I sit in Jake’s living room watching the happy Christmas scene before me. The whole Eden clan is here. Mara, Dom, Shane, Layla, their spouses, their children, their pets. Never once have I imagined I would ever be part of such a big and wonderful family. That I would be embraced by all these people. Sincerely, and with open hearts and joy, as if I am a gift to the family.

My old life seems like a pale dream now.

I even left Suffolk. It tore me, because I have so many beautiful memories of it, but I couldn’t get past that terrible night. I was haunted by their bloodied bodies, their great gasping breaths.

I couldn’t even go back for my belongings.

But out of the ashes a new opportunity presented itself. Jake had a large piece of land near his property, and he wanted to give it to me, but I refused. I don’t need charity when I am already so blessed. I bought it from him instead. So now I live half an hour from the rest of the family. Ralph moved down with me and I started my stables again. Other than Phoenix, I only own a few horses now, but I’m not in a hurry. I’ll wait for the right horses. The ones that I feel in my blood are mine.

Sometimes I still dream of Rubina and Fey, and all the wonderful animals that perished that night. I dream I’m riding them across open grassy plains. The world we are in is vivid. Their feet almost don’t touch the ground. We travel the ground as one beast. I know I will meet them again. Real love never dies. My mother is not truly dead. At my lowest hour, she came to me.

I watch Lily, Jake’s wife, say something to Izzy that makes her laugh. I stare at the way her blonde hair glints like the finest spun gold. She turns her head suddenly towards me and smiles. Instantly, my heart swells in my chest. Life is so sweet sometimes it scares me. No one can be this lucky. I down my whiskey and stand up. I walk out of the French doors into the cold, dry night. I sniff the air. There’ll be snow by tomorrow. The kids will get their white Christmas after all.

I walk over to a bench under a pergola covered by a creeper. I pull my cigarette pack from my shirt pocket and tap out a cigarette. Lighting it, I draw deeply. Hot smoke fills my lungs. I exhale and clouds of white smoke spiral into the still air.

This is my last cigarette. I’m giving it up after this one. It’s Layla’s fault. Her enthusiasm for organic food and healthy stuff is infectious. Well, it didn’t infect me, but Izzy has become one of her ‘subjects’. I guess they have a point. Only a fool would buy a box carrying the most disgusting pictures of rotting lungs and undernourished premature babies. I guess I didn’t care if I lived a long time, or not before. I do now. I want to stay with Izzy for as long as I can. So I’m giving up smoking as a Christmas present to her.

I hear a noise by the door and turn my head. Jake comes and sits next to me.

“This is my last cigarette,” I tell him.

“I’ll have one with you.”

I look at him, surprised. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t, at least not anymore, but I can’t let you smoke your last cigarette alone.”

I light his cigarette for him and watch him inhale deeply.

“Funny thing,” he says. “I always think it’s going to taste better than it actually does.”

“Hmmm.”

For a few seconds neither of us speak.

“Revenge is a double-edged sword,” he says softly.

I know instantly what he is talking about. He’s referring to Tony’s death.

“I didn’t do it for revenge. If I had I would have chosen a slow painful death. He had it easy.”

“What did you do it for?”

“I did it because men like him shouldn’t exist in society. They poison everything they touch. If they cannot be put away because their fathers are powerful judges then they should be taken out.”

“How did you do it?”

I shrug. “I know a guy who used to be in the KGB. It’s a chemical that mimics a heart attack. The only evidence is a small puncture mark. They used to deliver it on the point of an umbrella in the street. My method of delivery was a whore.”

He nods.

“Tony’s death was not a revenge, but for payback for those other three who showed no mercy to my horses, for them there will be revenge.”

The door opens again and Jake’s oldest daughter, Liliana bursts out of it. She is the cheekiest kid I’ve ever met in my whole life. True I haven’t met many, but I’m pretty certain she is unique.

“Are you smoking, Daddy?” she gasps.

“Not really,” Jake says dropping his cigarette and grounding it with his shoe. She climbs into his lap and looks innocently into his face. “You know I’ll have to tell Mummy about this, don’t you?”

“Then I’ll have to tell Mummy you ate three spoons of jam straight from the jar.”

She thinks about it for a second. “Is that as bad as smoking five cigarettes?”

“I smoked one cigarette, Liliana. One. But … you had three spoons of jam.”

She sucks her lower lip into her mouth and considers her position. “All right. I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“Deal,” her father says.

She turns to me, her blue eyes shining. “So, Uncle Tyson, does Aunty Izzy know you’re smoking?”

I have to laugh. Like I said, there is just no other child like little Liliana Eden.