‘India. Wake up, sweetheart,’ Gabe told her as he tore into their bedroom, clad only in his black boxers and a dark-blue bathrobe.
‘Oh, Gabriel!’ she pulled herself up against the backrest of the bed in a flurry of movement, even though she still looked half asleep.
‘I’m here.’ He soothed his fingertips down her cheek. The soft fall of moonlight through the window gave her skin an almost luminescent sheen. ‘You were having another nightmare.’ He’d heard her scream from where he’d taken up residence in the bedroom across the hall, and he’d bolted up out of his bed to be by her side.
‘Oh, God, Gabe. It was all so real.’ She reached out and put her hand over his. ‘Hold me. Please, hold me.’
‘Shh. Of course.’ He drew her into his embrace as he sat perched on the edge of the bed, but he doubted either of them was comfortable. ‘Sweetheart, will you give me some more room? Will you let me lie down and hold you close?’
Her head moved against his shoulder in a nod and she shifted herself over, but he noticed she was careful to keep the lower half of her body under the covers while he lay on top.
Slowly, slowly, he cautioned himself. She’d just been having a nightmare. He didn’t want to frighten her by coming on to her in a time she needed to feel safe.
He contented himself with lying on the bed next to her and pulling her into his arms so her head lay cushioned against his chest. She wore a pale pink nightdress with shoestring straps, which hinted provocatively at the creamy swell of her breasts. The faint scent of her fragrance teased his senses. He breathed in more deeply, savouring the mix of bergamot, apple, and...? Rose. There were definitely hints of rose.
As if the scent of her wasn’t intoxicating enough, the feel of her soft, womanly breasts against the hard, male strength of his chest stirred every one of his sensual needs.
Sensual needs that needed to be ignored for now.
‘It’s the court hearing,’ she told him shakily. ‘It’s having to go through everything again—having to remember every little detail.’
God, but he wished he could spare her the ordeal. ‘It’s nearly over.’ He let his fingertips trace lightly back and forth over the smooth skin of her shoulder. It must be hell for her having to replay the details of her attack and her parents’ actions afterwards. Listening to her speak, Gabe had never felt as shaken. Every minute detail had been drawn-out and he’d wanted to protest as to whether all the questions were really necessary. More than once, the barristers he’d engaged to represent India had needed to whisper a word of caution to him as they’d sensed he wanted to spring to his feet and shout, ‘Enough!’
For all the power he carried in the world, Gabriel couldn’t spare her this court hearing.
India had been so courageous and his admiration of her strength had grown as he’d watched her giving her testimony in the stand.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to ask the therapist you’ve been working with to fly over from London?’
‘No.’ Her tone was adamant. ‘Just knowing you’re prepared to arrange it for me means a lot, but I feel I’ve reached a stage where I want to do this without her.’ She shifted against him, nestling more comfortably. ‘I know you’re here for me, Gabriel.’
The press of her lips against his chest made his heart swell. Every day they connected a little more. Every day, he sensed her trust growing.
‘The lawyers are confident there’ll be no recommendation following this court hearing that you stand trial. Very soon, you can put it all behind you.’
Gabe had been advised by the barristers that India could attend a court hearing in Santaliana but, in the name of impartiality, the judges should be appointed by the International Court of Justice. Ordinarily, the principal judicial organ of the United Nations wouldn’t be involved in such a case. However, due to the special circumstances—the French Embassy’s involvement in Bagazin, India’s royal status and the need to ensure absolute impartiality, the head of the court had sent three judges to the kingdom.
India had spent a full day at the hearing answering questions. Later today, they’d be back in the courtroom for the judges’ decision—whether or not there was sufficient evidence to require India to stand trial for a criminal offence.
India’s barristers were confident the case would be dismissed on the grounds of self-defence—especially as she’d been a juvenile at the time the alleged crime had been committed, and her parents had been the ones who’d covered up the incident. The fact that she’d spent her life working to help others would also point to the inherent goodness of her character.
She pulled away from his embrace and sat up, drawing her knees up under the covers and wrapping her arms around them. ‘I’m sorry about all the bad publicity this is bringing to the kingdom.’
‘If you’re worried about it, then you’re the only one who’s worrying. Just think of all the crowds who’ve turned out to greet you at the events Mackenzie has organised. Everybody’s received you well.’ He pushed himself up a little straighter and angled his body so he sat facing her. ‘The newspaper reports are very supportive of you, and Michael tells me that there are so many requests pouring in for you to attend functions—both in Santaliana and abroad—that you need a full-time assistant of your own.’
‘I know everyone’s been supportive.’
‘You won the people’s hearts when you spoke so honestly during the television interview.’ He took both her hands in his and raised each to his lips in turn as he placed worshipful kisses on them. ‘I know I told you afterwards, but I keep replaying your bravery and courage in my head and I’m so very proud of you.’
‘You really mean it, don’t you?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘I don’t think I could’ve done it if you hadn’t been sitting by my side.’ She swallowed. ‘Every time I faltered, I was reassured by your presence. Just knowing you were there—feeling your strength and your encouragement gave me the nerve to keep talking.’ Her eyes were moist and her voice was a little tremulous as she said, ‘Apart from my grandmother, I think you’re the only person who’s ever told me they’ve been proud of me.’
If he’d been stabbed through the heart with a blunt knife, it wouldn’t have been able to inflict any more pain in his chest than he experienced at her words. Squeezing her hands, he told her, ‘The people of Santaliana approve wholeheartedly of their new queen. I have tremendous admiration for you, but there’s something I want you to do for me.’
‘There is?’ Her head tilted in question.
‘I need you to start being proud of yourself.’
‘Oh.’ Her lips pressed together to the point of disappearing for a few seconds and she disengaged her hands from his. ‘I can’t help feeling I’m a fraud. I know if I’d told you the truth about why I didn’t want to go back to Africa in the first place, you wouldn’t have had to marry me.’
His heartbeat stuttered. ‘You’re regretting that you were unable to marry Artarmon?’
‘No.’
He looked at her sharply and observed the hesitancy in the way her gaze kept flicking at him then skittering away.
‘I’ve wanted to talk to you since Jeremy came to see me.’
Every nerve pulled tight and he steeled himself to hold his emotions in check for whatever it was she was going to hit him with. India’s meeting with her ex-fiancé had lasted for almost an hour—way more time than was needed for India to provide him with closure. He hadn’t asked her to tell him what they’d discussed. In part, he’d wanted to place his trust in her and perhaps, if he were honest, another part of him preferred not to know.
‘Jeremy urged me then to tell you the truth about our engagement.’
The truth about our engagement. His head jerked back a fraction.
‘I’ve been plucking up the courage to talk to you, but we’ve hardly had any time alone.’
He’d deliberately orchestrated their schedules that way because he knew he needed to give India time to adjust to their marriage and time to get through this court hearing. Lack of privacy had been essential because he’d been concerned that his control would snap—that he wouldn’t be able to stop from telling her and showing her how he felt about her if they were alone. Logic and caution had warned him that he shouldn’t make any confessions to her at this point. The last thing he wanted was for her to respond to him because she felt gratitude.
‘I’ve kept way too much from you,’ she said on a sigh of regret, ‘and I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you.’
She had more secrets? As he braced himself for another revelation, her fingers plucked nervously at the fabric of the sheet. ‘I was engaged to Jeremy, but we never planned to marry.’
That didn’t make any sense. ‘Why become engaged if not to marry?’
‘I was very close to Jeremy’s parents.’ The words rushed out, accompanied by agitated little movements of her hands as she spoke. ‘They were great friends of my grandmother and their country estate borders on the Dunmorton lands.’
‘And?’
‘Jeremy’s mum was very fond of me.’
‘Yes?’
‘Her multiple sclerosis wasn’t diagnosed early because she ignored the first symptoms so she wouldn’t worry Jeremy or his father.’ Her hands went to her face and she brushed aside the curtains of hair, which had fallen forward. ‘The earl asked Jeremy and I to come to see him one day after she’d been diagnosed. The prognosis wasn’t great, and she was declining rapidly.’ She grazed her bottom lip with her top teeth in an action that spoke of her tension. ‘Apparently, Jeremy’s mum had told the earl that she’d had a wonderful life and her only regret was that she’d not live to see the woman Jeremy chose to be his bride.’
Gabriel thought he could guess at the rest, but he didn’t interrupt her. He needed her to confirm his suspicions.
‘The earl told Jeremy and me that he and his wife had often said that they loved me like a daughter, and would be so happy if the friendship we had would deepen into love.’
‘But it never did?’ He couldn’t help himself. He had to ask.
‘It never did,’ she confessed.
Suddenly, Gabe’s breaths were easier. He hadn’t realised until then that there’d been such a heavy weight pushing down on his shoulders.
‘The earl asked both of us if we’d pretend to be engaged. He loved his wife so much and wanted to give her every happiness he could until the very end.’ She reached up and brushed at the tears, which had formed in her eyes. ‘We loved her too—so much that we didn’t hesitate in announcing our engagement.’
It explained a lot, and he could hardly blame her for the deceit when her only motivation had been to make a dying woman happy.
‘You’ve never felt anything but friendship for Artarmon?’
‘He is my friend, but perhaps I see him in a closer light than that. In some ways he’s like a brother I never had.’
A brother he could deal with.
Triumph surged through him. ‘When I saw you together, I was certain there was no deep attachment between you.’
‘You were right.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me all this back at the ball in Santaliana?’
‘I’d promised Jeremy’s father I wouldn’t tell anyone, but...’
He sensed the struggle within her—her internal debate over whether or not she should tell him the rest—or perhaps how she was going to tell him the rest. ‘But?’
‘I admit, I hid behind my engagement as well,’ she told him quietly.
‘What else were you hiding?’
She went back to hugging her drawn up knees. ‘When you waltzed me right off the dance floor that night, I was scared.’
‘I scared you?’ Surely not?
‘Not you.’ She hesitated again. ‘I was scared of this awareness... this attraction between us.’
‘Because of what happened to you in Bagazin?’ He’d wondered how difficult it might have been for her to form sexual relationships after her rape.
She nodded. ‘After that night, I changed.’
‘Oh sweetheart.’ He reached out to hold her hands again because he needed to touch her—needed to try to reassure her with his touch. ‘How could you not change after having been through something so traumatic?’
‘I withdrew completely. I pretty much stopped eating because I had no appetite, and every time I closed my eyes to sleep I just kept reliving the horror. I can still feel him on my body and... I can still feel the weight of the candlestick in my hand and the movement of my arm as I hit him.’
‘Which is what you have nightmares about?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded slowly, her eyes pools of glistening, deep violet.
‘Your parents should’ve sent you home to your grandmother.’ He couldn’t contain his frustration with them. ‘They should’ve organised professional counselling for you. They were doctors for God’s sake!’
‘They were very good at curing physical illness, and they had me checked out physically with a pregnancy and STD check,’ she defended, ‘but they had no idea how to get inside my mind and chase my demons away. I’ve actually suffered from panic attacks over the years, but Gran organised counselling for me when I returned to England and I’ve learnt to manage the panic.’
‘Your parents should’ve had the sense to ship you straight home. Instead, they exposed you to more human hardship in another foreign land.’ His hands left hers to run his fingers through his hair in a gesture that highlighted his frustration.
When India reached out to him and reclaimed his hands in hers, the significance of her gesture wasn’t lost on him. She was the one in need of support, yet she was trying to comfort him.
Speaking calmly, she told him, ‘After the South-East Asian floods, we went to help at an earthquake in Sichuan. I was in the medical isolation tent one afternoon with only one patient, and...’ She squeezed his hands. ‘I was attacked again.’
‘Mother of God!’ He couldn’t even begin to analyse the cauldron of emotions churning in the pit of his stomach.
‘It’s okay, I was able to fend the guy off before anything got out of hand,’ she hastened to tell him.
‘Had your parents learned nothing?’ In his opinion, they’d been criminally negligent. ‘Did they at least get you professional counselling then?’
‘I was nineteen by that stage and much more capable of taking care of myself. The whole thing shook me up all over again, and I finally told them I’d had enough of travelling from one hellhole to another.’
‘I should bloody well hope so!’
‘Mum and Dad agreed to send me back to London to live with Gran.’
‘About bloody time,’ he exploded.
She sent him a rueful smile. ‘I love the way you champion me.’
‘I’m glad I never met your parents. I would’ve found it extremely difficult to be polite to them.’
‘Gabe...’ She hesitated, looked away and swallowed hard. Seconds ticked by and he sensed she was digging deep for the courage to continue.
‘You can tell me anything, India. I care deeply for you and I won’t judge you.’
He watched as she took a deep breath, then seemed to launch herself into speech. ‘I was extremely timid, but most of all I was very frightened by the thought of intimacy. When I was with you at the masquerade ball, it was the first time I thought I could actually spend the night with anyone.’ She bit down nervously on her lower lip. ‘I was really upset when I found out you were engaged.’
Gabe groaned. ‘India, I wish I could have that night with you all over again. Believe me, I’d do things differently this time around. But you have to believe I would never have taken you to bed without telling you about my commitment to Angelique. In fact, I believe I was at a turning point that night. Had you consented to spending the night with me, I would’ve called off my engagement with her.
‘When you didn’t return, I felt I had to follow the obligation I’d made—I didn’t feel like there was any reason why I shouldn’t. But I thought of you constantly and when I took Angelique to bed on our wedding night, I’m ashamed to say that in my mind, it was you I made love to.’
‘I don’t believe it!’
‘It’s true.’ He willed her to believe him. ‘Memories of you tortured me. I was as angry as hell because even believing you’d been toying with me—that you’d left the ball with another man—I wanted you. I still want you, India. I desire you like I’ve never desired another woman.’
Shaking her head, she looked away from him. Her brow deeply furrowed she said, ‘I wouldn’t have been able to be your lover the night we met, Gabe.’
When she looked back at him he sent her a lopsided smile. ‘I think I might’ve been able to convince you.’
‘No.’ She tugged the fine pink strap of her nightie back up into place as it slid down her shoulder. ‘You don’t understand. It took me another two years after that masquerade ball to pluck up enough courage to try again. I was absolutely determined to take a lover—to take a voluntary step into womanhood for the first time, but I failed.’
Shock jolted through him as her words sank in. ‘You haven’t had a lover?’
‘No.’ She made the startling admission before rushing on with her explanation. ‘Years after I met Zorro, I met a guy I thought I could feel comfortable with, and I set out quite deliberately to have him as my lover. But the moment he was... on top of me, I panicked. His weight brought back all the horrific memories of my attack and I couldn’t breathe.’ Her face crumpled with the misery of her memories as she relayed them to him in a small, fraught voice. ‘It ended disastrously, and I had to accept then that as much as I want to be normal, I can’t...’ She squared her shoulders as she looked at him and enunciated heavily, ‘I can’t have a sexual relationship.’
He understood her uncertainties, but surely she didn’t really believe that she’d never be able to enjoy sex? ‘India, I—’
She lifted her hand up and kept talking. ‘I should’ve told you before you married me. It was selfish of me—especially when you told me that your family don’t divorce—but all I could think about was getting out of Bagazin alive.’
‘You had no option but to mar—’
‘And because of your incredible code of honour, you felt you had no option but to marry me. But the thing is, since we haven’t consummated the marriage, I don’t believe there’s anything stopping you from seeking an annulment—which isn’t strictly speaking a divorce—and... Well, you deserve to be happy, Gabe.’
‘I am happy, India,’ he told her sincerely. ‘I’m happy with you.’
‘But you told me you didn’t ever want to marry.’
He smiled, reached out and ruffled her hair. ‘Oh India, there was a good reason why I never wanted to marry again.’
He saw the uncertainty in her eyes. ‘Are you going to tell me about it?’
Yes, he was. India was absolutely right in saying there could be no secrets between them. Any doubts they had about themselves or each other had to be aired so they could heal and move forward. ‘Angelique was a goodtime party girl who didn’t think about anybody but herself.’
‘Eden spoke of her, so I know a bit about her behaviour.’
‘Eden couldn’t stand her.’
‘That’s an understatement and completely understandable from what she told me.’
Eden and Angelique had been like two bristling, spitting cats whenever they’d been in the same room together. ‘It got to the point I couldn’t stand Angelique either, and she’d never liked me.’ She’d always found her boring and hadn’t bothered to hide her opinion.
‘How long were you married?’
‘Just over two years. She died about six months after Eden.’
‘Ah.’ She gave him a quick nod. ‘I remember seeing it on the news. It was a tragic, unnecessary death. Such an awful accident, to be killed in an avalanche.’
Tragic? Yes. As selfish as she’d been, he would never have wished death upon her.
Unnecessary? Absolutely.
Accidental? No. Angelique’s death had been entirely preventable. It would never have happened if he hadn’t threatened her with divorce.
‘It was my fault she died,’ he told India starkly.
‘No, Gabe, how could you say that? I remember hearing on the news that she skied off-piste in an area that was renowned for avalanches—that she was an accomplished skier and should’ve known better.’
‘She was a very confident skier, and she definitely knew the risk associated with that area,’ he confirmed.
‘Then why do you blame yourself for her death? You weren’t with her insisting that she ski in that area, were you?’
‘No.’ He’d never do anything so foolish. ‘We’d argued. She wanted to go out. I wanted to stay back at the chalet and wait for Marco and Khalid to arrive. They were scheduled to join us on the ski trip.’
‘You think if you’d gone with her, you would’ve convinced her to stay in the safe areas?’
Where did he even begin? ‘The initial argument over skiing grew out of proportion. She ended up venting everything she perceived was wrong with our marriage, and I vented back.’ He tried to block his heart—to stop the venom she’d spat that day, from reinfiltrating his system and poisoning his arteries. But he’d been guilty of hurting her too. ‘She knew I didn’t love her. Our relationship had been rocky from day one, and we’d maintained separate apartments after just a few pitiful weeks of marriage.’
He watched India’s finely arched brows draw down and move towards each other in a frown. ‘But didn’t I read somewhere that she was expecting your child when she died?’
Time for the final confession. ‘The child wasn’t mine.’
He heard India’s sharp intake of breath as she reached out and placed her hands on his shoulders. ‘Gabe! That’s terrible.’
It’d gutted him. ‘Angelique had a string of affairs. On one occasion she wasn’t careful and fell pregnant. Just before Eden died, Angelique realised she was pregnant. We hadn’t been lovers since she’d moved out of my bedroom, but Eden’s death gave her the perfect opportunity to claim the baby was mine. While I was grieving for my sister, Angelique came to my room—ostensibly to comfort me. In my grief, one thing led to another. It was a one-off, but she used that night and told me six weeks later that she was pregnant with my child.’ He hated talking about it, but the ugly deceit he’d carried around with him had to come out. He understood that now. ‘The day she died Angelique confessed that she’d already known she was pregnant and orchestrated the whole scene with me so she could claim the child was mine.’
‘What sort of woman would ever do that? No wonder Eden hated her so much,’ she exclaimed.
India’s indignation and outrage on his behalf soothed his torn emotions. She may not have a medical degree like her parents, but there was no denying she was a natural healer.
‘That last day, when she threw it in my face that she was expecting another man’s child, I vowed I’d divorce her. I fully intended I would go against all family tradition and expectation and do just that. She knew I was serious and became a wreck.’ But only because she’d been considering her future. ‘The man she’d slept with wouldn’t claim the child as his, and she knew her father would disown her if I divorced her. All she could think about was her own fate and how her lifestyle would be forced to change.’
‘It must’ve been hell for you,’ India said softly. She shifted her body, finally tossing the covers aside and sitting up on her knees so she could wrap her arms around him. She rested her head against his shoulder. ‘All that came on top of Eden’s death. I wish I’d been able to help you through it.’
It had been hell. Probably nothing compared to what India had been through, but hellish all the same. Now, holding India in his arms—having her breath caress the flesh where his neck joined his shoulders—it didn’t seem as bad. India had taken the sting out of Angelique’s betrayal and he was able to go on speaking without the same level of pain.
‘When Angelique left the chalet, I knew she was upset. But I felt so bitter—so cold towards her, I couldn’t bring myself to go after her. I was completely serious about divorcing her, but I had no idea she’d throw herself into direct danger to try to get me to change my mind. She called me from her mobile phone, told me where she was and threatened to keep skiing deeper into the more dangerous territory if I didn’t promise to withdraw my threat of a divorce. She told me she’d stolen one of the security guard’s pistols and that she’d keep firing it until she caused an avalanche.’
‘She was insane!’
‘Completely irrational,’ he agreed. ‘She fired off one shot to let me know she was serious. That single shot was all it took. Before I could even formulate a response and tell her to get back to the lodge, I heard the noise.’ Despite himself he felt sweat bead across his forehead as he relived the moment. ‘It started as a low rumble, but in a split second a whole ledge of snow broke off from a high cliff face and I heard the roar of the avalanche.’ He closed his eyes. Only an unfeeling bastard would’ve been able to prevent the shudder that racked his body. ‘The last thing I heard from her was a cry of sheer terror.’
‘Oh Gabriel.’ She hugged him tightly. ‘That’s horrible, but it certainly wasn’t your fault.’ She pulled away from him and placed her hands back firmly on his shoulders. ‘Look at me,’ she demanded. ‘Angelique was a disloyal and completely unstable woman. You were in no way responsible for her death.’
‘But I am responsible,’ he told her heavily. ‘I shouldn’t have married her. She was a wild spirit and bored with our marriage before it even began. It was a marriage she hadn’t wanted in the first place. A marriage I’d only entered into out of duty and her father had bullied her into. My closest friends warned me not to marry her. If I’d only broken off the deal...’
‘No,’ she said, giving him a little shake, ‘there were three of you who had the option to stop the marriage from going ahead. You can’t place all the blame on yourself.’
He let out a long breath. ‘I’ve lived my life for Santaliana. I’ve needed to be a good monarch for the people, because I was the one responsible for making them lose their king and queen. I thought my marriage to Angelique would, in some way, atone for my sins. You see, I caused the accident in which my parents died.’
‘No again.’ Her mouth firmed and her expression became stern. ‘I know that’s simply not true, Gabriel. Eden talked to me about your parents’ accident. You were a child, for heaven’s sake.’
‘So many people who were close to me have died because of me.’ She had to realise.
‘You’re not blaming yourself in some way for Eden’s death as well, are you?’
‘If I’d followed my instincts and not allowed her to go to France, she’d still be alive today,’ he reasoned.
‘She’d be horrified to hear you say that.’ Temper threaded through her words. ‘Eden would rant and rave at you and give you a good shake, and because she’s not here to do it, I’m going to take her place in making you see reality.’
When he tried to look away from her, she placed her fingers under his chin and forced him to meet her harsh gaze. ‘I knew your sister, remember? She was bright and beautiful and generous, but once she got something into her head, nobody could budge her.’ She lowered her hand and jabbed her index finger into his chest. ‘I remember her talking to me about her plans for the drug rehabilitation centre in Santaliana. She was so excited about it, and she was very determined to visit the centre in Paris. Short of locking her in the palace dungeons, there’s no way you would’ve convinced her not to go.’ She shook her head. ‘Nobody could’ve foreseen that she’d uncover a drug dealer at the facility, or that he’d murder her.’
The notch of his throat moved up and down painfully as he swallowed. Incredibly, the sinuses in his cheeks felt heavy and he felt sharp pricks of... tears in his eyes.
Hell. When was the last time he’d cried?
He couldn’t cry in front of India.
‘Gabe,’ she said more gently. ‘You decided when you were a seven-year-old that you were responsible for your parents’ deaths. Somehow, through the reasoning of a child, the erroneous concept snowballed until you convinced yourself you brought harm to people. All these years you’ve just reinforced the thought, instead of looking at it through adult eyes. You’re not seven anymore and you have to start seeing this issue with the clarity of a mature man. You don’t bring harm to people—you help them. I would either be dead or in a prison in Bagazin right now if it weren’t for you. You saved me.’
‘But you would never have been in Bagazin if I hadn’t railroaded you into going to Africa.’
‘Listen to yourself. You’re determined to join the dots and form an arrow that points all guilt back to yourself.’ She huffed in exasperation and the patient reasoning she’d shown him evaporated. ‘You can’t hold yourself responsible for the fate of others. If I’d told you why I didn’t want to go to Bagazin, you would’ve made the pilots divert. If I’d told you why I didn’t want to go to Africa at all, you wouldn’t have pushed me. It was my decision to accompany you. I could’ve refused and taken my chances with the foundation board and hoped they’d recognise my sincere commitment.’ She waved one hand up sharply as she admitted, ‘If I’m honest, I’ll admit I allowed myself to feel like I was forced into going with you rather than acknowledging that I wanted to go with you.’
Her words lodged deep in his brain. ‘You wanted to go?’
‘We had fun, didn’t we?’ she asked flippantly. ‘Even if I didn’t get to see you being attacked by hippos on the river—and I’m starting to wish I had—we had fun.’
‘I had fun,’ he agreed. ‘I don’t ever remember having had as much fun as I had with you in Misanti. Somehow, everything seems more vivid in your company.’ Even the pale pink shade of her nightie somehow seemed vivid.
‘Africa’s a pretty vivid continent,’ she said with a twist of her mouth.
‘I’m being serious, India. I feel like I’m a changed person since I’ve met you. All my priorities have shifted and I’m looking at things differently.’ He took her hand to his lips and this time he kissed her palm. ‘I’m feeling things I never expected to feel.’
‘Gabriel...’
‘Yes?’
‘I have one last confession to make,’ she said.
‘Do I need to have a stiff drink ready?’
‘That depends.’
Dear Lord! ‘Just tell me, India.’
‘You’ve made me feel things I’ve never expected to feel too. Even though I know my psychological barriers will never allow me to be your lover, the way I feel for you is... well, it’s intense. It makes me ache deep down inside and I have to tell you that it’s much more than a physical thing.’ Her eyes shone with unshed tears. ‘I’ve always felt a strong connection to you and I started admiring you and liking you when Eden used to talk about you. I totally lusted after Zorro, but when I first met you at the palace here, I was confused by your attitude.’
‘I’m not surprised.’ God, but he wished he could go back in time and wipe out all his incorrect assumptions. ‘I—’
She placed a finger against his mouth and he had to fight the urge to part his lips and kiss it. ‘Maybe it crept up on me or maybe it was there all the time and I just didn’t realise it, but I know without a doubt that I love you, Gabriel. I love you with my whole heart.’
The tears he’d managed to keep at bay earlier stung his eyes afresh.
‘I know you didn’t want to marry me,’ she continued. ‘I know you only wanted an affair, and I can’t even give you that, but—’
He did the only sensible thing he could think of to shut her up and make her stop talking such rubbish. He lowered his head and claimed her mouth with a possessive intensity that rocked him to his core.
India loved him! The heady knowledge kept bubbling around and around in his brain, making him light-headed with euphoria.
‘Oh, my darling,’ he said in between placing kisses all along her jaw. ‘You make me the happiest I’ve ever been.’
‘I do?’ she asked through slightly kiss-swollen lips. ‘You don’t mind that I love you?’
‘My God. India! How can you even ask? Of course I don’t mind. How could I possibly object when I’ve craved your love—when I’ve loved you since that very first night you cannoned into me at the masquerade ball?’
‘No. That’s not true. You despised me when I came here for our meeting and you realised who I was.’
‘That was bruised ego,’ he admitted. ‘You’d made a fool of me when you left me. I’d already told Marco and Khalid that I was prepared to break off my engagement to Angelique because I believed you and I had a future together.’
She shook her head. ‘All this time. All these wasted years.’
‘We’ll make up for them, my darling. I promise you, we will.’
‘But Gabriel, what if I’m committed to trial and found guilty of murder?’
‘You won’t be. There’s no way that’ll happen.’
‘As much as I love your confidence, you can’t know that for certain.’
‘I—’
‘Gabe, so far I’ve been greeted with warmth everywhere I’ve gone, but if I’m ordered to face trial and the people change their opinions, your marriage to me may place too much strain on your position domestically and also on Santaliana’s international relationships.’
‘You’re worrying needlessly. The people of Santaliana aren’t so fickle and I guarantee they’d be outraged if their queen had to stand trial on a matter that’s already been widely reported by the international press as being a clear matter of self-defence.’
‘But—’
He raised one fingertip up to press softly against her lips. ‘It won’t happen, but if the situation deteriorates you can trust that I already have a contingency plan in place.’ He smiled. ‘Once you became my wife I warned you it would be forever. There’s no way I’m ever going to let you go. Now promise me you’ll have faith in me and won’t worry anymore.’ His eyes dipped to her cleavage and he drank in the sight like a dehydrated man. No longer did he feel like he crossed a forbidden line. Eden loved him!
‘I do trust you, but there’s another problem I just don’t see how we’ll overcome. How can you want to stay in a marriage where there’ll be no sex?’
He smiled gently at her. ‘You really believe there’ll never be any sex?’
‘I know it.’ An edge of panic crept into her voice. ‘I’ve tried, Gabe. I just can’t...’
‘You say you love me.’
‘I do.’
‘If you love me, you must trust me.’
‘Yes, but I know—’
‘Darling, I love you so much I want to spend the rest of my life with you. The last thing I want is for you to feel threatened by me physically, but I’m hopeful that through our mutual love, and respect, and trust, we can overcome your difficulties together.’
‘I want to.’
Gabe saw the desire in her eyes, but he also saw the uncertainty. ‘India, I want very much to be your lover. Of course, I want to find my physical fulfilment with you. But, even more importantly, I want to help you break through the reserves and fears you have. I want to help you enjoy lovemaking with me and to banish your nightmares forever.’ He brushed his lips over hers, coaxing her to trust him. ‘We have a lifetime together. We’ll take it slowly and keep building your trust one step at a time. If you’ll let me, we can start tonight. If not, we’ll wait until you feel the time’s right.’
He saw the hesitancy in her eyes. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Gabe. The last time I tried, the guy nearly ended up needing to consult a plastic surgeon for the damage I did to his face with my nails.’
Gabriel laughed at the image her words conjured. ‘Sweetheart, had you been open with him about your past?’
‘No, of course not. I was too embarrassed—too ashamed.’
‘You had nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, but you were on a mission. You thought you felt comfortable with that guy, but you hadn’t told him the truth.’ He ran his hand over her silky soft hair. ‘I’m thinking you couldn’t have felt entirely comfortable with him or you would’ve told him first.’
‘I suppose you’re right.’
‘I know what you’ve been through. I’m sensitive to your fears.’ He dipped his head again and claimed her lips in a light kiss, then murmured against her mouth, ‘We have trust and respect as well as desire. I promise you, you’ll never feel threatened by me and your nails will never score my face.’ He winked at her. ‘My back might be another story.’
She smiled, then nestled her face against his shoulder on a sigh.
Gabe lost track of time as he simply held her and stroked up and down her spine, but it seemed like an eternity passed before she moved so she could look up at him.
‘You’re right. I trust you and I want you to help me through the block I have. I want very much to have a normal marriage.’
‘Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here for you.’
India’s smile was full of her trust. ‘That’s what I’m telling you. I’m ready. I want to start. Tonight.’
The full force of the responsibility she’d entrusted him with hit hard. Even upon his coronation, he’d never felt like he was about to take on a task of this level of importance.
He kissed her again. ‘Just relax and keep remembering, you’re with me. You have control, India. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, all you need to do is tell me.’