CHAPTER 26
FINN
“Give me another,” I said, my words slurring, the bartender weaving in front of me.
“Kid, you’ve already had three,” he said.
“This is a private party,” I said. “It’s not your job to police anyone.”
“Fine,” he said, shaking his head as he slid the goblet full of whiskey across the bar. I’d been pounding it ever since I’d walked in on Daine and Mario. I couldn’t erase the image of the two of them from my head and I figured if I just kept drinking, I’d get there.
All I could do was hope it wasn’t engraved on my brain.
My eyes kept traveling over to the entrance to the pool house and they still hadn’t come out. Part of me was disgusted and the other part was glad.
I didn’t know how I’d ever face Daine again.
First of all, I’d had no idea he was gay. That fact alone was going to be hard enough to deal with, but now I had to see it first hand? Why the hell had I even gone in there?
God’s punishing me, I thought, that’s what’s going on. He’s mad I left Oklahoma. I should have stayed there and become a pastor, like Mama wanted, instead of running off and chasing some stupid dream that obviously wasn’t going to come true, at least not in the way I imagined.
Everything was fucked.
“Give me another!” I barked. Heads turned my way, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I swung away from the pool house, determined to find something else to focus on, but my arm swept past a group of glasses, knocking them to the floor in a loud crash.
Blaze stepped up out of nowhere, his huge hand gripping my bicep.
“Dude, are you okay?”
“I’m fucking fine,” I said.
“Maybe you should go lay down, huh? Looks like you had a little too much too fast. Want me to help you over to the pool house?”
“No!” I shouted, my voice high with panic.
“Damn, dude, alright. Just stop breaking shit, okay?”
“Sorry,” I muttered, holding onto the bar. Blaze gently pushed me back onto a barstool. “Thanks.”
“Just chill for a bit. Drink some water.”
“Sure,” I said.
He leaned over and said something to the bartender, and a glass of water and a cup of coffee appeared in front of me minutes later. I sipped the coffee, trying to calm my thoughts.
I desperately needed to get my shit together.
Okay, so he was gay. That was the first thing I needed to wrap my head around. I’d grown up around a strict evangelical community, and accepting homosexuality wasn’t a popular mindset. But I was young. Much more modern thinking. I didn’t condemn people for the choices they made, and even if my views went against the views of everyone I’d ever known in my life until I’d moved away, I knew better than to judge people.
I’d even tried to convince Mama of that towards the end, but she wasn’t interested in changing her mind about anything. She was so set in her ways, it wasn’t even worth trying.
But this was so much more confusing than him being gay.
What did all this mean?
Was I wrong?
Should I never have come here?
I was beginning to think I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.
A waitress walked by with a tray full of champagne, and I grabbed one of the glasses, ignoring the glares from the bartender beside me.
If I couldn’t make sense of it, why even try?