The cold liquid burns a line of fire down my throat. It’s raw. It hurts. It used to be that the pain was enough to drown out the gnawing ache in my chest. After years and years of fucking people up, and disposing bodies, the pain vanished. Just like everything else.

I slam down shots because I want to put on an act. I want to look like a man at the end of his rope.

Tommy’s bar is the perfect place to do this. There are wise guys everywhere, and news will spread fast.

I’m already attracting looks from the other guys for keeping to myself and not saying a damn word to anyone. My eyes stare straight ahead into the blackboard list of beers on tap, ignoring Genevieve, who whispers something into Tommy’s ear. I feel his stare, even if I can’t really see it.

Tommy’s not buying my act, but Francois and Johnny openly gawk at me from across the bar, giving me odd looks.

“Qu’est-ce qui se passe avec lui?” What’s wrong with him?

My captain, Francois, shrugs. I make a show of burying my face in my hands and rubbing my head. My shoulders slump and I bury my fingers in my hair, fighting to keep the laughter shaking in my chest inside me.

“I’ll go ask,” I hear him say.

I try not to smile as I hear his footsteps growing louder, and then a heavy hand drops on my shoulders and shakes me roughly.

“Tony, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I don’t want to fucking talk about it.”

I can almost see the surprise on his lined face. Nothing really ever gets me down, and seeing me like this must be unnerving.

Hopefully I’m not overdoing it.

“Jesus. What happened?”

Slowly I raise my head from my hands and look into his concerned face. “I got a girl pregnant.”

The words explode in the middle of the bar, and they pretend to have not heard what I just said even though everyone’s standing unnaturally still. There’s no excitement. No cheers. They all know it’s my worst nightmare. Men freeze with glasses in their hands as they stare at me with expressions of amusement and pity.

“Congratulations!” Francois pounds my back, laughter trembling in his voice.

I send him a heated look. “I don’t fucking see what there is to celebrate. My life is basically over and I barely know this broad.”

“Don’t be such an asshole,” Johnny snaps. “A child is a gift from God—a fuckin’ gift. You better do right by this girl, Tony. I’m serious.”

I straighten myself and peer into the depths of my glass. “Yeah, yeah. I guess we have to get married. Fuck.”

The bar explodes into cheers, and Francois flings an arm around my neck. “I can’t fucking believe this. You’re getting married? Holy shit—”

Johnny gives me an approving nod. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“Yeah, well—that doesn’t mean I’m going to fucking change for her.”

The young boss beams at me, and he bumps his glass against my empty one. “Salute, Tony. I’m happy for you.”

“That makes one of us.”

My stomach clenches as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives me a hug.

“I want to meet this girl. We should have an engagement party this weekend.”

I look into Johnny’s smiling face. “You already know her. She’s Jack Vittorio’s daughter.”

His face goes slack as the men scream with laughter.

“He knocked up a boss’s daughter!”

“Good thing Jack is dead, eh, buddy?”

I ignore the elbows digging into my side, the hands clapping down my shoulder, the insidious laughter erupting around me and gaze into Johnny’s furious face.

“You fucking moron, Tony. You fucking dumb piece of shit.” He slams his drink on the counter and grabs my lapels, shoving me against the bar. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

I have at least fifty pounds on Johnny, but I don’t lift a finger against him. To do so would be suicide, even though it would be satisfying—so fucking satisfying.

“No one was ever going to find out.”

His face contorts with rage and the laughter dissipates from the bar. “You realize, you stupid fuck, that her ex now has a legitimate beef with us? You fucked his girl.”

“A girl who didn’t want to be his in the first place.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“She’s carrying my kid,” I say in a cold voice. “That’s all that matters. We’re getting married, and that’s that. If that asshole has a problem with it, I shove a gun up his ass.”

Murmurs of approval echo around me and then I know I’ve won.

He lets go of my jacket, still furious, and jabs a finger in my face. “I want a fucking paternity test.”

That might be hard to get.

“Johnny, it’s my fucking kid.”

“I need proof, goddamn it. Word is going to spread very quickly about this—to friends of ours in New York, and that piece of shit has been in my restaurant every day, demanding to know where his girlfriend is.”

Ah, good. He’s still here.

A smirk spreads across my face. “She’s been with me.”

He rakes his hand through his hair. “Goddamn it—crisse de tarbanak de marde de gang des cons. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” He shoves my chest against the bar again. “You have a fucking death wish?”

Maybe I just don’t fucking care, Johnny. I don’t give a fuck about you, or the family, or saving my own damn skin. I do what I want.

I shrug my shoulder as the heart in my chest beats like a steady drum.

“Bring me the fucking paternity test before he asks for a sit-down.”

“Whatever.”

I slide from the stool, ignoring the grins thrown my way as I walk out of the bar. It’s bad to piss off the boss. I know that, but I can’t bring myself to care. Although I’d never admit it, there’s no loyalty in my chest for Johnny. The only person in my life who matters is my mother. She loves me even though I’ve put her through so much shit. She’s the only person I live for.

A flash of emotion chips through and the blood leaves my face.

What the fuck are you doing? You’re going to get killed—this is fucking crazy, and your ma will never forgive you. Ever.

Fifty grand.

With that kind of money, I’ll be able to make sure arrangements for my mother are taken care of. She’ll never want for anything. Then it’s just a matter of waiting.

Waiting to die.

That’s how all our stories end in this life. Fucking pointless, isn’t it? My dad died young and I will, too, because I was a moron and followed in his footsteps.

C’est la vie?

Resentment boils in my chest as I cross the street and head back to my apartment. I don’t like thinking about this shit. I have everything I want, and yet nothing satisfies me. There’s nothing deep going on inside me. Just spades of boredom and restlessness. Emptiness.

I’ve felt like this for a long time.

The urge to stride into Tommy’s bar and find someone else to fuck flames inside me for a moment and then quickly dissipates. Why go to the bar when I have a real piece of ass waiting for me at home? Thinking of her brings a smile to my face. Yeah, that whole “no sex” deal we made lasted a grand total of twelve minutes. Who would have thought that Jack’s daughter would’ve been such a great lay? I mean, holy shit. The girl gets me hard every morning. Beyond that, it’s exciting. It’s fucking wrong. I could get my brains blown out just for touching her.

Yeah, it’s fucked up.

Energy ramps inside my chest as I climb the stairs to my apartment, unlocking the door. A rich smell from the kitchen makes my mouth water, and I hang my coat before walking toward it. Elena sits at the table and smiles at me.

“Hey.”

My chest tightens as I smile back to her, and I glance at the pot on the stove.

“What’s that?”

“Dinner.”

Sometimes I wonder if she’s taking this role too seriously. “We’re roommates, hon. You don’t have to cook me dinner.”

A complicated look falls on her face. “I know… It’s just—there’s not much else for me to do. Why not?”

I shrug at her and sit down across the table from her. “I told Johnny that I knocked you up. He wasn’t very happy about it.”

On the table, her hands shake and she nervously smoothes her hair. “He’ll know—won’t he? He’ll come after you. I still get messages from him every day.”

“Let him try.”

“W-what if you’re not here and he—”

I reach forward and grasp her hand, bringing it to my lips. The last of her bruises only just healed, and I’m glad. A sick feeling filled my stomach every time I saw them splayed over her perfect skin. Fucking jackass.

“I will kill him. I would consider it an honor and a privilege.”

She just melts at those words. I see her struggling to hold back tears as she clings to my hand. The poor girl is lonely as fuck. She’s stuck here all day without anyone to talk to.

“Maybe I should talk to the other guys’ wives. I know Tommy’s girlfriend is from New York, too. Maybe she can help you plan the wedding. At least you’ll have someone to hang out with.”

The wedding. It sounds so strange coming from my lips like a matter-of-fact statement. Our wedding. To a girl I barely know or care about.

It’s weird.

“Thanks, Tony. That’s—that’s really sweet of you.”

A chuckle escapes my mouth. Sweet? I’ve never heard a girl call me that in my life, ever, but she seems to really mean it. The expression on her face makes me uncomfortable. She looks at me as though I’m her goddamn savior, even though I’m only doing this for money. Part of me wants to set her straight, but I don’t want to see her upset.

She gets up from her chair and walks to me, looking at me with a wide smile that makes me feel light. Then she straddles my legs and her fingers slowly rake through my hair. I touch her small waist and I think of all the women I’ve fucked in the past few years—how none of them even come close to her. She gets my dick hard whenever she feels like it, and the smug broad knows it. It worried me in the beginning that she was only fucking me to placate me, but after a week of nonstop fucking I know better.

She needs my cock just as much as I need her pussy.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, when I’m barely awake, I’ll feel her hand on my cock. Then I’ll fuck the shit out of her at some ungodly hour, and then when I wake up in the morning I’ll fuck her again. And then she’ll want more when I get back home. Fuck, it’s heaven for my overactive cock, but I am tired as hell all the time.

“I missed you.”

Elena’s sigh washes over my ears as she sits down on my lap, straddling my waist. I groan as she reaches down and grabs my hardness, and then she kisses me, and I fight the urge to shove my tongue down her throat.

“Elena, we’re going to visit my ma tomorrow.” I swallow hard. “To tell her everything.”

My palms sweat just thinking about it.

“Okay,” she says, twirling a finger in my hair. “What’s she like?”

“Old-fashioned, I guess. She’ll be very happy to meet you.”

Her brilliant smile falters somewhat, and my chest tightens a little. I know that she’s not really mine, that this is all for show, but I can’t help but feel a little annoyed. She should be fucking grateful for this.

“I’m just—I wonder what’s happening with my mom right now. I didn’t leave her with anything.”

So that’s what’s bothering her.

Then her hand freezes in my hair and she stands up from my lap, looking embarrassed.

“Sorry, I know that you’re not here to listen to my problems.”

“You barely talk to me at all, hon.” I stand up and my hip bumps into her waist, and she grabs a strand of her hair and tugs it. “When I come home, the first thing you do is jump on my cock. Don’t look at me like that—I’m not complaining.”

“I just don’t know how to act around you. I don’t know what you expect from me.”

“I don’t expect anything, doll. You’re the one paying me—”

“—But I’m in your house, using your things, invading your privacy—”

My laugh cuts her off. “You’re paying me fifty grand for a few months’ rent. I shouldn’t let you use my things?” My hand snakes around her neck. “Maybe you’re right. I should make you walk naked around the house.”

Her watery eyes shine in the overhead lights and the laughter dies in my throat. All of a sudden, she shakes in my arms and tears stream down her face.

Jesus.

“What did I say?”

She shakes her head, trying to turn out of my grasp. “Nothing.”

A small yelp leaves her throat as I curl my hand around her forearm and yank her into my chest. Fear flashes through her tears and I let go of her arm as though it burned me.

“Don’t walk away from me, Elena.”

“I’m just overwhelmed. Rafael keeps contacting me and I’m getting married and we’re building up all these lies that we can’t possibly keep straight.”

“First of all, give me that phone right now.”

She grudgingly reaches inside the pocket of her jeans and hands me her cell phone. I turn it on and briefly scroll through the wall of angry text messages.

When I find you I’ll RIP YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF

Ur not gonna last five fucking minutes the moment I find you

I dont think you realize how much STRESS you’re causing me. After everything I’ve fuckin done for you, you two-timing slut I will—

My fingers are so tight around the phone that I’m sure the glass is about to break.

“He sounds like a stand-up guy.”

She smiles weakly.

Then I hurl the phone to the floor as hard as I can, shattering the glass. Ignoring her screams of protest, I dig my boot into the plastic and stomp hard until it’s nothing but bits and pieces.

“What the hell did you do?”

“I’ll get you a new phone. You don’t need to read that shit every day, it’ll just make you upset.” I take her shoulders in my hands and squeeze them.

“But I’ll have no idea if he’s planning something.”

“You let me worry about that, sweetheart.” I kiss her wet lips, and she releases a sigh.

* * *

Honestly there’s nothing better than starting off the day with a blowjob.

Wet, full lips wrapped around the most sensitive part of your cock, tongue riding up and down your shaft, swirling around your head.

Everything fades away. Fucking world peace could be accomplished if everyone got enough head.

Elena kneels on the shower floor, blinking up at me as hot water rains over her dark hair, which flattens to her face. She smiles at me, taking a break from shoving my fat cock down her throat. It’s a perfect thing to look at. She’s fucking hot, and she’s on her knees sucking my cock. At the same time, it’s agonizing because I can’t touch her beautiful tits or that pussy always aching for me.

How the fuck does she do this to me? How?

I can’t take it anymore—the wetness, the sliding, the sounds of her greedy mouth. I yank her arm so that she stumbles to her feet, and I gently push her against the glass with a growl.

“You just love how hard you can get me, don’t you? Admit it.”

Her lips touch my face, kissing my cheek, and I feel her smile against my skin.

“Maybe I enjoy it just a little.”

Her tits flush against my chest and blood pounds through my cock. Every throbbing beat is like a mantra. Fuck. Her. Fuck. Her.

Delicate hands wrap around my thick cock and squeeze as she nips my neck.

A little, my ass.

I grab her shoulders and turn her around, and then my palm rips across her ass. It cracks through the bathroom, sounding a lot worse because of the water coating her skin. She yelps as a bright-red mark blooms over her skin. Then she bends over, palms flat against the wall.

As long as she’s willing, I’m going to fuck this girl every spare second that I have. Every moment she’s not begging at my knees or bent over is a fucking waste. Her wet hair slides in my hand as I reach forward and yank hard, forcing her to arch her back.

“You’re too fucking sexy for your own good.”

And too damn cocky.

Goddamn, even the sight of her tits hanging down makes my cock twitch. The curve of her back, the swell of her ass, her glistening pussy—it’s an image of perfection.

My length throbs as I aim it between her lips. They spread apart with the slightest pressure, and she shudders with pleasure as I sink into her. Her legs tremble as I pull back and thrust, addicted to her warmth. Fuck, it’s incredible. We fit together perfectly. She’s snug around my dick, and I feel her pussy clinging to me as I pull out, as if it’s desperate to keep me inside.

Her palms slip on the glass as I grab her hips and thrust hard enough to make her feet stumble. Still, I find myself wishing we had an audience to fuck in front of, so that everyone could see that this amazing girl is all mine.

She pushes her greedy ass against mine, taking more of my cock inside her. I grind against her, laughing when the bathroom echoes with her sharp gasps. The real thrill is when the girl comes. Absolutely nothing gives me a greater high than a girl becoming completely undone over my cock. It’s intoxicating to have that kind of power over someone. The more I fuck her, the more of a turn-on it is. She’s not tired of me, no matter how many times I fuck her.

“Tony, more!”

I’ll give you more.

I grasp her hips, digging my fingers into her flesh as my pelvis smashes into her. She screams, slipping on the wall, but I hold her against me, pounding hard as she contorts her face, her tits swinging.

“Harder!”

Damn it. I can’t fuck you much harder.

The ecstasy twisting her face makes blood rush to my chest. The steam rises in the shower, scorching our bodies, and I feel almost faint. My hand reaches around, playing with her clit as I watch my cock pulse inside her. I feel the bulge moving through her.

“Come for me, baby. I want you to come hard on my dick.”

“I—I am—I’m—” a wordless moan cuts off the rest of her words and she collapses on the glass.

Her cunt tightens around me and then I pull out. The pressure builds as I fist my cock and I stroke once, sighing as jets of cum blast over her back.

Elena turns around and I get a brief look of her flushed face before her arms wrap around my head and her lips crush against mine, so insistent and consuming. She bites my bottom lip and pulls back.

“I want more.”

My hand snakes around her neck and I grab a fistful of hair. “How many times a day do I have to fuck you to make you happy?”

She reaches behind herself, smiling, and shuts off the water. “I don’t know yet.”

She’s either some kind of angel sent from Heaven with the mission of overworking my cock, or she’s fucking the pain away.

Whatever the reason, I’m glad.

I admire the way her tits move as she reaches up and wrings out her hair, and grab two towels for her before running one all over myself. I get ready in the other bathroom while she hogs the main one. It takes her fucking long to do all the shit she needs to do with makeup and her hair, but when she’s finished, she looks gorgeous.

My chest tightens as she gives me a kiss on the cheek. She wears a skin-tight semi-sheer black sweater and jeans that leave little to the imagination. I know that I barely know her and she’s mostly just a hot girl who I fuck, but it makes me proud. I’m proud to show her off to my ma.

She takes my hand, squeezing hard as we leave my apartment. I watch her face, her darting eyes, and her mouth, slightly parted as if she’s seconds from screaming. A hot wave of rage suddenly rises inside me for that asshole who made her so afraid.

There’s no one on the icy streets and I open the car door, letting her inside first. Then I join her and we drive out of there. Silence descends in the car, and I keep sneaking glances at her.

I barely know a thing about her.

“So what’s with you?”

“What do you mean?”

My hands tighten on the steering wheel. “I’ve never known a girl to want it that often.”

“I haven’t had fun in a very long time.” She gives me a curious look and her hand curves around my thigh. “You make me feel really good about myself. I—I never realized how much I needed that.”

A pang of sadness hits me suddenly, and I can’t help but feel that whatever this is between us—she’s already feeling something a little more than lust.

Then she lets out a shaky sigh. “I’m worried about this.”

Truth be told, my guts haven’t unclenched since we left my apartment. I don’t like lying to my ma, but for once in my worthless life I’m doing something for the greater good.

She’ll understand.

I hope.

“Don’t worry about her. It’ll be fine.”

Like hell it’ll be.

I know exactly what my mother will do. She’ll scream, she’ll cry, she’ll want to be involved in every damn aspect of the wedding.

The forty minutes to Terrebonne don’t take very long at all and I pull into the driveway. We sit in the car as the engine ticks and stare at my childhood home. Even though it’s freezing, neither of us makes the move to open the car door.

“All right. Let’s do this.”

I open the door and step outside as Elena does the same, wrapping her arms around her sides immediately. She waits for me to walk around the car and then we walk up the path to the front door. Elena lets out a nervous sigh as I raise my fist—

The door flies open and my ma stands in the doorway, looking beautiful and put-together as always. “Hi, baby!”

I gesture toward Elena. “Ma, this is Elena.”

Poor Elena stiffens as my mother throws her arms around her neck and kisses her cheeks, nearly crying in ecstasy.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh my God, she’s so—you’re so beautiful. My son finally has a girlfriend. Come in. Come in!”

Red-faced, Elena smiles and walks in the house as I take a huge breath.

Here we fucking go.

It smells wonderful, but then again, it always does. It doesn’t matter what time of the night it is, whenever I come over my ma insists on feeding me. Typical Italian mom, I guess.

It looks exactly the same as it did when my dad was still alive. Same beaten-up furniture that my ma refuses to replace for some reason that escapes me. It’s as though she expects him to walk in any moment and find everything exactly the way he left it. A pain hits my side whenever I see a photo of him, and they’re everywhere in this fucking house. When he died, it was as though my heart was ripped from my breast.

My petite mom waves Elena inside, motioning toward the kitchen. “Please, sit, sit. Tony, come here and help your mother.”

Elena stands up from the chair. “I can help, too.”

“No, no. Sit down and relax. Have some—oh Jesus, where are my oven mitts!”

Chuckling, I walk into the kitchen and grab the oven mitts from the top of the refrigerator. “Here.”

Ma squints at me through her glasses and takes the mitts from me. “Maddon, I’m losing it. Tony, set the table.”

I grab fists full of silverware and place them around the small table, smiling at Elena, who sits as if her back is attached to a steel rod. She flinches suddenly as I drop my hand over her shoulder and squeeze it.

“Relax, hon.”

Her muscles relax under my hand. She turns her head with a smile as I stroke her back.

“You two look so adorable,” my ma says, smiling at us. “I never thought my son would bring home a girl. It’s been at least ten years since he had a girlfriend—”

“—Ma!”

Jesus fucking Christ, don’t bring that up.

Her smile fumbles under my glare, and I grab a stack of plates, ignoring Elena’s curious stare. My hands shake and the ceramic cracks together noisily. Ma winces.

“Watch it! Those are new!”

“Sorry, Ma.”

The oven blows a cloud of steam into the kitchen as Ma takes out the roast ham and lets it rest on the kitchen counter.

“You never told me how you met each other.”

I sit down next to Elena, finding her hand under the table.

Let me do the talking.

“At Tommy’s bar.”

Ma gets the knife out of the drawer and sticks the meat thermometer in the steaming ham. “And you two hit it off?”

Her fingers tighten around mine. They feel ice cold.

I’ve done drug deals with bikers and I’ve never been this nervous. There’s a golf ball in my throat. My heart pounds and my mouth is dry. “Well—ah. Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

She frowns at me over the ham and finally sets the thermometer down.

“Ma, could you come sit down?”

“What?” Her eyes widen. “What’s wrong? There’s something wrong, isn’t there? I can tell.”

“No, not really—”

Her mouth trembles as she rips off her glasses and wipes her face. Tears burst from her eyes. “You’re going to prison, aren’t you?”

My jaw drops. “No.”

It’s a fucking nightmare. The kitchen echoes with her heart-wrenching sobs, and I take her hand in mine.

“I never wanted you to be in this—your father would turn in his grave if he knew—”

“Ma, I’m not going to jail!”

She leans over the table, her eyes blazing. There’s no trust in her gaze.

I feel like such a scumbag.

“Then what is it? What is it, Tony?”

“I’m pregnant!”

My head snaps to a stunned Elena, whose whole face slowly burns red. She looks as if she can’t believe what she just said.

“What?”

The look my mother gives me makes me wish that I was getting the shit beaten out of me. I feel small. My hand drapes over Elena’s shoulder and I pull her into my chest, rubbing her arm.

“We’re having a baby, Ma.”

She rubs her eyes and looks at me as though I must be an apparition.

“You’re having a baby? Elena’s pregnant?”

Elena opens her mouth and gives her a tentative smile. “Yes.”

“You’re going to be a nonna.”

Her mouth trembles and fresh tears spill from her eyes. “Oh my god! I can’t believe it!”

Within seconds, her arms fly around my neck and she squeezes until I grunt. “Ma, relax.”

She dissolves into tears, and her sobbing punches me right in the chest. Elena looks at me, wearing an expression that mirrors what I feel.

I’m going to Hell for this. No redemption.

Then she unsticks herself from my neck and clings to Elena. “You’re going to have my grandbaby? Oh my God, I’m so excited!”

My chest tightens as she embraces my mom back and I’m surprised to see her eyes swimming with tears. Is she acting?

My mom finally releases Elena and collapses on the chair. “Oh thank the Lord, I never thought this day would come. Your father would be so proud—he’d be so happy.”

I have no fucking idea what my father would have felt. He died before I got to know him. I was ten.

“I know.”

“Oh, Tony.”

“Elena wants to get married before she starts showing.”

Ma gulps down her cries and nods. “Of course, but—Oh my God.”

“I’m really sorry to dump all of this on you, Ma. We only just found out.”

“Do you love each other?”

I don’t even dare look at Elena.

“I don’t know your son very well, but I think that he’s a wonderful man—and I want my baby to have a family.”

Overwhelmed, my mother presses her hand towel to her eyes as tears stream down her face, and Elena reaches across the table and takes my mom’s hand.

“Please don’t be upset.”

I watch her quivering mouth and I suddenly have a strange impulse to tuck the hair hanging around her face behind her ear.

“I—I wish it were under different circumstances, but I’m not upset.” She trembles and then bursts out, “Oh bless you! I thought I’d never see my son get married.”

The rest of the evening passes slowly. It’s torturous, and I feel more and more rotten as the hours go by. She dials every fucking member of my family to tell them the news, and she cries, and she gives Elena the numbers of every recommended florist and bakery and venue that she can think of. Worst of all are the constant references to my dad, and how proud he’d be and how she wishes he were still alive. Finally it’s time to go, and Ma stops me right as I’m about to leave the house.

She clings to my jacket. “Tony, you better raise this baby right.”

“Of course I will.”

“I mean it,” she snaps. “I know how you spend your nights, and I don’t want to see that sweet girl hurt.”

“It’s not like she’d know about it.”

Her hand whirls out of nowhere, slapping me hard across the face. It’s fucking humiliating. She glowers at me.

“What the fuck?”

“I don’t want to hear any of your smart mouth. You have a responsibility to your wife and baby. It’s time to grow up, Tony.”

Tears glaze her eyes and the air leaves my chest.

“I didn’t raise you right.”

“What?”

“You followed in your dad’s footsteps, after I did everything I could to stop it.”

My voice dips to a growl. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for that. I chose the life. It was a mistake. I have to live with that, not you.”

“I have to live with every stupid decision you make, Tony. That’s what you don’t realize. Promise me you’ll be good to this girl. You’re not going to leave her for someone else when she gives birth to your baby. Promise me.”

My eyes water from staring at her for so long. “I won’t.”

Ma looks at me for a moment as though she wants to believe me, and then she closes the door.

* * *

This is too much.

This is way too fucking much.

If that prick doesn’t kill me, my mother will.

I slam the door to the apartment and Elena flinches beside me. She cringes with that emotion that I hate to see on any woman’s face. She’s never seen me angry.

My mother’s anguished face flashes through my mind as I rip open the refrigerator door and pull out a beer. I snap off the top, glaring at Elena as she stands in the kitchen, carefully avoiding my eyes.

I guzzle down the beer and feel it add to the pool of hot, burning guilt.

“Tony, I—I’m really sorry for all this. I know it must have been really difficult. It was hard for me, too.”

She’s just another girl who wants something from me. Why the fuck did I ever agree to do this? What amount of money is worth ruining my relationship with my mother, the only person I care about in the whole world?

“Oh, it was hard for you? Please, tell me how it was hard for you. My own mother slapped me. She expects me to keep my dick in my pants for our marriage.”

Her beautiful face whitens. “I like your mother, and I don’t want to see her get hurt. I’m not—I’m not proud of what I did.”

The heat burns down my throat as I swallow another mouthful. “I can’t fucking do this.”

“What? No, Tony, please—”

“I’m sorry, babe, but it’s just not worth it. I can’t do this. I can’t fuck one woman for three months, I can’t be a good husband, I can’t do any of the things you want me to do.”

She stares at me for a moment, flinching from my words. I hate that look on her face. I hate anything that makes me feel for her. An awful sound pierces through my chest as Elena tries to draw in breath. Then her body shakes and my chest caves in as she grabs my shoulders.

“Tell me what I have to do. I’ll do anything you want. Just don’t—please don’t—”

The vein on her forehead looks as if it’s going to blow, and then the smallest tear squeezes from her eye.

And I’m done.

Be good to her, Tony.

My mother’s voice snarls in my head and I wrap my arms around Elena’s body, unable to stomach the look of destruction on her face.

What if I don’t want to be good? I never gave a shit about being the good guy. Why should I now? Because she’s a great piece of ass?

“I’ll ask someone else,” she says finally.

“No.”

It bursts out of me immediately like a visceral reaction. Suddenly blood churns in my head as I think about her fucking some other made guy. No fucking way.

Fuck, I’m stuck with this chick. I couldn’t live with myself if I pawned her off to someone else. I’m not attached, but I want to possess her. She’s my prize, and I like having access to her pussy 24/7.

“I need more.”

She blinks. “I have more money.”

“I don’t give a shit about your money.” My hand curls underneath her jaw and a smile spreads across my face as I think about all the things I could get her to do for me.

I thought I was being the good guy for helping her out, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Meeting my mother taught me that. It’s time to stop giving a fuck about being the good guy. Let’s face it, I’m an asshole. Always will be.

“You need to be mine—completely mine.”

She hiccups. “Well, we are getting married.”

I grope her tight ass and my cock stiffens in my slacks. “Yeah, but it’s not a real marriage. You don’t really belong to me, and that’s what’s bothering me.”

Her eyes widen as she looks at me. “What are you saying? You want to—you want it to be real?”

“No. I just don’t want your fucking money.”

“I—I don’t get understand.”

“It’s simple.” I take her beautiful face in my hands and my thumb runs along her bottom lip. “You want my help? Fine. I’ll take you as payment.”

Her mouth opens and my brain lurches, suddenly frozen. I want to kiss her. I want to fuck those perfect lips.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you’re mine. Your body in exchange for being your husband.” I love the way her cheeks fill with color. For some reason, it turns me on to think that the sexy minx I brought home might actually be shy.

Because breaking her in would be so goddamn fun.

“I hate the idea of being on loan for you.”

She makes a face. “Jesus. Is that what this is about? The fucking money? I thought you were a businessman. Who the hell cares how you make your money? It can’t be any worse than what you’ve already done.”

A surge of anger fills my chest, hot and disturbing. In the beginning, I thought it was smart. Hell, fifty grand to fuck some chick for a few months? Why not? I couldn’t see past my own dick, and I’ve already invested too much in this. Tommy knows about the money, which means there’s a risk that Johnny will find out.

And he can’t find out.

There’s also the fact that the moment I take her money, I become her employee. I’m hers, when it should be the other way around.

I can’t live like that.

“I don’t care about right and wrong. I’ve just changed my mind.”

Her eyes harden like dark gems. “Tell me why you want me to do this.”

“It’s the only way this will work. I need to be in control of you, sweetheart. If I don’t feel like I’m in control, I won’t be able to keep my dick in my pants. If I don’t do that, then everyone will know this is a complete sham.”

Elena nods and grits her teeth, looking pissed off. “What do you want?”

“There are things I’ve never tried with a girl that I’d love to try on you.”

“L—like what?”

Oh, like fucking you in front of a crowd of men.

“Things that might make you embarrassed.”

I sweep her hair over her neck as redness pricks across her cheeks. I think about Tommy’s bar, about the thrill I used to feel getting some random chick to scream my name. It pales in comparison to the thrill of what I could do with Elena.

I’m an asshole for doing this.

It’s time to embrace it.