Some days, I’d give my left nut to understand women better. Understanding Josie right now? I’d sacrifice both of my family jewels.

I dropped by her place uninvited so we could have a little man-to-woman talk without customers and employees around to listen.

“A partnership in a business plus having the baby together equals too many possibilities for us to fight over things,” Josie says. “We have to keep our relationship solely personal. Okay? Can we do that?” She turns and opens her kitchen cupboard. She grabs a cup and box of teabags.

Honestly, I’m not surprised. She’s been lukewarm about a partnership with me for months. And if I have to choose between having her in my business life or personal life, it’s a no-brainer.

“Okay.” I step forward. My voice dips lower. “You and me. All personal, all the time.”

“Not that personal.”

“Why? Give me one good reason.”

“I can give you way more than one. We’re best friends. If you want to continue to be friends, sleeping together threatens to ruin it. Staying platonic is the only reason we’ve been able to be friends for so long.”

“Kiley and Gunner are best friends. Leo and Harper—best buds. So are Aiden and Mak. What about all of them?” I take two steps until my body is inches from her back. Lifting her hair with one hand, I feather light kisses along the base of her neck.

A nice little moan escapes her throat and then she stiffens. Her hand shakes as she opens the tea bag package. “Reason number two. It was a one off-thing when we had sex. You never tried to make a move on me in all the years we’ve known each other. I can only assume you weren’t attracted to me.”

My brain has loved the way she thinks. My ears have loved the musical sound of her laughter. My dick has always been in love with her rocking body.

“Don’t do that,” I mutter against her skin. “Don’t think you know what I’ve wanted all these years. I was afraid I’d lose my best friend. You didn’t exactly let me know you’d be interested in more than friends.

And once I let myself have it, I knew you wanted it too. You set me on fire when I touch you and you’d be lying if you said you don’t feel the same way.”

Shoving the fabric over her shoulder, I skate my lips along the tiny bumps of her upper spine. I breathe in the scent of her warm skin. She leans back and melts into my body. Her ass feels amazing pressed up against my hardening cock. Is the woman trying to kill me?

She whimpers and I groan. We’ve gone straight into making porn sounds while in a fully-clothed embrace.

“Josie?” I whisper hoarsely.

“Yes? I mean…no,” she says. “Whatever the question is, the answer is no.” She’s fighting this so hard. Our physical connection is so intense, so startling, and so perfect.

“Relax,” I whisper. Her head falls forward allowing more access.

“This is not a good idea.” She almost hums the words. A natural reaction from her mind, but evidently a lie from the way her body responds to me.

“I missed you.” I rain small kisses along the side of her neck. There’s no stopping the way my hips rest against her round ass. I drop her hair and allow my hands to snake around her sides to cup her breasts. Fuller. Heavier than I remember. I drop my mouth to nip lightly at her shoulder and a moan glides from my throat. Every inch of her body teases and excites me.

“Ah…” she says in response to my kiss along the column of her neck and to her shoulder blade.

Blood rushes to my dick. I want her even though I know the timing is wrong, my feelings are wrong, everything in our future is unknown.

“Dane,” she murmurs. “I feel a little dizzy.”

I slide my hands down to the bottoms of her ass and pull her to me. “Me too, baby.”

I twirl her around and cup her face. My mouth descends upon hers hungrily. I sweep my tongue between her lips, stroking and begging for more. Making magic with the way her body molds to mine.

She pulls her head back, breaking the spell. “I'm serious,” she says, her breath coming in quick pants. “I don’t feel right.”

There’s a tone in her voice that I haven’t noticed in the past few minutes. I search her eyes.

“What's wrong?” Alarm tingles along my nerves and prickles my skin.

She sways toward me and places both hands on my chest. Her face is pale. “I just need to take a breath,” she says. “I don’t want to pass out.”

My heart thumps harder and louder in my ears. Adrenaline surfs to my lungs and I attempt to steady myself.

“You should lie down.” I take her hand and link her fingers through mine. In another second, I release them, then bend and loop my arm underneath her knees that buckle all too easily. I hug her body to mine as I carry her like precious cargo.

I take long strides through the kitchen to her family room. The room is dark with not even lamplight to guide us, but I know my way around her place. When her parents died, she left everything in place—a tribute to the most important people in her life. It’s as if she keeps everything as it was to feel their presence. I maneuver around the large leather ottoman and gently set her on the sofa. There’s no protest from her at being carried. She’s definitely not herself.

“Fuck, Josie. Why didn’t you tell me something’s wrong? How long have you been feeling this way?’

I’m angry at myself, but I know how my tone comes across like I’m mad at her. And she’s not even bristling at my questions. My Josie would tear me a new one for speaking to her in anger. It’s just not something we’ve ever done. Real fear blossoms in my chest. Helpless fear. I place my hand on her forehead. But she’s cool and a little clammy.

“Quit fussing. I just need a minute. Maybe I haven’t eaten enough today, and don’t you dare say anything about that.”

“Maybe I should call an ambulance.” I’m already tugging the cell phone from my pocket.

“One finger on that phone, and I’ll hurt you.” Josie struggles to sit up, but I’m hovering over her and preventing it. She glares at me.

The feisty resistance I see in her eyes makes me feel better. She’s going to be all right. It was just a little dizzy spell, but shouldn’t she take better care of herself? Josie has never been a delicate flower. Growing up with a twin brother and all his ornery friends taught her that. My Josie kicks ass. And this is exactly why her physical condition alarms me. Maybe I should take her to the emergency room.

“You’re scaring me.”

She gives me a grunt. “It’s all that kissing. So. Happy now? You made me all swoony.”

Her diversion tactic doesn’t fool me. “Is this the only time it’s happened? I need to know. This is important.” I sweep her bangs from her forehead. “How many times have you felt like this?”

“Every time some egomaniac forces his kisses on me?” Her mouth forms a lopsided smile.

“No jokes. It’s not too late for the emergency room.”

She exhales and grunts. “You are such a bully. Okay. So I was sick every day the first trimester. That’s normal for some women. But I’ve felt a lot better since then. I don’t have morning sickness anymore. Every once in a while I feel a little off. Tired. I have a doctors appointment with my obstetrician. I’ll ask him about it. Really. Get that look off your face.”

“When?”

She nods. “Tomorrow. It’s my normal appointment, and I will tell you everything he says.”

I study her. “Okay. I won’t call an ambulance tonight. And I’m staying here overnight.”

She shakes her head furiously. “No way.”

“Yes, way. I’m staying here tonight and I’m going with you to the doctor’s appointment. I should be going to them anyway.”

Josie rolls her eyes. “You can sleep in the guest room.”

“Deal. I’ll be good. And I’ll be here if you need me.”

“I’ll be fine.” She swings her feet to the floor. “I think I’ll get ready for bed early. Help yourself to whatever you need in the kitchen. She yawns as if to make her point.

“Goodnight, Butterfly.”

“Night.”

* * *

Morning brings the sound of rain pelting against the roof. It’s the kind of rain where you imagine the earth coming to an end after a thorough cleansing.

“Why are you in my bed?” she whispers across the pillow. Her eyes are luminous in the sunlight that streams the bedroom window.

“The guest room is too far away. I wanted to be here in case you needed me. Can’t sleep?”

“I guess not.”

“What’s wrong?” I scoot a little closer and reach out to run my hand along the velvet skin of her arm. I lay on top of the comforter in the clothes I’d worn last night. Somehow it didn’t seem right to undress and sneak into her bed, as tempting as the thought was.

“I’m not sure what we are doing,” she says. “Everything you said earlier is true. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. But we start messing around again…start sleeping together….and it’s bound to get messy. This baby is relying on us to make our relationship the best it can be. So, I guess I’m saying that I’ve decided to be your best friend again, but I can’t be the other. I want it to be like before.”

“What if we can’t go back to that time?”

“You’re not even trying,” she mutters and closes her eyes.

“I want to try. Don’t say I’m not. But I want to be a couple. Two people who are best friends and lovers.” I reach across and sweep the bangs from her eyes. Then I caress her cheek and bring my face closer to hers, nose to nose. “We can become a couple. It’s easy.”

“How many women have you dated?” Her voice is even. Not spiteful in the least. She merely wants the fact.

My mouth hardens because I'm mad at myself. I know where she’s going with this. And I am going to be in the wrong. “More than I can count.”

It’s not a brag. I'm not giving an excuse at this point, because I don’t have one.

She nods her head. “And of those women, what’s the longest you’ve dated someone?”

I struggle in desperation to come up with a number that will help my case. Something to redeem me as a decent guy. Then I say what I really feel. “I told you that I went from realizing you and I could have something to finding out about Ellen and my totally fucked up genetic makeup.”

“Then you really haven’t had much practice. You don’t even know how long you could date someone. If you could tell me you had dated someone for six months I’d have more faith in us holding this together. Plus there’s the fact that you could’ve asked me out a long time ago. Before you found out about your birth mother. But the fact is you didn’t. The fact is, we messed up a great friendship by having sex. Don’t you see how telling that is?”

I have to prove we can be a couple. “I’m going to prove you wrong. That you want me as more than a friend.”

“Why am I not surprised you have this attitude?” She cocks one eyebrow. “God. Maybe your friendship is what’s best for me. I can be very satisfied with a platonic relationship.”

I have five months—until the baby comes—to prove I can get past being afraid of my genetics and all that might bring. “I want to show you I can be what you need. What the baby needs. Can you spend the day with me?”

Slivers of sunlight steal through the window blinds. I’m glad for having Harper as my backup at the restaurant. One text and I can let her know I won’t be coming in today.

“Depends. What do you want to do?”

“Anything you want. Name what your little heart desires.”

“Okay. I’ll think on it and tell you after breakfast.”

My heart does a little jig. “Sleep a while longer. Lie around in bed. Rest. I’ll get up and make breakfast.”

* * *

“I want to meet Ellen.” Josie closes the book she’s been reading for an hour. “If she’s part of your life and part of mine, she’ll be in our baby’s life. I want to meet her.”

I inhale deeply and massage the back of my neck. “I don’t know Josie. I mean, I just told her about you. But I didn't tell her about the baby.”

“Why not?” Frown lines bunch in the middle of her forehead. “You should tell her. Why wouldn’t you? She's going to be a grandmother."

“I don’t really want her around the baby.”

She cocks her head to the side as if trying to puzzle out my thoughts. “What did you think you would do? Hide the baby forever?”

“No, Butterfly. But I don’t expect Ellen to act as a grandmother to this child.”

“That’s not really fair. I mean, she can’t be that bad if she’s on medication or something.”

Sometimes you just have to see things for yourself. She doesn't get it. Ellen is too unpredictable. If I had a dog, I wouldn’t leave it with Ellen. “Alright then. You can meet her. When?”

“How about today? Now?”

My stomach bottoms out in a nervous crash. Today is not going as I planned. I wanted us to bond. I didn’t expect to give her more reasons to stay away from me. “She’s probably busy.”

“Call her and see. If we can’t see her today, I understand.”

There’s a look in Josie’s eyes that tells me she thinks this is part of what establishes a permanence in our relationship. If I refuse to take her to meet Ellen, she’ll read too much into it. I grab my cell phone from the side table.

Ellen answers on the first ring.

“Hey, Ellen. It’s Dane.”

“Oh.”

“How are you?” I hold my breath and anticipate a variety of responses. I’m on top of the world. Or I’m barricading myself in against zombies.

One never knows with her.

“I could be better,” she says. “When are you coming to visit me?”

“Funny that you ask. I—”

“Why is that funny?” she demands.

I sigh. “Ellen. I thought I might bring my…” I glance over to Josie. “..my girlfriend to meet you. You’ll like her.”

I hate talking to Ellen like she’s a child, but I’ve learned that communication with her is different.

“Don’t bring anyone else. Only this girl. Okay?” Ellen waits for a response.

Christ on a cracker. “Of course. Only Josie. We’ll see you in a while.”

And Ellen hangs up. No goodbye. No further conversation needed.

I see the threatening storm in the distance, one I can’t take shelter from. Josie will spend five minutes with Ellen on a bad day. Not only will Josie want me as far out of her life as possible, she’ll have a restraining order against my crazy birth mother.

She'll cut me out of her life. She’ll see that she has the potential for a great life without me. She’ll see that staying with me only means trouble.

On the bad idea meter, this rates a twelve.

We don’t talk on the drive to Ellen's apartment building across town. It’s a clean but old and in a part of town I’d bet Josie’s never visited. Not pretty gates or signs announcing the complex name. Subsidized housing is never fancy. Ellen once said a lot of people on public assistance live here.

A little money from me could easily change Ellen’s situation. I could get her a better apartment. But I would end up paying all her bills because she’d lose her Medicaid and public assistance.

I only know this because of Ellen’s freakout when I offered to help with her bills once.

And the more I ingrain myself into her life, the more she relies on me. I see it happening already.

Her dependence worries me.

“Do you think we could take her to lunch? That would sort of break the ice.” Josie looks around the apartment complex.

“Let's see how it goes.” First, we need to know if she's having an on day or an off day. I can’t always tell on the phone. Our chances are fifty-fifty at this point.

The apartment complex has three floors but Ellen lives on the ground one. I knock twice and realize she’s not going to answer until I go through our ritual of me calling her to confirm identity. These are the things I don’t want to explain to Josie. It’s embarrassing and I don’t want Josie to be scared.

I locate her in my contact list. “Hey Ellen. It’s Dane outside your door.”

Josie gives me a look. “Is she expecting someone else?”

“No. But she’s funny about just opening her door.”

“Oh,” Josie says. “I get it. Woman living alone. Smart.”

Several clicks sound as Ellen goes through the process of unlocking her three deadbolts. Josie slides me a look, then returns her gaze to the door. This is a mistake.

The door finally opens. “Hi Dane,” Ellen says. She’s clean and wearing a nice sweater. “Hello there. Come on in.”

Maybe I've been worried for nothing.

“Hi Ellen. This is my girlfriend Josie. I told you about her."

“Hi Ellen,” Josie says. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Ellen steps aside so we can enter the apartment. The studio apartment reeks of moth balls and dirty laundry. The walls are bare and pale yellow—less the buttercup color of field flowers and more the stain of grease and smoke.

Every surface is bare.

I once asked her if she’d like me to bring her some lamps for her end tables. She refused my offer with an excuse that they hide cameras in the lamps. I’m not sure if she were talking about me, the government, or fucking aliens.

“How long have you known Dane?” Ellen sits on her recliner which faces the sofa.

“All my life really,” Josie says. “We’ve been friends since we were kids.”

Ellen nods. “I sure made a good-looking boy, didn’t I? Movie-star handsome.”

“He is handsome all right.” Josie relaxes on the sofa.

“You sleep with only my Dane? Or are there other men in your life?” Ellen asked the question as calmly is asking about the weather.

“Ellen,” I say in a scolding tone. Here we go. This was a mistake. I should have known that we couldn’t have just a normal conversation for five minutes. “That’s none of your business and rude.”

“How else do I get to know her?” Then Ellen folds her hands and studies them. “A lot of women would want Dane. I just thought I’d make sure you are only with him and not sleeping with half a dozen.”

“She’s only with me. Be nice, Ellen.” This last statement won’t do any good. It’s like Ellen lacks a filter.

Josie sits stiffly beside me and clears her throat. “No men in my life at the moment,” Josie says. “What about you? You have anybody you’re sleeping with?”

Shit. Okay. Maybe that was fair.

Ellen’s lips tighten into a thin line. “No. I don’t sleep with anyone these days. I only have Dane in my life. I don’t trust anyone else.”

I take a deep breath and fill my lungs. “Josie wanted us to go to lunch. There’s a new place around the corner called Give Me Vegan. That sounds like Josie’s kind of place. How about it Ellen?”

Josie hops to her feet. “Sounds good,” she says in a grateful tone. “I’d love to have a tofu burger.”

I link my fingers through hers for reassurance that we’ll survive this visit with Ellen. It’s got to be weirder than Josie imagined. Stroking my thumb against Josie’s wrist, I tuck her against my side.

“You mean a dirt burger?” Ellen mutters low. “I tasted one of those and had to spit it out.”

“They’re delicious,” Josie says without blinking. “Much better than eating something that once had a face.”

My nerves dial down and I grin. This is why I’m crazy about Josie.

Ellen, score 5 on inappropriate remarks. Josie, score 10 on blowing off inappropriate remarks.