Maggie stays with Neil and me for a few days. It’s strangely silent because Neil and Maggie usually fight like the world’s going to end and one of them will have the final say. But the bickering has ceased and only quietness hangs in the air. Bryan hasn’t been around and Jon never tried to collect on his money. I was able to get Cecily to advance me five grand, because she thought that was plenty. I don’t tell anyone that I have it and keep my thoughts close to my heart—or what’s left of it—as I devise an escape plan.

Good people would be ridden with grief and question their very existence for taking a life, but I don’t. I hate to think of the meaning behind my lack of empathy. A life is a life. At one time, I thought every breathing thing held value and I had no right to destroy it. Now I have blood on my hands, and it will never wash away. They’re stained with sin that goes bone deep and I don’t even care.

I can’t discuss it with Maggie. She’ll flip out. And if I tell Neil, knowing him, he’ll call the cops, so I keep my thoughts to myself. Cecily comes around more and more often, and acts like the mother I never had. Her behavior disgusts me. There’s no room in my life for another mother. One was plenty. Once in a while when I go to sleep, I can hear my mother’s voice and that giggle that said she was gone, too stoned to care. I’d stay locked in that tiny closet until she remembered to let me out. Maggie wasn’t so lucky. Her stepfather never forgot her and used her until her little body collapsed.

I don’t know how she endured such things, but then again, she says the same thing back to me. She acts like my mother was a monster. Mom was no saint, but she kept me clothed most days and out of sight. She could have sold me, but she didn’t. It’s not that my mom brings me the warm fuzzies. No, it’s more that things could have been worse. She could have traded a hit for my young body, but she didn’t.

Meanwhile, the man who was supposed to protect Maggie was ravaging her instead. I bet anything that she was reliving those nights when Victor had hold of her. Although Maggie won’t talk about it, her posture speaks volumes. She’s sitting sideways in a chair, with her knees tucked into her chest, and her arms folded over her ankles. That’s when the doorbell rings.

I walk over and pat her shoulder, thinking it’s the pizza guy, but when I yank the door open, Bryan Ferro is standing there with that smug grin on his face. Without a word, I slam the door shut.

Maggie laughs. “You’re going to pay for that.”

“Like I care.” I pad across the room and sit on the couch just before Bryan cracks open the door. I haven’t seen him in a few days. His pallor looks vibrant again and there’s no sleepiness in his eyes.

“Nice manners, Hallie. Real nice.” Bryan scoffs and steps into the room, closing the door behind him.

I shrug. “It’s about what you deserve.”

“Since when do we get what we deserve? Because if that’s the case, I’d like to file a complaint.” That sexy grin lines his lips and I wish things weren’t so tense between us.

“What are you doing here, Bryan?”

He glances around the room. “Is Neil here?”

I nod. “Yeah, in the kitchen. He tries to avoid Maggie.” Maggie smirks and wiggles the tips of her fingers at him.

“Well, then he won’t mind if I claim my prize now, would he?”

Maggie’s jaw drops. “You’re going to nail her, here, where Neil can see?”

Bryan actually has the audacity to laugh, which makes Neil come from the kitchen. “I don’t care if he watches, but that wasn’t my intention. I want you here and now. I have an appointment later and I was thinking that with all this blackmail, there’s been very little sex. I intend on fixing that.” Bryan glances at Neil. “Hope you don’t mind if I borrow her for a little bit.”

I don’t offer consent. I say nothing, but I can plainly see the nukes going off behind Neil’s eyes. Bryan intends to fuck me in Neil’s bed. “Very smooth,” I offer and shake my head.

“You disapprove?” Bryan asks, sounding shocked.

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” We walk into the master bedroom and Bryan grins broadly. Neil says nothing, and after a few moments, I hear his car start. The tires squeal as he drives down the street. Bryan grins and leans against the wall with his hands behind his hips. “Well, come on. Take it all off, Hallie. I want to see every inch of you.”

I do as he asks, cold and lifeless. He notices the fear is gone and that there’s no hesitation. When I’m completely nude, he pats Neil’s bed and asks me to sit by him. “What’s wrong?”

Shaking my head, I reply, “No. The deal was for my body, not my mind. And even if I wanted to, I can’t talk about it.”

“Then, maybe I can help you forget.”

“Fine, do anything you want.  Anything…” The word hangs between us as my heart pounds hard. I need to be dominated and controlled right now. I need to stop thinking, if only for a moment. I know Bryan can do that, and I want him to.

Bryan pushes his hair out of his face, revealing a softness to him that makes him seem vulnerable even though I know he’s not.  “What would my Hallie like tonight? Maybe I should come here, or here,” his finger touches my lips as he grins.  “Or are you up for something more adventurous?”

I lean in and whisper, “Anything. Just get my mind off of everything else. I don’t want to think for a while.”

Bryan steps toward me. “Sounds perfect. No questions. No answers. And I won’t hold back.”  I can’t speak of what I’ve done or why I need this now. Neil would never approve, but Bryan’s here and willing. I no longer love. The part of my heart that holds compassion and reverence is dead.

Lips parted, I say nothing.  I just nod, and feel my nipples harden.  The look he’s giving me brings back old times and I want to get lost in the past. I want to forget my life and everything in it. I want him. I need him and my body responds, aching for memories from long ago.

Bryan reaches for me and whispers in my ear. “I’ll come inside you, deep between your legs and if there’s any left over, I’ll cover your breasts with it and lick them until you’re spotless. Forget yourself Hallie. Let go, let it all go.”

I put my hands on his chest, sliding off his dark leather jacket, followed by his shirt.  Bryan swallows hard, and tugs me toward him, pulling me by the waist.  His lips hover above mine, hesitantly.  I know he’s thinking of the way things were before—about the things that drove us apart—and that fight.  Without another word his lips come crashing down on mine.  It’s a desperate kiss as his tongue forces its way into my mouth.  He licks me, stroking my mouth as he kisses me, tasting me.  Bryan presses me to the wall showing me how much he wants me. He’s so hard that every inch of his long, beautiful shaft presses firmly against my stomach, and I want him inside me. 

What does that make me? A whore? A person bent on living in the past? I’m engaged to Neil and I’m fucking my blackmailer in Neil’s bed without remorse. I want him so badly that I’m ashamed of it.

Breathless, he pulls away, “How badly do you want me Hallie?” He asks the question as if he can read my mind.

I answer by taking his hand and pressing it to my slick skin.  His eyes are on me, watching, as I slip his hand down my body and between my legs. Holding me there for a moment, Bryan strokes the small, sensitive flesh and breathes in deeply.  I savor his scent and the way he feels against me.  As he gazes at me, I spread my legs and look at him. 

Caution flashes in Bryan’s eyes, but quickly vanishes.  He wonders what came over me, what made me change. The last few times, I held back, but not now. I know he wants to ask, but won’t.

Bryan leans his forehead against mine. “You’ve always been my wet dream, Hallie,” he whispers. His eyes move around the room.  It’s nothing special. Neil is boring. It could double as a generic hotel room anywhere in the United States. Bland colors, dark headboard, and a chair. 

Bryan grabs my wrist hard and pulls me toward the chair.  “Feet apart.”

I do as he says.  The tone of his voice is perfectly domineering.  He takes his belt, and snaps it.  I flinch, wondering if he’s going to strike me, but he says, “Hands behind your back.” 

I move my hands and he places the belt around my wrists, using it to hold my arms back.  When he’s done, he steps away and looks at me standing by the chair, his eyes slipping hungrily over my curves.  His gaze lingers on the patch of hair between my legs.  He kneels in front of me, and slowly slides his hands up the back of my thighs, pressing his face into the V between my legs as he does it.  When his hands move over the swell of my hips, he inhales deeply, and his fingers press against my skin. 

I step back, my back and my calves bumping the chair.  My feet start to move back together, attempting to clench the warmth building between my thighs, but he swats me and says, “Come here.”

With a grin on his face, he unties the belt and forms a loop before dragging me over to the closet door. Bryan makes a slipknot at one end that holds my wrists and closes the belt in the top of the door. My arms are pinned above my head. I loved it when he did this, but it was long ago.

Bryan unbuttons and slowly slides down the zipper.   He keeps the dark pants on, and pulls out his long, thick erection.  He hesitates, stopping before me, holding it in his hand.  I know he’s questioning himself.  The conflict spreads across his face.

“Do it,” I plead, hanging my head back and letting my hair trail down to my waist.  I know his eyes are on me, watching my body move in front of him, tied up and ready to take.  I’m breathing hard, wanting him to do it.  When a moment passes, I look at him and say, “Take me right now and make me yours in every way possible.  Do it.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says, his eyes on mine. 

“Then don’t,” I breathe.  “You’re the one in control here.  Make me writhe.  Make me scream.  Take me the way you want to.  But, Bryan—”

“Yeah?”

“I like things a little rough, more so than before.”  After I say it, my lips remain parted and I take a deep breath.  My chest swells, forcing my nipples toward him.  The door presses against my back and I lean into it wondering what he’ll do.