Chapter Thirteen
Charlie nibbled her lip and watched the driveway. “You have no idea?”
Caz shook his head. “Nope. He was gone when I got up and his boxing gloves are still in the mudroom. Maybe he got called in.”
“No, he traded to ha—he’s home!” Charlie tamped down her nerves and waited until Bastian was walking up the sidewalk before turning. “Can you disappear for a bit?”
Caz looked at her with a queasy expression. “You’re not gonna get naked and funky on the couch, are ya? I’d really hate to land in a wet spot when I sit down.”
“Boo, go,” she snarled and pointed toward the back. “If he ever gets around to making a wet spot, I’ll make sure you’re far away, okay?”
“Deal. I need to hit the grocery store anyway.” He unfolded his long frame from the chair and lowered his sunglasses from his head. “Dinner’s on me. I’m making you a birthday feast using Luci’s recipes.”
“Enchiladas?”
“Nope. Chile relleno and fajitas.”
Her stomach growled. “If you truly love me, there had better be guacamole.”
“Littlebit, if I thought I could handle you in bed, I’d lock Sebastian in a closet and smother us both in guac.” Caz dropped a loud smack on her forehead. “Back in an hour. Be hungry. Wait, this is you. You’re always hungry for Mexican food.” He grabbed his keys from the side table and lumbered into the hall. In a few seconds, the veranda door closed with a soft thud.
The front door creaked slightly as Bastian entered the foyer. Charlie opened her mouth but caught herself before speaking. He looked like shit. He seemed dazed and surprised to see her.
“Charlie! You’re early. You’re going to ruin Boo’s surprise.”
“No, he told me, fajitas. He just went to the store. What’s wrong? You look awful.”
Bastian tossed his keys into a bowl on the sideboard and shrugged. “Didn’t sleep much. I thought you’d call last night. Didn’t you like your present?”
She stepped toward him with her stomach rolling. Sunlight caught the platinum as she held up her wrist. “I love it. Thank you.”
He searched her face, then smiled a weak smile and stroked her cheek. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s everything. All those paper chains? How did you do that?”
“I didn’t. I had the pediatric ward working on it. They love to keep the kids busy and not thinking about shots and pain. I got a bunch of exhausted doctors to help out, so if you can’t read some, that’s why. Boo and your mom linked them all and hung them up while we were at the prom. I just wanted…I wanted to make you happy.”
“You do,” she whispered. Too many words filled her mouth and too many feelings tossed in her belly. She let none loose but stepped to him, sliding her arms around his shoulders. He gripped her, pulling her tight. The fierceness in his hug shocked her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Bastian should never lie. It curdled the cream in his normally smooth voice. Charlie scoured his face. “You’re lying.”
“Just let it go, okay?” He looked away, turning his eyes from her scrutiny.
She didn’t need to see his eyes. His lips were pale and his eyes shadowed. An unnatural stiffness exuded from him, as if he was afraid to move too suddenly or he’d splinter apart. Caz’s overdose had floored him. His divorce had shattered him. His mother’s death had crushed him. Whatever had happened today had the same devastating effect. Fear danced along her spine.
“Something bad happened. Tell me.”
His brows drew low and tight. “Some things are private. I don’t go poking around your personal business.”
“Excuse me?” She made her face deliberately wide-eyed. “How many times have you stuck your figurative nose in my uterus?”
His shoulders drooped. “Fine. Uh, last night…I masturbated and it hurt, a lot. I went to see a friend, a urologist, to get things checked out. Things are…not right.”
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” Her hands went to his hips, needing to keep him close as dread raced in. “Are you in pain?”
“No. I’m all right, right now.”
Where was the jazz in his voice? Why did it sound like the blues?
“When you got kicked? That did something, didn’t it?”
“Yeah. It tore something.” Bastian closed his eyes. “I need to have some surgery.”
Her breath shuddered. “Surgery? Are you okay?”
“I will be.” Something dark lurked under his words, hiding like a rodent under a bush.
“What’s he going to do?”
“Just fix things.”
Why wouldn’t he meet her eyes? What else was he hiding? She couldn’t even think of the C-word but that was the terror that twisted her stomach. “What aren’t you telling me? Did he find…something?”
A bitter snort fanned her hair. “You could say that. I’m not sterile.”
She froze. Shock nailed her feet to the floor and sped ice through her veins. “What? All those tests you—”
“I was. Dale thinks some kind of blockage was partially torn away. It’s not complete and could do some real harm if I don’t have it taken care of.”
She couldn’t feel her cheeks. All the blood drained from her face and a hollow ache erupted in her chest. “You’re not sterile?”
The empty echo in her words turned the corners of his mouth down. He rubbed her upper arms. “Don’t worry. It’s a minor procedure.”
“You’re not sterile.” She was stuck on repeat. Nothing else penetrated her brain.
A resigned acceptance bled across his face and his Adam’s apple bobbed with a swallow. His fingers bit into her skin as he shook her. “It’s okay. He’s doing a vasectomy at the same time he repairs the tear.”
That snapped her head back like a punch. “What?”
“I’m having a vasectomy.”
Afternoon sunshine slanted in the window and turned his hair to dandelion gold. It highlighted the lost hope on his cheeks. Her brain processed, hitched and replayed. Bastian had a chance to grab his dream and wasn’t taking it? That made no sense. He wanted kids. He could have kids now. Why was he going to…
The frost of her shock seeped away, pushed by heated fury. He didn’t want kids with her. If he were still married to Lisa, this would have been the most wonderful thing in the world. He’d be jumping for joy and celebrating, probably order a box of It’s a Fetus! cigars right away. But with her, he’d ordered a vasectomy.
“When?”
“It’s set for Friday.”
“You already scheduled it?”
“Yeah, Dale had an opening and I didn’t see any point in waiting.”
He didn’t see a point. He never even thought about asking her to change her mind. He’d decided for her, for them. Her skin crawled. He’d judged her, found her lacking and made the monumental decision by himself. She never made huge decisions without talking to him.
She’d better start, though. “I’m accepting a job offer.”
His eyes went wide. “What job? Where?”
Heavy-gauge paper crinkled in her hand. She ripped the letter from her purse and thrust it at him.
Breathing fast, he snapped it open. His jaw dropped. “Phoenix? You’re moving to Phoenix?”
She tried to wet her lips but her mouth was dry. “KPNX wants me. Free rein on programming. Booking my own guests. No censorship. Playboy as a sponsor. The salary package is sweet. This is my shot and I’m taking it.”
Bastian refolded the letter and tucked it back in the envelope. He bowed his head, his voice empty and low. “Of course you are. This is your dream. You’ve worked too hard to let it pass you by.”
Heartache welled with a bitter aftertaste. Her lip quivered and she flattened it to her teeth. He was going to let her go without a whimper. Of course he was. He wouldn’t dump her. No, that wasn’t Bastian’s way. They’d promise to call, email, visit maybe, but she knew that would fade away. He’d stay here, in his new practice, find a new best friend, a new…whatever she was.
The only constant in her life was change. Nothing lasted forever, not even Bastian.
“Yeah, so don’t let your dream pass by, okay? Give yourself a chance.”
His head jerked up. “What are you saying?”
Good hell, did she have to spell it out for him? He was smarter than this. “Your life is here. Mine’s waiting out there.”
His brows crashed low, furrowing his forehead. “You think I’m going to just let you go?”
“I didn’t ask for your permission.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. I’ve never tried to think for you.”
Tearing the letter out of his hands, she blinked the unshed tears away and let every ounce of indignant pride fill her. No, he’d never tried to think for her, never tried to change her. The vixen was fine as his friend, maybe as even his wife. But never for the mother of his children. “Why in the hell would you have a vasectomy? You want a child.”
“You don’t.” He jerked away, stalking to the back of the couch.
“You never asked me.”
He spun and gaped at her. “Jesus Christ, Charlie. I know you. You’re putting your body through hell to keep from getting pregnant and we’re not even sleeping together. Five seconds ago, you were staring at me like I might accidentally knock you up by breathing on you. Trust me, I get the ‘no baby’ message loud and clear. If I have to choose between a baby and you, you win.”
“No, we both do.” She shoved the envelope in her purse. “I get my dream job. You get your dream family with someone else.”
“That sounds like losing to me.” His right hand clenched into a fist. “I don’t want anyone else.”
A sneer twisted her lip but that was okay. It stopped it from shivering from bitten-back tears. “Yeah, you want me. I’m good enough to marry but not give you a kid? No thanks.”
The hinge squeaked a sharp note when she jerked the door open. Bastian caught her elbow as she tried to step onto the porch. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Let go.” Cold and precise, she left no room for argument.
Bastian pried his fingers away. “Talk to me.”
“Why? You didn’t need to talk to me before you decided.” Charlie stepped outside, away from him.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me.” The snarled command stopped her but she refused to face him. “I made a decision—my body, my decision. You should understand that.”
An empty sucking fire rolled through her, swallowing every drop of body heat. Gooseflesh spread along her arms. The chill numbed everything except the shrill of her heart screaming.
“I understand perfectly.” She couldn’t keep the hint of bitterness from creeping into her tone. “You said part of believing in forever is believing in your partner but you don’t believe in me.”
“I do,” he insisted, walking around her.
“No, you don’t, or you would’ve talked to me first before scheduling something so…so…permanent.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Wait, I’m confused as hell. Are you saying you’ve changed your mind about having children?”
“Have you? If I was anyone else, you’d be bouncing off the walls right now.” It was dirty pool. She knew it but let it loose anyway. “You’ve never lied to me. Tell me the truth now. Look in my eyes and tell me you never want children.”
It took a few precious seconds for him to lift his gaze to hers. The vivid and rampant emotion roiling there pierced her breaking heart. A hard swallow worked the cords in his neck. He couldn’t say it.
The delicate clasp on the ID bracelet unlatched smoothly. She let it trickle through her fingers to the porch floor. She dropped Forever at his feet and walked away with her head high.
She didn’t stop even when he called her name. As long as she didn’t look back, he’d never know that she was crying.
“Eddy! Open the goddamned door. I know she’s in there.” Bastian pounded on the wood until the inside curtain shook.
It slowed then wrenched to the side. “Get off my property!”
Bastian ignored the order, his gaze locked with Eddy’s. “I want to talk to Charlie.”
“Shit in one hand, etcetera, etcetera,” she sneered and snapped the curtain closed.
He’d already gone to her place and found it empty. Her Firebird was still in the garage so it wasn’t like there were many other places she could be. He banged again, fighting the melodramatic urge to bust the window out. He’d been calling for hours and she wouldn’t answer the damned phone. This teenage shit had to stop now. They needed to talk.
The porch light snapped on and door cracked open. He braced for a blast of fury but met nothing but icy maternal accusation.
“You hurt my baby.”
“Where is she?” He pushed past Eddy.
At the kitchen table, two pints of ice cream had melted into a goop. A spray can of whipped topping, a bottle of Hershey’s syrup, a jar of cherries and a broken candy bar littered the place mat. It didn’t look as if she’d eaten more than a few bites then left it to sit for hours. He ground his teeth and picked up one carton.
Ben & Jerry’s Everything But The…
“She couldn’t eat it.” Eddy glowered. “Congratulations. You even ruined ice cream for her, you prick.”
Bastian slammed the carton down. “Where is she?”
Eddy glowered. “What makes you think I’ll tell you anything?”
“Because you love her and so do I.”
Her eyes slid closed and an exhausted sigh blew out. “I promised her I wouldn’t say anything to you.”
“Say what?” Panic erupted and his gut cramped.
“She’s gone. She took the first flight she could get and flew to Arizona this afternoon to look for a place to live.”
Shock sucker-punched him, the invisible fist ricocheting pain through his body. Ache spread when he sucked in a breath. Why the hell did his heart have to be so close to his lungs? “Already?”
Eddy grabbed the drippy cartons and threw them in the trash. She avoided looking at him. “What did you do to her?”
“Nothing,” he whispered but the lie scratched at his throat. He’d assumed he knew what was best, what Charlie wanted. He’d taken control away from her. “When’s she coming back?”
Eddy didn’t answer for a long time, concentrating on scrubbing dried chocolate sauce off the table. The sponge slowed and she raised her head, nailing him with a look that froze his bones to the marrow.
“To you? Never. She’s hurt bad and running hard. I have no idea how many men she’s slept with, but you, you son of a bitch, are the only one who screwed her over. Get out of my house.”
He didn’t remember leaving the kitchen but the door slammed behind him. The inside of his SUV was warm, borderline hot, but he shivered in cold.
That’s what happens when your heart stops. Blood doesn’t flow through the veins, heat seeps away, tissues die. Two-minute window. A body had two minutes from the time the heart stopped until permanent damage began.
He never knew how agonizing those two minutes were. Not until Charlie left him.
Oh my God, what did I do?