Ten

 

Yavi closed her bedroom door and offered to carry her armful of bedding for her. She gave him the heavy filstoc but hung on to her pillow, clutching it to her chest. That was just as well, because her nightgown left little to the imagination about the shape of her breasts underneath. The effects of the Tongkat had thankfully died down somewhat, leaving him in a less painful state of arousal than he could have been in at the moment. He would have suspected all of this was another ploy on her part to tempt him, but her white face and trembling frame told him she wasn’t acting. And how did she know about the name Uman? Jiandra could have mentioned it to her, but if that was the case, and Graciella had invented this elaborate scheme to be with him tonight, why hadn’t she taken him up on his offer to let her sleep in his room just now?

As they made their way down the passageways to his wing, he darted a sideways glance at her face. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying, and he suspected the ghostly encounter wasn’t the only thing distressing her tonight. It was likely she still felt guilty about causing his “illness” with the spice cake laced with Tongkat.

When they reached the door to his bedroom, he pushed it open. “Why don’t you wait in here where it’s warm while I go find Liel and see if he can rummage up a cot?”

She swallowed and peered timidly into his room. “All right.”

“I won’t be long.” He strode past her into the room and placed the bundle of white fur at the foot of his bed.

She waited outside, fidgeting.

“Come on inside. You can bar the door from the inside while I’m gone if you like.”

She shuffled into his room, hugging her pillow to her breasts. “The bar won’t keep that thing out.”

He smiled gently. “I know; I just thought it might make you feel more secure.”

“Sire, I—I’m not sure I can sleep in a room by myself until daylight. Can you, perhaps…put the cot in here, with you? I promise not to make any noise or be any trouble.”

“Of course. That was my suggestion in the first place.”

A bit of relief was evident on her lovely face. “Thank you.”

“Will you be all right until I get back?”

“Yes. I just need to get a grip on myself. I’ll go stand by your fire, see if I can stop shaking.”

He stepped past her to examine the embers. “The fire’s almost out. I’d better re-kindle it for you.”

“No, no—it’s fine. I don’t want to trouble you.”

“It’s no trouble.” He stoked the embers and bent down to toss on two more small logs. “There, that should get it warmer here in a moment. I’ll return shortly.”

She nodded, watching him as he left and closed the door. He hurried down to the servants’ quarters and rapped on Liel’s door.

“Liel, it’s Yavi.”

“Yes, Sire?” Liel’s sleepy voice answered. A moment later, he opened the door. He’d put on a dressing robe over his pajamas.

“I need a cot.”

Liel rubbed his eyes. “A cot, Sire?”

“Yes. Do you have an extra one down here somewhere?”

“Yes, Sire, of course.”

“A good, clean one if you can manage it. One that doesn’t smell.”

“Yes, Sire.”

“Bring it up to my room.”

“Yes, Sire. Right away.”

Yavi smiled as he made his way back upstairs to join his frightened little guest. Liel was the perfect steward. Faithful and discreet, and he knew when not to question why.

When Yavi opened the door to his room, he found Graciella standing in front of his fireplace with the filstoc wrapped around her shoulders, her pillow lying on his unmade bed. Something about seeing it there provoked some arousing images, but he managed to stifle them. “Everything all right while I was gone? No demon-children blowing open the windows?”

She offered him a faint smile. “No demon-children. I’m calming down a bit now.”

“Good, good.” He shoved his hands into the pockets on his dressing robe, avoiding eye contact. “Liel is bringing a cot. We can put it here by the fire if you want.”

“Yes, that would be wonderful.” She faced him and took a deep breath. “Sire, I’m sorry for interrupting your sleep like this.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ve apparently lodged you in a haunted bedroom, so I’m the one who’s to blame.”

She frowned. “No, no, you aren’t to blame. You’re—you’ve been nothing but polite and accommodating during my stay.”

He chuckled. “I was trying to make a joke.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She looked down and hugged the fur blanket tighter around her slender frame.

“Graciella, stop apologizing. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Yes, I have,” she whispered.

Liel knocked on the door. “Sire, I have your cot.”

Yavi backed away from his guest. “Enter.”

The older man opened the door and carried in a wood-and-canvas cot. “Where should I put it, Sire?”

“Set it up in front of the fireplace.”

Graciella moved out of the way so Liel could do as requested. He opened the wooden slats, then tested the stretched canvas for sturdiness. “I hope that serves your purposes, Sire. Would you be needing anything else?”

“No, my good man. Go back to bed and take your rest.”

Liel bowed, left the room, and closed the door. Yavi barred it, then turned back to his roommate, who was peering at him with a look of nervous fear. He moved a little closer to her. “Are you all right?”

“No.” Her beautiful eyes filled with tears. She squeezed them shut, and the tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks.

He stepped closer, wanting to embrace her, but restrained himself. “What’s wrong, Graciella?” he asked softly.

“Me!” she sobbed, burying her face in her fur blanket.

He touched her shoulder lightly. “Is this about the ghost?”

“No.”

“What’s it about, then? Tell me,” he urged.

She raised her head. “I drugged you tonight. With the cake.”

“I know.”

“You know?” She looked mortified.

“Let’s just say it became pretty obvious as I was eating that second piece of cake. Which was delicious, by the way.”

She buried her face in the fur and sobbed aloud.

“Graciella,” he chided tenderly, placing a hand on her other shoulder and turning her to face him. “Why are you crying so?”

“I—I’m ashamed of myself,” she moaned into the fur.

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he massaged her shoulders, resisting the urge to pull her into his arms. He asked as gently as he could, “Would you mind telling me why you did it? Were you—aware of the effects of Tongkat Ali?”

She looked up. Her lovely face was streaked with tears, strands of dark hair stuck in them along her forehead and cheeks. “Tong what?”

“Tongkat Ali. It’s an herb.”

“I didn’t know that’s what it was called. I got it from Wilten.”

He frowned. “Wilten gave you Tongkat Ali?”

She nodded guiltily. “She—she was trying to help me. Seduce you.”

He pressed his lips together to hide a smile. “Was she, now?”

“Please don’t be angry at her. She meant well.”

“All right. And why was she trying to help you seduce me, pray tell?”

Graciella swallowed. “She knew I…wanted to.”

By the Gods, hearing her admit it to his face was worse than the effects of the Tongkat. His cock surged against his heavy dressing robe, and he found himself thankful that his female guest’s attention was on his face.

He shifted uncomfortably. “So…she gave you this herb, and you baked it into a cake.”

“Yes.”

He had to know more. “And what were you planning to do once the Tongkat took effect?”

“Well, I didn’t know it was going to make you ill.” Fresh tears stung her eyes, and she squeezed them shut. “I’m so sorry. I’m embarrassed and ashamed.”

“Graciella, the Tongkat didn’t make me ill.”

“Yes, it did. I’m sure it was that herb. No one who ate the regular cakes felt sick afterward.”

He wanted to pull her into his arms and show her his “illness,” convince her he was not actually sick, but decided that was a bad idea. A terrible, horrible idea. “You, ah, didn’t answer my question. About what you were planning to do once the herb took effect.”

“Kiss you.”

“I see.” He cleared his throat.

She buried her face in the fur. “I’m sorry!”

“Graciella, I’m not angry with you.” While her face was hidden, he quickly adjusted the front of his robe.

She raised her head, eyes brimming with more tears. “But that’s not all I’ve done to you, Sire!”

“Oh?”

“I snuck into your room last night.”

He smiled. “I know that, too.”

She looked bewildered. “You know that, too? You knew it all day?”

“Yes. Why do you think I wore a towel to bed last night?”

“Oh, you mean you usually sleep…?” She trailed off, swallowed, and pulled the fur more tightly up to her chin. “I admit, I did see your backside.”

“If I hadn’t known you were here, you would have seen more than that.”

A becoming pink blush rose in her cheeks. “How did you know I was here?”

He sighed. “Graciella, I am a trained assassin. I know when there’s someone in my room. I can easily detect a human presence, hear their breathing, sense their heartbeat.”

She stared down at his chest. “Right. I must seem a fool.”

“Why did you come to my room last night?”

“I thought Kitran was in here.”

“Kitran? Why would the washing-girl be in my room that time of night?”

“I thought…I can’t tell you what I thought. I promised Jiandra.”

He had to know. “Jiandra will never know you told me. Mum’s the word.”

“Yes, she will. She knows when I’m hiding something. She can read me like an open book.”

“Graciella, you’ve been honest with me tonight up to now. Please tell me the rest of the truth. Why did you think Kitran would be in my room? Does this have something to do with the spat you two were having?”

“Yes.” She hung her head. “But I can’t tell you without betraying Jiandra’s trust and Kitran’s privacy.”

“All right, how about I make some guesses, and you just nod if I’m right. Then you didn’t tell me anything or purposefully betray anyone.”

“Okay.” She looked up at him and waited.

“You thought Kitran was here because I invited her to my room?”

She nodded, holding the fur tightly to her chin.

“So…you thought I was planning to make love to Kitran?”

She nodded again.

“And you thought this because Kitran maybe claimed she and I were lovers?”

She shook her head no.

“You just assumed it on your own?”

She shook her head no.

He frowned, puzzled. She was worried about betraying Jiandra’s trust, so… “Does this have to do with something Jiandra said?”

She nodded.

“Jiandra thinks Kitran and I are lovers?” He didn’t like that idea one bit. Jiandra should know him better than that.

“Well, she wasn’t sure.”

“But she saw or heard something that gave her that impression.”

She nodded again. “With the Omaja stone. The day she was reading the minds of all the palace servants in search of the traitor.”

“Ohhh.” He suddenly understood. “So perhaps she saw something in Kitran’s thoughts that gave her the impression she and I were lovers?”

Graciella nodded. “Please don’t tell Jiandra I told you. Or let on to Kitran.”

“I won’t. But I’ll be honest with you—it’s no surprise. I knew Kitran had feelings toward me.”

“You knew? So is it true, then?” The pained look in her eyes stole his heart.

“No, it’s not true that we’re lovers. I knew because of how she looks at me, giggling and smiling when I’m around.”

Graciella looked down at his chest again, huddling in her fur.

“So when you got here to my room last night and saw that I was alone—why did you leave?”

“Leave your room?”

“Yes.”

“What else was I supposed to do? I didn’t know you knew I was hiding in here, or I would have apologized right then.”

“I mean, if you wanted to seduce me, why didn’t you just join me in bed?” He knew he was treading on very, very dangerous ground, but it was late, he was still under the remaining effects of the Tongkat and the katsuri he’d drunk, and at this point, he was starting not to care where all this led. He wasn’t up for pretending to be indifferent and cold while she was crying and pouring her heart out to him. It seemed cruel and dishonest.

“I wasn’t brave enough,” she admitted softly.

His heart leapt. “But, you wanted to do it?”

“Yes.”

He stared at her lips, fighting the longing to bend down to kiss them.

“Sire, I’m so ashamed of my behavior since I’ve been here. I know that it’s been improper and utterly disgusting.”

He grinned. “Well, it hasn’t been that disgusting.”

“If you decide to send me back home, I will completely understand.”

“No, I don’t think that will be necessary.” The last few shreds of his resistance to her charms were falling by the wayside, and fast.

“And I swear to you that I did not make up the ghost story tonight to have an excuse to come to your room.”

“I believe you.” He eased forward a bit, caressed her shoulders through the fur.

“I’m sorry I lied to you about the cake when you asked me what was in it. I am not usually so deceitful, Sire, and I promise it won’t happen again.”

“Please stop calling me Sire. Just call me Yavi.” He stared down at her face.

She gulped. “I must look a mess.”

“No.” He touched her chin, lifting it a bit to see her pale-hazel irises better. “You look beautiful.”

She chuckled. “You’re just saying that so I’ll stop blubbering.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yavi, could you ever forgive me?”

“Mm-hm,” he murmured, just before bending down to press his lips to the corner of her full mouth.

She sucked in a surprised breath and held it.

He pulled back. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure it’s just the Tongkat.”

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“I don’t need Tongkat to be extremely, hopelessly interested in kissing you.”

“Oh?” She stared at his face, blinking.

“But I can’t go any farther than that, as much as I’d like to.”

She nodded, pulling her fur up to her chin protectively.

“Let’s sit down, and I’ll explain why.” He grasped her elbow and led her to sit on his bed. While she perched on the edge of the mattress, he went to get the cot so he could sit on it facing her. His dressing robe tried to gap open, so he grabbed her pillow and placed it in his lap, then cleared his throat. “Graciella, I used to be a very different man when I was younger.”

She watched his face mutely.

“I wasn’t really interested in true love. I was interested in women, but not in being faithful to one woman. I was with many women. I enjoyed the chase, the seduction.”

She nodded. “A lot of young men are like that.”

“True, but that doesn’t justify it.”

“You’ll get no judgment from me, the woman who snuck into your room and poisoned your cake.”

He chuckled, and she did too. He loved seeing her face soften with amusement after such a rough evening of guilt, fright, and tearful confessions.

“While Yajna and I were in Villeleia six years ago, something terrible happened. Because of me, a girl died.” He swallowed painfully. “You’ve made your confessions tonight; here’s mine. I was dallying with the Sorceress of Caladia and with her maid Svana on the side. Gerynwid found out about Svana, and she used the maid against me. She threatened to kill Svana if Yajna and I didn’t steal your sister’s stone. When Yajna later refused to steal the stone and decided to turn himself in instead, I tried to get to Gerynwid’s estate in time to save Svana, but I was too late.”

“I’m so sorry, Yavi. I know it must have been hard on you to lose the woman you loved.”

“No, that’s just it. I didn’t love Svana. Not really. It was just lust. And it got her killed.” He rubbed a hand over his face, tears stinging his eyes. “I’ve never forgiven myself for her death, Graciella.”

“Maybe now is the time.”

“But that guilt is the only thing stopping me from doing it again.”

“Doing what again?”

“Seducing a young woman with only a thought to satisfying my own lust.”

She fell silent, studying his face.

“That’s why I’ve kept you at arm’s length, Graciella. I could never forgive myself if I caused you hurt or pain.”

“Then it sounds like you are a changed man, and you should forgive yourself for what happened to Svana.”

“Forgiving myself won’t give that poor girl her life back,” he choked.

“Neither will hating yourself and being alone forever.”

Yavi paused, gazing at her face. She was right.

“Gerynwid killed Svana, Yavi, not you. It was not your choice. That witch was hell-bent on killing everyone in her path, it seemed.”

“That’s what my brother and your sister said when I told them I had sworn an oath of celibacy.”

“But you didn’t buy it?”

“Well, it’s true that Gerynwid was already cruel to Svana before Yajna and I came along, abusing her and mistreating her miserably. But I don’t know that she would have killed the girl if I hadn’t come into the picture.”

“We can never really see into the future and know all the consequences of our actions, Yavi. If you could, you certainly wouldn’t have chosen a path that led to Svana’s death.”

He didn’t know what to say to that.

“Would you? If you had a crystal ball and could see the results of Gerynwid’s murderous jealousy, would you have flirted with the servant girl?”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“You didn’t mean for it to happen.”

He wanted to allow her encouragement to fully lift his burden of guilt, but in the end he knew he didn’t deserve the reprieve. He sighed heavily. “Graciella, don’t try to absolve me of this crime tonight. It is a fact that I was sleeping with both women, and that was wrong. The Gods won’t be pleased if I don’t wake up and change my ways before it’s too late.”

“Well, I think you have changed your ways, and to me you’re a brave, honorable man. To swear an oath of celibacy and keep it takes a strength most men will never know.”

“Perhaps, but I have been very close to breaking it many times since you arrived.”

“Well, that shall change as of now. I promise not to keep chasing you. After tonight, how could I continue flirting with you with a straight face?”

He chuckled at her innocent naiveté. “I’m not sure your lack of chasing and flirting will help much.”

“Of course it will. I’ll stay out of your way, and you can go back to focusing on running your country instead of being hounded by me. You can go back to the way you were before I arrived.”

He thought about that. About how lonely, cold, and bitter he felt before she arrived. His conscience told him to back away now, send her to her cot, and to try to get some sleep before dawn.

But his heart said to admit to himself that he was falling in love with her, to gather her into his arms and hold her tight, all night if need be, because he had a few demons of his own that needed dispelling tonight.

“Well, I should let you get some sleep.” She rose to her feet.

He stood as well and grasped her upper arms through the filstoc fur. “Graciella…”

She raised up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for forgiving me.”

He gazed down at her sweet, tear-stained face, reaching up to gently free some strands of hair that were stuck to her cheek by dried tears. “There’s nothing to forgive,” he murmured, caressing her soft cheek with the pad of his thumb. He leaned down, intent on closing the gap between his mouth and her lips, but she moved aside.

“Nope, I won’t be a temptation to you any more, Yavi, especially while you’re drugged with Tongkat.” She moved past him and stuck a hand out of her fur blanket to drag the cot back toward the fireplace.

He wanted to scoop her up and carry her to his bed. He wanted to do that badly. But something held him back. If he resisted now, he could still wake up tomorrow morning without loathing himself.

She lay on the cot, stuffed the pillow under her head, and pulled the white fur tightly around her body. “Good night,” she called over her shoulder.

He didn’t respond. He stood there staring at her, paralyzed by desire as well as conscience. Then he put out the large candle beside his bed, shed his robe, and crawled into his bed, alone.

§

Graciella awoke with a start and looked up at the clock. It was already almost six, and she was late for making the bread. She sat up on the cot and glanced across the room. Yavi’s muscular back was facing her, his blanket covering him up to his waist. She shoved her feet into her slippers, wrapped the filstoc fur around her, and quietly left his room.

She passed a tall, broad-shouldered guard in the hallway, who bowed his head to her. “Morning, milady.”

She blushed at having been caught leaving Yavi’s room. “Morning, Wolfan. It’s Wolfan, correct?”

“Yes, milady. At your service.”

She glanced back over her shoulder at Yavi’s door. “I—ah, was just…”

“No explanations necessary, milady. And by the way, all the guards are very grateful for your delicious meals. We’ve never had such delicious fare here.”

“Oh.” She smiled. “Good, good. Ah, Wolfan, would you…would you be willing to accompany me to my room and stand outside my door for a few moments? Last night I saw a ghost in that room, and I’m still a little shaken up.”

“Of course.” He placed his fist over his heart, bowing. “Shall we go?”

She nodded and hurried through the passageways with him until they reached her door. “I’ll only need a few minutes to get dressed. Just…stay out here if you don’t mind. It won’t keep the ghost from reappearing, but at least I won’t feel like I’m facing it alone.”

“I will be right here. Shout if you need me.”

She offered him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

Inside her room, she dressed in a plain work dress, pulled on her boots, brushed her hair, and re-braided it into a single braid down the back. She didn’t take the time to pin it up because she needed to get downstairs and start some dough rising as soon as possible.

Wolfan nodded to her when she opened the door. “All quiet in there this time? No ghosts?”

“No, it was fine. Thank you for standing guard.” She stepped into the hallway and closed her door. “Wolfan, have you ever seen a ghost of a young boy here in the palace? About this tall, large gray eyes, cries for his father?”

“No, milady. But I know the palace is haunted.”

“How do you know?”

“Windows open themselves, furniture changes position sometimes. Mostly in this northern wing. All the guards have seen strange things during night patrols that we can’t explain. It happens rarely, but it does happen.”

A chill ran up Graciella’s spine. “I’d like to discuss this further with you, Wolfan, but I’m late for making the bread.”

“I’ll escort you to the kitchen, then.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.”

“My pleasure,” he insisted.

As they approached the kitchen door, she turned to thank him again. “Wolfan, if you could…perhaps not mention to anyone that you saw me leaving…a certain room this morning, it would be most appreciated.”

“I saw no such thing.” He smiled. “Your secret is safe with me, milady.”

“Again, I thank you.”

He inclined his head to her before returning to his rounds.

Graciella pushed open the door to find Wilten mixing flour in a large bowl.

Wilten curtsied. “Good morning, milady. I start bread for you.”

“Good, Wilten.” Graciella inspected the girl’s work. “I apologize for my lateness.”

The girl grinned. “You have late night with Emperor?”

Graciella blushed. “Yes, but not the type of night I was hoping for.”

“Oh? Plant not work?”

“It’s a long story. Let’s get two more batches of bread started first, and then I’ll tell you what happened.”

§

Yavi rolled over and stared at her empty cot. She’d left her pillow but taken the fur. He found himself wishing the presence of the pillow meant she intended to return a second night, or maybe for an afternoon nap. He smiled at the ceiling, realizing he must really be in love to feel such warm pleasure at the thought of her taking a nap in his room, even without his being here to watch or interfere.

He shoved the covers back and went to the washstand to change the water and splash some over his face. Something was definitely different in him this morning. Clearing the air with her, hearing her confessions as well as sharing his own, had left him feeling lighter, freer.

He patted his face dry on a clean towel. No doubt she was already down in the kitchen slaving over breakfast. He glanced at his father’s sword, which stood on its rack in silent sentry. It was the only thing Yavi possessed that was of any real material value. What if he sold it to Villeleian merchants and used the money to hire a new chef, so that Graciella wouldn’t have to work in the kitchen anymore?

Sell Father’s sword? What kind of son are you?

“The kind that loves Miss Graciella Stovy,” he told the voice in his head, grinning.