Ben couldn’t hold back his groan when he looked down at his ringing phone and saw MOM flash on the screen. He took a deep breath that would have made a yoga instructor proud before accepting the call. “Hi, Mom.”

“Ben, I haven’t heard from you in a while so I thought I’d check in.”

More like check up. “Sorry. I’ve been busy.”

“Oh?”

Ben rolled his eyes, knowing she expected him to elaborate. “Not with anything incredibly interesting. Workouts and catching up on things I neglected during the season.”

Her answering “hmm” was a clear condemnation, but Ben wasn’t sure of what exactly she was disapproving of. He knew better than to ask. “While I have you on the line, I wanted to run something by you.”

Only his mother could call him and then act like it was a coincidence they were speaking. “What’s that?” he asked.

“I ran into Helen Prince at the grocery store and she said her daughter was still in town. Have you given any more thought to making her your plus-one?”

“I told you I have a date.”

There was an abnormally long pause on the other end before his mother finally responded. “I didn’t know you were serious, honey.”

“What do you mean? What made you think I would have made that up?”

“You only mentioned it in passing when I suggested a date for you, and then you changed the subject quickly. I assumed you said that to get me to leave you alone. If you had a woman who you thought highly enough to bring to your only brother’s wedding, I figured you might share something about her.”

Ben inwardly cursed, though whether it was at the situation or himself he wasn’t quite sure. He had meant to tell his mom about Ryan—knew that just showing up with her was a very bad idea. But he hadn’t been able to psyche himself up to have the conversation with his mom either. Ben had never been an adept liar, and he was especially bad when it came to having to deceive his mother, who he wouldn’t have been surprised to find out had been used as a human lie detector by the CIA when she was younger. So there had never been a good time to tell her, nor would there ever be. But now that she’d brought the issue to him, he couldn’t run from it any longer. “I really do have a date.”

The pause on the other end of the line dragged on for so long Ben looked down at his phone to see if the call had disconnected. “Well, who is she? Do I know her?”

Not unless you’ve been trolling Philly for escorts lately. “Her name is Ryan. I met her a few months ago.” That lie was easy enough. He hoped the others followed suit.

“Are you two seeing each other? Or is she just someone you’re acquainted with?”

“Yes. We’re dating.” Better to keep it simple.

“How come you haven’t told me anything about her?”

“We were just getting to know one another. I didn’t want to complicate anything.” He knew his error as soon as the words left his mouth.

“How would telling me about her complicate things?” His mother sounded affronted.

Ben scratched his head as he tried to think of what to say. They’d only been talking a few minutes and things were already careening out of control. “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that I wanted to make sure it would go somewhere before I said much.”

“So it is . . . going somewhere?” She sounded so hopeful Ben’s heart cracked a little. His fake relationship and subsequent fake break-up was going to be tough on his mom.

“I think so. Hope so,” he amended. He didn’t let himself think too long about how the words didn’t feel like a lie.

“Well, then tell me all about her now.”

So Ben did. And apart from her being an escort and her background, Ben told the truth: She was funny, confident, and kind. She was fun to hang out with and they seemed to be compatible. His friends liked her, and she fit into his life well. When they were done talking, his mom said she couldn’t wait to meet her. He knew that the excitement his mom was feeling at the prospect of Ben having found a potential long-term girlfriend wouldn’t lessen her hypervigilance in making sure Ryan was suitable for Ben.

They said their goodbyes and Ben hung up the phone, relieved that he’d gotten that first conversation over with. But he wasn’t delusional by any means. He’d only cleared the first hurdle in what would be a long and grueling race.

* * *

Despite Ryan’s desire to live in the present, sometimes her brain became swamped in the past. Those times were few and far between, but that morning, Ryan had woken up in a dark mood. Not wanting Ben to see her like that—and not wanting to have to explain the reason for it—Ryan got up early, left Ben a note saying she had some errands to run, and escaped into the hustle and bustle of the city.

She wandered the morning away, letting herself get swept up in the crowds of people and hoping her mind would follow suit. But it didn’t. And as she slumped down on a bench behind the Philadelphia Art Museum and looked at the Schuylkill River, she finally gave herself over to it.

Ryan had been on her own for a long time. Years had come and gone like leaves in the wind. She had nothing to show for them other than her few meager belongings and her character. Typically that didn’t bother her because her integrity was important to her, and she was proud of herself. She hadn’t turned to drugs like her mother, she hadn’t gotten pregnant like a lot of girls she’d met along the way, and she hadn’t compromised who she was for anyone else.

Or had she? Because regardless of whether she’d been an escort when Ben had literally bumped into her, there was no denying that was exactly what she was now. It was a conundrum for her—wondering if this constituted her failing to be the person she’d always thought she was. The person she’d worked so hard to be.

But sitting alone staring at the sun reflecting off a gently rolling river wasn’t the time to lie to oneself, so Ryan needed to cut the shit. Because a job was simply something one did to survive. Ryan wasn’t hurting herself or anyone else, and this was the main criteria she’d always used when assessing her decisions. The job wasn’t the issue. Her feelings were.

Sometimes feelings got too loud, made her endure too much. And on days like today—days when she was already vulnerable—those types of feelings made her question everything.

Her truths were simple: People were good in the moment, but they were of little long-term value simply because they didn’t stay long-term. You had to enjoy your own company because it was often all you could count on. And it was okay to let people in as long as you were okay with them taking a piece of you when they left. Because nothing in life was free. To get, you had to give.

And this was where her quandary lay. Because the longer she stayed with Ben, knew him, spent time with him, the bigger piece of her he’d take with him when he left. And he would leave. This thing between them wasn’t set up to last. She hated how morose the thought made her. How gloomy the entire day had made her. She was normally better able to let go of this kind of shit. But then there were days—like today—when the pot bubbled over and emotions made a mess all over the place. Today was one of those days. It would pass. They always did.

With a heavy sigh, Ryan got up and turned away from the river, feeling as torn as the land the river divided. Because as much as she didn’t want to deal with her feelings concerning Ben, she wanted nothing more than to see him, be hugged by him, feel his weight on top of hers. She could ignore the fact that of all the questions he’d asked, he’d forgotten an important one, probably because it was the kind of question that only mattered when you really cared about someone. And what they had was chemistry and business. She’d best remember that.

No, it was time to slough off the thoughts and return to the present. Treat today like it was any other day. Because really, it was.

After all, what was a birthday when you had no one who knew about it?