Ben trudged into the pro shop behind his father and brother, who were discussing drivers and trajectory. Despite always having taken to physical pursuits well, golf was something Ben had never excelled at. It was one more thing that his dad and brother had in common and Ben didn’t.

He needed to rent clubs while his brother and dad walked outside to wait for him. The pro asked him a few questions in order to match him with the perfect set of clubs. Ben wanted to tell the guy that the only way they could be perfect was if they played on their own, but he kept his remarks to himself.

By the time Ben walked out onto the green, David and their dad were waiting in a golf cart. “Took you long enough,” David groused.

Ben rolled his eyes and climbed on the back of the cart.

“Hang on,” his dad called.

Ben resisted the urge to sigh heavily. What was his dad worried about? That he was going to fall off the back of a golf cart going ten miles an hour? They drove toward the first hole, his dad and brother talking about something Ben had no clue about, and Ben contemplating putting his dad’s warning to good use and jumping off the cart.

Ben zoned out on the conversation and took in the landscaping of the beautiful course as his dad drove them across it. Ben’s family had belonged to this club for over twenty years. They were also the first black family to become members, which had been both a source of pride and a source of discomfort for Ben growing up. While being the first hopefully opened the door for more minorities, it was also difficult for him to always feel like he stood out. There was always an “otherness” that seemed to cloak him and his family. Ben had clung to David in the beginning—relying on his brother to keep him safe and help him feel less lonely.

Though Ben had found his own crowd and his own way—mostly through hockey—he’d never fit in as seamlessly as David had. It was like David was a chameleon, able to adapt to any situation he found himself in. Ben had always envied him because of that.

“Find much time to play down in Philadelphia, Ben?” his dad asked, startling Ben back into the present.

“Oh, uh, no. Other than a charity game in the fall, I haven’t played since the last time we went together.”

His dad scoffed as if he couldn’t believe anyone would be able to stay away from the game for that long. “That was well over a year ago. If I remember correctly, there are a few nice courses down in that area.”

“Yeah, there are. Golf just . . . really isn’t my game.” It was yet another thing that lengthened the divide between him and his dad. His father lived for golf. Ben could appreciate the talent it took to excel at it—as he could for every sport—but it was a little too slow and leisurely for him.

Ben’s dad shook his head as he stopped the cart at the first hole. “You never did enjoy relaxing things. It was always full throttle with you.”

While the words weren’t necessarily a dig, the tone they were said with let Ben know his dad, at the very least, didn’t understand why anyone would prefer things that way.

Ben was a physical guy, but he wasn’t reckless. However, that seemed to be his slot in the family. David was the responsible one, and Ben was reckless. With his body, his career choice, his attitude, everything. It didn’t matter that Ben was more down-to-earth than most of the guys he knew. His parents would always view him as the one who was contrary.

They played for a while, David and their dad talking and Ben mostly pretending to listen and contributing enough so he couldn’t be considered rude. On the fourth hole, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw a selfie Ryan had taken of her and Tia. It looked like the two of them were hiding in a rack of wedding dresses. Ben found himself smiling at it before typing “Cute pic” back to her.

“Who put that look on your face?” his dad asked with a grin. “Let me guess. It’s that pretty young woman you brought home. Ryan.”

“Yeah,” Ben said as he slipped the phone back into his pocket.

“How long have you two known each other?” It was the first time David had directly spoken to Ben since the tux fitting, and Ben was swamped with feelings of awkwardness at the interaction.

Speaking casually to his brother was as foreign to him as writing with his left hand. “A few months.”

“You guys serious?”

Ben had to bite his tongue against a sarcastic retort. Reminding them what had happened the last time he had a serious girlfriend was probably not the way to keep the peace with his family. “I mean, we’re not getting married anytime soon, but we’re both committed to seeing where it goes.”

“That’s good. She seems nice.” David’s eyes locked on Ben’s for a moment, and Ben saw nothing but sincerity in them.

“Thanks. She is.”

The conversation flowed a little more smoothly after that. And Ben wondered if maybe, just maybe, he and his brother could get through the rest of the time without killing one another after all. The air between them was still tense, but it was more as if they were dance partners who were unfamiliar with the way their counterpart moved. They were both so busy avoiding one another’s toes, they weren’t letting themselves go with the flow and find a groove.

Thankfully their dad kept the conversation moving and engaged them both in a way that accommodated the fragility of the situation. By the time they called it a day, Ben was surprised to find that he had actually enjoyed himself.

When they arrived back at the house, all Ben wanted to do was find Ryan and decompress with her, but his mom had other plans. She cornered him in the foyer as soon as he arrived and told him to help her in the kitchen. What now?

His mom pulled out a few potatoes and passed him a peeler before getting one for herself and standing beside him.

Ben began peeling, but couldn’t resist asking, “You do realize this isn’t enough potatoes for all of us, right?”

His mom leveled him with a steely gaze. “Peel.”

Ben let out a low whistle through his teeth and focused his attention on the potato that would probably end up in the woods behind their house. They peeled in silence for a few minutes as Ben waited for his mom to say the real reason she’d dragged him in here.

It took her about three minutes. “Ryan seems like a very nice girl.”

Ben never knew how to react to his mother’s use of the word “nice.” She used the word both when she meant it and when she meant the exact opposite, as well as a variety of opinions in between. Ben would wait until she elaborated before commenting.

“She was wonderful with Tia today.”

Ben hummed in response, giving the potato much more attention than it required.

“She seems to have a good head on her shoulders and fit in really well with all of the girls.”

“I’m glad,” he replied in the hopes of speeding this up.

“I don’t think I would’ve put you two together if I’d known you independently of one another.”

Here we go.

“Which is probably a good thing since I’ve never had much success when I’ve tried to set you up with women in the past.”

Wait, what? Ben set down his peeler and faced his mother.

“You seem like a good match. I’m glad you brought her here with you.” His mom retrieved a bowl and began piling the potatoes in it.

“So . . . you like her?”

“Yes, very much.” She narrowed her eyes as she studied him. “Why do you look so surprised?”

“Because you never like anybody,” he blurted before he could censor himself. To his relief, his mom simply laughed.

“I like Natasha,” she said.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go there,” Ben said as he added his potatoes to the bowl. He went to grab the trashcan, but his mom’s hand on his arm stopped him.

“I think we should go there, actually.”

“Why? It was a long time ago. No point in rehashing the past.”

“There is when you can’t move past it.”

Ben let out a harsh laugh. “What are you talking about? It was over ten years ago. I think I’m past it.”

“Then why haven’t you settled down yet?”

Throwing his hands up, Ben burst out, “Because I haven’t met anyone worth settling down with.”

“Pardon my language, but that’s crap and you know it. You haven’t even tried to find someone. It’s been a series of doomed - to - fail - from - the - start relationships ever since Natasha left you. That is, until Ryan. I can see you really making a go of things with her, but to do that, you’re going to have to get over yourself and go make things right with your brother.”

Ben tried—and failed—to keep his voice from rising. “First of all, my not having found someone to marry has nothing to do with Natasha or David. Second, why do I have to be the one to make things right? He’s the one who still holds a grudge. Tell him to get over it.”

His mother put up a finger. “One, you don’t tell me what to do. Don’t forget who you’re speaking to. Two, it has everything to do with what happened with Natasha, not because I don’t think you’re over her but because you’re not over what she did to you. And third . . .” She moved closer to Ben, reached up, and took his face in her hands. “It has to be you because you’re the strong one. If you don’t do it, it’ll never get done. And I don’t want my boys hating each other anymore.”

Ben looked down at his mother, their eyes asking questions and providing answers, even though Ben would have to ask them out loud because he couldn’t trust that what he was seeing was the truth. Which was ultimately the crux of all his problems, just as his mother had implied. He didn’t trust. Hardly anyone had ever gotten past the wall he’d built. It was built of the toughest things: anger and betrayal—the sturdiest mortar there was. And all of this was why he had to ask, “Why’d you say I’m the strong one? I know you don’t think that.”

Her brow furrowed as she dropped her hands to his shoulders. “How could I not think that?”

Ben shrugged and immediately felt like the action propelled him back to being a teenager. “I don’t know. I guess I just never felt . . . I feel like I let you guys down all the time. Like you wish I did something else. That I was something else.” Ben’s eyes dropped to the floor, but his mother’s voice drew them back to her.

“Benjamin, look at me.” She waited until his eyes were on hers before she continued. “Do we worry? Yes. Do we understand your love of a sport we can’t even follow, let alone participate in with you? No. But despite our not understanding, and though I’m ashamed to admit it, despite our reluctance about it, you always forged ahead with it anyway. It didn’t matter that we weren’t behind you because you never needed us there. You see something you want and you go and get it, even if you have to do it all on your own. That’s why you’re the strong one. I’m so proud of the man you are. And I’m sorry for not making sure you knew it.”

She drew Ben to her, and he went willingly. They embraced and Ben felt lighter. But he still had more to let go of. “I may not have needed you there. But it would’ve been nice to have you there anyway.”

His mother’s arms tightened around him. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s okay,” Ben whispered. Tears pricked at his eyes as he realized he meant those words. He’d needed to hear the apology, but now that he had, he could let it go. He hadn’t realized exactly how much resentment he held until he was able to release it. Maybe it could be like that with David too. It was at least something to think about.

His mom drew back a little and said, “For what my opinion is worth, I feel that Ryan would be there for you. If you let her. I don’t want you to lose something that could be the best thing that ever happened to you because you’re holding on to past hurts, Ben.”

Ryan had already been there for him. From day one, she’d had his back. And while he knew that it had started because he was paying her, it was more than that now. There wasn’t a single part of him that doubted it. And maybe it could continue to grow if he did as his mom said and got out of his own way. But he couldn’t go into all that with her, so he settled on, “I’ll work on it, Mom.” And he would.