Twelve

 

Yavi stood in the hallway with his back to Graciella’s bedroom door, arms folded, a smile plastered across his face. He heard water splashing in the basin of her washstand.

“Yavi? Are you still out there?”

“Yes, Graciella,” he called over his shoulder. “I’m right here.”

There was more splashing, the sound of a cloth being wrung out. Then, silence. Minutes passed with no sound.

He turned toward the door. “Are you still doing okay?”

“Yes, I’m just getting out of my clothes. Give me a moment.”

Images filled his mind, of her upturned breasts jiggling as she tugged off her boots, spreading wide as she unlaced and removed the bodice of her dress, and stretching up as she raised her arms to drop her nightgown over her head. He shut his eyes tightly and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, waiting for her to say he could come back in.

The door suddenly opened behind him, and he stood up straight.

“Ready.” She had a wrapper over her nightgown, and her hair was freshly braided over one shoulder. “Come in, please.”

He followed her inside the room, closed the door, and barred it. Then he went to busy himself tending the fire, hoping she’d hurry up and get in bed while his back was turned rather than torturing him by making him watch. You asked for this, Yavi. Let’s see how strong your resolve is tonight.

When he turned around, she was still standing there staring at him. He folded his arms and stared back.

“Well,” she stalled, fidgeting. “I guess I’ll just get in bed then.”

He turned back to the fire, pretending it needed more stoking with the poker, then glanced quickly over his shoulder to see if she was finally in bed or not. She had slipped out of her wrapper, laid it over the footboard of the bed, and was crawling under the covers. He turned back to the fire before she looked up.

“Yavi.”

“Mm?” He didn’t turn around.

“You don’t have to stand guard. You can sit in the chair.”

He turned to face her. She was lying on her side, hands folded under her cheek on her pillow, and peering up at him from under long, dark lashes.

“If I sit in the chair, I might fall asleep, and then the ghost will get you.”

She giggled. “I don’t think that ghost will dare show his face with you in here, whether you’re asleep or not. You’re pretty intimidating.”

“I’m on guard duty. No sitting.” He folded his arms, trying to hide a smile.

“I feel guilty though. I feel like I’m being a selfish brat making you stand guard duty over me while I sleep.”

“You aren’t making me,” he responded softly.

“That’s true. It’s your fault you gave Wolfan the night off.”

“I wasn’t about to allow that randy oaf to stand here and watch you sleep all night.”

“Randy oaf!” She laughed. “Wolfan’s not an oaf.”

“You admit he’s randy, then?” He grinned. “I guarantee he’s randy around you.”

“You guarantee? How can you be so sure? Wolfan had barely spoken two words to me before last night.”

“Any healthy man would be randy around you.” Including the one who’s standing here staring at you right now. “Go to sleep,” he ordered. “Or are you planning to just lie there grinning at me all night?”

“Sorry, it’s just—this situation is kind of comical to me right now.”

“Yes, hilarious.” He rolled his eyes, feigning impatience. “Now, put out your candle and go to sleep.”

She raised up on one elbow to snuff out the taper beside her bed, then lay back down in the semi-darkness.

He turned to stoke the fire a little more.

“Yavi?”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared about the rebellion Jiandra spoke of.”

“Don’t be scared. We will overcome. I promise.”

“I know you are the best swordsman in the world, but you are only one man. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“I have my brother’s bow with me, and your sister’s healing powers. We faced down Thakur’s Black Armies together, and we will be victorious again. Don’t be afraid, Sheir-zin.”

“What’s sharezeen?”

“It means Little One. Precious One.”

“Oh.” Pale-hazel eyes blinked at him in the firelight.

He fought the urge to kneel like a worshipper at her bedside and grasp her hand in both of his, press his lips to the smooth, creamy skin of her fingers. “Go to sleep, Sheir-zin.”

“I can’t unless you sit down. I don’t know why, but you standing up makes me feel too guilty to sleep.”

He sighed and turned the cushioned armchair to face her bed, then sank into it, leaned back, and rested one booted foot atop the opposite knee. “There. Is this better?”

“Yes, much.”

He watched her face, but she didn’t close her eyes.

“Yavi, do you plan on keeping your oath forever?” she asked softly.

He swallowed. “I don’t know.”

“How long do you plan to keep it? Another year or two?”

He’d never really put a time limit on the oath of celibacy when he’d made it, and for some reason, saying he’d keep it for another year or two seemed a little arbitrary. Her question was a good one. Did he really intend to stay celibate, on purpose, forever? Or simply wait until he was too old to attract and keep a wife, and thereby remain celibate by default?

“I don’t know, Graciella. I suppose I intend to keep my oath until I know that Tejeshwar has released me from it.”

“I understand. I respect your decision.”

No, don’t respect it—ask me to crawl into that bed right now and make love to you until dawn, a voice inside him begged. He rubbed a hand over his face.

“You said you didn’t love Svana. Have you ever been in love with anyone?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I thought I was in love a few times, when I was younger.”

“How did you know you weren’t in love?”

“Because I cared more about my own needs and desires than about hers.”

Graciella nodded, then yawned.

“Speaking of which, you, my little Sheir-zin, should go to sleep now and stop asking me nosy questions.”

“Okay.” She yawned again. “Thank you for staying with me tonight.”

“My pleasure.”

“Nice try, but I know this isn’t pleasurable.”

“How do you know? Can you read minds?” he teased.

“Yes.”

“What am I thinking right now?”

“That you wish I’d be quiet and go to sleep.”

He laughed. “By the Gods, she does read minds.”

“Are you really just going to sit there and watch me sleep all night?”

“Isn’t that what I signed up for?”

“Does that mean yes?”

“Yes, it means yes.”

“I wish you were in this bed holding me instead.”

He swallowed, hard. He wished the same thing. “No touching, remember?”

“I remember. I’m just thinking out loud, and I know I should stop.”

He waited, but she continued to lie there staring at him, not closing her eyes or putting in any effort to sleep. He rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and rubbed a finger over his lower lip, studying her. “Have you ever been in love, Graciella?”

She hesitated. “Yes, maybe.”

“What do you mean, ‘maybe?’”

“I’m not—I mean—I wasn’t…sure I was really in love.”

“What made you unsure?”

“If a person who is truly in love cares more about their loved one’s needs than their own, as you say, then I might not have been in love, because I really wanted what I wanted, without much thought as to what he wanted.”

“What exactly was it that you wanted from this love of yours?”

“Him to love me back.”

He looked down at his hands. “Well, I think wanting the person you love to love you back is a reasonable desire.”

“Maybe. But I’m still not sure.” She yawned again, then closed her eyes.

He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or anguished, but he sat and watched her until her breathing evened out and her face relaxed completely. And then he just watched her sleep, listening to her clock ticking off the seconds on the wall.

§

When Graciella awoke sometime later, the fire had died out. In the darkness she could barely make out Yavi’s sleeping form, head slumped to one side, in the chair facing her bed. She needed to use the chamber pot, but couldn’t envision doing it with him in the room. On the other hand, making the poor guy wake up and go stand outside so she could have her privacy seemed cruel.

Maybe I can wait until dawn. She glanced up at the clock, trying to make out the time in the dim moonlight coming in the windows. It appeared to be three o’clock. That meant she’d have to wait another four-and-a-half hours. Her bladder cramped urgently at the thought. She glanced at Yavi’s silhouette. His arms were tightly folded across his chest, probably due to the chill in the room, body immobile in sleep.

Maybe she could sneak out with her chamber pot and use it in his room, then slip back in without him noticing. She sat up and pushed the covers back.

He raised his head. “What’s wrong?”

She lay back down and jerked the covers over her body. “Nothing.”

“Where were you going?”

“Nowhere.”

“Graciella,” he said tiredly, “you’re lying to me again.”

“Okay, fine. I needed to relieve myself.”

“Oh.” He rose to his feet. “I’ll step outside, then.”

When he was gone, she slipped out of bed to take care of her needs, closed the lid and pushed the pot under the bed, then went to the door to open it. He was yawning and stretching his back.

“Okay. Come in.”

He did, barring the door behind him.

He trudged toward the chair as she crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over her cold feet. “That chair must be terribly uncomfortable to sleep in.”

“No, it’s fine.” He sank down onto it.

“Would you like to lie on the bed with me for the rest of the night? It’s only a few more hours.”

He didn’t respond, and she couldn’t really see his expression well enough to gauge his reaction to the suggestion. In the absence of a discouraging look on his part, she decided to press him a little more. “Just lie on top of the covers if you like. No touching required.”

To her surprise, he reached down to tug off his boots, set them aside, then rose and moved toward the bed. She scooted back to give him room, and the mattress shifted under his weight as he stretched out beside her, lying on his back on top of the blankets as she’d suggested.

“That’s better.” She rested her head on the pillow.

He folded his arms across his chest.

“Are you cold?” she asked.

“No.”

“You can take the filstoc.” She pushed it toward him.

“Then you’ll be cold.”

“Not if you scoot a little closer so we can share it.”

He turned toward her, pulling the filstoc fur over them both. She scooted back against him as best she could with her body under the blankets and him on top of them. His body heat radiated comfortingly against her back.

After a moment, she ventured another suggestion. “I don’t think putting your arm around me would be a violation of your oath. Do you?”

She heard him sigh as he shifted under the filstoc, and then felt the weight of his arm slide over her. She smiled, reveling in the feel of his big body shielding and protecting hers.

“I like to be guarded like this.”

“Go back to sleep, Sheir-zin.”

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She had to have more of him, a caress, a kiss, something.

“Hold on—let me just do this one thing.” She rolled over to face him, freed her arm from the sheets and blankets, and boldly slipped it around his neck. The chain of the emperor’s ruby felt warm against his skin.

To her delight, he tightened his arm around her waist and pulled her in closer.

“Yavi?”

“Mm?” His deep voice rumbled in his chest, tantalizing her ears in its nearness.

“I don’t think you would be breaking your oath if I kissed you goodnight, and you just lay there doing nothing. Do you?”

He reached up and stroked a stray lock of hair away from her face. “Do it,” he whispered.

She closed her eyes and stretched forward to press her lips to his, missing his mouth a little and encountering the warm, soft stubble on his cheek. When she corrected her position, his lips parted and claimed hers, the tip of his tongue sweeping sensuously over her lower lip. It felt so intimate that she breathed “oh” against his mouth. He responded by cupping her jaw to deepen the kiss even more, his mouth hot and alive against hers.

He shifted their positions and leaned over her, driving her head back against the pillow with his insistent kissing. The emperor’s ruby slipped out of the neckline of his shirt and dropped down to lie against her breastbone. Suddenly she wasn’t cold anymore. She was warm, very warm, and very, very desperate for more contact with him. When he broke off the kiss to trail his lips over her jawline and down to the curve of her neck, she felt as if she were struggling for air.

“Yavi?” Her voice came out thick and gurgled.

“Mm?”

“I have bad news.”

“How bad?” He moved the ruby out of the way so that his tongue could flick along the sensitive skin of her collarbones, nuzzle the upper swell of her breasts, lick at the crease between them.

“I’m about to break my promise not to try to seduce you anymore.”

“That’s terrible news.” He kissed the tip of her chin, open-mouthed. He trailed kisses to her earlobe, nipped at it gently with his teeth, then nuzzled her neck again.

“I tried; really I did,” she whispered.

“This is my fault for giving Wolfan the night off,” he admitted huskily. “I deserve this broken promise on your part.”

“Damn Wolfan. Can we just blame it on him?”

“Damn him to hell,” Yavi agreed, claiming her lips again.

His tongue was the most tantalizing thing Graciella had ever tasted, and he used it to make kissing seem like the naughtiest, most scandalizing thing one could do with a man. She held on to his angular jaw, trying to match his licking, sucking movements, her lips all tingly from being devoured by his heated, seeking mouth.

“I need to…” She pulled at the neckline of his shirt, attempting to slip a hand inside.

He reached up to loosen the laces a bit, then pulled her hand inside the linen fabric, flattening her palm against his thick pectoral muscle.

“Oooh,” she crooned. She followed the corded muscle up and over his massive shoulder, caressing him. “This is a very nice bit here.”

He chuckled, then groaned when she stroked back down over his pec, brushing her fingers over his hard nipple.

She pulled at the laces on his shirt, widening the opening so she could explore lower, running her hand over the upper ridges of his lean abdominal muscles. He pulled back to tug the shirt over his head and toss it aside, and she eagerly hugged his big torso.

“I’ve never felt anything like this in my life,” she breathed, smiling as she ran her hands over the hard planes and sinews of his back.

“Like what? A man’s body?”

“A man’s body that’s so big and strong.”

He chuckled, his breathing labored. “What other types of men’s bodies have you felt?”

She giggled. “Scrawny, ugly ones covered in warts. Big, fat ones with lots of hair.”

He growled and nuzzled her neck. “You’d better be lying again.”

“Yes. I am a liar. A promise-breaker and a liar.”

“Appalling.” He buried his fingers into her hair and unraveled her braid, then brought the locks to his nose to inhale deeply of their scent. “Your hair smells of lavender and lilacs.”

“It’s my new soap that I bought in Kingston.”

“It’s very arousing,” he said, stroking a hand down the length of her body through the coverlet.

She raised her head to kiss his neck, inhaling the warm scent of bergamot and musk on his skin. “I like how you smell too.”

He caressed her hip through the blanket, creating a craving in her that was beginning to scream for satisfaction. She wriggled the blanket and sheet down to her waist, then pushed them down farther so she could free her legs. That done, she wrapped her arms around his neck again, pushing him back against the pillows and burying her face against his smooth, muscular neck, moving the chain of the ruby aside so she could lick and suck at the warm skin there.

“Oh, Graciella,” he groaned. His arms circled her waist, their bodies separated only by her nightgown and his trousers.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t stop,” she apologized between kisses. “I’ve wanted to do this so badly, love you like this. I’ve been in love with you for so long.”

“Wait.” He rose up on one elbow, gently pushing her back against the pillows and peering down into her face. “What do you mean, you’ve been in love with me for so long? You just got here a little over a week ago, Sheir-zin.”

“I’ve loved you since I was fourteen. Since the day we met at Stovy Farm, when Jiandra brought you there for the first time.”

He claimed her lips, tasting her mouth with his tongue. “You noticed me then?” he asked against her mouth.

“Of course. How could I not?”

“Sheir-zin…” He kissed her again, this time more hungrily, while his hand stroked over her hip through her gown. “Lahdli. Ladhli Sheir-zin Halvon.”

“I love it when you speak Nandalan.”

“The words ‘my love’ just don’t carry the same depth of feeling for me as the Nandalan words.”

“My love?” A surge of excitement rose in her chest.

He buried his face against her neck. “Lahdli. My love…precious Graciella. Sheir-zin Halvon. Halvon means mine,” he rasped against her tingling skin. “Ohkfu shah denahmay. I love you so much, sweet Graciella.”

“You love me? I think my heart is going to stop.” She arched her back and strained up against his kisses. “Since when?”

“Since the moment I opened the coach door and saw you in there with a wild, untamed look in your beautiful hazel eyes.”

“At the bandit attack?”

“Yes. All grown up, and having become the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“Yavi. Don’t exaggerate, because I’m willing to believe anything right now.”

“Then believe this,” he said, propping himself up on his elbow to peer down at her. “You are undoubtedly the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Including Gerynwid the Shapeshifter? Her beauty was reportedly legendary.”

“Her beauty was forced, malevolent. Yours is pure and innocent, a beauty that comes from the innermost core, Sheir-zin.”

“Mm, Yavi,” she sighed, stretching up, seeking a kiss from his sexy lips. “Kiss me. I need your kisses right now. All over me.”

He flicked his tongue over her lower lip, chuckling. “All over you? Don’t tempt me.”

“Tempt, tempt,” she said, laughing.

He covered her mouth with his, his hands caressing the curve of her waist. “Graciella,” he rasped against her lips. “Don’t beg me for more. Tell me to stop. I don’t want to take your virginity right now, like this.”

“No, it’s fine—I know a way we can avoid getting me with child.”

He paused to look down at her, cocking an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“Yes. Jiandra explained it to me. It’s how she and Yajna have avoided having a child up to now.”

“Do tell.” He caressed her waist through her gown, his thumb straying close to the underswell of her breast.

“If I understood it correctly, you pull out of my, ah, chamber, before you spill your seed.”

“Ah hah. Well, your getting with child isn’t the only reason I don’t want to take your virginity tonight. Or this morning, rather,” he amended, glancing over his shoulder at the clock.

“What is your other reason?”

“You might regret our lovemaking later, resent me for giving in to temptation.”

She thought about that. It was true she’d resent him if he only used her for sex and then discarded her, which made her suddenly wonder if that was what he was planning on doing.

“And I don’t want to hurt you,” he added.

“By…by taking my virginity, and then shunning me?”

“No! No, Sheir-zin. I mean physically hurt you. Intercourse is painful for a woman the first time.”

“I’ve heard tell of such. But it seems a necessary evil, one I must go through in order to have a second and a third time.”

“We have an oil made here in Nandala for this purpose, but I don’t have any. It’s only for new brides. It’s part of the way our culture attempts to keep relations before marriage at least somewhat restricted.”

“Oh well; you don’t have any. Let’s just take our chances.” She pulled him back down for another kiss, trying to wrap a leg around his hips.

He broke off the kiss, breathing hard, and pried her leg off his thigh, pressing it back down to the rumpled bedclothes. He moved his groin carefully away from hers. “No, Lahdli. No. I want your first time to be as enjoyable as possible.”

She clutched at his shoulders. “You can’t just stop now, like this. Not when I’m—I’m—”

“What?” he whispered.

“Feeling all this want.”

He chuckled and hung his head a moment, then looked up at her again. “I know. I feel it a hundred times worse than you do, trust me.”

“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave. I need your arms around me tonight.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Sheir-zin. Just let me breathe for a second, get some control.”

§

Confound it, the woman would not stop moving against him, hugging him, and kissing his neck, and Yavi was about two seconds from climaxing in his trousers. He gently untangled her arms from around his neck. “I must excuse myself for three minutes. I promise I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” she whispered, her Villeleian accent like sensual liquid velvet in his ears.

“To my latrine, if you must know.” That was partially true.

“Oh. Of course.” She released him.

He rolled over and pushed the filstoc aside, then looked back at her. “If the ghost appears while I’m gone, ask him to hold off a moment before doing anything threatening or scary.”

She punched his arm. “Why did you have to bring him up before leaving me alone in the dark? I had forgotten about him.”

“I haven’t forgotten about him.” He grinned down at her as he stood up. “In fact, I’d like to thank the little bastard. He’s the reason I had an excuse to stay with you tonight.”

“Yavi!” She stretched forward to punch his stomach, which only added to the aroused throbbing of his cock.

He grabbed his shirt off the floor and hurried to the door. “Be back in three minutes. Time me if you like.”

Inside his own room, he picked up a used towel from the lower shelf of his washstand, freed his aching shaft, and stroked himself quickly to release. He visited his latrine, washed his hands at his washstand, donned his shirt, and returned to Graciella’s bedroom door just in time to make his predicted arrival.

He tapped lightly. “Graciella? It’s me.”

“Come in.”

He slipped inside, barred the door, and went to the fireplace to build another fire. “Any sign of demon boy?”

“No. He heard about your terrible jokes and decided that was enough torment for me for one evening.”

Yavi grinned, crouching to stack a couple of logs in the fireplace. “Torment, eh? Is that what I’ve inflicted on you tonight? Six years of celibacy must have really eroded my lovemaking skills.”

She laughed. “I rather think they have made your skills sharper.”

“How would you know? What do you have to compare me to?”

“Only my fevered fantasies of you.”

He struck a flint, noticing his erection was springing to life again already. “How have I measured up? To me in your fantasies, that is?”

“Quite well, I must say.”

He rose, using the poker to spread the fire before turning to face her, hands on hips. “Now, my dear, we are going to sleep. I’m not getting back in that bed with you unless you swear by the Gods you will go to sleep.”

“I swear. By the Gods. But you have to hold me in your arms while I sleep. If you hold me, I promise to go to sleep. If you refuse to hold me, I will jump up and down on the bed until daylight.”

Tempting as it was to take her up on that threat and then watch her breasts bouncing up and down under her gown, he chose a saner response. “It’s a deal.” He moved toward the bed and picked up the blankets, and she scooted aside to make room for him to crawl in beside her.

He sucked in a deep breath and willed his erection to remain under control as she snuggled eagerly into his arms. She tucked her head under his chin, positioning her fragrant hair directly under his nostrils. Her sweet, feminine body molded itself to his larger, more muscular frame. He held his breath and waited.

Like a miracle, she closed her eyes, and dozed off within mere minutes.

He relaxed and breathed deeply, smiling. He’d basically ignored his oath tonight, and yet his heart felt light and free. He knew that could only mean one thing.

He was truly, deeply, in love.