Julian

Time stopped in the Java Hut coffee shop.

Tina’s lips were warm and soft, and she tasted of coffee. Coffee and something else. Something sweet. Her arms wrapped around my neck as she pressed up against me.

Good God, she was soft everywhere. Beautifully, achingly soft. Her curves, her lips, the fabric of her top that was bunched up in my fists as I held her tight in return.

After a second of shocked stillness I kissed her back. There was no thought involved, just instinct. Everything told me to hold her close. Keep her safe and keep her in my arms.

And for one blissful moment, that was what I did.

All too quickly she pulled away. I found myself staring down into her beautiful face, too dazed to speak.

She grinned up at me and I had the unnerving feeling that I was falling. And not necessarily in a good way. It was unsettling and bizarre and then…then I fell some more.

Tina winked and I tumbled back to reality with a thud. I was kissing Tina Withers. On a stage.

My arms were still around her but she gently pushed against my shoulder until I set her free. Bracing herself against my chest, she leaned in once more until her breath was hot on my neck. “Now we’re even.”

I stared after her as she turned back toward the crowd and jumped off the stage with a graceful little leap, either not hearing the catcalls and whistles that followed in the wake of her little performance, or just not caring.

Now we’re even.

Now we’re even?

I stood there looking like a dumbstruck moron on that stage. Because that’s what I was. Struck dumb. I had lost all higher brain functions in the wake of that kiss.

Tina kissed me.

And she’d done it in some bizarre misguided attempt to help me.

That was the second realization to break through my stupor, the next was that I had to move. The following act was already coming onto the stage and I had to get off to make way.

It was only then that I remembered where exactly I was, and who was out there.

Namely, a coffee shop filled with people. Alice and some friendly acquaintances…and Leila.

My head snapped up as I tucked my guitar under my arm.

Sure enough, Leila was staring.

Glaring, actually.

Something warm and fuzzy and entirely immature swelled inside me. I resisted the urge to do something dumb like flip her off or pump my fist in the air like some ‘roided out bro.

I wasn’t kidding when I said this feeling was immature. Maturity left the building as I fled the stage, a stupid grin on my face as I realized exactly what Tina had done.

She’d made Leila jealous. She’d given my ex a taste of her own medicine…and oh man, the bitter look on her face was priceless.

I’d thought I was a bigger man. When Tina had used me to make Alex jealous, I hadn’t understood. I’d thought I was better than that.

In the days since that awkward phone conversation with Leila my thoughts and emotions had ricocheted all over the place—going from extreme anger to saintly forgiveness, from longing to have our relationship back to wondering if what we’d had was ever all that good in the first place.

But through all of this back and forth craziness, I hadn’t come up with a plan to move on. I’d been stuck in a never-ending hellhole of toxic emotions with no way out.

It hadn’t even occurred to me to try and get some sort of revenge. I didn’t let myself go there.

Today Tina had given me a gift I’d never even known I’d wanted.

And now she was gone. I reached the table where Alice sat beaming up at me, clapping her hands with excitement. “Oh my God, that was awesome. Did you see Leila’s face?”

I nodded, my gaze seeking her out. Her meaning Tina, not Leila. “Where’d she go?”

“Tina?” Alice pointed toward the door. “She bolted. Maybe she thought playing the mystery woman would drive Leila even more insane.”

Alice’s laugh could only be described as evil. “I think I may have a newfound love of Briarwood’s psycho sweetheart.” When I glanced over I saw a strange mix of curiosity, awe, and pure joy in her expression as she slapped my arm. “Seriously, why would she do that? And why for you?”

I stood there for a moment, torn between staying to tell Alice everything or following Tina. I hated keeping secrets from Alice, but a sense of urgency made it impossible to stand still while Tina walked away from me. I needed to talk to her.

“I—I’m sorry, Al. I’ve got to run.” I was already walking backwards toward the door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ‘kay?”

Alice arched her brows but she was smiling as she waved me away. “Go. Have fun.” She pointed a finger at me. “But don’t think I’m not going to hound you for answers at school tomorrow.”

“Understood.” I turned and walked faster, ignoring the people who tried to congratulate me. I didn’t let myself look in Leila’s direction, as tempting as that was.

I wasn’t sure how I should look. I wasn’t cool enough to be able to play cool and casual, like it was every day that an insanely hot little blonde threw herself at me on stage in front of my lying, cheating ex.

I found Tina walking away from the coffee shop. She was halfway down the block when I shouted her name.

She stopped and turned slowly, an impish smile on her lips.

Those lips.

I’d kissed those lips.

Oh hell, there was that feeling again. The one that made it feel like I was sinking and floating at the same time. Unsettling was one word for it. Another way of putting it?

My world was being flipped upside down.

I had no idea how much of that sensation had to do with Leila and her reaction, or how much was just the shock of that kiss.

I didn’t know much of anything these days, and I knew absolutely nothing when it came to my own heart.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Tina said, tilting her head to the side to look up at me. She smirked and I found myself smiling back.

“But I want to.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. For the first time ever I felt absurdly awkward in front of this girl with the kind of brash confidence I never understood. I was a confident guy, but not like that. Not like she was. I knew some of it was an act but even her act required courage.

She put on a brave face at all times. It must have been exhausting. But I still envied her a bit. Admired her, even, in a weird sort of way.

“Why’d you do it?” I asked.

She shifted. “Because I owe you.”

That answer made my smile fade. “Why do you think you owe me?”

She pursed her lips for a moment like she’d just tasted something sour. “You’ve been…” She waved a hand before settling on, “You’ve been helpful.” She gave her head a little shake. “Your stupid intervention thing, it…it helps.”

I stared in shock. That might have been the most honest thing I’d ever heard her say. Her tone was so genuine I almost didn’t recognize it.

“I’m glad.” Oh hell. Was that my voice? I cleared my throat and tried again. “So that kiss back there, that was—”

“Payback.” Tina’s smile turned mischievous. “I have to admit, I got a certain satisfaction out of that.”

“The kiss?” I arched a brow teasingly.

She laughed and I’m not sure if I was imagining things but I thought maybe she turned a little pink. Maybe.

Probably not.

The light of the streetlamps was far too dim to tell. “No, you dope. Making that ex of yours turn green.”

That immature but undeniable satisfaction had me grinning like a moron all over again. “She did seem a little pissed, huh?”

Tina arched a brow. “A little? I’m going to have to watch my back the whole way home.” She took a step forward and jabbed a finger into my chest. “So what’s your view on making exes jealous now, Mr. High and Mighty?”

I tilted my head from side to side as though I were debating the issue but there was no denying my admittedly immature satisfaction at watching Leila squirm. “Yeah, okay,” I admitted. “Maybe making exes pay has its merits.”

She gave me a smug little smile before gesturing over her shoulder toward her parked car. “I’d better head, but I’ll see you at school tomorrow, yeah?” The mention of her leaving brought back that weird urgent feeling. I wasn’t done with this, whatever this was. We weren’t finished. With what? I didn’t know, I just knew I wasn’t done talking to her tonight. I wasn’t ready to watch her walk away again.

I looked back toward the coffee shop. “Don’t you want to hang around?” I didn’t know why I offered. I mean, I knew it was a bad idea. She wasn’t friends with Alice, and it wasn’t like she and I were even friends. Not really. What would the three of us talk about? Maybe if Brian were there he could act as a sort of ambassador for the world of outcasts. The star quarterback had somehow managed to cross the social divide, but I had a hunch that had more to do with his longstanding friendship with Alice than anything else. They had some common ground, at least, unlike me and Tina.

And unlike me and Leila, as it turned out.

Tina shook her head. “I’d better get going.”

I had no idea why I couldn’t just let her go. I just…couldn’t. “Are you worried that Leila is going to scratch your eyes out?” I teased. “Because, you know, I’ll protect you.” I puffed out my chest and flexed my muscles as I said it and she laughed as I’d hoped she would.

She shook her head again, but this time her eyes were lit with laughter. “Thanks, but it wasn’t me I was worried about.”

I arched my brows. “You think Leila will hurt me? Look, I know she has her faults but I don’t think she’s going to slap me or anything. It’s sweet of you to worry though.”

She rolled her eyes as she laughed. “I meant, I’m worried that you’ll ruin all my hard work back there.”

I knew what she was getting at, but I couldn’t resist. I took a step closer and lowered my voice. “Are you saying kissing me was hard work?”

She shoved my chest. “Don’t be an idiot, you know what I meant. I’ve gotten your ex all worked up over the fact that you’ve moved on.” She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder dramatically. “And with someone so much hotter than her, no less.”

“And you think I’ll ruin it?” I glanced back toward the coffee shop. “No way. I loved that look on her face.”

“Mmm.” Tina crossed her arms and arched her brows, looking every inch the A-list, mean girl, cheerleading captain that she was. “No offense, but you wouldn’t be able to sell the lie.”

I widened my eyes. “Excuse me?”

She ignored my pretend outrage. “Face it, you’re an honest guy. The minute her lower lip trembled and she asked ‘have you really moved on so quickly?’ you’d be dead meat.”

I stared at her openmouthed, slightly terrified of the amazing way she’d just nailed the Leila impersonation. For a second there she’d gone from tough, cocky Tina to a simpering, pitiful girlie girl.

And she’d sounded exactly like Leila. She’d even looked like her when she’d bitten her lip and looked up at me through her eyelashes. “Do you know her?” I asked, suspicion clear in my voice.

Tina let out a loud sigh. “I don’t know her-know her, but I know her type.”

Ugh. I felt a little nauseous. It was rapidly becoming clear that I was, in fact, a moron and a dope and an idiot, and every other name Tina had called me over the past couple weeks. “She’s that obvious?”

Tina studied me for a second before giving me an apologetic wince. “She’s pretty obvious.”

“Huh.” That’s all I could say. That immature sense of satisfaction at her jealousy vanished in the warm spring air around us. “She only cared about you kissing me because she doesn’t want someone else to have me.”

Which was not the same thing as her wanting me. I didn’t need Tina’s insight to point out that lovely fact. She didn’t care about me, she just didn’t want anyone else to have me. She didn’t want to be replaced, at least not so quickly.

This relationship had always been about her—how I looked at her, what I gave her, how much I’d cared for her. She’d taken and given little in return. Not after those first few weeks at least. But by then I’d been so far gone that I hadn’t noticed that it was all about her.

It was so obvious now but somehow I’d missed it. All those months we were together, I hadn’t seen the girl who was right in front of my eyes.

Tina gave me a sad smile. “Players hate to lose.”

I nodded slowly. I had nothing to say to that. And honestly I didn’t want to think about it anymore. “Well, much as I hate to admit that you’re right…” I paused for effect. “You are right.”

She leaned in as if letting me in on a secret. “I’m always right.”

“Fair enough,” I agreed easily. After all, the girl was joking—I hoped—and she had just given my wounded pride a heavy dose of satisfaction.

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Wait, you agree?”

I nodded. “Absolutely. If you and I went back in there together I’d have to pretend to be in love with you for Leila’s sake and…” I shook my head with an over-the-top wince. “No one would believe that.”

She punched my arm—hard. This time my wince wasn’t for show.

“Loser,” she muttered. But she still had a small smile hovering over her lips, and I found that somehow, quite unexpectedly, I’d become a sort of connoisseur of this girl’s smiles.

She took a step backwards toward her car. “I’ll let you go back to it then,” she said. She gave me a little wink. “Go revel in your victory.”

“Wait!”

She stopped suddenly and I realized perhaps that had come out a little more…enthusiastic than intended. “I mean, hang on a sec.”

She tilted her head to the side and I found myself scrambling. “Alice and I usually grab a slice of pizza after my show.” I nodded toward a pizza place that was down the street from the coffee shop. “Want to join us?”

This wasn’t a lie. We normally did get pizza, but we typically waited until all the performances were over and Leila was off work so we could all go. Sometimes Brian joined us too.

Tina hesitated and I saw her bite her lower lip for a half second as she debated. Finally, she shrugged. “Yeah, sure, why not?”

The phrase Why not should never make anyone as happy as it made me. I couldn’t tell if I really was that happy to have pizza with Tina or if I’d been in such a funk lately that any glimmer of happiness seemed that much brighter in response.

Either way, I was pretty damned psyched for pizza.

* * *

I grabbed Alice back at the coffee shop and told her the new plan as I led her out the door. While she shot me a look of confusion, she readily agreed to pizza with Tina. I distinctly heard her mumble something about not being able to wait to tell Brian about this but I ignored her.

I knew what she meant but now was not the time or place to explain how Tina and I had forged a bizarre pseudo friendship. Then again, maybe I wouldn’t need to explain. After approximately thirty seconds of awkward silence, Tina asked Alice about the spring musical, which was the perfect conversation starter for my best friend’s favorite topic. After that, the conversation between the three of us flowed easily, like we were all honestly friends instead of this being two friends and one mean girl arch nemesis who we used to refer to as crazyface on a regular basis.

“Where’s Brian tonight?” Tina asked as she nibbled on her slice.

It occurred to me then that these two weren’t from such separate worlds as I would have thought. I tended to forget that Alice was now a visitor of other social stratospheres alongside Brian, the popularity ambassador. The two of them must have gone to the same parties and hung out in the same crowds now and again since Brian was sort of friends with Alex and the other uber athletes who Alice and I liked to mock.

Except for Brian, of course. Unless we were mocking him to his face, which he took surprisingly well.

“He’s hanging out with some of his friends tonight,” Alice said, waving a hand dismissively.

Jealousy shot through me so quickly it hurt. Not jealousy over Brian—I loved Alice, but not like that. I was jealous of her easy attitude toward her boyfriend. It wasn’t that she didn’t care that he was off with his friends, it was that she wasn’t concerned.

At some point along the way, I’d started to hate those nights when Leila went out with friends without me. I’d spend the night filled with dread and worry, like I was missing out on something or that something was going on without me.

I’d thought it was my problem. Staring down at my pizza the past shifted like a kaleidoscope and in one heart-pounding, pizza-centric moment I realized the truth of the matter. I wasn’t jealous by nature, as I’d assumed—I’d had a gut instinct. I’d known something was wrong.

For months leading up to the end of our relationship I’d known something was off. I’d been so crazy jealous and constantly filled with fear—but when I brought it up she’d made me feel like I was being crazy. An irrational, overly possessive boyfriend with an overactive imagination.

But I hadn’t been. I wasn’t.

Hurt spread through me fast and fierce as I realized that the girl I’d thought I’d loved had not only cheated on me—she’d made me doubt myself. She’d messed with my head.

I looked over at Tina who had that sad smile on her face as she and Alice talked about what Brian was up to. I had to wonder if she felt the same jealousy over Alice’s easy relationship and the sort of trust she had with her boyfriend. A trust that seemed so effortless.

The conversation turned to graduation and plans for the summer and fall. I stopped paying attention. I had too much going on in my brain to contribute to that conversation and it was far more entertaining to watch Tina and Alice interact.

Tina was nice to Alice. Genuinely sweet…or maybe sweetly genuine? As she’d aptly pointed out to me in the stockroom, Tina didn’t really do sweet. But her seemingly genuine interest in Alice’s role in the spring play was nice to see.

It wasn’t like Leila hadn’t been nice to Alice when the three of us went out, but her attitude had been sort of condescending. She’d treated Alice like she was my tagalong little sister who we had to hang out with.

It had been a different story when Brian joined us. She’d been nice to the handsome quarterback. Too nice. Like, there had been moments where I’d had nagging, fleeting bouts of jealousy kind of nice. I might have been jealous if Brian hadn’t been so thoroughly oblivious to her niceness and so crazy head over heels for Alice.

Yet again, I’d thought that jealousy was my fault. She’d been my first girlfriend so I thought maybe I’d just been a jealous sort of boyfriend. Like maybe that was just my nature or something.

“You okay?” Alice asked gently.

It was only then that I realized I’d been scowling off into space for God knows how long.

I blinked at the two blondes before me. They might have both been small and blonde, but they were exact opposites in every way. Yet in that moment, their expressions were remarkably similar.

Concerned.

Ah hell. I was that pathetic guy, wasn’t I? I sat up straighter in the booth. “Yeah. I’m good. You guys want another slice?”

Alice shook her head, already sliding out of the booth beside me with an apologetic look. “Sorry, but I’ve got to bail. If I’m not home soon, the folks will be pissed.”

“Yeah, no worries.” But I stared her down and she refused to make eye contact. Alice and I had been best friends for years now. I knew very well when her curfew was and we were so not there yet. I looked from her to Tina. Did Alice think… She couldn’t really believe…

An image of that kiss on stage seared my brain. Not just the kiss but my body’s reaction. For a second there, I’d thought it was real. If I was fooled, I couldn’t really blame Alice for being fooled as well.

Still, she didn’t have to give us alone time. But she was waving goodbye and halfway out the door before I could figure out a way to tell her that without making this situation infinitely more awkward than it already was.

“Well,” Tina said as the bell over the door announced Alice’s departure. “This is awkward.”

I laughed as I watched her take another tiny bite of her slice. “I think maybe Alice got the wrong idea.”

Tina was smiling as she chewed. “Yeah, I got that.”

I nodded toward the counter. “I really do need another slice though. You want one?”

She shook her head.

By the time I came back to the table, she was still barely halfway through that one slice. “Does it always take you an hour to eat a slice of pizza?”

She didn’t look offended. “Not all of us are so naturally slender, Gumby.”

I frowned. “You’re tiny.”

“That’s because I don’t inhale multiple slices of pizza late at night,” she shot back.

I let it go. Her diet habits were none of my concern. “Fine. If you finish that slice before midnight, I’ll walk you to your car.”

She smirked at me as she chewed. We ate in easy silence for a minute before she interrupted it with a total non sequitur. “I like Alice.”

I grinned. “I like her too. She’s my best friend.”

She nodded slowly, looking thoughtful. “I can see why. She’s real.”

I nodded because that was the simplest yet most accurate description for my friend. She was real. There was nothing forced or false about her—one of many reasons fitting in at school had always been so hard for her, in my humble opinion. I’d never fit in either, but my outcast status had always been by choice. Alice, on the other hand, had struggled with invisibility among the cool kids, the epitome of whom was sitting here delicately eating saucy cheese after having gone out of her way to make Alice feel at ease in the conversations. “You were nice to her.”

I’d just kind of blurted it out and it ended up sounding more like an accusation than I’d intended.

She looked at me for a moment with a funny expression on her face. Half amused, but partly offended. “I said I don’t like when people are labeled as nice,” she explained. “I’m not opposed to being nice.” At my look of obvious disbelief, she mumbled, “Sometimes.”

I still stared with arched brows and she rolled her eyes. “When someone deserves it.”

I shook my head with a laugh of incredulity. This girl was a piece of work. “And Alice deserves your kindness?”

She nodded, totally serious. Then she sighed, sounding far older than her years once again. “High school is no place for her.”

I knew what she meant and I couldn’t have said it better myself, yet her jaded tone made me inexplicably sad. “She’s doing all right.” And she was. Alice had come into her own this year, finally making a place for herself at Briarwood rather than hiding in the shadows.

Tina nodded slowly but she didn’t say anything. “So, that song…”

Her change of topic made my head snap up. I hated discussing my songs with anyone other than Alice. “What about it?”

“It was beautiful.”

I stopped eating, my pizza frozen halfway up to my mouth. “Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Thank you.”

“Was it about Leila?” She took another irritatingly tiny nibble.

“No.” I shook my head quickly. “No, definitely not. I couldn’t bring myself to play any of the songs I wrote while she and I were together.”

“Was that about another ex?” she asked.

I shifted uncomfortably. “No. Leila was my first real girlfriend.”

Tina stared at me for a second. “Tough break.”

I laughed at her bluntness. “Yeah. Wonderful welcome to the world of relationships, huh?”

She arched her brows. “Hey, it’s better than having your first love be the world’s worst flirt.”

I stared at her for a moment. “So, Alex was your first love?”

She stared at her pizza like it had just started talking. “It could have been worse.”

I stared at the top of her head. “How? You could have fallen for a serial killer?”

She glanced up with a quick smile that left me feeling winded. “Yeah, something like that.” She focused on her pizza again. “So, who was the song about then?”

And that’s how I ended up telling Tina, of all people, about my first crush. It was your average story of unrequited love my freshman year at my old school. Nothing exciting, but Tina was an avid audience. Like when she was talking to Alice, I noticed that she gave her full attention to the person who was speaking, giving the illusion of interest, at the very least.

She started in on more questions about my music and we mercifully left the topic of exes behind as we finished our pizzas. I ate two slices in the time it took her to finish that one tiny slice.

But eventually we both finished and then we sat there for a while sipping on sodas and talking about everything under the sun.

It was surprisingly nice. And easy.

It was late when we headed out and though I was parked in the opposite direction, I walked her toward her car which was parked on the same block as the coffee shop. We’d just reached her car when I spotted her.

Leila.

Tina heard my sharp inhale and looked over. Leila was standing out front of the coffee shop with one of her coworkers. He was our age, he was attractive…and she was flirting with him.

“Don’t look,” Tina commanded.

I glanced down at her and she was scowling so fiercely it almost made me smile.

Almost.

Watching my ex flirt was making it hard to breathe let alone smile.

Tina looked up at me and set her chin in a way I’d say was adorable if I didn’t also fear it. She was seriously scary when she got that look on her face.

“Kiss me.”

I blinked at her. “What?”

“Kiss me.” This time it came out in a hiss and she widened her eyes like a crazy person. “She’s looking. Do it now!”

I didn’t hesitate. Trust me, it’s hard to ignore a command like that from a girl like her.

I tugged her into my arms and kissed her. Hard. I kissed her with more passion than intended, but honestly in that moment every ounce of my focus was on her, on that kiss.

The moment my lips met hers, I forgot about Leila. I forgot that I was supposed to be doing this for show.

For the second time that night, my brain went blank and time seemed to stop. Tina’s response was just as enthusiastic, her lips molding to mine as I kissed the hell out of her.

She parted her lips like it was the most natural thing in the world for my tongue to be slipping into her mouth. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. Like we’d been doing this forever and would never stop.

She tasted perfect. She felt perfect.

Her arms were around my neck and I clutched her tight, picking her up so I was standing straight and she was lifted off the ground, so thoroughly pressed against me we might as well have been one person.

I didn’t want to stop. Her lips were addictive, her kiss entrancing. I was absolutely certain that I could kiss her all night and be thoroughly satisfied.

Soon we were leaning against her car and her legs were wrapped around my waist. I honestly didn’t know how long it lasted. Long enough for the kiss to turn far too heated for public.

If it wasn’t for the sound of people talking as they walked on the other side of the street, I have no idea how far I would have taken that kiss.

In public, no less.

As it was we broke apart with labored breathing and stared at one another in horrified fascination.

Finally Tina glanced away and I realized with a start that she was looking toward the coffee shop where Leila had been flirting. I looked over too.

She was gone. I had no idea how long ago she’d left. I didn’t know if she’d even spotted us, and in that moment I didn’t care.

Tina pressed her lips together and looked back up at me, loosening her legs and her arms that had been wrapped tightly around me so she could slowly sink down to the ground. “Um…I think she bought it?”

After another awkward silence we both burst out laughing, so hard my eyes were tearing up as I fell against her, pinning her to the car again as she shook with laughter in my arms. When I pulled back I saw tears streaming down her cheeks. “Oh my God,” she said through the laughter. “What was that?”

I shook my head. “I have no idea.”

“Well,” she said as our laughter died down. “It was fun.”

I nodded. Understatement of the year. “It was definitely fun.”

I hesitated before backing away so we were standing a few feet apart.

I wanted to kiss her again, right then and there, but I knew without a doubt that we wouldn’t be stopping again any time soon. And honestly I didn’t trust myself in public if I got her in my arms again.

But I smiled as I shoved my hands in my pockets and backed away, watching as she ducked her head and opened her car door. Was she…shy?

No, that couldn’t be right.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” I said.

She nodded, still not looking at me.

“Hey.” I stopped walking and waited for her to look up and over at me. I just wanted to be sure she wasn’t regretting the kiss, or coming out to save me in the first place.

And she had saved me. This night would have been miserable without her.

She looked expectant and maybe just a little wary.

“Thank you,” I said. “For everything.”

She gave me a little smile. “Anytime, dweeb.”