22.

 

Ash.

 

She’s crazy. It’s the only explanation for turning down my offer: the number on that check was more than she could ever have expected for the house, and she still tore it up and threw the pieces in my face.

Some things don’t have a price…

I try to block the memory of her impassioned words. She’s being irrational, over-emotional. She doesn’t see sense. I calculated that offer to compensate her for lost revenue of the business, and now, facing a ruined house and flood damage beyond what she could ever afford, she should be happier for the money now than ever before.

But some people can’t see business as the rational assessment of market value and services. They get attached, let emotions rule their decision-making instead of the cold, hard facts.

Like I would have, if I’d cancelled the hotel development project, just to keep Noelle in my life.

And in your bed.

I grip the steering wheel tightly, hating the uneasy feeling that has gripped my body for days now. Weeks. Ever since Noelle discovered my plans, and looked at me with such betrayal in her eyes; like I’d set out to destroy her dreams forever.

It wasn’t my intention, not one bit.

“It doesn’t matter what your intentions are, your actions are the only thing that last.”

My father’s voice suddenly echoes in my head. He always told me it mattered what we put into the world: words, or actions, they became real the minute they left our body, and had real consequences too. Whenever one of my siblings would protest, “I didn’t mean it!” He would scold them that it didn’t make a difference.

So what would he make of me now, hurting the one woman I’ve come to care for more than anyone in my life before?

The unease turns to guilt, icy and harsh. I try to ignore it, but by the time I make it back to Dex’s house, I’m in a foul mood. I have a dozen calls and emails from the New York office, wanting to know what the hell went wrong with our permits.

“Call a meeting with everyone for tomorrow morning,” I instruct my number two at the company, talking on my cell as I enter the house. “I’ll catch a flight out this afternoon, and update everyone in person.”

“You’re leaving?”

I turn. Tegan is standing in the living room, glaring at me.

“I’ll call you back,” I tell Emmett. “Have my assistant book my seat.”

I hang up. Tegan has her arms folded and a petulant scowl on her face: the same one she’s been sending me ever since things blew up with Noelle. “I have to get back to work,” I explain.

“You promised you’d be here all summer. ‘A family vacation,’ you told me.” Her voice is accusing. “What about all the wedding preparations?”

“I’m not exactly much use for those.” I head down the hall to the guest room and pull out my suitcase to pack. Tegan follows me, glowering from the doorway. I sigh. “Alicia and Dex have everything under control. I’ll be back for all the wedding stuff in a couple of weeks,” I add, trying to placate her. “But I have a company to run. And after the mess with this development, I can’t just stay down here, sunning myself on the beach.”

“And who’s fault is that?” she demands. “I still don’t understand why you had to ruin things with Noelle like that! You guys were perfect together, don’t even try to deny it.”

“No relationship is perfect.” I busy myself emptying the dresser. “And some things just don’t work out. If we were compatible, we wouldn’t be fighting like this,” I add.

She snorts. “You don’t really believe that. Ryland is the love of my life, but if he pulled that double-cross on me, I would kick him out so fast you wouldn’t see him for dust.”

I try to ignore what she’s saying, but it still stings. “Look, there’s no point fighting about it now. The deal is as good as dead, and Noelle’s place is finished too. She got flooded,” I explain. “I was just over there, the damage is extensive. She’ll have to close the B&B.”

Tegan blinks. “And you’re leaving town instead of helping her?” She gives me a furious look. “You know what, sometimes I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. None of us do.”

She storms off, leaving me alone to pack. I quickly assemble the rest of my stuff; the sooner I get back to the city, the sooner everyone here can calm down.

“She’s right, you know.”

Another interruption: this time, Dex. He leans in the doorway, looking amused.

“Not you too,” I sigh. “It’s all moot now, anyway. Noelle made it clear, I’m the last person she wants to see.” I pull the torn scraps of my check out of my pocket and show them as evidence.

But Dex just smiles. “Maybe you were offering the wrong thing.”

His words rattle me. I turn away and lift my suitcase to the floor. “I’ll be back in time for all the wedding stuff,” I tell him.

Dex shrugs. “Whatever you want. Where are you heading next, do you think?” He walks me out to the front door again.

“You mean, to develop? I haven’t thought about it yet. We were looking at sites in Chicago, a shopping complex in Dallas. There’s always something.”

“Well, travel safe.” Dex gives me a hug. “Tegan’s sulking in the music room,” he adds. “You should go say goodbye. Golden rule,” he reminds me, and I feel another shard of guilt.

We never leave angry in this family. You never know when that goodbye will be the last.

I follow the sound of piano through to the room at the back of the house. Tegan is composing, picking out notes on the baby grand. She’s building her fledgling career as a songwriter, and has had a couple of tracks make it to production for big artists already. I’m so proud of how far she’s come these past few years, and watching her now, I feel a wave of affection.

“Hey,” I say, interrupting her. “C’mere.”

Tegan sighs, but she gets up and comes to give me a hug. She squeezes tight. “You’re being a stupid dum-dum, but I love you.”

I chuckle. “Dum-dum?”

“Ryland says I swear too much. We’ve got a jar now, I have to pay a dollar every time I curse. It’s going to be enough to buy a new guitar at this rate,” she adds, finally breaking into a smile.

I hug her again. “I’ll see you soon,” I promise.

“You shouldn’t be leaving.” She can’t help getting in one final dig.

“Tegan—”

“No, listen to me.” Tegan pulls back and looks up at me, her anger replaced with anxiety. “When you were with her, you were different. You were funny, and relaxed, and happy. I’ve never seen you like that with a girlfriend before.”

“You haven’t met half my girlfriends,” I protest, but she shakes her head.

“You shouldn’t take it for granted. Finding someone who sees the best in you, who believes in what you can be… It’s rare, and precious, and I want it for you. You deserve a love like that, after everything you’ve done for us. You deserve to be happy.”

The words slice through me.

“I’ll be fine,” I reassure her, even as my voice sounds hollow. “You know I get by fine on my own.”

“Fine isn’t good.” She gives me a regretful smile, then sighs. “I’m not going to change your mind, am I?”

I don’t reply. “Love you,” I say instead, leaning in and kissing her forehead. “I’ll call you when I get in.”

 

I make it to the city in plenty of time to catch my flight. I head for the business lounge as usual to make some calls before boarding, already running through the dozen projects we still have in progress. This permit issue will take some explaining, but we run into issues like this all the time. There’s no point in dwelling on it, shut-downs happen all the time. I’ll have moved on to something new by the end of the week.

Another project. A different city.

The only thing that’s constant is that I’ll leave it too, in the end.

I pause in the concourse. All around me, hundreds of people are hurrying to catch their flights, off on business trips and vacations—and on their way home.

Where is home to me?

Noelle asked, and I didn’t have an answer for her. I still don’t. I have luxury apartments in the best cities in the world, and a Rolodex full of beautiful women to date; I’ve built a company from nothing, secured my family against any kind of uncertain future, and done it all alone without anything to fall back on. I succeeded because I had to, because I had vision, and ambition, and pure desperation driving me on.

“When will it ever be enough?”

The question haunts me, rattling around my unwilling mind. I always believed that my rationality was a strength. I made the decision to never let my emotions cloud my judgement or derail my business, and I stuck to it.

But now I wonder if I’ve been the fool all along. I knew that going ahead with the hotel development was wrong. I knew it would hurt Noelle, drive a wedge between us. I was trying to prove something to myself by pressing ahead: that I was still in control, despite my feelings for her.

That love wouldn’t threaten my career, not again.

And how did that work out?

Failure hits me, a painful strike through my chest.

I screwed up, and that’s not something I’m used to. But for the first time in my life, it’s not the tanked business deal that hurts, but the person I wounded instead.

Noelle.

Her beautiful face flashes into my mind, bringing with it a ton weight of guilt and remorse. I can’t pretend any longer, clinging to my weak justifications. Even I can’t hide from the simple truth:

I let her down.

The one woman to see past my cold exterior, and believe there was more to me underneath. She only ever saw the best in me, and how did I reward her? By going behind her back to kick her off her property, and claiming the whole time it was just business.

She was right. I was lying to myself. There’s no such thing as “just business” anymore.

I want to be better than that, have more in my life than just the glossy stack of company brochures, the legacy I wanted to build.

That empire stands, sure, but it’s empty. A home is more than bricks and mortar, it’s the people you fill your life with instead. My family gets that, Noelle understands. Hell, everyone seems to have a clue except me.

“Now boarding Flight A67 to New York.”

The announcement comes over the loudspeaker, snapping me out of my daze. My flight—and my ticket out of here. I can get on that plane right now, and leave all this mess behind. Be back at my desk by the morning, move on with my life and leave this failure behind.

I head for the gate on autopilot, and pass my ticket to the attendant, before making my way on board to the first class section. It’s a quiet flight, half-full, and I retrieve my laptop before stowing my carry-on in the over-head compartment and taking my seat.

What the hell are you doing? You can’t leave this time!

I open my laptop and stare blankly at the screen. The other passengers are filing on now in a noisy hustle, but I try to block them out and focus on the work right in front of me, on anything except the doubts thundering in my brain, and every instinct screaming at me to get off this plane and go back to Beachwood Bay.

Back to Noelle.

I flashback to the first night I met her, the night of the masquerade party. I saw her, stuck there in the middle of the city street with her heel trapped in a grate. She looked so beautiful, bathed in neon, and just like that, logic flew out the window.

It was inevitable. I never believed in bullshit like destiny before, but looking back now, there was something almost fated about our meeting: a coincidence that sparked an inferno, the madness of attraction and lust.

But it was more than just desire. Everything about her only made me fall harder: her wit, her laughter, her loyalty and determination. She challenged me like nobody else, not afraid to call me on my bullshit, or push me away when I broke her trust in me forever.

My heart twists, bitter and painful.

If only I’d never gone to help her out—if I’d just kept my distance, instead of letting my wildest impulses take over—then none of this mess would have ever happened. I wouldn’t feel so conflicted and guilty, torn between my safe, structured life in New York, and the whirlwind of bright chaos Noelle seems to carry in her wake.

You wouldn’t know what it’s like to hold her in your arms; to gladly lose control to a passion bigger than you ever dreamed.

I slam my laptop shut with a scowl.

“Can I get you a drink before takeoff?” A friendly flight attendant pauses by me.

“No. Thank you,” I add, sounding way too curt.

“You just let me know,” she says with a suggestive wink, but I barely register her. I’m still caught up in memories of Noelle.

Every laugh. Every kiss.

Every molten touch.

I grip the armrests beside me and try to block her from my mind, but I can’t.

How long can I keep running? How far will I go to keep the world at arm’s length?

I’m suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion, a bone-deep, weary grief. It’s been years now, a decade since I allowed anyone to get close. Many have tried, but I locked them all out. Aside from my family, from Dex, and Tegan, and Blake too, there’s been nobody I ever depended on, or allowed to see me at my worst.

I’m so fucking tired of carrying this weight alone.

Before I can stop myself or think it through, I find myself tearing off my seatbelt and bolting to my feet. I push into the aisle and yank my suitcase back down.

“Sir? Can I help you? Sir?” The attendant looks panicked.

“I’m sorry,” I explain quickly. “I can’t take this flight. I have to get off.”

“But we’re just finishing boarding. Sir? Sir!”

I leave her protests behind as I cut through the influx of passengers and stride towards the cabin door. My chest feels so tight, I can’t breathe, not until I’m racing back up the tunnel and emerging back out into the busy airport lounge.

I don’t have much time.

I break into a jog as I retrace my route, heading for the exit. Determination surges in my bloodstream, propelling me on with every step.

Noelle.

Maybe I’m too late. Maybe I broke us beyond repair, but I won’t just walk away this time.

I can’t.

I need to show her how much she means to me.

I have to make this right.