Chapter 2
Maggie and I plan via text to meet at a bagel place just after sunrise. The only cars in the parking lot are by the store. The rest of the shopping center is still closed. I haven’t been waiting long when she joins me at the end of the line.
“Hey,” Maggie says, wrapping me in a hug.
I hug her back, holding her a second too long. She’s going to dart again. I know it. She doesn’t handle death well. I suppose no one does, but Maggie’s seen too much of it. When I release her, I force myself to forgive her in advance. A soul can only take so much abuse before it can’t help but react. It’s like Pavlov’s dog. The death bell rings and Maggie runs.
I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear and lean against the glass storefront, before shoving my hands in my pockets. “Hey. How’ve you been?”
The line wraps out the door and down the front of the shopping center with people who’ve stopped for a bagel and coffee on their way to work. The line inches closer to the food and we move with it, before resuming positions against the glass. My stomach rumbles at the smell of yeast, and I can’t wait to taste the soft, warm bread and bite into it, savoring the thick cream cheese. I’ve learned not to take little things for granted. Bagels help me find my happy place.
I plan to grab one for Bryan too—poppy seeds with butter—just like he ordered in high school. We came here so many times. I stare out at the parking lot, my mind wandering into a memory of Bryan lifting me into a shopping cart and pushing me like a lunatic into the grocery store, laughing the whole time.
Another customer had asked, “What aisle did you find her on? I want one!”
Bryan just smiled, his eyes sliding over me in the cart. “Sorry, man. This was the only one and she’s all mine. I’ll never let her go.” The memory echoes sharply in my ears. It feels like it could have happened yesterday.
Maggie’s voice snaps me back into the present. She shrugs and pulls her purse strap up onto her shoulder. “I’m all right. I think I found us an apartment, but I heard Neil bought you guys a house.” She makes a face, well, tries not to make a face, which makes her pained expression even worse. The line moves again and, as we step forward, she blurts out, “Are you really going to marry him? I thought you loved Bryan? Like were totally smitten with the sex kitten. Well, you’re the kitten. Guys are what, tigers? Sex tiger sounds wrong.” She laughs, but her light laughter fades when she sees my fake smile. “What’s wrong, Hallie?”
I try to keep my voice steady, but it quivers without my permission. There’s no point in stalling any longer, and besides, I need her. Even though she’s going to run, I have to talk to someone while I have the chance. “Maggie, he’s dying.”
“But, he can’t be! He—” Maggie blurts out too many words at once and nearly starts crying. She’s the most empathetic person I’ve ever met. My pain is playing across her face when she stops, squeezes my hand, and pulls me into a bear hug that could pop my head off. “I’m so sorry, Hallie.” She wipes away her tears with the back of her hand and looks at my shoulder, not wanting to ask. Every word is like a knife in my side. “What’s wrong with him?”
I fill her in with what I know, what’s happened so far. My voice goes hard as I come to the end of the story. “We broke up because of his Aunt Constance. She thought I’d ruin her with information I shouldn’t have known, so she figured out a way to break us up.” Anger I hadn’t noticed until now bubbles beneath the surface of my mind. I won’t be angry, I can’t be. I refuse to waste my time on her or what she did. “Maggie, I couldn’t care less about her, but I’ve wanted Bryan all this time and didn’t have him because of her.”
“And yet, you don’t sound mad. You sound more creepy serene about it.” A red brow lifts slightly on her freckled forehead.
I glance over at her as we move with the line inside the little shop, and approach the case of baked bread. Maggie orders first, then I order and pay for our items. Taking our breakfast, we cut back through the line, out the door, and into the parking lot. I stand there in front of her, wanting to speak but unable to find words, then hand over her bagel and orange juice.
My mouth opens twice, but no words come out. I finally look her in the eye and explain. “I’m not mad. Well, I am—but I don’t want to be. It’s a waste of time and I have no time left. I’m planning on staying with him, Maggie. Whatever time he has left, I want to be there.”
“I understand, and I’m here for you.” She takes my hand, but I can’t look at her.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Maggie.”
“I’m keeping them this time.”
“I’d rather know now that you’ll vanish. I can handle this on my own. I’m fine, really. I know what this does to you and—” I make excuses for her until she cuts me off.
“No. Last time I wasn’t there for you because Victor was an asshole. I didn’t have a choice. It was part of the way he was controlling me, but he’s gone now, Hallie. I won’t run. I’ll be there for you. You won’t have to deal with this alone. I promise. We can get through anything, you and me. I won’t leave you Hallie. We’re sisters. I’ll be there this time.” She smiles awkwardly and looks at the pavement beneath her boots.
She shifts her weight to her other foot and glances up at me from under too much mascara. Her mouth hangs open for a second and her lip curls, like she doesn’t want to say whatever is about to fall out of her mouth. “There’s something you need to know, and I don’t know if you’ll like it or not with everything that’s happened, but you need to know. You need to. And I hate to tell you this now, but maybe it’s best this way. I’d wait if I thought it would help.”
“Maggie, just tell me. What is it?”
She sucks in a bunch of air and spits it out. “Last night while you weren’t home, I walked in on what looked like Neil and Cecily doing stuff that was way beyond the friend-zone.” Her lips are mashed together as she tries to remain expressionless. I can tell she wants to castrate Neil as she fights to keep those lips of hers in a straight line.
I blink, and that’s all. Anger doesn’t spew from my mouth and hands don’t ball into fists. I don’t feel broken or even shocked.
I feel nothing at all.
If I loved Neil, I’d be irate, but I’m not. I nod.
Maggie’s worried face pinches together as she pushes her bright hair behind her ear. “I didn’t know if I should tell you. I hate him, but I thought you liked the guy.” She watches me with such concern that I can’t help but smile at her.
My gaze lowers to the ground and I take in a deep breath, before giving her a sideways hug. When I let go, I mutter, “I’m glad you told me. When it rains it pours, huh?” I offer a smile again, but it’s fake this time. There are too many memories racing through my mind, and the motion makes my skin feel like it will crack.
“Yeah.” She laughs. “At least we don’t have to worry about Victor. I owe you big for that. The papers said one of his men killed him in my apartment. If you hadn’t dragged me out that night I would have been shot, too.”
I’m numb to what I’ve done—at least right now. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, the thought of what I’ve done slips into my mind, unwanted. Victor is a nightmare that won’t die, but I can’t waste my time.
“It’s me and you, now,” I tell her firmly. She smiles sadly at me and nods. “Maggie, can you go to Neil’s place and grab my stuff? There are only a few boxes. I never unpacked, not really. Neil wanted me to, but I shoved most of them into the back of a closet.” I pull out my purse and write her a check. “This should cover rent on our new apartment and whatever else we need. Make it pretty, okay? It’ll be nice to have a cute new place to go home to when this is over.”
Maggie takes the check and looks down at all the zeroes, before glancing up at me. A lock of red hair falls in front of her eyes. “Hallie, I can’t take this.”
“Yes, you can. Go do it. We need a place to live. I wish I had more to offer, but that fight is for another day. In the meantime, this will put us in a good neighborhood and we’ll be comfortable.”
“Are you going to sue Neil and Cecily? They pretty much spent all your money.”
I nod. “Probably, but not right now. I need to make a phone call.” Maggie nods and I dial my bank as we head to my car. I explain to a very helpful bank employee that Neil’s name is to be removed from my account immediately and any transactions in progress with his signature are to be transferred to his account. Joint checking was his idea. I rub my hands over my face and sit down hard on the hood of my car. The thing is filthy, but I don’t care. The bank employee asks me to come in soon to sign papers making the changes to my account official. When I insist they need to be signed now, she says to come over at my convenience.
I hang up, and stare blankly at the closed doors of the grocery store. “I can’t do this again, not so soon.” My father’s loss still hangs heavy in my heart, threatening to pull me under. My grief hasn’t lessened and fame hasn’t helped. The only thing that makes me feel better is Bryan and now I’m going to lose him, too.
I can’t breathe. Tipping my head back, eyes full of tears, I look at the sky and the billowy white clouds. The sky was here long before I was born and will be here long after. It makes me feel small, like my life doesn’t matter at all.
Maggie bumps me with her boot. “Bagel?”
“I’m not hungry.” I was hungry just a moment ago, but now I just don’t feel like it.
“Tough shit. I’m taking care of you, which means you eat this or I’ll shove it in your face.” She’s smiling at me. “I’ll do it.”
I swipe my food out of her hand. “I know you will.” Unwrapping the thing, I take a bite and realize that I’m starving.
“Life isn’t about death, you know,” Maggie says suddenly. She’s sitting next to me on the hood, staring at a cloud, picking pieces off of her bagel, and popping them into her mouth one at a time.
“Then what’s it about?” I thought I knew at one point, but I have no clue, not anymore. Life seems like a cruel joke.
“It’s about the relationships you make, the kindness you offer, and the compassion you show. It’s your chance to show the world who you are and what you’re made of. Hallie, you’re the strongest person I know. Instead of sitting here crying with me, you should be with Bryan. Here.” She hands me the extra bagel. “Check in once in a while and when you need me, I’ll come. In the meantime, I’ll get our home ready, I promise. Nothing is keeping me away this time. When you need me, I’ll be there—whether it’s at the hospital, or the funeral home, or just when you need a break.”
I pick up a worried vibe from her. “You’re not weak, Maggie. We’re survivors, me and you.” When I say it, I mean to comfort her, but a lump balls in my throat.
She takes my hand and leans in, resting her head on my shoulder. “We’ll survive this too—together.”