4.

 

Noelle

 

I hurry down the museum steps, breathless and clinging to Ash’s hand. I feel wild and rebellious, like I’m playing hooky from school for the first time.

“My parents are going to kill me,” I realize, following him away from the party. “They think Grant is the perfect match.”

“Bullshit,” Ash snorts. “Anyone who’s spent five minutes with you would know he’s all wrong. You need someone fun and exciting.”

“Like you?”

Ash glances over. A strange expression crosses his face for a moment, a brief shadow in the dark street. Then it’s gone. His lips quirk in a devastatingly sexy grin.

“For tonight, maybe.”

He leads me to the corner. “Where are we going?” I ask, even though I couldn’t care less. This is a crazy adventure, and I’m loving every minute of it.

“That’s up to you.” Ash turns and places his hands on my shoulders. His dark eyes turn mock-serious. “Tell me what you want most in the world, right now. Don’t think,” he adds, “Just say it.”

You.

I still can’t bring myself to be that honest, so I go for second-best. “A hot dog,” I answer.

He laughs. “She doesn’t pick diamonds, or a tropical vacation,” he grandstands, throwing out his arms dramatically. “No, ladies and gentlemen, what this lady needs is a dog.”

“What am I going to do with diamonds?” I giggle. “But a greasy hot dog, with relish, and onions… Yum. I came straight from the office,” I add with a sigh, “I thought there would at least be food here.”

My stomach rumbles loudly in agreement.

“Well then, your wish is my command.” Ash grins, flagging down a cab on the street. “I know just the place.”

 

We take a cab downtown, to a tiny dive bar almost hidden between a liquor store and an all-night launderette. The place is dark when we walk in down the stairs, and it takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light. Small tables and dark booths are crammed together under old movie posters, and the floor is sticky with peanut shells. In our party clothes, we’re the most overdressed people in the room, but nobody even turns their head as Ash leads me to a corner table, hidden in the shadows.

“I would have figured you for more a classy wine bar kind of guy,” I tease, settling into the cracked leather booth.

“I guess I’m just full of surprises tonight,” Ash winks. “Beer OK?”

“Beer would be great.”

He heads to the bar to order for us. I watch him go, admiring the way his suit hangs perfectly from his tall, muscular frame. I’m still in my cocktail dress and heels; I barely had time to stuff my mask in my purse before we raced out of there. I didn’t even tell my friend I was leaving—all that mattered was getting somewhere alone with him.

I take a breath, my adrenaline still pumping from our escape. It suddenly hits me, just how crazy this night is turning out to be. This guy doesn’t know me, and doesn’t seem to care. Neither do I. God, it feels good just to let go. All that matters is this heat between us and the lightning spark of banter and laughter, the sense of freedom that comes in a stranger’s embrace.

Ash returns with two beers and a tray of hot dogs, wrapped up in twists of greaseproof paper. “Oh my God, I love you,” I groan with pleasure, reaching for the food before he’s even sitting back down. I devour my first dog in three bites. When I surface, Ash is watching me with amusement. He’s lounging opposite me in the booth, looking immaculate in his suit and tie. He even eats neatly, demolishing his food in just a few tidy bites.

“You’ve got a little…” Ash taps his cheek.

I feel a brief rush of embarrassment, but it’s too late to care about what a mess I’m making. Tonight is about leaving all that self-consciousness behind. Besides, whoever ate a hot dog with a knife and fork?

“You mean, here?” I try to lick it off.

Ash laughs. “Not quite.”

I try again, exaggerating to make him laugh. I already love the sound of his laugh—deep and almost surprised, like he’s not used to cracking a smile.

“Still no,” Ash chuckles, “Let me help you with that.”

I’m expecting him to grab a paper napkin, but instead he slides around the booth so he’s sitting beside me. He leans in and licks my cheek in one hot swoop.

I catch a glimpse of his gaze, glittering and dark.

Wow.

Suddenly, I wonder what it would be like to feel that tongue on me… Those lips.

“Delicious.” Ash holds my gaze, like he can tell exactly what I’m thinking.

I look away, flushing hotly. Even cloistered away here in the dim bar, it seems deliciously wicked to be feeling this way in such a crowded space.

To be feeling this way at all.

“So, what’s your deal?” I change the subject abruptly.

Ash raises an eyebrow. “My deal?”

“You know, background, work, family, the usual.” I dig into my second dog, expecting him to give me the standard resume of college and vital stats you get on every first date, but Ash pauses.

“I thought we were doing things differently tonight.” He gives me a mischievous smile. “So how about instead of telling me who you are, tell me who you want to be.”

I stop dead. The question is tough—too tough. Because as long as I can remember, I’ve told myself that this is exactly who I wanted to be. Cute city apartment, high-flying law job, making my family proud. I’ve worked so hard to achieve the goals I set for myself, and now…?

I bite my lip. “Have you ever gotten exactly what you wanted, only to find out that maybe it’s not what you want after all?”

The question sounds stupid as soon as it leaves my mouth, but instead of looking confused, Ash answers immediately.

“Yes.”

I exhale, relieved. “I spent my whole life wanting to be a lawyer,” I admit, picking at my food. “My dad is one, you see. When I was a little kid, he would come home from work every day and tell me all about his cases. The courtroom, the negotiations. It sounded so glamorous, all the high stakes and cutthroat strategy.” I smile at the memory. “He loved that I wanted to follow in his footsteps, they all did. My family is…kind of over-achieving,” I say diplomatically. “Anyway, I worked so hard in college, and law school too, so I could make him proud. I got this great job, everything I thought I wanted, and now I’m here, and…I hate it.”

The words come out before I can stop them, but once they’re there: out loud, alive, I can’t deny it any longer.

It’s the truth, and I’ve been pretending for way too long.

“I hate it,” I repeat to Ash, my voice rising with passion. “I hate the long hours and the boring work and the stuffy corporate culture. I hate not having a life and being expected to work eighteen-hour days on bullshit cases that don’t help anyone or make a difference in the world. I hate it!”

I bang my beer bottle on the table, exhilarated. God, why has it taken me so long to admit it to myself? Somewhere along the road, I took a wrong turn, and now I’m living a life that doesn’t feel like my own.

Ash looks thoughtful. “So why don’t you just quit?”

My excitement fades. “I’m not a quitter,” I sigh, echoing the family mantra. “I’ve worked too hard to just throw it away. I’ve got student loans and bills to pay. Besides,” I add, wistful, “it’s work, it’s not supposed to be fun.”

“Says who?” Ash reaches over and steals what’s left of my hot dog.

“Says the real world!” I slap his hand away.

He grins. “My parents always told me to take something you love to do, and find a way to make money from it.”

“Is that what you did?” I ask, curious. I still don’t know a thing about this man—except he kisses like my wildest fantasies.

Ash’s smile slips. “In a way.” He looks reluctant, but he continues. “When I was starting out, it was more about the money. Then, I wanted to prove myself, really build something.”

“And now?”

“Now…I don’t know anymore. It’s like you said,” he adds with a wry smile, “sometimes you’re so fixed on a goal, you don’t stop to ask yourself why you need it so badly. What will ever be enough.”

“Goals are good.” I try to reason with myself. “They help make it seem like life is something you can control, instead of, you know, a chaotic mass of coincidence and luck and a million other things you have no power over.”

“I don’t know.” Ash takes a gulp of beer then slips a hand around my waist, gently tugging me closer. “Chaos is looking pretty good to me right now.”

He kisses me before I can think twice, and God, it’s just as good as the first time.

Hot and slow, deep and sweet.

I can taste the beer still sharp on his tongue, feel it slip into my bloodstream like a warm glow of heat. I want to savor it, to stay in this hazy moment forever, but his hands slide lower, bringing me against his solid, muscular body. I sway into the embrace, and for a moment—one blissful, reckless moment—I feel like anything is possible. Here in the darkness, nothing exists but the two of us: his hands on my waist, my tongue sliding deeply into his mouth.

The kiss deepens, and I lose myself in the restless ache of it all, the hunger that takes me by surprise, snaking low in my belly and coiling deep between my thighs. I press myself against him, kissing greedily, like I’m sixteen again and all we have is this illicit backseat moment, tangled up in heat and hands, mouths and tongues.

Ash breaks away. As I gasp for air, he dips his mouth to the hollow of my neck, whispering a trail of hot kisses along the tender skin. Sensation shivers through me, and I have to bite back a moan as his hand slides higher up my thigh, his fingers playing on the silk of my dress.

God, I want him.

I don’t care about the other people in the bar, just a few feet away, or the fact I’ve known this guy just a couple of hours. All that matters is the thundering beat of my heart and that scorching caress along the inside of my thigh; his breath hot against my neck, sending my senses screaming to life in an ache of desire…

I lurch back, overwhelmed. “I, umm, think I need some air.” I gulp, my head spinning.

Ash blinks. “Uh, sure. That sounds… Yeah.”

For a moment, he looks as unravelled as I feel: his eyes dark with lust, his breath coming fast. Then, in an instant, he’s pulled it together: smoothing down his shirt and getting out of the booth. He offers me his hand, every inch the gentleman.

I accept it, following him outside. The cool night air is a welcome chill against my hot skin. We walk in silence for a couple of blocks, hand in hand; we’re heading downtown, but I barely notice the streets around us. The lights and noise of New York pale in comparison to the heat right here between us.

Ash is walking slowly beside me, perfectly collected again. You would never guess from looking at him that he’d been caught up in the moment with me, back in the bar; his body pressed against me, his hands sliding hotly over my skin. I wonder what it would take to make him come undone for real. Push him past the brink of this careful facade, until he can’t simply brush it off; until that dark fire in his eyes is burning out of control.

Wild and unleashed.

I snap out of my thoughts and look around. We’re in the financial district now, surrounded by empty buildings and quiet parks. “Where are we going?” I ask.

“Right here.” Ash stops in front of a construction site. I look up, confused. The shell of the building is standing, but there are no windows—just concrete, steel girders and scaffolding. It’s totally silent and dark. Deserted.

I look back at Ash and raise my eyebrows. “I maybe should have asked earlier, but you’re not a serial killer, right?”

He chuckles. “No. This is my building,” he explains. “I’m in real estate, we’re midway through the project. I wanted to show you, it has the most spectacular views in the city.”

“Hmm.” I pretend to think about it. “I don’t know. Are you a stalker?” I test. “Part-time creepy guy?”

“No, and no. I promise, I’m safe. Not even a parking ticket to my name,” he adds with a grin.

“That just means you haven’t gotten caught,” I tease.

His smile slips. “Hey, if you’re not comfortable, we don’t need to go up. Whatever you want.”

“I was kidding,” I laugh, slipping my hand through his arm. “I know you’re a good guy.”

“But you don’t even know me.” Ash looks puzzled, and I understand why. I don’t go around following strange men into abandoned buildings, but this is different. I may only have met him a few hours ago, but already I know that I’m safe with him.

He’ll protect me.

“I know enough,” I shrug, unable to explain. “And just in case, I’ve got mace in my purse.” I tap the jeweled clutch hanging from my shoulder by its metal chain.

Ash laughs. “You’re kidding.”

“Deadly serious,” I grin. “You’re forgetting, my mom has a thing about safety. There’s an alarm in there too, it’ll blow out your eardrums if you get too close.”

“I’ll consider myself warned.” Ash leads me around to a side door, then taps in a code on the security panel. The door opens, and he ushers me inside and flips on a string of temporary lights.

I look around. We’re in a huge, empty concrete space. “This will be the lobby,” Ash explains, gesturing around. “Imagine marble floors, amazing chandeliers, artwork…”

It’s still unfinished, but I can tell, the place is going to look amazing. “And the rest is condos?” I ask.

He nods. “Over a hundred units, top of the line. We’re already sold out,” he adds, with a note of pride in his voice.

Now I know why he carries himself with such confidence. New York real estate is a serious business, and if he’s working at this level, he must be a big success. I’m not surprised. Everything about this man is self-assured and controlled. If he had a goal, he would work until he achieved it, whether it was a single house or a massive luxury development in the heart of the city.

The main elevator area is nothing but steel and cables, but there’s a rickety cage set running up the side of the building. Ash pulls the grate aside. “Come on up,” he grins.

“Up?”

I stop, my heart falling. Nobody said anything about “up.”

“It’s safe, don’t worry,” Ash reassures me. “I’ve been up and down in this thing for months.”

“No, it’s not that.” I swallow, all my earlier carefree bravery deserting me in an instant. “I just have, um, a little thing about heights.”

Little is an understatement. I hate them. I even turned down a prize internship at a law firm after graduating because their offices were on the thirtieth floor, and I couldn’t imagine being up there every day.

And now Ash is holding out his hand to me, inviting me into that tiny cage and expecting me to swoop fearlessly up the side of a twenty-story building.

Panic clenches in my chest. Anyone else, I would have told them a flat-out “no,” but this isn’t just anyone.

It’s him.

And if anyone can make me face my fear, it’s the man who’s made me throw caution to the wind all night long. I could turn around now—or I could see what else this night has in store.

I take a deep breath and step inside with him.