Swirls of coffee steam rise in the air in wonderful spirals as I blow air across the rich, dark-brown liquid. I take a sip and my tongue curls, loving the sprinkle of spice. I smile at Melanie, who sits across the table. She called me up on the phone and wondered if I wanted to go out for coffee. All Tony’s doing, probably.

“So, what’s married life like?”

I shrug my shoulder. How the hell should I know? The whole thing is a farce, except that there really is a baby growing inside me.

I still can’t fucking believe it.

Call it karma or cosmic justice, but this was the last thing I wanted. What would Dad say? My insides clench as I think about the horrified reaction on his face. He probably would be glad that at the very least, I’m marrying the guy who knocked me up.

And then what? For the life of me, I can’t picture what my future is supposed to look like. I have this kid, and then what?

Two words: single mom.

It’s a pretty bleak future, but somehow it makes the lies a little more forgivable. Lying to them was hard because it was really like inheriting a second family. There were so many gifts and hugs and kisses on the cheek, and everyone was so friendly.

’Course they are. You’re his wife. If you weren’t married, they’d tell you to fuck off.

“Everything happened so quickly.”

Even the ring on my finger feels foreign, as though I’m in someone else’s body. Though, of course, we’re supposed to keep up with this charade and I’m supposed to be—what? It’s not exactly a girl’s dream to marry the guy who knocks you up.

“I can’t even imagine what you must be going through.”

“Honestly, I just want a good bagel from home. The ones here—they’re not really the same.”

“God, I know!” Melanie happily seizes on the topic and we spend time reminiscing about home.

“And what the hell is with the kissing? It’s a bit weird, isn’t it?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s a French thing. Like shaking hands. I think they call it, la bise.”

I click my tongue and let the French roll over my tongue. “La bees.”

She laughs at my poor attempt and I throw a napkin at her. The door opens and a gust of cold air make me clasp my mug of hot coffee.

“Oh, hey, Tony.”

I look up in surprise to see my husband giant form standing over us with a very dark look on his face. He ignores Melanie’s greeting.

“Get up, you’re leaving.”

“I just got here. What’s your problem?” I shoot Melanie a look, silently apologizing for his rudeness.

“We need to fucking talk,” he says in a voice that bears no argument. Then he turns toward Melanie. “Sorry about this.”

Melanie waves him off, looking slightly disappointed as I stand up.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with him. We’ll do it again sometime.”

“Yeah, sure.”

An impatient rap on the glass makes my muscles tense. What the fuck is his problem? I follow him outside.

“You were so rude to her,” I tell him the moment the door swings shut. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He grabs my wrist and drags me to a secluded corner, his lips white and shaking. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me. You’re a fucking liar.”

“What?”

The acidic tone cuts me to my core. I don’t know what he’s talking about, but the vicious look he gives me makes me swallow down bitter guilt.

“You were pregnant with that jackass’s kid the whole time, weren’t you? He told me that he made you take pregnancy tests.” He searches my stunned face. “Well, is it true?”

“Tony, that’s not really—”

“Jesus.”

His eyes fracture in pain and he turns away from me as though he can’t stand the sight of me. I feel like the worst human being on the planet.

“Tony, I have to tell you what happened.”

“Fucking save it,” he hurls over his shoulder.

I step in front of him. The furious look on his face scares me—that hint of a predator that I saw in the bar lifts his head and glares at me—and I swallow hard, hoping he won’t just brush me aside.

“Trust me, you want to hear this.” I take a deep, shuddering breath. “It was the day I went to get some of my stuff. Rafael was waiting for me, and he had the tests. He wanted to know it was true.” I swallow hard as Tony gives me a venomous look. “They were positive. I didn’t know I was pregnant.

“Tony—it’s your—it’s your baby.”

“What?”

He stands there, his white face suddenly bloodless like the snow under his feet. The silence is deafening between us. The traffic from the street muffles to a distant murmur as my heart beats in my head. My mouth opens and closes. Why the fuck is this so hard?

Please don’t hate me.

I talk in a very small voice. “I—I forgot to take my pills, my birth control, the first…couple times we were together.”

“You what? You forgot to take your fucking pills?”

I nod shamefacedly and he swears so loudly that it echoes down the alley.

“I don’t believe this.”

“It’s real. I’ve been to the doctor. I-I’m sorry, Tony.”

His hands tremble as he rakes them through his hair, looking anywhere but at me. He doesn’t want to acknowledge it. I don’t blame him.

I’m sorry I got pregnant with your kid, who you obviously don’t want. I’m sorry I entered into your life at all.

I’m just sorry.

“When were you going to fucking tell me?”

“I know, it’s just—there was so much shit going on, and I was afraid to tell you,” I force myself to raise my voice, “and I just want to say that you don’t have to do anything—you don’t have to be in its life. I totally understand.”

He seizes his hair and pulls, shaking his head. “I cannot fucking believe this.”

My heart stalls. I knew it—I knew he’d be like this, but it’s still like a spike to my heart.

“I’m sor—”

“I don’t want this!” he explodes. “What kind of fucking father can I be? I’m not fit to be one at all.”

Tears spill down my cheeks. “That’s not true.”

“How the fuck would you know?”

He looks at me with the air of someone being clubbed on the head. He’s right, isn’t he? He’s a Mafioso. I’m just waiting to die, he said.

“You’re a good man. I know you don’t like to believe it—”

Wild, strangled laughter cuts me off. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you are dead wrong about that. You don’t know me. You don’t know a thing about the life I lead.”

“Actually, I do. My dad was a boss, remember?”

That shit-eating grin is back on his face as he pins me against the wall, nudging my thighs open with his leg. I always feel so small when he surrounds me like that. It’s not just his size. It’s his presence: overwhelming and intoxicating at the same time. The energy between us shifts as he takes my waist in his hands, as his knee grinds my pussy. It’s electric. My heart pounds, and I can’t breathe as he leans in closer.

“Yeah, I know all about you Mafia princesses. Daddy would have never showed you the dark side of his business. You only saw the clothes, the jewelry, the charity gala dinners—”

“I’m not an idiot, Tony. I read the papers, and I was smart enough not to swallow every lie he tried to feed us.”

“Reading about it in the paper,” he sneers. “Last night, I spent eight hours torturing some poor fuck with his head trapped in a vise. Do you know what happens to someone’s head when it’s crushed? The eyes pop out.”

A cruel mask slides over Tony’s face, and it occurs to me that he might be right. That I might not know this man at all. Darkness swirls in his eyes, but they’re the same ones that dented with pain when told me that he never wanted this life for himself.

“Why are you trying to scare me?” My voice grows stronger. “What exactly are you trying to accomplish, here? The baby’s coming whether you like it or not.”

“I’m trying to make you understand that I’m not a good man. I shouldn’t be in any kid’s life. I’m nothing but a bad influence.”

“You don’t have to be in its life.”

The thigh nudges me again, and a ripple of desire moves up my body. The things he says makes my stomach cave in. Pressure builds up behind my eyes, and I’m pissed off, too. I don’t believe that he’d be a bad influence. He’s the one who saved me without asking for a single dime in return.

“I’m going to be in the kid’s life. I just don’t know for how long.” He touches my face gently as another tear rolls down my cheek. His other hand curls around my waist, smoothing over my belly. His gaze softens for a moment. Then suddenly he pulls my arm and I scramble after him in the streets.

“Tony, where are we going?”

We stop in front of his car and he opens the door, pointing inside.

“Get in.”

During the car ride home, Tony keeps a stoic silence that I think is a front for his barely constrained panic. I study the tic in his jaw, the way his eyes focus on the streets without ever once glancing at me, and I wonder what the hell he’s thinking. I wonder if he’ll just end things between us.

Can I blame him?

When we get home, Tony dissolves into nervous energy. I show him the test results from the doctor, the missing pills from my birth control, and it all crashes on his head. The paper trembles in his hand. I can’t tell whether he’s furious or terrified.

“It’s really mine?”

My arms wrap around my middle as he looks at me under his dark locks. “I’m positive.”

He lets out a long exhale and collapses into a chair in the kitchen. The test results sit on the kitchen table, and he stares at the paper as if it’ll magically turn negative if he looks at it long enough. I can’t stand the sight of him like this.

Shaking, I leave the kitchen to sit on the sofa in the living room. I try to imagine raising a kid in this place, and then in my mind’s image I see Tony’s face, contorted with rage as a shrill cry wakes him up from sleep. He didn’t ask for this. Is it fair to expect him to take responsibility? Should I do everything because it’s my fault? Is it my fault?

Heavy footsteps creak over the floorboards and finally come to a rest where I sit. His hand drops on my head, smoothing my face. I turn, and he grips a fistful of hair. It’s painful.

What the fuck?

I open my mouth to tell him to let me go, but the expression he wears stops me. His smile is more like a dark grin, and his eyes simmer with unbridled lust.

My throat closes.

“Get up.”

He tugs my hair and I follow the pressure, standing up as he weaves an arm around my neck. My blood beats hard into his skin. His mouth hisses over my neck like a knife.

“You’re such a slick little rat, aren’t you?”

“What?”

His hips shift, digging his rock-hard bulge into my back as he pushes me forward, toward the bedroom.

“Your plan was to get some asshole to fill you with his cum. To get you knocked up.”

His hand drops to my chest, groping my tits through my shirt.

“No fucking way!”

Hot lips graze over my ear, his soft voice adding a hot line of desire all the way to my pussy.

“Except, I’m not just some asshole who’s going to let you leave with my kid. I’m going to give you what you want, baby.”

My back hits the bedroom door and it flies open, banging into the wall. My heart pounds into my throat as his lips touch my neck, stinging my skin as he sucks hard. I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, but every movement on my skin is like a trail of fire.

He turns me around so that his heated lips are against mine. “I’m going to fuck you and fill you with my cum every day, and after our kid is born,” he touches my belly and I feel a small thrill in my chest, “I won’t stop until I get you knocked up again, and again.”

The breath catches in my throat. “I—I thought you didn’t want kids.”

“I always wanted kids. I just didn’t want them while I was in the life, but that ship has fucking sailed. I’m going to have the family I always wanted, and you’re going to give it to me.”

Tony, I love you.

My heart swells and beats a little faster as I realize how true it is. I want to tell him. Maybe it’s because he’s embracing this fucked-up situation with open arms, or maybe it’s because he makes my panties melt without touching me.

I rip off my shirt and Tony’s eyes watch my tits as he reaches around, undoing my bra. It slides down my arms and then I bend over to remove the jeans and soaking panties from my waist.

“Such an obedient wife.” Tony’s grin stretches over his handsome face as he cups his hand over my pussy, gliding his finger over my clit. My legs shiver. “You really are made for me.”

A low growl reverberates in his throat as he runs his hand up my waist, cupping my tits as his forefinger and thumb pinch my hard nipple. I arch my back as he touches the sensitive flesh and I reach up, grabbing his rough face to kiss him. It’s hard because he’s so much taller than I am, but he bends his neck and his soft lips seal against mine. It’s like having the flu: the shaking weakness, sensitive skin, the heat burning your skin. That’s what he’s like. Then I know that I’m bound to him for as long as he wants because he makes me feel like this. Because I love him.

I’ll do anything for him.

Maybe there’s a part of him that knows that. He pulls back with a very satisfied smirk, as though he already knows how bad I’ve got it for him.

“Get on the bed and put your hands over your head.”

I lie on the bed, my core pounding in anticipation as he rummages through the nightstand and pulls out heavy silver handcuffs. He’s never used them on me. It gives me a strange thrill to feel the cool metal burning against my skin as it clicks around my wrist, and then on the headboard behind me. He removes another pair from his nightstand, grinning like a devil as he tightens them around my ankles and attaches them to rope that he has tied around the legs of his bed.

Tied up and helpless, I watch as he retrieves another instrument from his nightstand. It looks like a purple, U-shaped vibrator.

Oh fuck.

“You need to be punished first.” His face hardens suddenly.

“For what?”

“Don’t give me that fucking look,” he snaps. “You didn’t tell me that your ex ambushed you at your apartment. We’re married, now. No more fucking secrets.”

He’s right.

Then he clicks a button and the vibrator hums madly in his hands. I watch him as he walks between my legs with deliberate slowness, and then I feel one of the arms sinking inside me. The other one slides over my clit, holding me in place like a paper clip.

I buck madly in my restraints, my heart rate jacked as both arms stimulate me. Pleasure rolls through me, slicing and zapping, and Tony smiles as he sits on the edge of the bed, fully dressed. Eventually he lies beside me.

“I like having you like this. Easy access. Or I could just jack off to you all day.”

“What are you trying to do?” My voice bursts out of me into a growl.

He laughs at my rage and reaches out, touching my leg. The slight touch sends a jolt to my pussy, like an electric current.

Oh God.

My mind screams out for more as his laughter rolls over me like hot drops of rain down my back. It infuriates me to see him smiling sweetly as I jerk and twist on the bed, pleasure riding up my pussy. It jackknifes into my core mercilessly. My chest feels as if there’s a lamp hanging over my naked skin, burning. And then I feel it rippling through my core. My orgasm clenches my pussy hard as I gasp into my arm, avoiding Tony’s face.

“Aw, did you come? Poor baby.”

His fingers dig into my thigh as shock waves run through my body. Slowly he inches his hand up my thigh. It’s slow and torturous, and the vibrator doesn’t let up. Within seconds my heart hammers against my chest and electric shocks of desire slam into my pussy. Tony smiles as I let out a shrill gasp and then a moan as he envelops my pussy with his hand, muffling the sound of the vibrator for a moment.

He leans over me, the heat of his body pressing into my side as he gently wipes strands clinging to my lips while his other hand massages me. He applies pressure to the device, and I arch my back as he suddenly hits a sensitive spot. A slow grin spreads over Tony’s rugged face as he presses down. Another searing spike of pleasure jolts up my pussy and his warmth is tantalizingly close. I think of his naked body, the weight of him when he’s deep inside me. I want his thick cock pulsing inside me, feeding the ache that burns for more.

“Please, Tony. I can’t stand it—ah!”

Another orgasm painfully clenches my core, making the handcuffs rattle as I seize my limbs. Tony just smiles at me, planting a chaste kiss on my cheek that feels erotic. Anything from him feels erotic right now.

“That asshole made me feel like a fucking chump.” He slides his hand back to my ass and holds it firmly, giving me a forbidding look. “You should have told me he went after you. I would’ve killed him.”

The look in his eyes along with the vibrator’s erotic massage makes me let out a thrilled gasp. The dark pools are filled with deadly calm, but suddenly they flash with vicious retribution.

“You’re mine, and he disrespected me by meeting you behind my back. And he never faced any consequences. That’s your fucking fault.”

“Tony I’m really—I’m sorry—”

“You made me look weak in front of them. Do you know what that does in my line of work? Now they think I’m some kind of moron who lets his wife two-time him.” His eyes blaze and his fingers gouge into my flesh.

The vibrator keeps buzzing, maddening me as Tony’s harsh voice cuts into my ear. He’s pissed, and for good reason, but I don’t fucking care. All I care about is the pain between my legs. It’s building up again. Jesus Christ. No!

My moans shake from my chest as yet another painful grip seizes my cunt, and a wave of pleasure is quickly extinguished by the vibrator’s incessant buzzing. Tony’s hand suddenly smacks my ass, and the vibration from the blow adds to the maddening ache inside me.

A finger lifts my chin so that I’m staring into his eyes. My heart clenches suddenly as I meet his gaze, and I want so badly for him to kiss me.

“You will not do that again.”

The voice he uses sends a stab of pain to my heart.

“I won’t.”

“Good,” he says, his harsh voice blowing over my face. “This is not an equal relationship, hon. You do what I say for your own fucking good.”

A blaze of anger rears up inside me at those words. What the fuck is he talking about? “Fuck you. I do whatever the hell I want.”

“That’s all in the past, babe. You’re not a princess anymore, you’re mine. Mine to play with, mine to fuck, mine to protect. Say it.”

Heat burns my face, but then he crushes his lips against mine, devouring me as his tongue plays inside my mouth. His hand grabs my neck with a slightly firm grip, almost as if he meant to hold me down and claim me as he said he would. His fingers spread over my skin and drag down my chest, over the swell of my breast as he finally grabs the entire thing and squeezes. A small groan vibrates from his mouth as I arch into his touch. Everything about him drives me mad. Half of the time I want to slap him as much as I want to fuck him. He pulls back, a confident smirk playing on his lips as he watches me struggle.

Who am I fucking kidding?

“I’m yours.”

“Say it all.”

I purse my lips. He will not make me say it all. Then he reaches somewhere and touches a button on the vibrator, and it suddenly triples in speed. Oh fuck. Fuck. Something thick and hard—I need it now. My muscles clench over the device as it teases, never quite delivering what I exactly need.

“I’m yours—Tony, please!”

Soft laughter rains down on me as he turns the device off and slides it out of me. My legs tremble as I hear the sound of his clothes hitting the floor in muffled thumps.

He climbs over the bed, the mattress squeaking as he crawls over me. His entire body is bared to me, but I can’t touch him. Instead, he touches me. It’s all a lesson. He’s in control, not me.

A single finger rides up my stomach, between my breasts, and up my throat. Then his hand curls around my neck and I’m bursting with frustration.

Fuck me, already.

“You still can’t fucking let go, can you? What do I have to do to you, huh?”

I open my mouth to speak, but he silences me with a finger.

“No—not a fucking word until you submit to me.”

His weight bears down on me, and his cock flattens against my stomach. Long, thick, impossibly rigid. A low whine leaves my throat as I imagine what it’d feel like. Fucking hell.

Restrained, but not immobile, I shiver as he wetly kisses my throat, his stubble scratching my skin. Then another kiss bites the base of my neck and I gasp as he makes a sucking sound. His lips smile as he pulls back and looks at it.

Another hickey. Goddamn it.

“I will not fuck you until you tell me what I want to hear.”

His knees nudge my legs, making them open wide as he begins to rock his body, sliding his cock up and down my aching pussy.

This is ridiculous. I’m Elena Vittorio, not some—not some mob wife for him to order around.

Then his tongue darts out, teasing the very tip of my hard nipple, which contracts at his touch. It’s a searing sensation—a direct line to my arousal. He watches my reaction, smiles, and then he takes my breast in his mouth, biting down hard. I let out a gasp of pain, and his teeth withdraw. The wet, strong muscle teases my nipple, playing as he closes his mouth over it and sucks.

Oh God.

“Tony, please.”

He bites the nipple hard and it’s like another searing shock, and his cock is right there, rubbing against me. I’m ready for him.

He grabs my face, his words almost hostile. “Say the fucking words.”

“Tony, I—I’m in love with you. I’ll do anything.”

Shock ripples through his face for a moment and he pauses, looking horribly frozen. Then he grunts and moves his hips, burying his face in my neck as he slides right in. It feels like home, and my heart still pounds so hard that it hurts, because I told him that I loved him.

He didn’t say it back.

He didn’t.

I lift my legs as he fucks me mercilessly, pounding my aching pussy as he breathes harshly in my neck. Feeling him throb inside me is like paradise. I can’t remember the last time I felt so connected to someone. He’s the father of my child. I love him just for that.

Then he comes hard, his cock ramming me so completely that I gasp in pain, loving that deep groan that growls in my ear. His hot breath steams my neck as he pulses inside me, the wetness flooding my pussy. He pulls back and kisses me hard as he thrusts deep, our sweat mingling together as he breaks our kiss to pant against my lips. There’s something different shining in his eyes as he smiles at me. I’ve never seen it before.

“Thank you, Elena.”

The voice is so weak that I’m surprised it’s coming from his chest.

“For what?”

“For making me care about something.”

* * *

It’s different between us.

I can’t place it, can’t put a finger on it.

It’s enough just to sit in his lap and hear his voice rumbling through my back. I’ve never felt so at peace with his arm around my waist, his chin over my shoulder. Maybe it’s because he’s so big, but I always feel safe in his arms. He plants an occasional kiss on my neck, and I glow inside. I flip through a catalog of baby-related shit we’ll have to buy, and Tony tenses underneath me.

It’s still not real for him.

“I just don’t know,” he admits in a low voice. “I don’t know if I’ll be ready.”

I turn around in his lap, confronting his slightly worried gaze. It’s not like him to be insecure, but how can anyone be secure about this?

“I don’t even know if I’ll be ready.”

He lets out a short laugh. “If you’re not, we’re definitely fucked.”

“It’s normal to be scared.”

He winces at the word. “I just don’t want to fuck it up.”

Gentle fingers brush over my belly and a light flickers in his eyes. Tony stands up with me in his arms and I slip down his waist, clutching his chest as he pulls a wad of cash from his jeans. He counts a small handful of bills and hands them to me. There has to be at least a thousand dollars in there.

“I’ve got to go. Use it to buy some of this shit. Go with one of your girlfriends.”

He hurriedly plants a kiss on my cheek and my heart squeezes as he gives me a wink and walks down the hall.

“Where are you going?”

He only smiles at me. Ah. Fine.

“I’ll be back late.”