By the time I could breathe again, my legs were numb. I wiped my eyes and nose on my sleeve, and noticed with a detached sort of interest that I was shivering. The top half of my shirt was soaking wet from my tears, and my jeans were frozen from kneeling in the snow for God knows how long.  The sunlight falling through the lodgepole pines behind Diana’s house seemed very bright. I dropped my head to my chest and took a deep breath before reaching for the bumper of my Subaru and pulling myself to my feet. My chest felt raw and hollow, like the inside of a vast, echoing bell.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

I turned to see Loki several steps behind me, a white coffee mug in his outstretched hands. “I’m also deeply grateful for your assistance,” he said.

He walked toward me, and I took the mug. My hands trembled as I brought it to my lips, taking a long sip of something rich and smooth.

“What’s this?” I asked. My voice was ragged.

“Mostly Bailey’s,” Loki said. “With a shot of coffee.”

I took another sip. Heat slid down my throat and into my stomach. “How did you know about my... loss?”

He shrugged. “You wear it on your face. It makes you very beautiful.”

“That’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard,” I rasped. Then I paused, remembering our conversation about the dragon. “Well, one of them, at least.”

I drained the coffee mug in silence. My shivering finally subsided as warmth from the drink spread throughout my body.

“Vali had a brother,” Loki said, softly. I turned to him, but his eyes were far away, somewhere above the jagged treetops.

Somewhere over the mountains, a red-tailed hawk cried, sharp and lonely. The sun vanished behind a cloud, and I shivered again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

He turned to me with a smile that did not quite reach his cold eyes. “Do you?”

A hard knot tightened in my chest. “We had maybe twenty minutes,” I said. “Maybe half an hour. With our girl, with Meredith. Twenty minutes to hold her, to feel like this would actually work, like all the problems between us were somehow...manageable. That we could pull together and make a family.”

I reached up to wipe the fresh tears from my raw cheeks. “The arteries to her lungs never fully developed. She survived for almost a week, inside a ventilator. By the end they were giving her blood transfusions hourly. And then she just—”

My throat tightened, and I waved my hands in the air. As if I were describing a bird, taking flight. I stamped my feet in the snow and coughed to clear my throat.

“I haven’t talked about this in five years,” I said.

Loki nodded, his eyes on the mountains. I wrapped my arms around my shoulders and took a deep breath of cold air. Somehow, I felt better.

“Vali is the second born son of my wife Sigyn,” Loki said, his voice as soft and cold as the snow. “Our firstborn was named Nari. He took after me, in almost all respects. He was small, cunning, gifted in magic. But Vali...I suppose Vali was all the things I once wished I could be. Strong. Bold. There was no doubt Vali was one of the Ӕsir, even from the day of his birth.”

Strong and bold. I remembered Vali’s blue sword glinting in the light as he walked into the cave, his head high. Absurdly enough, I smiled. Strong and bold sounded about right.

Loki shifted in the snow. “Listen, Karen. I’ve something to tell you. Not because I seek absolution, but because it may prove important, to you and to Vali.”

He took a deep breath and turned away, running his fingers through his hair. “I’ve done many things I lived to regret. And I expected punishment. When Óðinn, Thor, and Skadi led me underground, when I saw the great snake. Well, I wasn’t exactly surprised. But when they brought in Sigyn and my sons—” He shook his head. “I thought I was being given a chance to say goodbye.”

Loki fell silent.

“You didn’t get to say goodbye?” I asked.

“You have to understand,” Loki continued, as if he hadn’t heard me, “Óðinn couldn’t kill me. Óðinn and I have sworn an oath of brotherhood, and it’s no small thing to kill your brother. But I pushed him too far. I expected to be shut away, locked up and forgotten until they all had a chance to cool down. I thought it would be a simple thing. Even as they led me into the ground, I was imagining how easy it would be to escape.”

The white mug in my hands had turned cold. “So, is that when you escaped? When they brought in your family?”

“That was when they turned Vali into a wolf,” Loki said, the words falling from his lips like cold, hard stones. “It was a brutal spell. Complicated. Painful. I’ve never heard anyone scream like that.”

I shivered again, although this time it had nothing to do with the cold.

“When the spell was over, Vali was trapped inside the wolf’s body. He was terrified, mad with pain and rage. And Nari...I believe Nari wanted to help, actually. He ran to his brother’s side.” Loki paused. Somewhere in the distance, a red-tailed hawk cried, its call slicing through the frozen air like a knife.

“Vali ripped him apart,” Loki finished.

I opened my mouth but could find no words. I am dangerous, Vali told me, again and again.

“But...why?” I whispered.

“To bind me. I can travel the aether better and faster than any of them. I can take almost any form: animals, insects, all the members of the Æsir. The only thing that could bind me in that pit, and truly hold me, was a part of myself.”

Understanding dawned slowly. My body rippled with a low, sickened tremble. “They used your son?”

Loki nodded. “His small intestine, specifically. Óðinn and Thor bound me. The very men who taught Nari and Vali how to fight. They couldn’t kill my children themselves, of course. Shedding the blood of another Æsir, an innocent Æsir, is a serious offense, almost as unforgivable as violating the oath of brotherhood. Hence the spell to transform Vali.”

“Holy shit.” The coffee and Baileys turned over in my stomach.

Loki cleared his throat, and I turned away as he wiped his eyes. “My wife Sigyn died in that pit, after a millennium of imprisonment. I promised her I would find Vali, undo the spell, somehow heal the damage inflicted on our son. Because of me. Yet here I am, and again Vali is gone.” His voice made a strange sound as he said gone, almost like ice cracking on a frozen lake.

“Hey,” I said, wrapping my hand around his arm. “It’s okay. We’ll figure this out.”

He turned to me. Something raw and painful flashed deep in his pale eyes. I smiled. Never in my life had I tried so desperately to look confident.

“We’ll figure this out,” I said, leading him toward Diana’s cabin. “We’ll find Vali. I promise.”

I pushed open Diana’s front door and led Loki into the hallway. He hesitated on the doorstep, just long enough for me to worry what the hell I’d do if he started crying. A small, hiccuping shriek sounded from the living room and Loki stepped past me, his face once again perfectly composed.

****

DIANA’S KITCHEN WAS filled with the steam and sizzle of cooking sausages. She stood at the stove, poking a metal spatula into an enormous frying pan.

“Anything I can do?” I asked.

Diana turned to me, her eyes serious and dark. “I know what he’s going to say. I want you to know you can ignore it. You can just go home.”

I shrugged, figuring it would do absolutely no good to ask Diana what in the holy hell she was talking about.

“Maybe some breakfast first?” I asked.

Diana sighed, and I felt a pang of guilt, like my decision to stay and have sausages and scrambled eggs with the woman whose baby I’d just helped deliver had somehow disappointed the goddess of childbirth. Then she handed me a tray filled with coffee mugs and ushered me into the living room.

Caroline smiled at me. She was propped up on cushions on Diana’s dark blue couch. Adelina was wrapped in a white blanket and curled against her chest. Loki sat next to her, his eyes on his daughter. Now that she had been cleaned and dried, Adelina’s hair was a brilliant shock of red. Even the tiny eyelashes casting delicate shadows over her full cheeks were red.

“She’s gorgeous,” I whispered, and I meant it. She looked like an illustration in a storybook: the perfect baby girl.

“Thank you,” Caroline said. “Thank you for everything.”

I nodded. My chest felt hollow and wrung-out, echoing with old memories. I suddenly felt restless. Maybe I should take Diana up on her suggestion. Maybe I should just leave.

Diana snorted as she entered the room, balancing an enormous tray filled with plates of sausages and scrambled eggs. “That child has a lot of her father in her,” she said. It did not sound like a compliment.

“Thank you,” Caroline beamed.

Diana rolled her eyes as she set the tray down. I took a plate and glanced toward the door, wondering when it would be socially acceptable for me to leave. Being in Diana’s house with Caroline and Loki was making me strangely uncomfortable. I’d been single for a long time; I’d gotten used to living alone and answering to no one. It wasn’t often I felt this aching loneliness, this vast, white need for someone with strong arms around my waist, and a sweet, wild scent, a muscular body rippling under mine—

With a start, I realized everyone in the room was staring at me.

“Sorry,” I said, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “It’s been a long night, I guess. What did I miss?”

Diana turned to Loki. “I suppose you were right,” she said.

The infant on Caroline’s chest wiggled, grunted, and fell silent. Everyone stared at me again. I shifted uncomfortably.

“Will someone please just tell me what’s going on?” I said.

“You love Vali,” Loki said.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. The dull ache in my chest intensified. The last time I’d seen Vali came back to me in a flash, the early morning sunlight on his sleep-soft eyes and tousled hair.

Come home with me, I’d said. Please.

My chest tightened as another memory percolated through my consciousness. My first year in Montana, I’d woken up almost every morning sobbing. At the time I hadn’t understood what the hell was happening to me, and I’d spent that entire year terrified of slipping back into the depression that sent me crawling to my parents in the first place.

But now it seemed obvious. My dreams of Vali stopped when I moved out of my parents’ cabin. I’d lost the man I loved, and I woke up every morning missing him so deeply it hurt.

I swallowed hard and nodded at Loki.

“I love him as well, obviously,” Loki said, continuing the conversation as if I hadn’t just been emotionally gutted and hung to dry. “But our relationship is...complicated. Still, I’m willing to go after him.”

“No.” Diana shook her head. “That’s a terrible idea, and you damn well know it. Even if you didn’t have a newborn child to care for.”

“That’s not an issue,” said Caroline, locking eyes with Diana. “I’m perfectly capable of caring for Adelina until he returns.”

“Of course it’s an issue. Don’t be obtuse. But it’s not even the worst part of that idea. The dragon—”

“Níðhöggr,” said Caroline.

Diana waved her hand dismissively. “Whatever you call it. That monster can sense magic from miles away. Loki would never be able to find it.”

Loki smiled. “So what exactly do you propose? Abandoning Vali to his fate?”

Diana scowled. “You know, you’re a real asshole sometimes.”

Loki spread his arms wide, looking quite innocent. Aside from the sharp gleam in his pale eyes.

I bit back my frustration. “Could someone please tell me what’s going on? For once?” I pleaded.

To my surprise, Diana spoke. “We all felt the dragon awaken. That’s why I came here, to monitor the situation, and I believe it’s what drew Vali to Yellowstone as well.”

“Oh,” I said. My voice sounded small and pinched. “Is that why he went in the cave? To, uh, monitor the situation?”

Loki cleared his throat and leaned forward. “No. I think he went in the cave to be a hero.”

The room fell silent.

“You mean he’s trying to stop the dragon?” I said.

“Well, we can’t really tell,” Caroline said, glancing at Loki. He nodded, and she continued. “I’ve only talked to him once, but he said the situation was getting worse. And he said he wanted to do whatever he could to protect you. So, we think—”

“Wait, what?” My head was spinning. Suddenly the room felt very warm and far too small.

Loki gave an exasperated sigh. “Vali’s in love with you. If Níðhöggr decides to destroy this place, you’ll be killed. That’s not a bad reason to be a hero.”

My heart hammered against my ribcage as his words sank in. “But... he hasn’t stopped the dragon, has he?”

“No,” said Loki. “Vali has not stopped Níðhöggr.”

An even worse thought took shape in my consciousness, and my gut twisted. “Is Vali... Is he still alive?”

Diana and Caroline both shifted uncomfortably.

“I cannot tell,” Loki whispered, his voice low and rough. “I do think...That is, I believe, if he died, I would know. I would feel it. But I can offer no guarantees.”

“You think you would know?” My voice had a ragged, sharp edge I couldn’t hold back. “You think?”

“Even my magic has limits,” Loki said. “And Níðhöggr’s wards are strong. Until you told us of your dream, I wasn’t even certain Vali had approached Níðhöggr’s den.”

“So, what can we do? How do we get to Vali?”

Loki fell silent. Diana cleared her throat.

“You don’t have to do anything,” Diana said. “You can go home.”

“And leave Vali?” I couldn’t sit still anymore. I jumped to my feet, my restless energy forcing me to pace the room. “No, I can’t. I won’t. I’m not going to leave Vali if there’s a chance he’s—”

My voice cracked and broke apart. I squeezed my hand into a fist, holding my breath until I stopped trembling.

Caroline cleared her throat. “We don’t really know much about the Níðhöggr,” she said. “But only someone who has a very strong bond with Vali could hope to find him. Even then, the experience is probably going to be extremely dangerous.”

I straightened my shoulders. It didn’t feel like much of a decision. Dangerous hardly mattered when weighed against the possibility of losing Vali forever. “Okay. So. Where do I go?”

Diana looked out the window, her brow furrowed in the pale morning light. “I’ve tried to find that cave for five years. The dragon moves. It hides its den.”

“I’ve had similar experiences,” Loki said. “Artemis and I can both sense Níðhöggr’s presence, although we can’t get close.” He raised his eyebrow at me. “But you can also sense it.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I guess. I can smell something, at least.”

“Then you may be able to find Vali,” Loki said.

“But didn’t you say it’s far away?” I asked.

Loki shrugged. “I’d guess it’s at least ten miles from the road.”

“Great,” I muttered. “So, I have to follow the smell of smoke for ten miles. Across the backcountry of Yellowstone. In January. Piece of fucking cake.”