Chapter 13
Nellie was desperate to escape Hugh’s arms. Not because she didn’t want him to hold her. There was no place she was more desperate to be than in his arms. But she knew that once he held her, she would never want him to leave her. The pain of losing him for a second time would be more than she could bear.
She buried her face against his chest and allowed the tears to escape that she’d held at bay since she knew his babe grew inside her. Somehow she’d been able to pretend she could survive without him being a part of her life. Now she knew what a lie that had been. Now that he’d walked back into her life, she knew nothing would ever be the same.
“Nellie?” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Why?”
He didn’t finish his sentence, but she knew what he was asking her.
He kissed her cheek, then kissed her at that tender spot beneath her ear. With trembling fingers, he lightly touched her stomach.
As if the babe realized he was meeting his father for the first time, he kicked against her. Hugh’s expression turned to fear, and he pulled his hand away.
“Does that hurt you?” he asked.
Nellie smiled through her tears. “Not at all. I quite look forward to it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Nellie?”
Nellie couldn’t keep her gaze focused on Hugh’s handsome face. He didn’t have one imperfection. There wasn’t one mar, or one flawed detail. Even the tiny scar above his right eyebrow added to the perfection. And Nellie had never felt uglier than she did at the moment. She turned her head, because she didn’t want him to look at her.
“Why, Nellie?” he repeated.
This time when she stepped out of his arms, he let her go. Nellie walked to the terrace windows overlooking the garden. The flowers were in full bloom. The trees and bushes were lush and green. She sat in the garden nearly every day, because she felt such peace when she was there. But she knew that today that sense of peacefulness would elude her. She had no choice but to face her husband and answer his questions.
She turned. “I didn’t tell you about the babe, because I didn’t want you to feel trapped. You’re noble to a fault, Hugh, even though you try so hard not to be. You take your responsibilities seriously, even though you fight them every step of the way. And you would sacrifice your happiness to do what is expected, even though you’d hate what you’d been forced to do.”
He laughed. “How little you know me, Nellie. If you did, you’d know there’s not a noble bone in my body.”
“Isn’t there? A less noble man wouldn’t have come to apologize the day after you fell from the terrace.”
“I had no choice. What I said to you that night was inexcusable.”
“A less noble man wouldn’t have realized that. Or cared. And a less noble man wouldn’t have insisted that we marry before he allowed me to reside in his house. He would have set me up on his estate to manage it without regard to my reputation.”
“I’m hardly responsible. Look at you! What husband would allow his wife to manage an estate so he could live the wastrel’s life in London?”
“We made a bargain, Hugh.”
“It was a fool’s bargain.”
“It was a bargain with which I was in total agreement.”
“It was a bargain anyone with an ounce of integrity would never have considered.”
“But you did,” Nellie said, “then reconsidered because the responsibility you felt for me ate away at you until you had to return to make sure I was all right.”
“You’re imagining qualities I don’t possess, Nellie. I’m not noble. I’m not the responsible sort. And I definitely haven’t made any sacrifices.”
“Haven’t you? Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?” Nellie stepped to the nearest chair and sat. Hugh sat in the chair opposite her. “Tell me that the voices inside you aren’t telling you that you are trapped now. That now that you know there is a babe, you don’t have a choice but to stay with me. To do your duty. To do what is right.”
“It’s not like that, Nellie. I’m here because I wanted to see you. Because I missed you.”
Nellie lowered her gaze to her lap that she could barely see. “I’m not sure I can allow you to stay. I’m not sure I can survive when you leave again.”
For several long minutes, neither of them spoke. Finally, Hugh broke the silence. “Since I have no intention of leaving you before I greet my child, perhaps we can postpone this discussion until after my son or daughter is born.”
Nellie slowly lifted her head until her gaze locked with Hugh’s. Her heart swelled with the love she felt for him. She knew that it was unlikely that he would ever choose to stay with her, but she couldn’t demand he leave before he saw his son. Or his daughter.
She nodded in response to his request.
A winning smile appeared on his handsome face, and she couldn’t help but return his smile. There was very little she could refuse him, even if it caused her heart to break a second time.
His smile broadened, and he reached inside his coat and held out a long, narrow box. “Happy birthday, Nellie.”
Nellie took the box and slowly untied the slightly smashed blue ribbon. When the box was free, she opened the lid. Beneath the soft paper lay a radiantly beautiful pearl necklace.
“Oh, Hugh.” Tears filled her eyes again, and she tenderly lifted the necklace from the box.
Hugh stood and placed the necklace around her neck. When it was clasped, he stepped in front of her and smiled. “You are beautiful, Nellie. In every way, you are beautiful.”
Nellie held up her hands for Hugh to help her from the sofa. When she was on her feet, he wrapped his arms around her and brought his lips down to hers.
This was her sweetest dream come true. At least once an hour every hour of every day since he’d left her, she’d dreamed of kissing him.
He deepened their kiss as if he’d dreamed of kissing her as often as she’d dreamed of kissing him. As if he were as hungry for her kisses as she was for his.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered when he lifted his mouth from hers. It was obvious that their kisses had stolen his breath as much as they had stolen hers. “I missed you more than you’ll ever know.”
A rap sounded at the door, and Fredericks entered. “Luncheon awaits, my lady. Would you and his lordship like to eat now, or perhaps wait until later?”
“No, Fredericks. We’ll eat now.”
“Very good, my lady.”
Hugh looped her arm through his and led her to the small dining room.
They ate in companionable conversation, talking mostly about what news there was in London. Nellie avoided talking about the estate. She knew Hugh wasn’t interested in the improvements she’d made, or the increased number of sheep she’d added. All that might interest him were the profits and losses, and since there were no losses, she was sure nothing else concerned him.
When they finished, Fredericks entered the room. “Would you care to rest now, my lady?”
“No, Fredericks. I’m not—”
“Is it my wife’s habit to rest after luncheon?” Hugh interrupted.
“Yes, your lordship. It has been of late.”
“But I’m not—” Nellie started to say.
“Then I will escort her to our room.” Hugh pushed back his chair and helped Nellie rise. He held out his hand to assist her, and she had no choice but to accompany him to her room.
“You may leave,” he ordered Nellie’s maid. “I’ll attend my wife.”
After Janie left the room, Hugh threw back the covers and led Nellie to the bed. She lay down, and Hugh brought a throw-blanket over her.
“Do you tire easily?” He walked to the opposite side of the bed where she couldn’t see him.
Of a sudden the mattress dipped, and Nellie realized he intended to lie beside her. “More so recently,” she answered. The warmth from his body sent torrents of heat through her. The feel of him against her caused every nerve in her body to tingle.
This is what she feared most. That she would crave the feel of him near her. That she would never want him to leave her. That her heart would break when he did.
Nellie snuggled closer to him, and he wrapped an arm around her and brought her closer yet. His hand rested on the mound where his babe lay, and even through the covers, she knew he felt the child kick.
“How soon should we leave for London?” he asked.
Nellie turned her head so she could look at him. “There’s no need for me to go to London to have the babe, Hugh. I will have him right here.”
Hugh’s eyes opened wide. “But there is no doctor close enough to call upon.”
“I don’t need a doctor. I’ll have Brianna. And Colette. And at least one or two more of my sisters.”
“They are experienced in birthing babes?”
Nellie laughed. “Yes, Hugh. My sisters have twelve children among them. We’ve all had multiple experiences.”
“But—”
“Everything will be fine, Hugh. I will give you a strong, healthy son with little fuss.”
“You seem quite sure that the babe will be a boy,” Hugh said, brushing her hair with his fingers.
“I am. I can’t tell you how I know. I just do.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Just know I will be happy with whatever you give me, as long as you are all right.”
“I’ll be fine,” Nellie said on a yawn.
“Then close your eyes and rest, dear one. We’ll walk through the garden when you wake and catch up on everything that’s happened since I was last here.”
Nellie closed her eyes and looked forward to a walk in the garden. And she let her mind play over what he’d called her.
Dear one.