“I’ll be back.” Although my pledge is worthless, I still issue it, praying it will keep me from getting shot.

Mercifully, it does.

Tobias doesn’t even draw his gun. He just watches me dive into the driver’s seat of my car and kick over the ignition with an amused expression brightening his face. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was encouraging my evasion.

I have no clue what I plan to do when I reach Ryan, but it feels right to be running toward him during a crisis instead of away from him like I usually do. He is the glue that kept my shattered remains together the past five years. If it wasn’t for his touch, affection, and words the past nine months, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am right now. He didn’t just fix my cracks, he repaired them so flawlessly, no one can see them. Even I have trouble spotting them. He made me whole again. He made me—me.

With blurry eyes and a heart in coronary failure territory, I somehow arrive at Ryan’s residence in one piece. I honestly don’t recall which route I took or how many traffic lights I stopped at. But I am here—where I belong—finally.

If I am arrested and charged, it will be as bad as it can get. Not just for me, but for Ryan also. He is a rookie police officer at Ravenshoe PD. This won’t look good to his colleagues, no matter how brightly he shines a light on it. I know Ryan will support me. He will stand by my side no matter what happens. I just hope I don’t drag him too far down. He is a remarkable man, but even the strongest men can only take so many knocks before they eventually crack.

I don’t want to break him any more than I don’t want him to break me.

After clearing the sweat from my hands, I grip the trestle I’ve climbed many times in my childhood before raising my head. I stare at Ryan’s window without thought. My mind is so overworked, I don’t remember exiting my car, much less walking through the side gate.

I suggested many times that he spray some fish oil on the hinges to stop its annoying squeak, but he never did it. He likes having his own personal doorbell. The instant he hears the gate creak, he knows I am close, as I am the only person who uses it.

I’ve barely scaled two rungs of the ivy-coated wood when I hear my name being called by a voice a million years won’t erase from my mind. I take a moment to clear the anguish from my face before cranking my neck to Ryan. I don’t want him to see my turmoil—not yet—not until I’ve seen his smiling face first.

The air I’ve only just sucked in rushes out in a hurry when I spot Ryan standing next to me. With only a towel wrapped around his hips, his panty-wetting body is on display for the world to see. His hair is wet, as if he has recently showered, and his heaving chest shows signs of exertion.

“What are you doing outside . . .?” Shock resonates in my tone. Tonight isn’t as cold as the weather in New York, but it certainly isn’t warm enough to wander outside half-naked. “Why are you only wearing a towel? Aren’t you cold?”

Ryan’s lips twitch, but before a word can spill from his mouth, a weird moan sounds from the back of his house.

I jump down from the trestle, taking a dozen ivy leaves with me. “Is that your mom? Is she okay?” I ask, my tone half-worried, half-suspicious.

The sound was unlike anything I’ve ever heard. It wasn’t quite a moan, but it wasn’t a groan either. It was somewhat of a feminine roar? Or perhaps even muffled laughter?

“It’s not my mom. It’s nothing.”

A dash of insecurity smacks into me when Ryan seizes my elbow in a firm grab. His eyes show his hesitation at his unusual manhandling, but his aura is screaming of desperation.

I want to pretend they are the only signs I’m reading from him. Unfortunately, they aren’t. I can also sense betrayal.

What. The. Hell?

“If it’s not your mom, who is it?” I strive to keep suspicion out of my tone. My attempts are below par.

My distrust is surfacing faster than I can contain. I truly feel like I am five seconds from losing my cool. I know my anger doesn’t belong on Ryan’s shoulders, but with my mind on the fritz, his eagerness to evade my question isn’t helping matters. Unless he has something to hide, why won’t he answer me? It is a simple question. I’m not asking for a cure for cancer.

“Is it the person responsible for occupying so much of your time today you couldn’t answer any of my calls or texts?”

I try to shut down my anger. I tell myself on repeat that Ryan is nothing like my mother, and my distrust is due to the trying day I’ve had, but when Ryan answers my question with a simple, “It’s nothing,” all my hard work comes undone.

“Who is it, Ryan? Why are you hiding them from me?” I ask, fighting to get out of his grip.

He firms his hold before he continues dragging me out his side gate. His wish to remove me from his backyard hurts more than anything. This is our spot. It is our stomping ground. It doesn’t belong to anyone but us!

“Are they the reason you’re wearing a towel?”

I can’t say she. I won’t say she.

“Why were you so desperate to stop me, you couldn’t put on a pair of pants?”

My stomach heaves when my eyes lock in on a truth my brain refuses to acknowledge. “Is that lipstick?” I stop talking to settle the bile racing up my throat before continuing, “Oh my god. That’s lipstick, isn’t it?”

Moisture burns my eyes as an incalculable number of horrible thoughts blitzes me. This can’t be happening. This is Ryan—my Ryan. He doesn’t cheat. He doesn’t break promises. He issues them with as much heart as I do. He trusts. He loves. He honors. This isn’t him. This isn’t the man I love.

With my heart determined to prove my brain wrong, I thrust out of Ryan’s hold and charge toward the area the moan/ripple/laugh came from.

I’ve barely stepped foot on the back patio of Ryan’s family home when Ryan curls his arm around my waist and yanks me back. His sudden movements stir up the weird fragrance I smelled on him earlier. It isn’t fresh like someone who just showered. It is sticky and sweet, like a man who has done a lot of sweating.

Oh god.

“Let me go, Ryan. Let me go! I want to see who it is,” I scream, my words as raw as my heart feels.

I couldn’t handle this on my best day, let alone my worst.

“I don’t want you to see that, Savannah,” Ryan mutters into my ear, breaking my heart even more. “It’s not something I ever want you to see.”

The honesty in his tone devastates me. He knows the image I’m desperately trying to see will shatter my heart beyond repair. He also knows there is only one visual that could do that: him with another woman.

“You promised you’d never hurt me, Ryan. You promised.” My last two words are barely audible.

When he continues his silent stance, I yank out of his grasp for the second time. I have no intention of tracking down the person responsible for the pain tearing my heart in two, I just need some distance between us. I can’t have him close to me and work through my anguish. It is impossible to be angry when all you’re feeling is familiarity.

While swiping at the tears cascading down my face, I beg for my mouth not to fail me. Now is not the time for stupidity.

My pleas fall on deaf ears when I blubber, “Are you. . . Did you. . .”

The expression crossing Ryan’s face hurts me more than his betrayal. All I want to do is shelter him from the pain, even when he is the one causing it.

“The distance became too much, Savannah. I got sick of waiting for you to come home,” he mutters, his voice tormented.

I take a step back, shocked. “It’s just your new job playing with your emotions, Ryan. It will settle down soon. If it doesn’t, I’ll request a transfer. I’ll take a gap year. We’ll make it work.”

I sound desperate, and rightfully so. I am desperate—desperate to save him from the distress stealing the life from his eyes. I’ve only worked through half the damage his parents’ volatile relationship caused, and I’m not willing to pass the baton to someone else. I was born for this job. I was born to protect him as devotedly as he has protected me most of our life. I was born to love him.

It feels like a knife is stabbed into my chest when Ryan shakes his head. “It’s too late for that. I’ve found someone else.”

“What?” I ask, certain I heard him wrong. My pulse is thudding in my ears, so I’m confident my hearing is affected. “You’re not like him, Ryan. You wouldn’t do this to me. You wouldn’t do this to us.”

I know you. You didn’t do this. Please tell me you didn’t destroy us.

When he steps closer to me, I swipe my hands in front of my body, demanding for him to stop. I need to see his eyes when he answers my next question, as that is the only way I will know if he is lying.

“Tell the truth, Ryan. Tell me the real reason you want me to leave and I will go. I’ll walk away and never look back.” I’ll accept Tobias’s offer and save you the shame of admitting you are associated with me.

Ryan’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down before he mutters, “I don’t want this life any more. It’s time to move on.”

I bite my bottom lip, praying the pain of my vicious bite will stop my tears from falling. My efforts are pointless. The honesty in his eyes is more than I can bear. This hurts more than anything. This utterly destroys me.

“If you wanted to move on, you could have just said so. You didn’t have to cheat on me.”

I swear my blood is boiling so furiously I’m moments away from an artery bursting. I’ve never been so angry and devastated in my life.

“I trusted you, Ryan. I believed every promise you spoke because I truly believe you are nothing like your father.”

My cheeks redden when I lower them down Ryan’s form, praying my hazy mind is making me mistake Carter genes. The man I love is standing in front of me, breaking my heart with every denial he fails to give.

“Clearly, I was wrong. But you don’t use your fists to cause harm. You use your charm.”

The viciousness of my reply shocks me, but with my heart last seen somewhere in Ryan’s backyard, I’m hitting him in the spot I know will hurt him more than anything. I’m comparing him to his father. It is a mean and demoralizing thing to do, but the flicker of candlelight I’ve spotted in Ryan’s window has me overcome with stupidity—like I could possibly be any more stupid.

I want to run away. I want to never see him and his devastatingly beautiful blue irises again, but before I can do that, I must say goodbye. Even though he has torn my heart into shreds, I refuse to be my mother. I will not leave the man I love without saying goodbye to him in person.

“Goodbye, Ryan,” I force out via a sob. “I hope she makes you happier than I ever could.”

I turn my eyes to his window, hating the woman who stole him away from me but also admiring her determination. Ryan is a catch—that is why I panicked when I saw him with Amelia last year. I didn’t want him to be miserable, but I didn’t want to lose him either. I should have just left him alone, then neither of us would be suffering this horrible heartache. He would have never seen the ledger, and I wouldn’t owe him anything for saving my life. We would have existed—miserable, but still alive nonetheless.

Now I get to be miserable by myself.

I return my eyes to Ryan, my heartache so strong it is the fight of my life to issue my next sentence. “I’m not sorry I trusted you. I’m just sorry I fell for the same mistake twice.”

Stealing his chance to reply, I pivot on my heels and race to my car. He doesn’t follow after me.

That hurts more than anything.

“Does she have to come with us?” I ask, glaring at my mom.

She tried to speak to me when I returned from Ryan’s house over two hours ago, but I’ve been giving her the cold shoulder. She knows the stains on my cheeks aren’t red from being bombarded with unwanted attention. No matter how often I swore their coloring was from the lewd proposition two young movers made while securing the last of our boxes, she knew I was lying. But since the last person I want to speak to about philandering partners is a philanthropist of the club, I’ve kept my mouth shut.

“Once we have everything settled, we’ll work on the rest,” Tobias assures, stepping into the path of the death stare I’m issuing my mother. “Are you sure this is what you want?” His tone is as high as the one he used when I returned to my family estate within twenty minutes of fleeing it.

Tobias was so certain I was running, he set the wheels in motion to move my dad to a safe location without my assistance. I was stunned. With how many police sirens I heard during my short trek from Ryan’s house to my car, I thought he placed a bounty on my head. Just like nearly every day of my life, I was wrong.

The fact Tobias was going to let me fly free made my decision even easier. There’s nothing here for me anymore, so no harm was done when I agreed to his offer. I just hope my face will quell my father’s anxiety while we travel across state lines. I am more familiar to him than his surroundings, so as long as we are kept in close contact, the transition should be smooth. I hope.

“I’m sure,” I mutter, understanding a man as communitive as Tobias won’t accept a half-hearted nod as an answer. “I’ll be there in a minute. I’m nearly done here.”

He crouches down in front of me, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes more apparent in the bare bones of my bedroom. “You don’t have to do this. It was just a suggestion to ease the congestion in your mind. Our brains don’t shut down when our mouths choose not to speak.”

He isn’t referring to the agreement we made. He is referring to the letter I am in the process of writing. It is my final goodbye to Ryan, the words I couldn’t speak hours ago. It is neither pretty nor spiteful. It is just straight-up honest.

“I want to do this as well,” I assure Tobias, my voice more confident than my facial expression. “The people in it may never see it, but I feel better knowing I’ve written it.”

Tobias smiles in a way that makes it seem like I’ve known him for years. The FBI chose well when they made him their main man. He builds trust faster than I can snap my fingers, but not in a “I’ll say anything to get the job done” way. He speaks the truth—sometimes brutally.

He told me why he brought Axel here this evening. He knew Axel was lying when he said everything I had done for his family was of my own free will. My reaction to seeing Axel again proved what Tobias suspected. You can’t trust any man with Petretti blood running through their veins.

It was only after guaranteeing neither Axel or anyone in his family would know our location did I agree to his offer of witness protection. I’m not just spilling secrets about Axel and his scheming ways; I’m sharing information that will have Col Petretti’s second-in-charge walking the planks. I maintained his financial records for over a year; I know way more than anyone realizes. Stuff that will not only financially ruin Col but will take down many of his competitors as well.

Tobias was smart when he agreed with my demands. It is just a pity he scratched out my suggestion of adding my mom’s name alongside Axel’s. He’s adamant I’ll change my mind about her resurrection once the dust settles. I doubt it.

She cheated.

Ryan cheated.

The whole fucking world cheated.

I only turned nineteen last month, and I’m already done with society. I’m going to be one of those old, sad cat ladies. Except I won’t be old. I’ll just be sad.

I’m drawn away from my negative thoughts when Tobias squeezes my shoulder. After mustering a fake reassuring grin, he says, “Take as much time as you need, Savannah. We’ll wait for you outside.”

Spotting my half-hearted nod, he stands and exits my room, taking my displeased mother with him.

“She needs time,” I hear him say as he guides her down the blank hallway.

I wait for their footsteps to stop booming into my room before glancing down at the letter I’ve been writing the past hour. It is done, one page of handwritten print. It is only missing one final thing: my signature.

After a long and tedious deliberation, I settle on the obvious.