Chapter 16
Hugh stared at the babe in his arms and fought tears. He knew it wasn’t manly to show such emotion, but how could he not when he saw what Nellie had given him?
“He’s beautiful, Hugh.”
“Yes, Nellie. So beautiful.”
“I was almost afraid he would not be,” she said in a whisper.
Hugh turned his attention from his son to where Nellie was on the bed. She looked tired, yet overjoyed.
They were alone now. Nellie’s sisters had left the room to join their husbands. Hugh was glad. He wanted time alone with his wife. There were things that had to be said, and after his talk with Filleman, he knew exactly what he intended to say.
Hugh placed the babe back in his mother’s arms, then sat on the edge of the bed next to his wife.
“What do you mean you were afraid he wouldn’t be beautiful, Nellie?”
She looked at him and smiled a shy smile. “Nothing. I was just thinking out loud.”
Hugh reached out and brushed a strand of hair from Nellie’s forehead. “Society is notoriously idiotic when it comes to assessing beauty, Nellie. How fortunate I am that you were able to hide your beauty until I came along.”
Nellie blinked rapidly, and Hugh knew tears were ready to spill from her eyes. He leaned close and kissed her.
“While you were busy birthing our son, I had several long minutes to think.”
“Did you think of the name you would like to give our son?” she asked.
“No. I will leave that choice to you, although somewhere in his long pedigree I would like to have the name of my father—Edward.”
“I like Edward. He will be Edward after your father and Joshua after mine.”
Hugh couldn’t stop a smile. “Father will be pleased. Edward will be one of the few things my father will be proud that I accomplished since my return from the war.”
“That can’t be so Hugh. Your father knows you have many talents. He’s very proud of you. I could tell the day of our wedding. He beamed with pride.”
Hugh leaned close and kissed her again. “You’re avoiding knowing what I was thinking. Aren’t you going to ask what occupied my mind while you were working to present me a son?”
Nellie smiled. “I can’t imagine.”
Hugh reached for her hand. “I was thinking I no longer want to spend one more day away from you.”
“Hugh—”
“You can argue if you want, but it will do no good. I’ve made my decision. I intend to spend every day of my life with you. I want to watch my son grow—and any more sons or daughters you give me.”
Nellie bit her lower lip as if fighting to stop the tears.
“Do you know why, Nellie?”
She shook her head.
“Because I love you.”
The first tear spilled down her cheek, and Hugh wiped it away with his thumb. “The night I landed in your lap was the luckiest night of my life. When you agreed to be my wife was the second luckiest night. And just now, when you presented me a son, was the culmination of all those magnificent times. I love you, Nellie. With all my heart.”
Another tear fell from her eyes, then another, and another.
“It’s all right, Nellie. You don’t need to love me. I have enough love for the two of us. Just give me a chance to show you how much I love you.”
“Oh, Hugh,” she said, then swallowed hard. “I know you think you will be satisfied here, but that’s only because of the babe. In time, you’ll yearn to return to your life in London.”
“If you read my letters, you’d know that—” Hugh stopped. Was it possible she hadn’t read his letters? Was it possible she didn’t know how desperately he’d begged her to change her mind? To allow him to come back to her?
“Did you read my letters?”
Nellie lowered her gaze and slowly shook her head.
“Where are they?” he asked. “Do you still have them?”
“They’re in the desk. In the center drawer.”
Hugh rose from beside her and went to the desk. There they were. All unopened. Wrapped in a blue ribbon. He picked them up and took them to her. “Read them, Nellie. Then if, after you’ve read them, you still want me to go, I will.”
Hugh placed the bundle of unopened letters in her lap and walked to the door. He stopped with his hand on the latch. “I’ll send your sisters up to care for the babe. You need to rest.”
“Hugh, I—”
“It’s all right, Nellie.” He looked down at the babe in her arms. “He’s a beautiful babe. You’ve given me the most special gift in the world.”
And he left.
Nellie’s sisters had come for the babe and instructed her to get some rest while she could. But she couldn’t sleep. Not until she read Hugh’s letters.
She gently untied the ribbon that held them together and counted. There were eighteen letters in all.
She opened the first one and read it. There was nothing special in its message. A short line of how much he enjoyed being back in London, then a mention of an event he and his friends had attended at which they saw Colette and her husband and another sister, but he didn’t know which one it was.
Nellie smiled. It didn’t surprise her that he didn’t know one sister from another.
He closed his letter by asking how everything was at Red Oaks. She assumed that was his way of inviting her to write him. Which, of course, she never did.
She opened the next letter, then the next. They were identical to the first. He enjoyed being in London. He spent a great deal of his time with his friends, Jeb Danvers and Caleb Palmer. They’d been through a great deal together, and she knew their bond was close.
Then the tone of his letters as well as the length of them changed. His first letters were nothing more than short notes to keep in touch. Gradually, though, his letters became longer. He wrote several lines of his thoughts, as if he missed talking to her. As if he needed to include her in what he was doing and who he was seeing. In what he was thinking.
Then, the tone of his letters changed again. The excitement she heard in his first letters gradually faded. The more letters she read, the more solitary he became. Until she reached the letter where he didn’t simply ask her how she was but suggested that if she’d like, he could come to Red Oaks to visit.
Nellie’s eyes misted as she folded Hugh’s letter and returned it to its envelope. There were three more letters to read, and she wasn’t sure she had the courage to read them. Yet she knew she couldn’t fail to read them.
She opened the next letter and skimmed through the first paragraphs where he rambled about what he’d seen and done. She turned to the last page and read his words.
He missed her. He wanted to see her. He wanted to know if she was all right. He wanted to know if she would allow him to come to Red Oaks for at least a little while.
The next letter was basically the same, except asking bordered on pleading. To which she hadn’t answered.
Nellie swiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks. There was one letter left, but her heart ached so intensely she wasn’t sure she had the courage to read it.
Nellie’s hands trembled as she opened the letter. The words were written in his bold script, but he didn’t start out with news of London. Instead, he wrote . . .
My dearest Nellie,
I remember the night I first saw you. The night I fell from the terrace and opened my eyes. I still see your face as I saw it that night. Filled with concern for me. A woman willing to do whatever she could to help someone she’d never met. But I was a fool not to realize what a gift I was gazing upon.
From the day I stepped onto English soil after having survived the war, I made a vow to enjoy every day to the fullest. But I was so busy enjoying life, I didn’t realize that I was wasting the time I’d been given. I didn’t know how precious life was until I met you.
In your quiet, self-assured way, you opened my eyes and allowed me to appreciate how special the life I thought I hated could be. I was selfish and self-absorbed, but you gave even more of yourself, knowing you would receive nothing in return. You accepted me for what and who I was without attempting to change me. And no matter how I try to make sense of why you would do something so compassionate, I can’t. Other than it’s because you are so good.
I know I don’t deserve you. I have nothing to offer you. I’m not nearly as good as what you deserve. But I can’t live without you. I think of you every hour of every day, and my heart aches from missing you. I see your face in every dream and wake up wanting to be with you even more. And I die inside when I think you might not think of me at all. Or want me even a little.
I love you, Nellie. I’m not sure I can face another day without you. Please, tell me you love me a little. I never thought I’d resort to begging for anything, but I’m begging now. I’m begging that you can find it in your heart to love me enough to take me back. I’m not sure I can survive another day without you.
Please, Nellie. You mean everything to me. Please want me enough to take me back.
H
Nellie clutched Hugh’s letter to her breast and let the tears flow. Night after night, she’d tried to sleep but couldn’t because she missed having him near her. Then as the babe inside her grew, she ached for Hugh to be there so he could wrap his arms around her and hold her. And all that time he’d wanted the same thing. He’d wanted to be with her, because he loved her.
When her tears were finally spent, she pulled back the covers. Her movements were slow, but after a moment she was able to drop her legs over the edge of the bed and stand.
The pain stilled her for a moment, but she knew she could endure anything to tell Hugh how wrong he’d been. She needed him to know how lonely she’d been without him. And how desperately she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
Nellie leaned against anything that might steady her as she made her way across the room. When at last she reached the door, she was consumed with an urgent need that he know how much she loved him.
She turned the knob and opened her mouth to call to him, then stopped. Her eyes focused on the most handsome man in her world. The man of her dreams. The man she loved.
“Nellie,” he whispered, stepping to her and scooping her in his arms.
“I love you, Hugh. I’ve always loved you.”
Hugh carried her across the room and gently placed her on the bed. “Oh, Nellie, promise me you’ll never ask me to leave you again.”
“Never, Hugh. Never. I love you too much to live even one day without you.”
“And I couldn’t survive a day without you. I don’t know why I didn’t realize how much I needed you from the start.”
“Because you didn’t need me. But you do now, and I don’t intend to ever let you go.”
“Don’t you dare try, Nellie. Don’t you ever dare try,” Hugh said as he brought his mouth down to hers.