Chapter Nine
Nate
Janie was whimpering in her sleep and I held her tightly as she slept, my arms around her waist. She made a little cooing noise and wiggled back against me and I smiled, trying not to think about how she was going to react when she woke up and found me in bed, naked against her. Was she going to be pissed? Was she going to regret us hooking up? Even though we hadn’t had sex. Well, not exactly. We basically had, but I wasn’t going to push it with her. I knew this was a precarious situation for our relationship. I had been so mad when she’ made the comment about wanting Dylan to make her come. Just the thought of the two of them together made my blood boil. I tried not to think of the reasons why this upset me so much. I wasn’t jealous. Just annoyed that she was making such poor life decisions. And I mean it was obvious why I’d tried to seduce her. She was gorgeous. And very sexy. We had always had chemistry. There was no question about that. Now I just had to worry if that was going to complicate things again. A part of me wondered if I should just get out of the bed now and sneak home before she woke up. However, instinctively I knew that would be the worst thing to do. The absolute worst. As much as I wanted to avoid her wrath or anger, I didn’t want to make her mad at me or disgusted with herself. I didn’t want her to feel like she’d been used. I closed my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder and just breathed in her smell and enjoyed the feel of her next to me. This moment would be over soon enough and I wasn’t sure when this opportunity would come up again. It was then I heard Janie’s phone beeping and I groaned internally as she started to wake up. She stretched out her body next to me and I saw her yawning. Her eyes opened slowly and I watched as she looked back at me. She gave me a sheepish grin that went directly to my heart and then whispered, “morning.”
“Hey there, sleepyhead.” I winked at her. “Good sleep?” I said and she blushed.
“Yes thanks. You?” She said as she turned over completely to face me. I saw her look down suddenly and her face went bright red as she noticed that we were both naked.
“As good as I could sleep with blue balls.” I laughed and she shook her head.
“Nate.”” She rolled her eyes and poked me in the chest as she noticed my gaze fall to her breasts. “Really Nate?”
“What?”’ I grinned as I looked back into her eyes.
“You know what?” She shook her head. “How would you like it if I did that to you?”
“Did what?” I asked innocently.
“This.” She stuck her tongue out at me and then looked down at my hardness. “Oh.” She gasped as I reached down and held it in my hand and tugged it a few times, so she could see just how stiff I was, already. I wanted her badly. I didn’t care that it was a bad idea.
“Nate, what are you doing?” She mumbled.
“Something I’d rather you be doing.” I said honestly.
“I’m going in the shower.” She jumped out of the bed quickly.
“Can I join you?”
“No.” She blurted out quickly.
“What?” I pouted. “Can I get a morning kiss at least?”
“No.” She said again.
“Please?” I jumped out of the bed and walked towards her. “Pretty please.”
“Nate.” She stared at me as I pulled her naked body into my arms.
“That’s my name.” I said as I leaned down and gave her a long hard kiss. I pulled away just as she started to get into it and then grinned at her. “Okay, go and have your shower. I’ll see what I can make us for breakfast.”
“Yes, boss.” She rolled her eyes at me and turned away. I slapped her ass as she walked away and then laughed as she yelped. For a few moments I was taken back to the past and to when we’d met in college. Janie had been so eager, full of life and loving then.
She’d worn her heart on her sleeve and I’d felt protective over her, almost right away. I still felt that way. And in a way she was still just as young, naïve and innocent as she was back then, even though she was older and had been through other relationships. I didn’t want to hurt her again. I had to make sure that I backed off. Yes, this flirtation and situation was fun. A lot of fun. And exciting, but it wasn’t worth losing Janie from my life again. None of it was. I was going to have to apologize and go back to platonic territory. I couldn’t afford to lose her from my life again. I didn’t think I would ever recover if I didn’t have her as a vital part of my life. She was everything to me. But I knew we could never be more than friends. I didn’t want a serious relationship and I knew that Janie wanted more than casual. We just weren’t compatible.
Chapter Ten
Janie
I let the cold water run down my face and I tried not to scream out-loud as the freezing water jolted me awake. What the hell had I been thinking the night before? I was such an idiot. It was my own fault for going out with Dylan and then drinking too much. And then seeing sexy Nate in my room, almost naked, with his big blue eyes, coming at me like I was a steak dinner. Well, how was I supposed to say no? How was I supposed to turn off of my feelings of desire? I groaned as I remembered the night before. Ugh. We’d almost had sex. It had felt great, but I didn’t know what it meant. And I was still mad at him. How could he think I was such a loser that he would get his friend to message me? And was that the only reason why Dylan had been interested in me? And how dare Nate show up at my apartment and tell me off? I was starting to feel more mad than embarrassed now. I was starting to feel angry again. Who the hell did Nate think he was? Asshole. He thought he could just dictate my life and so whatever he wanted. I turned the water on to hot now. I was way too cold and had punished myself enough with the cold water. I wasn’t going to just allow him to make me feel like this was all my fault. It totally wasn’t all my fault. Not at all. I scrubbed my skin with my Shea butter sugar scrub and then shampooed and conditioned my hair quickly. I was starting to feel anxious and confused. I had been excited to meet Dylan, but if I was really into him, why had I hooked up with Nate? It had been hot, really really hot, but it had been out of the blue. Nate hadn’t acted like that since college. I hadn’t thought he had any sexual interest in me any longer. I scrubbed my skin even harder as I thought about what it had felt like for him to touch me last night. It had been so hot. I was feeling turned on just remembering his fingers on me.
I used to think that I had this inner power to see whom people are inside. I used to think that I could look into a man's eyes and know what he was thinking and feeling. There was something about Nate that made me feel like I knew him inside and out. At least I used to feel that way. There was something so tortured in his gaze. The way his blue eyes would look so sad as he gazed at me. As if he wanted to say more than he could verbalize. I would catch him staring at me sometimes. Just gazing at my face as if he never wanted to look away. I loved that. I used to pretend that I didn't notice. I could go the rest of my life with him staring at me adoringly. It made me feel so special. And there were other times when he would just smile; a small gentle happy smile. And he'd look so content and happy and I knew it was because of me. I knew it had to do with the fact that I was there with him. Because oftentimes I felt that way when I was with him as I well. I was just happy to be with him. I loved spending time with him. I loved just sitting with him doing nothing.
Sometimes he would reach out to me and I would reach out to him and I would just hold his hands in mine and caress them and he would sigh happily, contentedly. And I would close my eyes and forget all the words he'd told, about how he didn't want to be in a relationship and how he didn't do commitment. Because I knew he was just scared. I knew that there was something about our connection that meant more than the words he'd given me in the past. The look in his eyes, my intuition, it told me something else. It told me something else, but I chose to ignore it. I froze as the realization hit me. I was still holding out hope that Nate would want to be in a relationship. I knew that for a fact now. I still hoped he would want me and would choose me. I felt an immediate panic in my gut as I realized that I still had some sort of feelings for Nate above our friendship. That wasn’t good. I’d been down that road with Nate before. I’d given him my heart. I’d loved him. So hard. And he had broken my heart. He had well and truly broken my heart. I couldn’t let him do that to me again.
***
“So, it turns out that you don’t have much in your kitchen for me to make breakfast with.” Nate was grinning at me as I walked into the living room after my shower. “You should let me take you to breakfast.”
“That’s okay, thanks.” I shook my head as I avoided looking into his eyes and at his face. I didn’t want to get all caught up in the sparkle of his eyes and his handsome face. He had a way of smiling at me that made me forget my own head. “I think I’m going to go and have a run.”
“A run?” Nate gave me an incredulous look. “You don’t run.”
“I do.” I said weakly. “I’m trying to get in better shape.”
“Since when did you start writing?” He didn’t look convinced.
“Uhm, quite recently.”
“Like today?” He smirked.
“What do you care?”
“Janie,” He sighed. “Do we need to talk about last night?”
“What about last night?” I looked at him then and forced a bravado that I didn’t feel. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Are you feeling uncomfortable?” He tilted his head to the side and gave me a serious look. “Because if you are we should talk about it.”
“What is there to talk about?” I said again. “Why would I be feeling uncomfortable?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” He walked towards me and I stepped back quickly, scared he was going to try to kiss me again or worse yet, touch me. I would melt and all the firm decisions I’d made in the shower would crumble away quickly.
“Nate, last night was a bit of fun.” I shrugged. “It meant nothing.” I nearly screamed out in joy as I heard my phone ringing. “Sorry, I have to get that. It might be important.” I said as I ran back to the bedroom to grab my phone.
“Uh huh.” He said as he followed behind me into the bedroom; like he was my shadow or something. “Hey Sparky,” he said as my dog came running up to him and started licking his hand. “I fed him this morning, I hope that’s okay.” He said and I nodded. I felt guilty that I’d completely forgotten about Sparky until he’d just appeared. I was such a bad dog mom sometimes.
“I can’t believe Sparky just let you in.” I shook my head as I stared at my dog who was staring lovingly at Nate. “You’re not a good guard dog.” I rubbed Sparky’s head, but he ignored me as his full attention was on Nate.
“You know he loves me.” Nate said laughing and I just ignored him as I grabbed the phone.
“Hello,” I said breathlessly as I answered the phone.
“Janie?” The voice was deep, warm and unmistakable. It was Dylan. Immediately a surge of guilt ran through me.
“Hi Dylan,” I said and I watched as Nate’s gaze turned to me, his lips pursed. “How’s it going?”
“Just checking to see that you’re okay.”
“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks.” I said, feeling pleased that he’d called me already.
“I text you this morning and I hadn’t heard back so I just wanted to make sure that everything was good.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said, not really sure how to respond. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Did you just wake up?”
“No, I didn’t. I was just in the shower.”
“Janie, what do you want for breakfast?” Nate said loudly and I glared at him as I covered the phone quickly.
“Sorry, what was that?” Dylan said quickly. “Are you out somewhere?”
“No, I’m at home.”
“I’m hungry, Janie. Hurry up.” Nate said and I gave him a death stare.
“Are you with someone?” Dylan asked in a tight voice.
“Uhm, no, well kinda.” I stumbled over my words, not sure what to say. “I’m here with Nate. I understand that you guys know each other.”
“Oh okay.” Dylan said with a laugh. “Yeah, Nate and I are college buddies. We lost contact for a while, but we’re as thick as thieves again now.”
“Hmmm.” I said, not sure how to take his words. What did thick as thieves mean? And why had they lost contact? I wanted to ask for more details, but didn’t want to ask in front of Nate. “So you only contacted me because of him?”
“No way.” Dylan said quickly. “I contacted you because you looked hot as hell in your photos.” He said. “You’re a stunner.”
“Oh, thank you.” I grinned into the phone and I could feel myself blushing. I looked up at Nate and he was the one glaring at me now.
“What did he say?” Nate walked towards me, his face stern.
“None of your business.” I mouthed at him. “So Dylan did you have anything else you wanted to ask me?” I said brazenly, not caring that Nate was looking angrier and angrier.
“Well, what are you doing tonight?”
“Tonight?” I said and paused. “Let me think.” I winked at Nate and the next thing I knew he was grabbing the phone from my hand and talking into it.
“Hey Dylan, Nate here. What’s up?” His voice sounded cold. “Janie just had to go and get some clothes on. She’s making us late for breakfast. I’m afraid she’s busy tonight.”
“Give me my phone back.” I grabbed Nate’s arm and tried to grab the phone from him. “That’s not cool, Nate.”
“Shh.” He said and grabbed both of my wrists in his one hand and grinned at me as he kept talking into the phone. “Sorry about that Dylan. I think Janie is still a little tired from last night.”
“Nate.” I shrieked and yanked my arms away from him and then jumped onto him. “Give me my phone back now.”
“Now?” He said with a small smile. “Yes dear.” He said and handed me the phone.
“Hey, what’s going on over there?” Dylan sounded confused and I cleared my throat as I thought about what to say next. I didn’t want to lie, but there was no way in hell that I was going to tell him that Nate had stayed the night and that we’d slept in the bed naked together. Shit. I felt guilty and sordid, like I was some sort of player, but I really wasn’t. I didn’t even know Dylan. I didn’t owe him anything. It wasn’t like I was cheating on him or anything. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Absolutely nothing.
“Nothing, sorry.” I glared at Nate who was standing there grinning at me. I watched as he sat back on the bed and leaned back. “Look can I call you back in a bit. I just need to do something.”
“Yeah, sure.” Dylan said, though his voice sounded annoyed. “I’ll be around.”
“Okay, thanks. Bye.” I said and hung up. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I walked over to Nate and poked him in the chest. “How dare you take the phone away from me?”
“I was helping you.” He grabbed my wrists and pulled me down on the bed next to him. “Don’t even waste your time with Dylan, Janie. He’s a player with a capital P.”
“And how is that different from you?” I asked him, my heart racing as I lay there next to him.
“I’m your friend. I’m not going to lie to you.” He said, his eyes falling to my mouth. “You know what.”
“Uh huh.” I said and we just stared at each other for a few seconds.
“I told you if you just want someone to hook up with then I’m the better choice.” He said softly.
“What about Kylie?” I asked, feeling jealousy twist through me as I said her name.
“What about her?” He shrugged.
“You’re dating her.”
“I’m not dating her.” He shook her head. “Well, I’m dating her, but she’s not my girlfriend. She knows what’s up.” He sat up suddenly. “You know me, Janie. I don’t do relationships. That’s just not me.”
“I know.” I nodded. “Seems like that’s the MO of every guy I meet these days.”
“Guys are jerks.” He said and I rolled my eyes.
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“I think you need to figure out what you really want, Janie.” He said and reached over and squeezed my hand. “Trust me in that Dylan is not the one for you.”
“Don’t be a hypocrite, you hooked me up with him. Now he’s not the one?” I pulled away from him. “I want to have some fun. Dylan likes me and we can have some fun.”
“Janie.” He grunted and closed his eyes for a second. “You know what. You just have to do you, Janie. You just have to do you.”
“Thanks so much for your permission. I can live my life now.”
“Don’t be a baby.”
“Don’t be a bossy boots.” I said getting annoyed. “Last night we a mistake. We shouldn’t have made out.”
“You mean basically had sex.”
“We didn’t have sex.”
“We kinda did.” He grinned and leaned down at me. “And it was good.”
“Nate.”
“What?” He laughed. “You didn’t think last night was good?”
“You’re incorrigible. And you’re meant to be my best friend. You’re not supposed to be thinking about having sex with me?”
“Oh?” He paused. “You do know that I’m a man right?”
“So?”
“That’s what we think about.”
“Well you shouldn’t be thinking about that with me!”
“What if my thoughts are about when we had sex in college? Is that wrong?”
“Nate.” I blushed; no way was I going to admit that I thought about those nights all the time as well. No way in hell. “Let’s just agree to move on from last night and not do it again.”
“Whatever you want, Janie.”
“Good.” I said.
“So I am really hungry.” He said. “You sure you don’t want to get breakfast.”
“If you’re paying. I’m game.” I laughed and he just shook his head.
“Get your stuff and let’s go.” He grinned as he headed towards the living room. “I don’t know how I deal with you sometimes.”
“I feel the same way, Nate. Trust me.” I said as I followed him, feeling slightly better, but still very uneasy about the whole situation.