Twenty- Four
Piper
Logan walked up the stairs slowly. He looked like he was heading for trial. I could see his hands shaking as he stuffed them nervously in his pockets.
“She doesn’t bite,” I promised. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of.”
“If she’s anything like you, I do,” he said softly.
“Ha. Ha.” I said.
Logan reached the top step and turned into the playroom. I walked up behind him and waited until Lili turned around to face us. When she did, her eyes went straight to Logan’s face.
“Lili,” I said. “This is Logan. This is your dad.”
“Were you really a soldier?” she asked immediately. I chuckled.
“Something like that,” he nodded. “I was what you call a Navy SEAL.”
“A seal?” Lili laughed. “Like the animal?”
“Not exactly,” Logan laughed.
“Where did you live?” Lili asked.
“All over,” Logan answered. He took a step closer to her. She kept staring at him with wide, thoughtful eyes.
“How come you never came to see me?”
Lili’s question made my stomach tighten. I waited with bated breath for Logan to answer. He didn’t owe me anything, he didn’t have to protect me. I knew I only had myself to blame if Lili got angry with me.
“I wish I could have,” he said. “But, I was so busy being a SEAL that I didn’t have enough time. That’s why I retired. So, I could spend time with you.”
“Really?” Lili asked, her eyes lighting up with excitement.
“I didn’t know it at the time,” Logan said. “But, that’s exactly why I left. It was time for me to meet you.”
“That’s cool,” Lili smiled.
Logan glanced back at me with a kind look in his eyes. I had tears falling down my cheeks as I mouthed a “thank you” to him. He nodded slightly and turned his attention back to Lili.
“So,” he said. “Tell me, Lili, what’s your favorite game to play?”
“I like to play dolls,” she said. “But not Barbie dolls or princesses or anything like that. Doctor dolls.”
“Doctor dolls?” he asked. “What’s that?”
“It’s where your dolls work in a hospital saving people,” she explained.
“That sounds great,” Logan said. “Can I play with you?”
“Sure!” Lili said. She ran across the room and picked up four dolls. She hurried over and handed two to Logan as he sat down on the floor in front of her.
I stood back and watched them play. Logan’s attention was focused entirely on Lili as she named their dolls and taught Logan her game. I smiled to myself and let the tears flow freely. I didn’t realize just how much Lili was missing by not having Logan in her life. As I watched them together, I knew I could never separate them again.
Twenty- Five
Logan
Lilliana. Lilliana Marie Prewitt.
Her name played over and over in my mind while I watched her dress her dolls in hospital scrubs. She was smiling and talking so fast that I could barely understand what she was saying, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.
I used to think there was no one on Earth as beautiful as Piper. I was wrong. Lilliana had Piper’s dark brown curls that fell unkempt around her face. She vibrated with natural energy and her bright blue eyes were the spitting image of her mother’s. At a quick glance, Lilliana was Piper in miniature. They looked exactly alike. But, as I watched her mannerisms and the way her smile stretched across her face, I saw small likenesses between her and me.
Lilliana didn’t have my hair or my eyes, but she had my features. Her nose was small and round, just like mine and her cheek bones were angled the way mine were. She wasn’t just a miniature Piper, she was a perfect mixture of the two of us. The longer I watched her, the bigger my smile became.
“What’s her name?” I asked, picking up a blonde doll and smoothing her hair back.
“That’s Michelle,” Lilliana told me. “She’s a nurse, but she training to become a doctor.”
“Oh?” I chuckled. “She’s in school?”
“Of course,” Lilliana rolled her eyes. “Everyone should be in school.”
“She just thinks that because she isn’t old enough to go yet,” Piper explained from behind me. I turned around and gave her a smile.
“Is that true?” I asked Lilliana.
“I start in September,” she said sadly. “Which is months away.”
“It’s not that much longer,” I said. “The more you think about it, the slower time will pass.”
“Mom always says that, too,” Lilliana grumbled.
“Who do you think I got it from?” Piper asked with a chuckle. I could hear the happiness in her voice and it filled me with a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. Sitting there, playing with my daughter and listening to Piper’s soft breathing behind me, I felt more at peace than I’d felt in years.
“What’s your favorite thing to do?” I asked Lilliana.
“My favorite thing?” she asked with a frown.
“In the entire world,” I nodded. “It can be anything. Anything at all.”
Lilliana thought about it for a second. Her forehead was furrowed as she considered all her options. It was amazing to watch the wheels in her head turn. I’d never seen someone so young think so intensely.
“Walk in Central Park with Mom on Sunday mornings,” Lilliana announced. “That’s my favorite thing.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it’s just the two of us,” Lili explained. “During the week, Mommy works a lot. So, I stay home with Mrs. Tucker. We play and she teaches me stuff. It’s fun, but I like it better when I’m just with Mommy. When it’s just the two of us.”
I glanced behind me and saw tears sliding down Piper’s face. She’d cried on and off since we arrived at Audra’s. I couldn’t blame her. My own emotions were threatening to burst free. It took all my strength to keep my voice steady and my eyes dry.
“That’s sounds amazing,” I said. “I like spending time with your mom a lot, too.”
“How come you stopped dating her?” Lilliana asked. She was busy playing with her dolls. Her question was so off-handed it almost seemed like she didn’t know what she was asking. When I hesitated, though, she glanced up and fixed her blue eyes on me.
“I had a few things to figure out back then,” I explained slowly. “I really, really wanted to become a Navy SEAL. So, when I got the chance to do that, I couldn’t pass it up.”
“Kind of like when Mommy got the chance to be a lawyer, right Mom?”
“Exactly,” Piper answered. She walked over and sat down with us on the floor. “Sometimes adults have to figure out what they want to do with their lives before they can be together. Does that make sense?”
“Are you going to be together now?” Lilliana asked.
I inhaled and waited for Piper’s response, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she just looked at me. The expression on her face was one of confusion and worry. She didn’t want to give the wrong answer and hurt Lilliana, but she also didn’t want to get her hopes up if we weren’t going to try again.
“That’s something your mom and I need to talk about a little bit,” I told her. “But, I can promise you that I’ll be around a lot. If that’s okay with you?”
“Like a real daddy?” Lilliana asked. Her face lit up with happiness and my heart melted instantly.
“Just like that,” I promised. I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She smiled at me before she pushed a doll into Piper’s hands.
“Here Mom,” she said. “If you’re going to be down here, you have to play. You can be Tiffany. She’s the surgeon.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon just playing dolls and talking. I learned all about Lilliana’s friends back in New York and how much she desperately wanted a dog. Piper said they didn’t have room for one, but Lilliana insisted that they could just get a really, really small one. I laughed more than I had in years. My smile never faltered. For the first time since Young died, I really felt like myself again.
After a while, I sat back and watched Piper play with Lilliana. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. My eyes shifted from Piper’s face to Lilliana’s. I compared their expressions and their voices. They were what I’d been looking for all these years.
I left town to be a SEAL, to fulfill a dream I’d had my entire life. While I was away, I felt sure of myself. I was strong and happy until I wasn’t. When things shifted it knocked my world off its axis and it wasn’t until I saw Piper again that things began to spin normally again.
Piper and Lilliana.
They were my life.