutes when Dani arrived with two bottles of wine and food from our favorite Indian place.

We ate and drank and caught up on the things I hadn’t had a chance to talk to her about yet. I told her every detail from the day I’d left her house, to the heart-breaking sex I’d had with Quinn when he’d moved out, to the rude phone call from Derek this morning.

“I knew I liked Derek,” she said. “But seriously, it’s a damn good thing he called you. I was about to come over here and drag your ass out of bed. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

I had ignored pretty much everyone since Quinn had moved out, Dani included.

“I’ve never had to come to terms with the fact that I cheated on my husband and tore apart our marriage.”

“God, I would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall for the fight between Quinn and Carson,” Dani said through a mouth full of food.

“Carson didn’t tell me much, but I imagine it wasn’t pretty.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“No, I can’t bring myself to call him. I want to, but to say what?” She looked at me like I was delusional.

“Ummm, I don’t know ... maybe I love you?”

“What’s the point now? I’m moving.” She shrugged and let it go.

“Are you going to tell Quinn?”

“I have to. We’re not officially divorced yet. Besides, I think he’d want to know.”

“Divorced. Fuck, it sounds so...” Dani struggled to find the right word.

“Ugly,” I supplied.

“Yeah, that’ll work.”

“I’ve got others. Sad, lonely...”

“A second chance,” Dani interrupted. “Think about it. If none of this had ever happened, would you be moving to New York? Taking the job of your dreams?”

“Maybe...”

“I will never, ever condone what you did, but if you were still with Quinn you wouldn’t be able to accept the job on the spot like you did. He just got his new show...”

“He did?” I interrupted.

“Oh, yeah, I heard him on the radio the other day. It was damn good. But that’s not the point. He got a new show, so I doubt he’d just drop it to move across the country.”

It was true. I hadn’t even stopped to consider what would’ve happened if Quinn and I were still together. For the first time in weeks, I felt a little bit of hope.

“I’m going to miss you,” I said. Dani looked me straight in the eyes, and, for a moment, I thought I saw a tear forming in the corner of her icicle blue eyes. She shook her head and swore at me.

“Damn it! I didn’t come here to cry. We are supposed to be celebrating, not mourning. Besides, it’s just a year, and you better believe I’m coming to visit you.”

Dani got up and opened the second bottle of wine, and even though we both had to work in the morning, we stayed up laughing and talking and celebrating my new start until two in the morning. I hugged Dani tight when she left and felt a little piece of my broken heart heal itself.

I had my best friend and a kick-ass new job in the fashion capital of the world. I went to bed feeling lighter and happier than I had in weeks.