Tumult (TSS Series Book 1) by Lea Hart (21)

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Monday, October 23^rd

Zipping up her jacket, Audrey stepped out of the women’s barracks and slid her sunglasses on. She took a moment to stretch and then trudged in the direction of the building where Carrick and Andrew were bunking. Filling her lungs with the cold, dry air she knew this was going to be her last day in Syria.

After yesterday’s events, there was no way she was going to talk Carrick into going to Ad Darbasiya or Qamishli. The best she could hope for was maybe a brief stop at the Ar-Raqqah base in Kobane and that was going to take a miracle.

Not that she could blame him.

There had been several moments when she wasn’t sure if they’d make it out before a stray bullet hit, and she knew it wasn’t something Carrick had taken lightly.

And, quite frankly, neither did she. Not for her own safety, but for Carrick’s, Asli’s, and Andrew’s. This was, after all, a trip she had put in motion, and to put people in danger was more than she could stand. When Carrick had been nicked by the bullet, her heart stopped because the idea of living in a world where he didn’t exist was inconceivable.

They might not have a love story, but he was in her heart and the fact that nothing would ever come of it didn’t make the feelings any less real.

Rubbing her head, she knew it had to be the overwhelming events of the trip that were making her have such crazy thoughts. How were feelings of love possible in such a short amount of time with someone who she had so little in common with?

The thing with Carrick had to be pheromones and danger dancing together, weaving a magic spell around her common sense. Those nasty buggers were trying to sell her an illusion that the connection they’d made with their bodies had happened to their hearts as well.

And she wasn’t buying it.

No way.

Dragging in a deep breath, she let all the mental machinations go and decided she’d deal with her heart when she got back to New York.

Lifting her hands to shade her eyes, she saw Carrick step out of the building and look in her direction and swore that rays of sun bounced off his enormous shoulders. It was like someone out there was trying to make him look especially heroic and appealing, just to tempt her into foolishness.

Giving him a smile, she quickened her pace and knew once she got closer the damn halo that seemed to be shining over his head would disappear. They always did—proximity and time made you see the truth, whether you were willing or not.

“Good morning, Audrey.”

“It’s a good day to be alive,” she responded as she stood in front of him. Looking up, she saw that the halo effect wasn’t quite as pronounced. “Let’s go grab a cup of coffee.”

“There’s something else I’d like to grab, but I’m not going to be able to do it until tonight when we’re back in Ankara ensconced at the hotel.”

“I guess that tells me the answer to the proposal I was going to talk to you about.”

Putting his hands on her shoulders, he looked down and shook his head. “No way are we making any more day trips. Yesterday demonstrated in no uncertain terms what’s possible, and I’m not taking any more damn chances with yours or Asli’s safety. Bullets whizzing past your head yesterday should let you know that traipsing around Syria is serious shit and whatever you have is going to have to be enough.”

“Can we at least stop in Kobane on the way back to Ankara?”

“No, Audrey.”

“You could at least pretend to think about it.”

“I told you in San Diego and then again in New York that when I said it was time to exfil, there would be no arguments. And, babe, it’s time to exfil.”

“One little stop on the way back.” When she saw his face scrunch up in frustration, she knew that she’d pushed it as far as she could go. “Let’s go get some coffee.”

Lowering his head, he pressed his mouth to hers and spoke against her lips. “It was too damn close yesterday and I won’t and can’t take a chance with you.” He pressed their mouths together and held her tightly.

The intensity of both the kiss and his hold told her once again that he didn’t take what happened yesterday lightly and it would probably be best not to push him to stay longer. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she kissed him back and did her best not to think about the fact that tonight would be their last together.

A vise-like pressure pushed against her heart as she visualized what that was going to feel like, so she pulled away from his kiss. There were too many emotions trying to fight their way to the surface and she had no interest in letting it happen. Best thing she could do was get through the next twenty-four hours and not let Carrick any further in than he’d already managed. “Coffee?”

Letting his finger trace over her face slowly, he smiled. “Sure.”

Turning away from his touch, she walked toward the mess hall and cleared her throat. Squaring her shoulders, she took slow, even breaths and did her best to pretend that she wasn’t going to be affected by his absence. With each step she took, she knew it was only going to take…forever.

***

Audrey sat inside the stone building that housed the women’s base in Ar-Raqqah and knew that it was only because Ace and Caid had told Carrick that it was “safe” to travel into Kobane that he’d agreed to the stop. Looking over at Asli, she smiled as they waited for their British YPG comrade to join them. It was a real coup to be able to have a chance to speak with someone who’d been in the conflict who was not a Kurd, and she was almost vibrating with excitement.

A young woman who was probably no more than twenty-five walked into the room and introduced herself, “Hello, I’m Taylor and I hear you’d like to interview me.”

“Yes, please,” Audrey replied as she stood up. Taking the woman’s hand, she shook it gently. “I’m Audrey and this is Asli.”

“Your American accent, Audrey, tells me that you won’t have any chocolate from home, but I’ll do my best to answer your questions, nonetheless.”

Opening her backpack, she pulled out a baggie that was half-empty. “Sorry about the chocolates; I brought Rosebud balm instead.” Handing the bag over, she gave the woman a small smile. “It works miracles on dry and cracked skin and I’ve been sharing it with everyone that I’ve come in contact with.”

A bright, happy smile broke across Taylor’s face as she took one out and unscrewed the lid. Passing her finger over the red balm, she then slicked some on her lips and grinned. “This will do.”

“It’s great for cracked skin on your hands too. I grew up in Maine and it saved my hands from many a cold winter.”

“Lovely.” She put the top back on and then put the canister in her pocket. “I’ll pass it out at lunch later on.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to hear about what brought me to Syria or about some of the battles we’ve been in?”

“Clearly, this is a regular thing for you and I guess I’d like to hear whatever you think is important to share. I’m writing a book on the YPJ and I’d love to hear as many stories as I can from as many different perspectives.”

“Most days, I feel like more of a guerilla fighter than a combatant at the sharp end of the international coalition to eradicate the world’s most feared terrorist group, if I’m being totally honest. I wear cheap trainers into battle instead of army boots and, up until a couple of weeks ago, never had any body armor or a helmet, so most days all we’ve got is our extreme belief in our purpose.”

“How does a woman from England find her way into this battle?” Audrey asked.

“I came from a small market town that didn’t offer many opportunities and knew that my desire to make a difference was going to occur well outside of the area where I grew up. For a long time, I thought I might become a professional humanitarian, and possibly set up an NGO that would help the disenfranchised. But a trip to Iraq in the summer of 2015 to witness the plight of refugee life changed my direction. The Yazidi women who had been raped and kept as sex slaves by ISIS ultimately changed my future. I knew then that I had to do something, so I entered Syria in March of last year and joined the Kurdish militia’s international brigade of volunteers.”

“How many international fighters do you think there are?”

“I’ve heard that we number around two-thousand but I’m not sure if it’s accurate. ISIS has many foreign fighters on their side, and I’ve often wondered what it would be like if I had to square up against someone from my own country. It hasn’t happened yet, but I guess it’s still on the horizon.”

“What is life like on the frontline?”

Taylor let out a mirthless laugh and played with the end of her scarf. “Just as you might imagine. We start our days at five in the morning with a breakfast of tinned chicken or sardines and then move on from there. Showers are a luxury, and going weeks without washing is as common and Dysentery and stomach gripes. A toilet is a hole in the desert and loo paper is only a distant memory.” She looked at Audrey and then shrugged. “Honestly, much of the war is spent waiting for Land Cruisers to take us to the next battle and we end up spending a lot of time singing and dancing. As horrific as our daily lives sound, I love my life on the frontline because I’m making a difference and I’m an equal. To have a chance to kill the men who have abused women and hopefully have a chance to end the wholesale acceptance of sexism and objectification is worth it. I love the fact that it’s a woman commander telling the United States where to carry out coalition airstrikes. Last week, my commander directed sixteen airborne bombing raids that vaporized at least one ISIS position and more will happen next week.”

“Do you think of going home?”

Taylor let out a snort. “And what would I do at home? If I return to Europe, I’ll be bored straight away. Here, I’m fighting for a revolution, for freedom and equality. I can die and know that I’ve lived. Though I might enjoy a cup of Tetley tea in a proper mug before that happens.”

“Thank you, Taylor, for sharing your story; I truly appreciate it.”

“Hopefully, when your book gets published, many women will be inspired by what we’ve done here and take up the fight of equality in whatever way makes sense for them in their lives.”

“I hope so, Taylor.” Looking over the woman’s shoulder, she saw Carrick appear in the doorway. He gave her a smile and tapped his watch which was the signal they needed to get on the road. They had eleven hours of driving ahead of them and he wanted to be well inside Turkey when nightfall hit.

Taylor picked up the bag of goodies that Audrey had brought and then shook both women’s hands. “I’m going to pass these out.”

Audrey stood and nodded. “Thank you again for sharing your experiences.”

“Of course. After all, the more people who know about what’s happening here, the better.”

“Exactly,” Audrey replied. She watched the young woman leave and gathered up her things and shoved them into her backpack. “We did it, Asli.”

“Hearing these women’s stories for the last couple of days has been an amazing experience. To see their faces burn with conviction and their utter belief in what they’re doing is inspiring, and I’m so appreciative to have had the opportunity to join you on this journey.”

“I have to say that’s been my favorite part as well. I did enough research before arriving to have a good idea of what they do on a daily or weekly basis, but to see the fire in their eyes is what’s going to allow me to make their story come alive.”

Asli lifted her backpack and touched Audrey’s arm. “I’ve loved being a part of this and, unfortunately, I’m probably going to be underwhelmed when I return home to my routine. Having seen what these people are doing to secure their future makes me question what my purpose in life is.”

Audrey patted her hand. “Me too, Asli. Me too.”

***

Audrey took Asli’s hand as the sun began to set against the mountains. They were well inside Turkey and it was hard to believe that the trip was over. Four days hadn’t been much, but considering the circumstances, she was lucky to have managed even one. If it wasn’t for the three people sitting inside the vehicle, it wouldn’t have been possible.

Titan had come through on not only providing her with Carrick and Andrew but the many hundreds of details they took care of so they could enter the country. None of it would’ve been possible without their connections and resources and when she got the final bill, she was going to be happy to pay it.

“Thank you again for coming along, Asli. Not only were you a terrific interpreter, but a fearless companion. I hope we’ll be able to stay in contact for a long time to come.”

Asli looked over and gave her a smile. “Of course, we’ll stay in contact, I’m going to take you up on that offer to come stay with you in New York. I want to see the city and I expect you to show me around.”

“I’d love nothing more than to have you stay with me. Maybe when you’re done with your graduate degree, you’ll have time to come and see the Big Apple.”

“Absolutely.”

“What about me, Audrey? Can I come and stay with you too?” Andrew asked with a chuckle.

“No, you can’t,” Carrick answered.

“Don’t you listen to him, and to answer your question, yes, you can come and see me anytime you want.”

“But stay in a hotel,” Carrick added.

“Where are you off to next, Andrew?”

“I’m actually heading back to San Diego. I have a couple of weeks of vacay planned and then we’ll see what Foster has planned for me. I’m ready for a couple of domestic assignments.”

“After a few of those, you’ll have itchy feet and be begging to take something less tame,” Carrick added as he flicked on the headlights.

“What about you, Carrick?” Audrey asked. “Do you have any idea where you’re headed next?”

“No, not a clue.” He looked into the rearview mirror and held her gaze. “Might end up in the city for a few days after we land.”

“Yeah, what are you going to do there?”

“See the sights,” he said with a laugh.

“Sure, sure,” she mumbled. As she looked out the window, she fought down a wave of sadness that was threatening to erupt. Tomorrow could very well be the last time she saw him and, though he’d been making noises about extending their liaison beyond the trip, she knew it wasn’t feasible.

Or desirable.

Long distance sucked, and the smart choice would be just to end things cleanly before they went home and enjoy the memories they made and leave it at that. To think that they could somehow make something lasting out of what they started here on the other side of the world wasn’t a fantasy she could afford.

He already meant more to her than any other man she’d been involved with and the idea of stringing out the end wasn’t something she would probably survive.

Clean break.

That was the only answer.