Chapter Nineteen
Clark’s cell phone rang at five minutes after three. After dropping the phone on the floor, he scrambled to answer it before it went to voicemail. He’d fallen asleep on the sofa, unwilling to face his empty bed. Two weeks on the lumpy couch had been hell on his back.
“Hello?”
“You need to get to the hospital,” Taylor said. “It’s Jake.”
“Twenty minutes.” He clicked end. He slid his legs into a pair of jeans he grabbed off the top of the hamper and grabbed a clean T-shirt. Two minutes later, he was in the truck speeding toward Asheville. He pressed the gas pedal to the floor and watched the speedometer tick upward.
He covered nearly twenty-four miles in thirty minutes. He pulled into a space and jogged inside. The automatic doors slid open with a hiss and he hurried toward the information desk. “Jake Davis,” he said.
The woman behind the desk tapped several keys. “He’s not in a room yet. Still in the ER. Have a seat, and I’ll let you know when they move him to a room.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“Sir, I’m not at liberty to discuss any of Mr. Davis’s medical issues with you. Just have a seat, and I’ll keep you posted.”
There was no way he could sit. “Thanks,” he muttered and strode toward the ER.
It was chaos in the ER. The waiting room was packed and several people stood at the registration desk. Clark pushed his way to the front. “Jake Davis,” he said. “I need to see him.”
“You’ll have to wait, sir. Just like everyone else.” The tired-looking woman behind the counter pointed to the growing line.
“But I need to see—”
“Get in line,” she said before he could finish.
Clark got in line and dialed Taylor. When she was on duty, she rarely answered her personal cell. He crossed his fingers and hoped to hear his sister’s voice.
Voicemail.
The line was moving slower than molasses. By the time he got to the front, it would be dawn. On a whim, he tried Jake’s cell.
“Yeah?” Jake answered.
Clark breathed a sigh of relief. “Are you okay?”
“Not sure,” he said.
“I’m in the ER now. I’ll come back as soon as they’ll let me.”
“Okay.”
“What happened?”
“It’s a long story.” Jake’s voice held none of the humor, none of the mischief it normally held.
“Have a nurse come and get me.”
“Okay.” Jake hung up the phone.
A few minutes later, just as Clark ran out of Candy Crush lives on his smartphone, a nurse came into the waiting room and escorted him back to Jake’s room.
He hated seeing his friend like this. Once muscular and vigorous, Jake was wan and pale. He looked like he hadn’t been out in the sun in months. Dark circles ringed his eyes and he’d aged ten years in just a few months.
And it was all Clark’s fault.
“Hey, Goose,” Clark said, placing his hand on the rail of the bed and looking down at Jake. “What happened?”
“My leg was hurting. It was swollen and red. Mom insisted I come to the ER.”
“What’s the diagnosis?”
“Blood clot.”
When Jake had checked out the facility that helped him get used to wheelchair living, they’d warned his friends and family that immobility could lead to blood clots. People in wheelchairs were at a much higher risk than people who moved their legs regularly.
“What are they doing?”
Jake raised his hand and pointed to the IV pump beside the bed. “Blood thinners. Hoping it doesn’t move to my lungs.”
“What happens if it does?”
“Major problems.”
Clark sat in the chair beside the bed. “Need anything?”
“Nope.” Jake picked up the remote and clicked on the television.
Clark googled blood clots then pulmonary embolism. It all sounded pretty damn scary. No wonder Jake didn’t want to talk about it.
After two episodes of Ink Master on Spike, Jake pressed the button to raise his bed. “What’s going on with you?”
“Same shit, different day.” It had been their customary response for as long as Clark could remember.
“That’s not what Taylor says,” Jake said.
“What does Taylor say?” He should’ve known his sister would tell Jake everything. She’d had a crush on him since forever, and Jake seemed to be the only person in town who hadn’t noticed.
“That your marriage to Anna wasn’t exactly platonic.”
Clark breathed out a lungful of air and slid back in his chair. “It was pretty hot for a while.”
“What happened?”
“She’s stubborn and pigheaded and wouldn’t listen to reason.”
Jake smiled for the first time since Clark had come into the room. “And you’re nosy and push your way into everyone’s business.”
“Am not,” Clark said. “I just try to be helpful.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “Helpful is changing a stranded motorist’s tire. Marrying a woman you barely know to save her kid from her ex-husband is pushing it.”
“It was my fault she nearly lost custody.”
“Everything in the world is your fault, Clark. You’d have taken responsibility for Hurricane Katrina if FEMA had given you half a chance.”
“But everything is my fault, Jake. Anna nearly losing custody, you being in a wheelchair.”
“Stop right there.” Jake’s voice was firm. “My missing leg is not your fault. I’ve told you that since the beginning.”
“But if I hadn’t tried to get the phone from you—”
“Stop it! For God’s sake, Clark. Stop it. I made the decision that night. I wouldn’t shut up until you agreed to drive me. I’m an adult. I made the damn decision. My leg is not your fucking fault.” Jake’s face was red and his temper, which had been dormant since the accident, flared back to life. “Stop trying to take responsibility for everyone else’s decisions.”
Clark felt his face flush. “How am I the bad guy when I am simply trying to make right what I’ve done wrong?”
Jake shook his head. “You just don’t get it, do you? You’re missing your life because you’re too focused on misplaced guilt.”
“It’s not misplaced when I caused the original problem.”
“Fuck. Look, I get it. Your parents were totally absent and you had to make sure everything was just right so that Taylor would never know they were so self-absorbed. But it’s time to stop making up for things that happened years ago.
“Did you force me to get in the car with you? Did you create the weather that caused the icy roads? Did you fucking wrestle me for the phone just so you could steer the car off the side of the mountain just for the hell of it?”
“I should’ve been more responsible.”
“No. You should be more realistic. You’re not God, you’re not Jesus. Hell, you’re not even psychic. How the fuck could you possibly have known we were going to crash?”
“I didn’t, but—”
“As for George and Anna, he’s been threatening to sue her for custody of Louie since they initially separated. It’s his way of controlling her. The Redhawk incident was just an easy way try to do it. If you hadn’t clocked him, which by all accounts, he had coming, he would’ve found something else.”
“It’s ironic, isn’t it? I don’t really make things right. Nine times out of ten, I make them worse.”
Jake looked his best friend in the eye. “Everything will never be right. Things fall apart, shit happens. We end up in places and situations we never expected to end up, but it’s okay. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. And for the record, some things are better when they’re a little messed up.”
“Like what?”
“Like a woman’s hair after she’d been thoroughly and righteously fucked.”
Clark smiled, remembering Anna’s curls all tangled and damp. “Point taken.”
“I won’t ever get my leg back. But you know what? I’ve learned a lot from everything I’ve had to go through, and while I may be a little depressed and a little pissed off, I’m working through it. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be a better man after all this shit. Stop trying to micromanage and manipulate everything.” Jake glared at him. “You’re getting on everyone’s nerves.”
“Everyone?”
“Everyone,” Jake repeated.
“Are you calling me some kind of control freak?”
“Yep. Card-carrying member of the control-freak club.”
Clark had never seen himself that way. In his mind, he was being honorable, upstanding, and responsible. But Jake had a point. He’d spent the first thirty years of his life trying to keep everything neat and orderly. It wasn’t just about helping. It was about keeping everything under control. Organized. In the box.
And it hadn’t worked.
If he’d let Jake scream at the band, he might not have wrecked the car. If he’d just taken Taylor’s advice and dated Anna, he might have been able to convince her to stay in his life forever.
“What do you suggest, Dr. Jake?”
Jake ran his fingers through his shaggy hair. “Find a way to keep Anna and Louie in your life. Permanently.”
“She doesn’t want anything permanent.”
“Is that what she told you?”
“About a thousand times.”
“Ever heard the line ‘Thou doth protest too much?’”
“Hamlet,” Clark said.
Jake nodded. “From everything Taylor’s told me, you two are meant for each other. You need to get your head out of your ass, roll up your sleeves, and get as dirty as you need to in order to get Anna back for real.”
“I like the sound of that.” Clark grinned. “Especially the dirty part.”
“Keep the details to yourself.”
…
October was the longest month of Anna’s life, and she wasn’t even halfway through it. Instead of enjoying time with Louie, she barked at him over minor things. She wasn’t sleeping well. Her queen-size bed felt huge and empty. She’d cleaned the house from top to bottom five or six times in just a couple of weeks, trying to burn off extra energy, trying to ease the twitchy, restless feeling. Trying to forget Clark.
The house on Florida Street wasn’t the same. She missed the cabin. The large, private back porch, the hot tub. Even the pantry. Her face flushed with the memory.
Anna missed Clark.
She also missed sex.
How in the world did I go without for so damn long?
Every day since they’d moved home, Louie had begged to visit Clark and Chewy. He wanted to play outside with the dog, and the cabin had a much better yard. Louie missed his bunk bed. The baseball practice on the lawn. Clark. Chewy. Clark. Chewy.
She never wanted to hear another C word. Ever.
It was becoming more and more difficult to put Louie off. She’d made every excuse she could think of, and he was becoming increasingly insistent.
“But, Mom, you promised we could go visit,” Louie whined. He’d spent the day at Mrs. Rosemiller’s while Anna cleaned two houses. “I miss them.” He pooched his lip out and widened his big blue eyes.
“We’ll visit them soon, honey. I’ll set something up.”
By “set something up,” she meant she’d call Taylor and beg her to take Louie out to Clark’s. She didn’t trust herself to even call him, much less visit. It was still too fresh. She needed at least another week. Maybe by then she could handle the sight of him, the smell of him. She’d work up to it.
She folded the last pair of Louie’s shorts and stacked them on the pile of laundry. Three houses tomorrow and then a couple of days off. She wished she had the money to take Louie to Carowinds, a theme park in Charlotte, but the checking account was already stretched tightly.
Anna sighed. The months at the cabin had been such a wonderful vacation. It had renewed her in body, mind, and spirit. But now she was back in a crummy rental house, broke, exhausted, and sexually frustrated.
I chose this. This is exactly what I want. Me and Louie. Our house. Our life. Our decisions.
Why did it feel so empty?
…
Taylor’s subdivision had a heated pool. Even though it was October, it was unseasonably warm, and a good swim might be the perfect escape. Since they’d moved back to Florida Street, Louie had asked incessant questions about when he was going to see Clark and Chewy. On Saturday afternoon, Anna threw a tote bag filled with towels, water bottles, and sunscreen into the backseat of her car. In the very bottom of the tote bag was a velvet box with the pearl engagement ring. She’d leave it at Taylor’s so Clark could pick it up the next time he visited.
When they arrived, Taylor had already claimed a grouping of lounge chairs on the far side of the pool deck. Anna placed her things on one of them then handed Louie his goggles. “Stay in the shallow end. Aunt Taylor and I will be right here, okay?”
He nodded. “Will you come in later?”
“We’ll see.”
“That means no, doesn’t it?”
“Half an hour, and we’ll swim with you, okay?”
He looked at the clock mounted above the restrooms. “I’ll come get you when it’s time.”
After Anna shed her cover-up and settled onto her chair, she said. “I thought we’d never get here. Thank goodness we were coming to the pool. Otherwise I’d never have gotten Louie to stop begging to see Clark and Chewy.”
“He’s really missing them, huh?” Taylor didn’t look up from her magazine.
“Yeah. He really bonded with Clark. I want them to stay close. It’s just that, well, I think he needs more time to readjust to our house. Our rules.”
Taylor dropped the magazine and pushed her sunglasses onto the top of her head. She turned to face Anna. “Are you sure Louie is the only one missing Clark and the dog?”
Anna’s best friend knew her all too well. “I may be missing them. A little.”
“A little?”
Anna exhaled loudly. “Okay, maybe more than a little.”
“Why don’t you call Clark, then?”
“That would just open a can of worms. Regardless of the feelings I have for him, I can’t live with someone who’s so determined to fix everything.”
“Why not? His solution worked for keeping Louie.”
“I don’t know.”
“You can’t avoid the question forever. I’m just going to keep asking.”
Anna stood. “I’m going for a swim.”
Taylor shrugged. “I’ll get you to talk. Eventually.”
After a couple more hours at the pool, the three of them were worn out and decided to head back to Taylor’s for dinner.
“I’ve got some chicken in the fridge. I thought we could grill it, along with some vegetables. Want some wine?”
Anna shook her head. “I’d better not. Kid duty.”
“I can grill chicken. Clark taught me,” Louie said. Then he sighed and crossed his arms. “I miss Clark and Chewy.”
Anna took a deep breath. “Here we go again,” she said under her breath.
Taylor handed her a glass. “A glass or two won’t hurt. You can always crash here if you feel woozy.”
“Thanks. Maybe one glass.” The last time she’d had a glass of wine she’d been with Clark. Her mind flashed back to the afternoon they’d spent at Max Patch. She wished he could feel that way again, even if it was only for a few minutes.
“Mom, when can we visit Clark and Chewy?” Louie looked up at her with huge eyes. “You said we could.”
“We will, honey. Soon. I promise. Now, why don’t you go play in the yard while Aunt Taylor and I get dinner ready?”
He nodded and went through the sliding glass doors that led to the fenced yard.
“God, I’m exhausted. Totally exhausted. He asks about them at least a dozen times a day.”
“He loves them. He can’t understand why they were just jerked out of his life.”
Jerked. The word fired something in Anna. She and Louie had been a two-person team for so long, it was hard to imagine he was drawing security from anyone else.
“I know they got pretty close, but it was supposed to be an adventure, not a long-term thing.”
“Did you explain that to Louie?”
“Of course I did.”
Taylor opened the fridge and took out the chicken breasts. “He misses his dog. Call Clark and arrange a time for him to visit.”
“I don’t want to talk to Clark. Not yet.”
“What the hell happened between the two of you? He won’t talk, you won’t talk. What gives?”
“It was okay. Just not meant to last.”
Taylor tossed a dishcloth onto the counter and took a large sip of her wine. “I’m done. You and I have been best friends forever. Clark and I have been close our whole lives. I’m pissed off neither of you will even talk to me about it. What the fuck?”
Anna leaned on the counter. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you.”
“Bullshit.” Taylor turned her back on Anna and began washing vegetables.
The silent treatment always killed her.
“The feelings that developed between Clark and I weren’t platonic. They were a little more than either of us bargained for, and it makes things tense.”
Taylor whirled around and faced her best friend. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You found someone you could possibly love and you piss it away because it wasn’t what you planned? Because one little thing about him is enough to offset the long list of amazing things? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Do you know what I’d give for a chance at love, even with someone who’s imperfect?”
“It’s not that simple. I have Louie to think about.” Just as she said his name, he ran by the sliding glass door, garden hose in hand. He was soaked from head to toe. In his only dry clothes. Clark would’ve laughed about it. The thought made Anna even more depressed. “My job is to raise that little boy. I can think about myself when he’s older.”
Taylor rolled her eyes. “Because that’s a smart way to raise a kid. Loosen up, Anna. For God’s sake, the martyr bit is getting a little old. You’re not even thirty, and you act as if you’re done living.”
“I’m a mom, Taylor. That makes everything different.”
“No one does everything alone. It’s not healthy. There’s a huge difference in marrying someone with an agenda other than love. I know you thought you loved George, and with Louie on the way, you made the only decision you could, but it’s not the same with Clark.”
“But Louie has to see me as an independent woman who’s determined to make it on her own.”
“Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to do it all without a man. Why don’t you stop thinking so much and go for what you want for a change?”
“What I want doesn’t matter,” Anna said through gritted teeth. She was becoming very frustrated with this conversation. “What matters is I’m a good mom to Louie.”
Taylor slammed back the last of the wine in her glass and poured herself more. “And Clark was a good dad to him.”
He’d been wonderful to her son. He’d taught him so many things that she couldn’t have. The realization hit Anna with the force of a hurricane. Clark loved Louie. And he loved her, too. She wasn’t sure how that changed the situation, if at all.
“How does having a boyfriend or a husband who loves Louie—and would give his life to protect the kid—prevent you from meeting your son’s needs? It only makes it richer.”
“I want Louie to think I’m strong.”
“I’ve always been frank with you.” Taylor bit her lip, as if she were trying to find the perfect words. “If you choose to keep up this martyr bit, you’re teaching Louie he can’t ever be more than what he is. That his dreams don’t matter. You’re showing him the only thing in life is duty, and I think that sucks. He deserves a mom who’s happy and balanced and not afraid to go after what she wants.”
Anna’s ears burned. Her face felt hot and flushed. Taylor had never been one to pull any punches, so Anna wasn’t surprised or offended by her bluntness. “But I also have to teach him to take risks and stand up for himself. I’ve been afraid of George for years. I’ve cowered every time, allowed him to bully me from all the way across town. I have to show Louie that I’m stronger than that.”
“While some of this may be valid, it’s about eighty percent bullshit. Your son isn’t the only reason you’re running from Clark. You’re scared. George was an asshole, and you’re assuming Clark might be, too. He’s not. Yes, he’s nosy. Yes, he should ask before he plows ahead and takes charge of things that aren’t his business, but he’s a wonderful man. You shouldn’t brush him off just because he’s not perfect.”
Taylor was right.
Her sacrifices weren’t all for Louie, and they weren’t all helping him, either. He’d do better with a solid male presence in his life. He liked Clark. He loved Chewy.
She didn’t have to forego all her dreams to be a good mother.
She could find a way to balance it all. Love, motherhood, work. She and Clark had been doing just fine in the months they were married.
Clark was just a take-charge guy who sometimes overstepped his bounds. It was irritating as hell and drove her insane, but his intentions were golden. Clark’s meddling wasn’t for his own gain. Instead, he did it to make other people’s lives easier, happier. For the first time, she really appreciated the steps he’d taken to make sure she and Louie stayed together.
She and Clark were more alike than she’d wanted to admit.
Could she live with a man who always tried to fix things?
The bigger question was could she live without him.
Her heart told her she couldn’t, that she’d be a fool to let Clark slip away when they’d had so much fun being married.
Married.
In the eyes of the law, they were still husband and wife. Clark had promised to file, but she hadn’t gotten any paperwork yet. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe she could remain Mrs. Clark Wainwright.
She at least wanted to discuss it with Clark before she signed anything.
“Can you watch Louie tonight?” Anna asked Taylor.
With a sly smile, Taylor asked, “Why?”
“I need to sort something out.”
Taylor smiled. “Good girl. Call me tomorrow.”
Anna slid the unfinished glass of wine to the side. She grabbed her purse and told Louie good-bye. As she walked out the front door, Taylor yelled, “And next time I want the truth. From the start.”