I stared out my apartment windows until the sun crested over the horizon, swallowing a mouthful of whiskey. The smooth burn on the way down was the only thing keeping me from destroying my apartment. The bright yellows and oranges signaled the start of a new day for everyone else. But today was my death day.

If my uncle found out my plans—our plans, he’d be sure to follow through on every threat he’d made all those years ago. A precise strike using the might of the coalition we’d built right under Sergei’s nose was in the works, but we needed more time to gain the favor and backing of the other families. It had to be done quietly and carefully. Alexei took care of the finesse, but we weren’t ready yet.

Cut off the head along with all his faithful lieutenants and take my place at the head. I’d played my part perfectly for the past ten years. Everyone knew what happened when you stepped out of line.

A message came in, and I stared down at my phone on the bed.

Sergei: Come to the house now

The words sat on my screen until it finally went black. I dropped the phone on the bed. He called me whenever he had the slightest urge to chip away a little more at what was left of my soul and expected me to rush to do his bidding like an obedient lapdog,. The tightness that sat in my chest, that loosened even a little when I thought about Dahlia, came rushing back, nearly stealing my breath away.

If I went through with the tattoo it wasn’t just me who would be at risk. It was her. Am I willing to put her at risk because I can’t stay away any longer? Like it was even a question. I’d do whatever I needed to do to protect her this time, but I couldn’t stop myself from going to her. Not after seeing her for the first time in so long. When she touched my skin the night before, I’d nearly lost it. It had been a shock to my system to finally feel her again, and I craved it more than I’d thought possible.

I ran my hands through my hair and picked up the phone.

Me: I’ll be there soon.

Sergei: NOW

I was the heir apparent he’d needed once his own son was gone. But that ended now. Elena would be in the US soon, and Alexei was working his own magic to disentangle us from Sergei’s web. Dethroning Sergei wasn’t going to be easy, not without dangers that came with taking out any mob boss.

Dahlia was a complication I was stupid to take on now, but the minute I’d seen her picture in the paper, that was it for me. How much longer would I have to wait? Without caring about the consequences, I’d gone to her.

I hadn’t gone to Dahlia to get my tattoos covered. That wasn’t my original plan. The idea had floated in the back of my mind, but I’d pushed it aside. I hadn’t planned on signing my death warrant, but the minute I saw her, everything shifted. The things I’d pushed deep down and buried under a life of death and destruction came bursting through. The things I only let myself think about for the shortest of moments were right there in front of me. Within arm’s reach. The heat of her body, the fire in her gaze evaluating me, dissecting me. There wasn’t anything she could have asked from me that I wouldn’t do, except for leave. It had taken every bit of strength in me to leave her before, but I wasn’t going to do it this time.

The first time I saw her, I’d been speechless. Sitting in that diner in the middle of nowhere, in a town my uncle made me stay in to lay low for a while. Not too far across the bridge, but far enough to feel like it was a world away. She’d been back behind the counter and then moving across the floor, serving other customers.

The way she’d moved and smiled, I knew I had to have her. She was sexy as hell in her little uniform. I knew it from the moment I put my hands on her: one night was never going to be enough with her.

She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her black hair piled high on her head, some of her curls escaping and dancing along her neck. It made me want to wrap it around my fingers as I ran them across her skin. Her bright smile when she showed up at my table that first day ready for my order, had made me want to kiss her breathless.

The last time I saw her, her reaction had been less inviting.

The frigid winter wind whipped through the air. I tugged the collar of my coat higher and shoved my hands deeper into the pockets. It had been too long since I left Russia. Maybe I was getting soft like my uncle always complained. I stood outside of the detention center where the dreariness of the landscape reflected the mood for most people, but not for me. I’d finally get to see her. After almost a year.

I stayed in the shadows, thinking she wouldn’t see me. A glimpse was all I needed. My name was off the visitors’ list while she’d been inside, not that she wanted to see me anyway, but there was so much to explain. To tell her she’d be safe. The threats that lurked in the shadows weren’t an issue. I’d taken care of them myself. Spilled whatever blood I needed to, to keep her safe.

Even half a parking lot away from her, I could see how her time there had worn her down. My hands itched to run my fingers along the side of her face, tuck her under my arm and tell her everything would be okay. But I knew it wouldn’t. Not after what I’d caused. Her freedom had been taken away for a year, and her only family was gone.

I couldn’t even look at her, and dropped my eyes to the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut against the crushing weight of guilt that slammed into me. Charles was gone because of me. Because of my uncle. I’d done everything I could to stop it, but the only way to keep her safe had been to fall in line. Keep my distance. There was no way to know where she’d go after leaving the detention center. This was my one chance.

When I glanced up, she was storming toward me. I should never have doubted her. She was just as aware of me as I was of her. Like our souls gravitated to one another, pulled on us and kept us in each other’s paths.

She stepped in front of me, and before I could even open my mouth, her hand cracked across my face, followed by a sharp knee to the balls. The sting of the blows hurt nowhere near as much as the pain in her eyes. Those were like a knife slicing through me. Her tears threatened to fall, but she blinked them back as a sob caught in her throat. I reached out to run my hand down the side of her face out of reflex.

“Dahl—”

“No!” she shouted. “No,” she said, pointing her finger at me, the fire of her fury flowing off her in waves. “I couldn’t be at his funeral because of you. I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Her voice broke, and I stepped forward. She skittered away, her back slamming into the car behind her. “Don’t. Don’t you ever come near me again. I’m done with you. Never, Ivan. Never again!” She stalked off and climbed into the bus, leaving me behind. I was paralyzed because I knew she was right. It was my fault. Every single bit of it.

My phone rang on the table beside me.

“Have you heard anything about Elena yet?” Alexei sounded out of breath, panting into the phone.

“No, and why the hell are you calling me this late?”

“If you were asleep, you wouldn’t answer.” The fucker was right.

“Nothing about Elena.”

“How was your trip to see Dahlia?” I’d long since stopped trying to figure out how my brother knew the things he knew.

“Unexpected.” Did I want to drag Alexei into this? Not that he wouldn’t be involved eventually, but putting this on him right now was a shit move.

“Unexpected how?”

“She’s going to give me a tattoo.” Maybe he’d leave it at that, but what were the odds?

“What kind?”

“A cover-up.” I braced myself.

“Good.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“It’s been no secret to me that you’ve wanted out. That this wasn’t the life you’d have chosen for yourself. You did it for me and for Elena. But now that she’ll be on her way soon, it’s time to handle your own shit. I’ll take care of Sergei.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” Alexei wasn’t exactly a shining example our uncle liked to hold up as a real Volokov man. He could hold his own in a fight, but he didn’t have the ruthless brutality that came with the business.

“Let me worry about it.”

“Alexei—”

“You worry about Dahlia and how to keep her safe if you’re going around there. Don’t get sloppy,” he warned. He was right. Every time I stepped into that shop, there was a chance someone would find out.

For too long, I’d denied that a part of me was missing. Ripped away, but I couldn’t do it anymore. She’d know exactly what she meant to me as she etched her mark into my skin inch by inch.

* * *

“There is no way they are going to cut in on any of our business.” Sergei paced in his office with a crystal glass in his hand. I’d walked in mid-rant. Lucky me.

Sergei’s security, including Igor, stood at the far side of the room. He hurled the glass at the wall, and it exploded. No one moved a muscle. We were all so used to his tantrums. After all these years, he still hadn’t managed to exercise a little bit of self-control.

“Ivan, there you are.” He stalked over to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. His fingers bit into my arms, and his breath reeked of booze. He had grown sloppier as the years wore on. “You’re going to have to handle our bookkeeper. It seems he’s decided he can do better business without us.”

I glanced around the room and saw Igor’s jaw ticking. Sergei wanted me. Even with how much I pissed him off and went against so much of what his vision was for the future, I was set to be his right hand. No matter how much I wished that wasn’t the case. I’d deal.

“I’ll take care of it.”

Sergei glanced up at me and smiled the best he could, his crooked teeth on full display.

“I knew you’d take care of it. I can always count on you, can’t I? I always know what motivates you best.” He smiled at his own little joke and grabbed another glass from his bar, filling it with another drink. He sure as fuck knew, and he used it against me every chance he got.

The chilly morning air whipped around me as I stepped out of the mansion and into my car. I still hadn’t slept. I’d been up all night and into the morning, off to do Sergei’s dirty work.

Only a few days ago, it had been so easy to pretend to shut off the humanity inside me and take care of the things Sergei needed me to. I did the work, as bloody as it might be. Now it made me uneasy. I’d told Dahlia I was trying to leave this life behind. I wanted to leave this life behind, but if I didn’t do what I needed to do, we’d all be at risk. Sergei would never let me go, but I couldn’t let her go. The engine revved as I slammed my foot down on the gas. I needed to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Leaving behind a shaking, blubbering and bloody bookkeeper, I left his office even more disgusted with myself. Disgusted that I’d done what Sergei needed me to do, and disgusted that I wouldn’t ever be able to stop. There wasn’t a way out. There would never be a way out other than in a body bag. Dead on my feet, I finally dragged myself into my apartment, cleaned the cuts on my hands and collapsed in the bed.

I woke in the early evening as the last bits of sunlight shot over the horizon. I pushed off the bed and sucked in a sharp breath as hot pain sliced through my hand. My knuckles were still cut and bloody. Not smart. Before seeing her it would have been quick and painless for me. Not so much for the bookkeeper, but I’d decided to go old-school to teach him a lesson and hopefully satisfy Sergei. I went into the bathroom to wash and bandage them again.

My phone rang. Five missed calls from Sergei. I shot him a quick message to get him off my back. It was done. The bookkeeper wouldn’t be a problem anymore. I’d already seen Sergei twice in the past twenty-four hours. He couldn’t accuse me of hiding unless he wanted to crawl inside my ass. I was seeing Dahlia tonight. I’d already dealt with enough of his bullshit. But I did need to ensure that he didn’t start looking for me. Making trouble for me. Not only for me, but Alexei, Elena, and Dahlia.

If Sergei did find out about Dahlia or decided to go looking for her, she’d be protected. I couldn’t trust anyone in the bratva other than Alexei, and that wasn’t going to work. There was one person I could call, but I knew he was going to make me pay for any help I needed one way or another. I tapped on his name, and he picked up after the third ring.

“What do you need, Ruski?”

I gritted my teeth. I hated that nickname. “Hello to you too, Luca.”

“You’re the one calling me, Ivan.”

“I need some help.”

“What type?” he asked, then sucked in a sharp breath.

“Protection help.”

“For you?” His breath came out in shudders. What the hell was going on?

“No, not for me. For a friend.”

“A friend you don’t want your uncle to know about.” He knew that was the only reason I’d call him for this, go outside the family for this. “Watch the teeth, sweetheart,” he said with his mouth away from the phone.

“Are you getting head right now?”

“Yeah. You’re lucky you’re a friend, or I wouldn’t have even answered.”

“Fuck, man, that’s not an image I need in my head.”

“Then stop picturing it,” he said, his breathing a little heavier.

“I’ll text you the details. It needs to be as discreet as possible.”

“Got it. Are we finished? This chick’s mouth is magic, and you’re killing my buzz.”

I ended the call and sent him the text. My phone pinged a few minutes later.

Luca: Consider it done.

Every minute I spent with her, the danger grew, and I could lie to myself that it didn’t change anything. Covering my tattoos was a moronic decision. I wasn’t getting out no matter what dreams I had for us. But I’d use every minute I had with her to convince her I would love and protect her until my dying breath.