CHAPTER 30
FINN
The bus station smelled like piss. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and moved away from the stench, hoping to find an empty bench, so I could drown in my sorrows alone. After waking up from my drunken stupor, and allowing the memory of what I’d done last night wash over me in the shower, I’d gathered my things and snuck out without saying goodbye to anyone.
I’d left Tillie a quick note of thanks, because the manners Mama instilled in me were apparently something I couldn’t shake, even during intense moments of humiliation.
Once, when I was a teen, I was at the neighborhood swimming pool and as I’d come up from a dive, my swim shorts had succumbed to the strength of the water, and I popped up out of the water completely exposing myself to a crowd of girls nearby. Until now, that was my most humiliating moment.
Not only had I managed to get disgustingly drunk, but I’d spilled the truth in front of everyone, like a fool. I couldn’t have picked a worse time to tell Daine that I was his son.
And his reaction? Well, it couldn’t have been worse either.
I groaned as I sat down, holding my head in my hands as the memories hit me again. All I wanted was to get out of here, go home with my hat in my hands, and pretend this trip never happened.
I could just hear Mama’s voice in my head, telling me she told me so, even though she didn’t. Not in real life. In my head? Hell, she’d been yelling that to me since the day I’d arrived.
I’d begged her to tell me who my father was for years.
Now I knew why she didn’t.
Apparently, my father was a complete and utter prick. She was right. I was better off without him in my life.
I just needed to convince myself of that fact and I’d be just fine.
My bus didn’t leave for another hour, so I stretched out on the bench and closed my eyes, using my backpack as a pillow. Still hungover from the ungodly amount of alcohol I’d consumed, my head spun as I lay there hating myself.
My problem isn’t just that I’m stubborn, it’s that I’m stupid, too.
What did I think was going to happen when Daine found out I was his secret kid? Did I think he was going to be happy to hear the news? How naive was I?
I felt like a fool. I should have known better.
What I needed to do was accept the fact that I was all alone in this world. That I had no family. Nobody to turn to in times of trouble, nobody to celebrate the good times with. Just like Daine had said during his speech that I’d interrupted. I was just like him. I’d have to make my own family out of friends.
I thought about Oklahoma and what was waiting for me there. I searched my mind, but I couldn’t think of anything good. Just a bunch of painful memories. I’d put all my hopes and dreams into this town, leaving all of that behind, convinced I’d be able to start a new life here.
Boy, was I wrong.
At some point, I drifted off to sleep, the sweet relief feeling like much needed medicine.
Half an hour later, I felt someone sit down beside me. Irritated, because I’d searched for a long time for solitude, I sat up and grabbed my backpack to search for another place to sleep.
“You like sleeping on benches, I guess.”
I turned and froze in my tracks when I saw Daine sitting there.
“What are you doing here?” I growled.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“I’m going back home.”
He nodded, thoughtfully. “You said your Mom died?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he replied.
“Thanks,” I shrugged. “Cancer.”
“That’s awful.”
“Yeah.”
“You have any other family?”
“Just you, apparently.”
He nodded again, looking over at me with a faint smile.
“You look like me.”
“You wish,” I replied, wryly. He laughed, and it was my laugh.
“Look, you took me by surprise. To say the least.”
“Probably wasn’t the best time to spring that news on you.”
“No, it wasn’t. And while it’s certainly shocking to hear that I have a son, it doesn’t mean you have to leave.”
“You don’t need me in your life, Daine. There’s no room for me. That’s obvious.”
“Well, it’s not like you’re a toddler I have to take care of. You’re a grown ass man. Stick around. Let’s try to get to know each other and see what happens.”
I looked at him, unsure if he was serious.
“C’mon, man. You already ruined my reputation and told everyone my secret,” he said. “Now everyone knows I lied about never sleeping with a woman.”
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“It’s cool. But come back, okay? You can stay at Tillie’s, or get your own place, whatever you want. But let’s see where this goes.”
I paused, tempted.
“I’m not looking for you to take care of me. I can take care of myself,” I insisted.
“I know you can.”
“I’m not looking for a hand-out.”
“I know that, too. You have a job at Tomcats as long as you want it. The girls loved you, remember?”
“Yeah…”
“C’mon, let’s get out of here. It smells like piss.”
He grabbed my backpack and started walking away, just assuming that I’d follow him. I watched him stride away and recognized my own walk.
“Shit,” I muttered, standing up and following him out the door, my heart skipping a beat.