“Do you always go through people’s clothes when they’re in the bathroom or am I special?” Bryan sounds upset, but he’s still got that cocky grin on his face. I take the pills and throw them at him.
“High much?” I grab my clothes and start tugging them on.
“Oh, no you don’t.” Bryan rushes up to me and we struggle for a moment before he rips my shirt out of my hands and throws it across the room. “We had a deal.”
“Fuck you! Fuck your family! Fuck our deal! I hate you! I wish you never showed up again! I can’t stand this anymore! I can’t!” I’m screaming in his face and manage to get my bra hooked. “Keep the shirt, but I’m not staying and you can’t make me. Tell whomever you want. I’m done.”
He smiles sadly at the floor and then back at the shirt in his hand. “After everything we’ve been through, all I get is this shirt?”
“I’m not kidding Bryan.” I’m at the door.
“Neither was I. I’d do anything for you.” He whispers the last words. “But I can’t. Life’s not fair, Hallie. I’m doing the best I can and that’s all I can tell you. There’s a reason I’m not in rehab and why I can walk around with all that shit in my pocket. There’s a reason why, and I swore to God I wouldn’t tell you. So you can walk away and be offended that I’m a junkie, that I need drugs, but you have to know that I’d throw them all away to keep you here one more day.”
I don’t understand what he’s saying. Bryan’s gaze narrows as it meets mine. I call him on it because I think he’s bluffing. “Then do it. Buy me for a day and throw all that shit out.”
“Done.” He empties his pockets, picks up the pills scattered on the carpet, and tosses every single one out into the parking lot. When he slams the door he turns back to me. “I did my part, now you do yours. Strip.”
Why does it feel like I’ve just done something horrible? I do as he says until I’m wearing nothing. He watches me with those greedy green eyes, like he could never get enough. As he steps toward me, he smirks, “It’s secret time.”
“I have no secrets.”
“We both know that’s a lie.” He laces his arms around my bare waist and presses his hard length against me. I want things I shouldn’t want, but I try to stay calm and collected. Inside, I’m thrilled that he tossed his pills for me. He’s a druggie and this will help. It will. I know it will.
My gaze darts away and I smile. “There are things you shouldn’t know.”
“Campone?”
I glance up at him. “Maybe.”
We start dancing to music that is only in our minds. It’s something from high school, from forever ago, and I swear I can still hear it. Bryan presses his cheek to mine. “Do I need to be watching for him?”
“No one needs to be watching for him.”
Bryan swallows hard and pauses. He knows what I mean, there’s not a doubt in my mind that he doesn’t. A moment later he asks, “Do you regret it?”
“No,” my voice doesn’t come out because it catches in my throat.
“It sounds like you might.”
I lose it. All the emotions I’ve been repressing bubble up. The words escape before I can stop them. “Bryan, I regret my whole life.”
“Don’t say that.” He presses my face to his and holds me. Our feet stop moving and he kisses the side of my cheek once, then twice. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Don’t.” I pull away from him and step away. I’m staring at the worn carpet and the unidentified stains on the flattened pile. “I can’t. I just can’t.” As I move to walk away, he grabs my wrist.
A sincere smile crosses his lips. “You have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?”
“I didn’t mean all that much in the past.”
He laughs, but I don’t look back at him. I sit on the corner of the bed and stare at the ugly painting on the wall. It should have been a happy scene but time and sunlight faded a once bright spot. The paper is yellowed and the frame is chipped. The screws holding it to the wall don’t help either. “You’ve always been so good at lying, Hallie. Especially when it comes to lying to yourself.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bullshit! Hallie, look at me!” Bryan is standing by my shoulder and I hear him let out a rush of air. I assume that he’s annoyed with me until I see his reflection in the glass on the frame. His face is contorted and he’s clutching his head so hard that I can see every muscle in his body.
I whirl around and jump to my feet. My hands hover above him as if I shouldn’t touch him. “What’s wrong? Bryan?” I’m nearly crying as I watch him tremble and try to breathe, but his ribs barely move. He reaches out for the bed and sits down hard, clutching his head between his hands.
He stays like that, trying so hard to just breathe, that it kills me. I pull on his shirt and race out into the parking lot barefoot when I’m sure he’s not going to die and look for the pills, but the pavement is wet and they’ve melted. Tears stream from my eyes. I had no idea. Something’s wrong with him and I didn’t know. I thought he was partying, and acting like a fucking junkie so I made him toss his medicine.
And he did.
For me.
His voice is weak, behind me, as I try to pick up a pill that’s melting into nothing. “Leave it.”
“I didn’t know!” I’m crying. The pill turns to paste in my fingers. Before I can go for another one, he grabs my shoulders and turns me toward him.
“I knew.” His voice is trembling and tight. He can barely breathe. “I need to sit down. Come inside.”
Bryan throws his arm over my shoulder and we walk back to the bed. He laughs and then grimaces quickly. “I shouldn’t have ridden you like that, but it was worth it. You’ve always been worth it, Hallie.”