Chapter 6

 

Lilly

The Edgerton Hotel was off-campus, but it was a short walk from the concert venue, not that I paid much attention. His kept his arm around me. A gaggle of butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Were they called a gaggle or a flock or a swarm? Whatever they were, there was a ton of them.

“Will you call me James?” He asked.  

“I thought everyone called you Hutch.”

“You’re not everyone…to me.”

I swallowed deeply, wishing I could capture and relive that sentence a million times.

“Of course, James.”

I shivered against the snapping fall wind. I hadn’t thought to bring a jacket. Fall in the Midwest was a gamble. You could go from sweater weather to jackets to thick coats all in the same day. The temperature dipped into heavy coat territory.

James took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I leaned against a brick building as the light drizzle of a fall rain fell on us. It did nothing to quench the heat building inside me. He stood before me, blocking the chill.

“We don’t have to do this, Lilly. We can just have coffee if you’d like. There’s a place not far from here.”

“Do you not want to?” I swallowed down the sting of rejection that threatened to spear all the butterflies having a jolly time in my belly. Don’t be a butterfly killer, James.

“You have no idea, but I want you to understand that any time we spend together will make me happy.”

I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him toward me. He didn’t budge…not an inch. I practically assaulted him with my lips. His scent was like the season—fallen leaves, fresh cedar, and sweet pine. I inhaled it. He didn’t kiss me back, though, not at first. He pulled away, his breaths harsh, as he placed a hand against the brick wall on either side of me.

I cursed myself, my whole body bracing for his reaction.

His finger cupped my chin, pulling my face to meet his. “Lilly, if you kiss me like that again, I’m liable to fuck you against this wall.”

“What happened to going for coffee?”

“Fuck coffee and the pussy who said that.”

He pulled me back against him, picking me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. He kissed me this time…really kissed me. He sucked my bottom lip and teased me with his tongue. His fingers threaded through my hair as his strapping body covered mine, pushing me against the wall. He made no effort to hide his erection, pressing it against me.

I moaned into his mouth, running my fingers through his damp hair. His kiss demanded and dominated at the same time. I had spent my whole life trying to master control over my body, getting it to yield to the complicated, almost impossible, positions I demanded. But in his arms, I became sculptor’s putty. My reactions not narrated, planned or controlled…they just were.

“Get a room,” a gruff voice said, passing by us.

He put me down, not taking his eyes off me. We both started laughing. James winked at me, holding up the keycard. “We have one.”

I would say the hotel was beautiful, but I barely glanced around. He pressed his palm against my lower back making a beeline straight for the elevators. I’m not sure if I pulled him or he pushed me into the room, but we got there.

I flopped on the bed and started unbuttoning my shirt. James’ mischievous smirk disappeared, replaced by an anxious frown.

“Lilly, can we talk for a second?”

My heart crushed, waiting for the sting of his refusal. “Don’t you want me?” I demanded, embarrassed by the pleading tone of my voice.

He laughed cynically. “You have no idea.”

“Then what?”

He sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees and head buried in his hands. I had a desire to crawl onto his lap, but I sat next to him instead.

“I have to tell you some things. I haven’t been honest with you. I’d be a total jackass versus a partial jackass if I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

I sat straighter, feigning confidence, even though the butterflies up and froze still in panic mode. They just came to life. Don’t let them die, James. “Then tell me.”

“If you want to leave after what I say, I completely understand as long as you promise to let me see you home.”

“Just tell me,” I coaxed, running my fingers through his dirty-blond locks.

“You have to stop doing that, Lilly. You touching me right now is not the best idea.”

“Sorry.” I put my hands in my lap, trying to silence the anarchy of butterflies.               “I want you to trust me. I want anything…everything we share to be real, so I need to tell you this.”

“Then tell me already.”

“My roommate’s sister danced in a recital last week. He dragged me along. I was pretty bored through most of it.” He looked up, his eyes piercing me. “And then I saw you dance. How can I describe this to you, Lilly? It was like I was dreaming. Or better yet, waking up from a horrible dream. Seeing you move…it was so graceful it didn’t seem possible, yet it was the most natural thing in the world, too, like watching the wind. I’ve been comfortably numb for a long time, but in a strange way, you made me feel again.”

“I don’t understand. You were at my recital? Why didn’t you say so?”

His smile was weak, but it comforted me just the same. “Because it would have ruined the plan. I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you dancing on that stage. I told Colton about you. He tried to get me a seat next to yours but they were all taken. So…”

I put the pieces together before he finished. Actually, I started putting them together during the exchange with Colton. “So he created a duplicate ticket?”

James nodded. “He called in a few favors and pulled some strings, but he made it happen. I never meant to deceive you.”

“Was your purpose to get me here?”

His eyes widened with the accusation. “No, I swear. I just wanted to talk to you. I had no idea Colt was going to bring up the hotel.”

I stared at his hand, trying to make sense of the jumbled emotions coursing through me. After processing it, I realized I wasn’t mad. Surprisingly, I was flattered—no, excited—perhaps even turned on by the lengths he’d gone through just to meet me. I took the hand he offered and pulled him toward me. He didn’t budge at first, as if he was unsure of my actions, but then he leaned in, brushing my hair to the side, and whispered in my ear, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m glad you did it.”

He exhaled a breath so deep, I wondered how long he’d been holding it. “That’s a relief.”

“Why didn’t you approach me in a normal way?”

 “I’ve been gone a long time. I’ve forgotten how to talk to a lady.”

“You’re kidding, right? You’re hotter than Hades on the Fourth of July. Didn’t you see the way the blonde in the seat next to you practically drooled over you, all the while shooting daggers at me?”

“No…only one girl commanded my attention.” He grinned, shaking his head. “You bring out the sin in me too, Lilly, but I have to tell you something else.”

“Not now,” I insisted, standing to kiss him again. I tugged on the hem of his shirt, he reached behind him, and took it off with one hand. The sight of James bare-chested, the metallic glint of his dog tags and inked body, was enough to make a girl need to change her panties. You would need an advanced degree in Photoshop to make muscles like these. He had that sexy V-cut angle on his hips that so many men tried and failed to obtain. God, how many hours did that take you, soldier?

He let me touch him. I traced the ink on his right shoulder—a Marine flag with the Eagle, globe and anchor, and just below that a banner with the words Semper Fidelis written in a flourishing script.

“Semper Fi. Always faithful.”

My hands paused when the smooth skin gave way to roughness. The puncture wound had healed, but it would never cure.

“Is this a bullet wound?”

“No, it’s from a piece of shrapnel that lodged into my arm.” He expelled a shaky breath.

I kissed along the line that marked his face. “And this?”

He sucked in some air. “Same injury.” His voice poured slower, almost husky. I thanked whatever traits I possessed to garner this reaction from him.

There were other scars on his skin, too, some protruding more than others, most of them on his right side. I kissed each one of them until the stiffness of his body eased.

“How did it happen?”

“My convoy hit an IED when we were transporting a prisoner.”

I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. I blinked away the tears, but one escaped anyway. He wiped it away before it descended my cheek. “Oh, my God.”

“Sit.”

He backed me to the bed until I fell onto it.

“I don’t want us to go any further until you see this. I don’t want you to freak out.”

Freak out?

He inhaled. “Here it goes,” he said, more to himself than me. He kicked off his shoes, put his foot on the bed next to me, and rolled up the right side of his jeans. “This is probably why Colton calls me the Tin Man. I lost the lower part of my right leg in that accident.” His artificial foot rose up to meet a metal brace.

I wondered how I hadn’t felt it sitting on his lap, but I saw the prosthetic started just below the knee. He’d kept his right leg at an angle during the show. I reached out to touch the metal. I stopped myself short, staring up at him for approval.

“Go ahead. Ask me any questions you have. I don’t mind.”

I ran my finger along the cold metal. “Does it still hurt?”

 “Yes,” he admitted. “But not as much anymore. I have to keep it maintained. Hence, I carry my own lubricant , a running joke with my roommates. I’ve had a lot of therapy since it happened and not just the physical kind. That’s helped. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’m fine. It’s a struggle. When I went in, I was a different person. That guy…well, that guy would have had no problems asking you out. But I’m a little more cautious now. Maybe even awkward.”

“There is nothing awkward about you. When I look at you, all I see is a brave man, who’s lived through a battle. All I see is a man who I want to spend the night with. The one whose body is as beautiful as his soul.”

I patted the area next to me, indicating he should take a seat. The mattress dipped as he sat beside me. My lust for him traveled through every vein in my body. “Please don’t tell me anything else. Just be with me.”

I shifted, straddling his lap. He held my arms back. “I don’t exactly know how this will work. I—”

“We’ll figure it out,” I interrupted.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I kissed him, shamelessly hoping to scatter away any doubts. I pulled my shirt off, thankful that I had on my lacy, pink Victoria Secret instead of the gray sports bras I usually wore. A lump formed in my throat when he backed away from me. His hands clasped my arms, holding me still. “Shit. Stop.”

I buried my face in his neck “What? Please don’t tell me you’re playing hard to get.”

“Nope. I’m just a stupid, fucking idiot sometimes.” He sighed, his hand almost touching my hair before he pulled it away and slammed his fist against the mattress. “I don’t have a condom. I wasn’t thinking. Like I said, I didn’t plan on ending up here tonight.”

The disappointment seized me. All my little butterflies held protest signs, and they were in danger of starting a riot. “I’m on birth control.” I had to be. It regulated my cycles. That was very important when you lived in a world where you donned white tights at a moment’s notice.

He exhaled, taking my hand in his. “I had a physical when I enlisted. I haven’t had sex since then. I’m clean.”

“I trust you.”

He toyed with the edges of my bra, which now barely contained my heaving breasts. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.”

“How long exactly?”

“Four years.”

That was hard to believe, except the cloak of his cockiness had drifted away, revealing his insecurities. “It’s been a long time for me, too.”

“How long?”

I paused, unsure of my answer until he unhooked the top two fasteners of my bra. “Never.”

He paused at the final hook. I let out a whimper of protest.

 “You’re kidding, right?”

I shook my head.

“It’s not like I’m waiting for marriage or anything. I’ve been so focused on dance that I wasn’t looking for anyone.”

“I can’t believe someone wasn’t looking for you.”

“Someone was—you. I don’t have any doubts about this, but if you’re not ready…”

He took my hand and held it over the hard length of muscle that rested against his thigh. “How is this for ready?”

My panties melted as his fingers unsnapped the last hook. His hot, wet lips touched the sensitive flesh of my breasts. He took my nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue against the tip. Each time it made a wet pass, I moaned out in pleasure. James put his arm around me and in one commanding move flipped me onto my back. I surrendered to him, losing the last shred of control. I gave it up willingly.

His hands cupped my breasts. My nipples hardened against his touch. It was excruciatingly pleasurable, which seemed a contradiction in terms, although it was the most accurate statement. His tongue flicked across each nipple. He made a path of tender, lazy kisses down my torso, reaching my skirt.              

“May I?” he asked, pulling on it. I loved boys with good manners.

“Please,” I replied breathlessly.

He pulled down my skirt, and then his mouth moved back up my legs as his hands stroked them. His tongue lapped over the fabric of my panties, causing a rush of moisture there. He made quick work of freeing me from that final barrier. His eyes hooded as if they were feasting, not merely looking, at my naked body sprawled before him.

“You are…perfect, Lilly Franklin.”

“Likewise,” I said, curling my toes around the belt loop of his jeans.

He stood, unzipping and discarding his jeans and black boxer briefs.

Hot damn.

He lay on top of me, caressing my hair, nibbling on my earlobe. “I want to fuck you so hard right now, but I’m going to let you set the speed. Do you understand?” I squirmed as his hot breath hit my skin.

I nodded, unable to form words. James grazed his fingers down the same path he’d kissed, causing goose bumps to form on my body like a map of where he’d touched. He went lower and lower until he inserted one finger into my dripping sex. I cried out from the penetration as he slowly explored me.

“Am I hurting you?”

I shook my head.

“Say it,” he said in a soft demand.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

His lips brushed against mine. “You’re very tight.”

“Um…thank you?”

He chuckled against my cheek and brushed his mouth along my jaw line until he reached my lips. He sucked my lower lip between his. “I could kiss you all night.”

“I hope you do more than that,” I said in a choked voice I didn’t recognize as my own.

“I will, but first I’m gonna taste you.” I opened my mouth. Our tongues danced against each other, wild and free. He tasted of sweet mint and cherries, my new favorite flavor.

When he released me, I was panting in the most unladylike manner.

He smiled, shaking his head. “Thank you, but that is not what I meant.”

He moved down my body, punctuating a path of kisses until I felt his tongue flick against my clit. I thought I was in uncontrollable mode before, but I became spastic as he explored me. I clutched the sheets, but it wasn’t enough. I sat up on my elbows, but the sight of his head between my thighs was too much. I fell back, trying to calm my shaking legs as my hips flexed into his face, inviting him deeper. I screamed, I cried, I cursed, I begged…for what, I wasn’t sure. Certainly not for him to stop. Vibrations floated through me causing every cell in my body to come alive at once.

He was on top of me before my climax ended, kissing me passionately. The warmth of his body combined with the cold metal of his Dog Tags skimming against my collarbone almost caused another wave of vibrations. My mouth sought his over and over.

He tilted my chin, holding my face close to his, searching it as he pushed forward. I was glad because, in this moment, the act of speech seemed impossible. He rocked us both, filling me with him. It was uncomfortable at first, but the tension eased as I adjusted to him. I wrapped my legs around him, urging him to move on.

“James,” I whimpered.

“Lilly,” he whispered.

He covered my lips with his, not relenting in the passionate hold. I had no comparison, but I knew in my heart that I would never regret James Hutchinson being my first.